I'll be hanging out in New England next week doing all sorts of BuildMaster client things, but I'll also be giving a couple database-related talks at some local SQL Server events. If you're in the area, feel free to stop on by -- both events are free.

Database Horror Stories, Bad Code, and How Not to be a Statistic

36,321 tables, one row each, one database. A stored procedure with 1,752 parameters. A DBA convinced that storing everything in the entire database typed as VARBINARY will definitely improve performance. All of these are true stories, and the sad fact is that many SQL Server professionals can relate to them -- even if they won't admit it in public.

In this talk, I will discuss some of my favorite database anti-examples from The Daily WTF (including a particularly egregious one concocted by yours truly), and discuss how they came to be and where they came from. Most importantly, I'll cover how to avoid unintentionally creating your own database WTFs.

I'll give this talk at the New England SQL Server User Group (which meets in Cambridge) on Thursday, September 13 at 6:30. It's free, but an RSVP is required. The easiest way to RSVP is to sign up for their mailing list and reply to the e-mail that announces this talk.

Database Deployment Done Right

Deploying application code is easy, at least in theory: in a word, xcopy.But you can't exactly do that with databases. First and foremost, databases can only be changed through a script, and if you run a database change script that drops a column, there's no way you can bring that column (and especially its data) back without a restore… and that in and of itself is a whole mess.In this talk, we'll discuss best practices (and a few worst practices) in database change deployment, including change scripts vs. object scripts; source control and SQL; synching tools like Redgate SQL Compare and Visual Studio Database Projects; keeping track of changes; and efficient deployment and change management practices.

I'll give this talk at the Providence SQLSaturday on Saturday, Sepember 15. It's also free, but registration is required. Fun fact: this event is organized by none other than Brandon "galgorah" Leach.

One last thing… how About a TDWTF Mug?

Let me know if you're coming, and I'll do my very best to bring you one of the elusive The Daily WTF mugs.

15oz of Awesomeness