Comment On Directive 595

C-Octothorpe:

This must have been sabotage...

There is no way an "Application Architect" (bare minimum of seven years hands-on experience) would think that any of these "directives" was a good idea or do it just for a power-trip.

I MUST believe it was sabotage because believing that anybody that stupid could ascend to the level of Chief Architect would shatter my reality...

Nice troll c-dog ;)

Matt Westwood:

Directive no. 598: Tools which generate html code lack flexibility and blah blah.

From now on, all html that is experienced client-side will be written by the programmer by hand.

:
:

Directive no. 634: No free software is to be used for any purposes in this company. If it's free, it can't be any good because no money will have been spent on quality control.

:
:

Directive no. 666: To ensure a consistent look-and-feel, the same programming tool is to be used by all programmers. That programming tool is to be Notepad, because it comes free with your computer.

And , as notepad is free, it cannot be used, so you shall code with a stylus and a wax tablet (no, not samsung).

The poop of DOOM:

JayC:

ParkinT:

Directive 595 Part 4.
"Databases and database languages are slow give lack of flexibility, more costly evolution, inhibit the use of the database acting as a service to applications and make it an inhibitor to evolution"

From this point forward, all data will be in XML format. It is more enterprise-y

People have apparently done just that.

Askmet sucks.

Yup, there's even an entire CMS which stores everything as XML and doesn't use a real database. Gentlemen, I present you:

Oh really ??

A tool for the noobs made by noobs ?

Unbelievable ... and I thought joomla s*cked .

That's what you get when you put people with Asperger's Syndrome in charge ...

L.:

The poop of DOOM:

JayC:

ParkinT:

Directive 595 Part 4.
"Databases and database languages are slow give lack of flexibility, more costly evolution, inhibit the use of the database acting as a service to applications and make it an inhibitor to evolution"

From this point forward, all data will be in XML format. It is more enterprise-y

People have apparently done just that.

Askmet sucks.

Yup, there's even an entire CMS which stores everything as XML and doesn't use a real database. Gentlemen, I present you:

Oh really ??

A tool for the noobs made by noobs ?

Unbelievable ... and I thought joomla s*cked .

I actually don't know if it's bad or not. Never used it :P I just know it exists and uses XML as a database.

Dmitriy:

Did the company not have daily backup files of their databases? They could have undone Gerald's actions quickly by restoring a backup file instead of having to manually run SQL commands for four days.

Actually, this indicates the real WTF in the story: the Chief Architect can destroy production databases with little to no oversight.

That was Directive 146:
"Daily backups give lack of flexibility, is costly in storage, inhibit the use of precious CPU cycles and clinging to the past makes an inhibitor to evolution. As such, please remove all backups and stop making new ones."

I would laugh if Gerald hadn't gone on to design every database I've ever had to datamine. What I wouldn't give for even sensical primary key constraints, let alone a foreign key here and there.

OK, let me call it right there and then:

- Directive 595 is an instant classic

- I, for one, welcome our new meme

Directive 595 Part 4
"Storing data on disks, be it hard or solid state, is expensive and slows down everything.
Store all data safely in /dev/nul instead."

I don't think it's WTF it´s sanity at work (at last). They fired an WTF producer and that an anti WTF move. the WTF move would have been that the WTF producer would be promoted to WTO. That would be the hell of a WTF.

Matt Westwood:

Jay:

Yeah, it seems like America is the last country in the world that isn't run by a bunch of foreigners.

Can't argue there. The queen's a German, her husband's a Greek, and the deputy prime minister's wife is a BASICing Spaniard, for lisp's sake. Haven't had a proper Welshman in charge for decades.

Don't forget that the deputy prime minister's mother is Dutch, and that the man is fluent in Dutch.

Then again, the Dutch queen's great-grandmother was German, her grandmother was married to a German, her mother was married to a German, she was married to a German and her son (the crown prince) is married to an Argentinian.

Even so, the crown prince's daughters look typically Dutch: blonde and not particularly attractive. Their mother is rather good-looking, but the poor things all look like their father.

On the plus side, the prime minister is Dutch, and unmarried.

Chief Architect Gerald:

Re: Directive 595

Dear Database Architect,

Please refer to Directive 1.

"A directive is such that all reasonable discussion has taken place
and as such is not open for debate."

Sincerely,
Chief Architect Gerald

Dear Chief Architect,

Directive 1 clearly states

"There shall be no interference with the natural development of non-warp-capable societies."

As the development databases are non-warp-capable and contain no Omega Molecules, the not-null constraints shall remain as they are. This is not open to debate.

Sincerely,
Daniel

The poop of DOOM:

trtrwtf:

Lick My Love Log:

Hortical:

Daniel should not have questioned the Chief Architect as no business can run with subordinates always contradicting superiors and disobeying directives. If you think it was okay for employees to act this way, or to quit when they don't appreciate an order they've received, you must know nothing about business. You get paid to do your job, not hold technical debates to satisfy your own ego.

Further, Daniel should have been immediately fired for being away from the company while it was in crisis. And why wasn't he there to offer his advice to the Chief Architect when it would have prevented this disaster?

Hortie, love, are you a troll or pig-buggering idiot?

Why choose?

Who said it's a choice?

It really is that easy. Cool!

Not only that vacations are an important control. If someone is touching data everyday they might be "up to something" or "doing some kind of cover up", simply doing something badly like running a service under their own account. This applies to all employees not just IT.

When people take vacations their accounts should actually be locked out! If there is some type of emergency and people at work need to reach out then obviously the account can be unlocked.

Nice find! That makes this even more WTF worthy.

BentFranklin:

Cool story, except what kind of architect goes off line for two weeks straight? Surely someone at least called his cell phone?

Not the kind of architect I'd hire, that's for sure. Anyone who can be away for two weeks is not that valuable to his team.

all promotions should be given this way.
through crisis situation and a lot of stress...
this way, you know you can rely on

for me the RWTF is that no one tried to stop this train before the wreackage...

I am just a small hotliner, i only use sql to check information, but i know the value and purpose of a primary key, and i understand the point of not null (i still don't know about the point 3)

if i get a message like this from someone that (apparently)never work on a database, first i try to debate with him, tryin with tact to remind him that i know more of this than him.
it it fail, i warn his own manager by mail, so even if the manager don't do anything, when the fan will start, at least i will have an umbrella.

Trish:

A sensible one who wants to resign anyway... I know enough people who have two cellphone-numbers, and one of the numbers is only given to a close circle of family-and freinds ans STRICTLY non-work.
Might be frowned upon, but works miracles for being able to actually relax on holidays ;)

I have one cellphone-numbers, and the number is only given to a close circle of family-and friends and STRICTLY non-work.
Might be frowned upon, but works miracles for being able to actually relax on holidays ;)

Ralph:

Trish:

A sensible one who wants to resign anyway... I know enough people who have two cellphone-numbers, and one of the numbers is only given to a close circle of family-and friends ans STRICTLY non-work.
Might be frowned upon, but works miracles for being able to actually relax on holidays ;)

I have one cellphone-numbers, and the number is only given to a close circle of family-and friends and STRICTLY non-work.
Might be frowned upon, but works miracles for being able to actually relax on holidays ;)

I have no cellphone-numbers, and a close circle of family and friends and ESPECIALLY co-workers can go to hell. Might be frowned upon, but works miracles for being able to actually relax on holidays ;)

Matt Westwood:

jverd:

EatenByAGrue:

My guess: He'd discussed it with CTO, who didn't realize this was a bad idea. When things hit the fan, CTO threw Gerald under a bus rather than to admit that it was something he'd approved.

It's not "throwing somebody under the bus" when you fire him for demonstrating unfathomable incompetence and arrogance, and if the CTO approved it, that doesn't make him equally culpable. Though one can of course hold out the hope that he at least learned a lesson and in the future will solicit the opinions of other senior technical staff before approving such major changes.

But seriously, it wasn't the prime directives that got Gerald fired, it was the buggering about on Production without developing it first on Development and testing it on Test. Wonder why whose boxes got those names.

It's a well known fact mate that development and test boxes make people relax. We need chaps to be cautious all the time. Also getting rid of development and test boxes saved a ton of money.

Nobody has to maintain these boxes. Developing in production reduces development cycle and is a natural progression of the waterfall model described by Roger in the software engineering bible.

Fortunately, he had a two-week vacation to Mars starting the following week, so he wouldn’t have to suck it up for very long.

The conclusion is too good to be true ... Daniel actually died at the end of his fever dream.

Yet I find it hard to believe...

DCRoss:

"No chief architect has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition, foolproof and incapable of error."

Daniel, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

Sock Puppet 5:

Chief Architect Gerald:

Re: Directive 595

Dear Database Architect,

Please refer to Directive 1.

"A directive is such that all reasonable discussion has taken place
and as such is not open for debate."

Sincerely,
Chief Architect Gerald

Dear Chief Architect,

Directive 1 clearly states

"There shall be no interference with the natural development of non-warp-capable societies."

As the development databases are non-warp-capable and contain no Omega Molecules, the not-null constraints shall remain as they are. This is not open to debate.

Sincerely,
Daniel

A+ Star Trek reference. Would read again.

I realize you're joking, but my company uses C-ISAM flat files for all our db storage. That means no querying, no joins, no autoincrement, and none of the other nice things you get from modern relational databases.

We have a command-line utility that will "query" the table and print out key-value pairs so if you want to search for something you basically have to pipe that output into grep and brush up on your regular expressions.

I can't wait to get out of this disaster of a company #sadtrombone

Eric:

I realize you're joking, but my company uses C-ISAM flat files for all our db storage. That means no querying, no joins, no autoincrement, and none of the other nice things you get from modern relational databases.

We have a command-line utility that will "query" the table and print out key-value pairs so if you want to search for something you basically have to pipe that output into grep and brush up on your regular expressions.

I can't wait to get out of this disaster of a company #sadtrombone

An obvious troll, but you're late to this discussion, old chap.

Someone:

My personal cellphone number is never given out at work. If work wants me to be contactable, they can provide a cell and number. This cell is then left at work when I'm on holidays - after all, a holiday is an entitlement to have a break from work (and something that increasingly businesses are realizing are reasonably important for health).

At 2 separate companies I've worked for, they've fired the folks who left their work cellphones at the office when they left on vacation. To be honest, one of them was a consulting company (to use the Office Space paradigm, we were the IT department of the Bob&Bobs) of unrepentant jerks who usually let folks know they were fired as they walked out the door and were unable to return to their desk as their card was deactivated on the way to the door.

If you really got to accept a company provided cell phone, leave the phone at home when you go on vacation and turn it off. You can always pull the "oh, I left the battery charger at home" excuse.

Never underestimate the pettiness of a mismanager who hates nerds/techies.

Peter:

To be honest, one of them was a consulting company ... who usually let folks know they were fired as they walked out the door and were unable to return to their desk as their card was deactivated on the way to the door.

To give the devil his due - speaking very close to literally here - there is a business justification for this. We like to assume that the people around us are reasonable and rational and sensible people who react to bad news with equanimity and dispassionate calm. And most people, to large extent, are this way.

However, there are some people who, on hearing that they have the opportunity to seek opportunities elsewhere, decide to vent their frustrations in ways which are disruptive to the normal conduct of business.

Therefore, many buisinesses have termination policies which are designed to ensure that a terminated employee has no access to any workplace assets before they are informed of their termination. It sounds like your former employer was exercising this sort of policy, although admittedly in a pretty impersonal sort of way.

CodeRage:

It is the non-technical management-executive that pick who gets promoted, and they rarely base it on technical competence. It's more important who goes to the gym with them, or who gives the appearance of hard work by spending 60+ hours cranking out broken WTF code.

I disagree with that (at least in my experience). The problem is that people are often promoted to their level of incompetence, and then they stagnate until they get fired.

Someone can be amazing at their job, but terrible at their boss's job. Unfortunately for these people, they tend to get promoted beyond their capabilities, and while they would have continued to do great at their former role, they languish in their new role until they are put out of their misery.

Really, I think the problem is that we do too MUCH of evaluating someone by how well they're doing their current job, not how well we think they would do at their proposed new job. It tends to cause people to climb the corporate ladder until they are one rung above where they actually should be, and then they fall.

YF:

The poop of DOOM:

frits:

dkf:

Taki:

Directive 595 Part 4 is as follows.

"Typed database columns give lack of flexibility, more
costly evolution, inhibit the use of the database acting as a
service to applications and make it an inhibitor to evolution."

As such, please change all database columns to type VARCHAR2(4000).

Or convert the database to SQLite.

Or Amazon SimpleDB.

Or MongoDB

Or Access.

Or HyperCard

boog:

Dan:

Tom:

nag-geoff:

Evolution is over-rated.

The foreign key part is something I would agree with. There is no point in having foreign keys. They are as useful as the foreigners in my country.

Foreign keys are useful for blah blah tl;dr blah...

Really, in this day and age, we still have readers who can't spot a troll a mile off?

Or in this case, a two-headed troll (nag-geoff = nagesh-geoffrey).

You mean an ettin.

too lazy to log in:

Peter:

To be honest, one of them was a consulting company ... who usually let folks know they were fired as they walked out the door and were unable to return to their desk as their card was deactivated on the way to the door.

To give the devil his due - speaking very close to literally here - there is a business justification for this. We like to assume that the people around us are reasonable and rational and sensible people who react to bad news with equanimity and dispassionate calm. And most people, to large extent, are this way.

However, there are some people who, on hearing that they have the opportunity to seek opportunities elsewhere, decide to vent their frustrations in ways which are disruptive to the normal conduct of business.

Therefore, many buisinesses have termination policies which are designed to ensure that a terminated employee has no access to any workplace assets before they are informed of their termination. It sounds like your former employer was exercising this sort of policy, although admittedly in a pretty impersonal sort of way.

My previous boss did the exact opposite. When I handed in my notice, I had one or two weeks resignation. He had me sit it out til the very last minute, and wanted me to still do this and that of work. Didn't do shit-all (still had about 27 days of unpaid overtime he refused to acknowledge, so really didn't feel like busting my ass off til the very last moment). In return of being so kind as to let me stay there the entire time, I returned the favour of cleaning up my work laptop REALLY well and mis-teaching the new dev (who refused to do any programming anyways). Worst thing a company can do, is have an IT worker stay at his desk after being fired/handing in their resignation (except if they actually liked it there and handed in their notice due to a terminally ill family member they got to take care of or such)

The poop of DOOM:

My previous boss did the exact opposite. When I handed in my notice, I had one or two weeks resignation. He had me sit it out til the very last minute, and wanted me to still do this and that of work. Didn't do shit-all (still had about 27 days of unpaid overtime he refused to acknowledge, so really didn't feel like busting my ass off til the very last moment). In return of being so kind as to let me stay there the entire time, I returned the favour of cleaning up my work laptop REALLY well and mis-teaching the new dev (who refused to do any programming anyways). Worst thing a company can do, is have an IT worker stay at his desk after being fired/handing in their resignation (except if they actually liked it there and handed in their notice due to a terminally ill family member they got to take care of or such)

Around here a three month resignation period is common and I'd say in 98% of the cases it goes just fine. Unrecognized overtime makes you a disgruntled worker. Most of the time we're just going our separate ways, there's an absurd amount of hostility in US work relationships. Your two weeks pay is a pay check, not a bonus payment. That you don't have to work it is a US thing, almost everywhere else they expect you to.

toshir0:

You mean an ettin.

Thanks for the French link. It was very illuminating. Sorry, éclairant.

John:

That's what you get when you put people with Asperger's Syndrome in charge ...

Please show some sensitivity. I had a son with Asperger's Syndrome, and by that I actually mean I have it myself; and they, I mean I, would never think of doing anything this dumb.

edit: and something about it not being a laughing matter or something.

Awesome, just saw the Omega Directive episode of Voyager last night.

I'll be honest, respect for the "Prime Directive"... or any of the directives, for that matter, seems to be directly proportional to the necessity of violating it.

I like that guys hat! Blasts pre-warp society with temporal torpedo, so that it never existed... oops, guess the hat was destroyed too. My bad.

There is a molecule that threatens the safety of the entire universe, and these asshats are playing around with it? Whoah whoah whoah. The directives exist for a reason!

Jay:

But my point is, it's incredibly naive to say, "If someone made a bad decision, his superiors would logically and inevitably overrule him." It just doesn't happen that way in real life.

Exactly. The chance of a manager being overridden based on the concerns of a techie/developer/DBA/what-have-you is effectively nil/NULL/NOT-GONNA-HAPPEN (COBOL version). The purpose of underlings is two-fold: 1. They take over the responsibilities that the senior-level boss doesn't have the time or knowledge to deal with, and 2. They serve as speed-bumps for the buses of life. The further up the ladder one gets, the more subordinates one has to satisfy the requirements of points 1 and 2. Sucks, but is.

Matt Westwood:

It's not Daniel that should have been fired, it was whoever authorised him to go on leave in the first place. It was Daniel's absence that directly caused Gerald to think he could fuck up the DB, therefore it was the fault of the person who thought they could get away without Daniel being in the building.

If Gerald is so valuable that he isn't even allowed vacation because he has to mind the architect, shouldn't he be getting a hefty payrise?

Kjella:

The poop of DOOM:

My previous boss did the exact opposite. When I handed in my notice, I had one or two weeks resignation. He had me sit it out til the very last minute, and wanted me to still do this and that of work. Didn't do shit-all (still had about 27 days of unpaid overtime he refused to acknowledge, so really didn't feel like busting my ass off til the very last moment). In return of being so kind as to let me stay there the entire time, I returned the favour of cleaning up my work laptop REALLY well and mis-teaching the new dev (who refused to do any programming anyways). Worst thing a company can do, is have an IT worker stay at his desk after being fired/handing in their resignation (except if they actually liked it there and handed in their notice due to a terminally ill family member they got to take care of or such)

Around here a three month resignation period is common and I'd say in 98% of the cases it goes just fine. Unrecognized overtime makes you a disgruntled worker. Most of the time we're just going our separate ways, there's an absurd amount of hostility in US work relationships. Your two weeks pay is a pay check, not a bonus payment. That you don't have to work it is a US thing, almost everywhere else they expect you to.

Well, quite. If you *do* spend the next two weeks (or one month, or three months) sabotaging the assets of the company you work for, word would soon get around (not least to the law enforcement agencies), and your chances of further employment anywhere may be somewhat compromised. In the US it may be possible to lose yourself (it's big enough) but some of the European job markets are sufficiently small that a badly unprofessional reputation for tetchy tantrums would fuck your career forever.

This is an excellent story. I really don't care if it's true or not.

QJo:

Oh, get real! Most people in industry don't take the holidays they are offered as it is. Sixty hour weeks are commonplace. You are expected to work from home in the evenings and weekends, and going away on vacations is a thing of the very distant past. If <i>you</i> haven't got the commitment to do a job of work, there are plenty out there who will fill your lazy boots. <i>You</i> should be the one to be fired, and your pension revoked if you have one, for your shocking display of anti-industrial discontent. In fact, if I had my way you'd be arrested and punished for agitation.

Go die in a fire. That may be the way the sweatshops work right now, but at a real corporation on the Global 500 we take our vacations, work our FORTY and go home, and don't clock in on the weekends or holidays. I would recommend brushing up your resume, quitting Small Business Land, and trying to work for one of the Big Boys where profits are booming right now, thank you very much. I take 2-3 vacations a year, I'm happy to do so, and the corp encourages me to do so. Your so-called "commitment" would be called "zealotry" here and would result in you not lasting too long on board the ship.

BentFranklin:

Cool story, except what kind of architect goes off line for two weeks straight? Surely someone at least called his cell phone?

I'm sorry to hear you've never had a job that comes with vacations.

Someone:

Trish:

BentFranklin:

Cool story, except what kind of architect goes off line for two weeks straight? Surely someone at least called his cell phone?

A sensible one who wants to resign anyway... I know enough people who have two cellphone-numbers, and one of the numbers is only given to a close circle of family-and freinds ans STRICTLY non-work.
Might be frowned upon, but works miracles for being able to actually relax on holidays ;)

This is unusual? My personal cellphone number is never given out at work. If work wants me to be contactable, they can provide a cell and number. This cell is then left at work when I'm on holidays - after all, a holiday is an entitlement to have a break from work (and something that increasingly businesses are realizing are reasonably important for health).

If the shit hits the fan while I'm away it's not my problem - they managed before I started here, and I'm sure they'll manage after I leave. Noone (ever) is indispensable. Some people leaving can appear to be a bigger problem than others, but within a few months normality (or some semblance of) resumes...

Noone? What does Herman's Hermits have to do with anything?

Matt Westwood:

Kjella:

The poop of DOOM:

My previous boss did the exact opposite. When I handed in my notice, I had one or two weeks resignation. He had me sit it out til the very last minute, and wanted me to still do this and that of work. Didn't do shit-all (still had about 27 days of unpaid overtime he refused to acknowledge, so really didn't feel like busting my ass off til the very last moment). In return of being so kind as to let me stay there the entire time, I returned the favour of cleaning up my work laptop REALLY well and mis-teaching the new dev (who refused to do any programming anyways). Worst thing a company can do, is have an IT worker stay at his desk after being fired/handing in their resignation (except if they actually liked it there and handed in their notice due to a terminally ill family member they got to take care of or such)

Around here a three month resignation period is common and I'd say in 98% of the cases it goes just fine. Unrecognized overtime makes you a disgruntled worker. Most of the time we're just going our separate ways, there's an absurd amount of hostility in US work relationships. Your two weeks pay is a pay check, not a bonus payment. That you don't have to work it is a US thing, almost everywhere else they expect you to.

Well, quite. If you *do* spend the next two weeks (or one month, or three months) sabotaging the assets of the company you work for, word would soon get around (not least to the law enforcement agencies), and your chances of further employment anywhere may be somewhat compromised. In the US it may be possible to lose yourself (it's big enough) but some of the European job markets are sufficiently small that a badly unprofessional reputation for tetchy tantrums would fuck your career forever.

There's a difference between sabotaging and, for example, overly dilligently cleaning your laptop up before returning it. If there's vital information on there that's not stored anywhere else, then whoopsaleedoodle! That's different than wiping out the entire shared drive, or messing up the Active Directory or such. Those latter two ARE sabotage.

Also, if a disgruntled worker is either quitting or fired, will they do any actual work during their last days? In the best case, they'll be non-productive. In the worst case, they're counter-productive by making lots of noise, going around the office talking to everybody so they can't get any work done, etc. (Didn't do that when I left, though). What's the worst that could happen to them? They'd get fired? Oh, wait... they're already leaving. And it can't be seen as sabotage, so...

Aside from keeping others off of their work, techies can also make life alot more difficult if they want to, without it actually being sabotage. Especially the good ones can do that. That's why quite some companies see it as a good idea to let them stay home the last week or so.

Obedience:

QJo:

Oh, get real! Most people in industry don't take the holidays they are offered as it is. Sixty hour weeks are commonplace. You are expected to work from home in the evenings and weekends, and going away on vacations is a thing of the very distant past. If <i>you</i> haven't got the commitment to do a job of work, there are plenty out there who will fill your lazy boots. <i>You</i> should be the one to be fired, and your pension revoked if you have one, for your shocking display of anti-industrial discontent. In fact, if I had my way you'd be arrested and punished for agitation.

Go die in a fire. That may be the way the sweatshops work right now, but at a real corporation on the Global 500 we take our vacations, work our FORTY and go home, and don't clock in on the weekends or holidays. I would recommend brushing up your resume, quitting Small Business Land, and trying to work for one of the Big Boys where profits are booming right now, thank you very much. I take 2-3 vacations a year, I'm happy to do so, and the corp encourages me to do so. Your so-called "commitment" would be called "zealotry" here and would result in you not lasting too long on board the ship.

Reply a) Please excuse the bitter irony in which the above was written. I was in that position until about a year ago, and let me tell you, this was a famous multinational company. Their commitment to their employees looks very good on paper, and they would offer all sorts of incentives: free toys for the children, monthly rewards (in the form of ribbons and balloons) for prized employees (voted for by their colleagues), and extensive jollies for successful sales personnel and higher management. I went 18 months without a holiday, worked most evenings and weekends for no extra pay, and when I never even got the recognition I believed I was due, I decided that either I was as ineffective in my job as they were hinting but were too cowardly to admit, or I was being ripped off and they didn't deserve me. So, indeed, as soon as I had a new place to go to, I quit.

Reply b) YHBT. YHL. HAND.

Thomas Kyte:

Funny - here is evidence that this is pretty much a verbatim true story:

http://asktom.oracle.com/pls/apex/f?p=100:11:0::::P11_QUESTION_ID:2143974700346554115#2970874300346318049

One in the eye for those who said it was obviously made up etc.
I'd love to have a complete set of Directives. They could be released in book form as a database horror story.

method1:

Thomas Kyte:

Funny - here is evidence that this is pretty much a verbatim true story:

http://asktom.oracle.com/pls/apex/f?p=100:11:0::::P11_QUESTION_ID:2143974700346554115#2970874300346318049

One in the eye for those who said it was obviously made up etc.
I'd love to have a complete set of Directives. They could be released in book form as a database horror story.

You'd probably find that the pre-Gerald directives were boring sensible. "In order to improve database security, no SQL script is to be allowed to run with scissors" sort of thing.

The poop of DOOM:

Yup, there's even an entire CMS which stores everything as XML and doesn't use a real database. Gentlemen, I present you: http://www.sitenote.net

It uses a real s__t database:

'SiteNOTE is using an Access database (mdb file) to store statistics and data submitted through forms.'

method1:

Thomas Kyte:

Funny - here is evidence that this is pretty much a verbatim true story:

http://asktom.oracle.com/pls/apex/f?p=100:11:0::::P11_QUESTION_ID:2143974700346554115#2970874300346318049

One in the eye for those who said it was obviously made up etc.
I'd love to have a complete set of Directives. They could be released in book form as a database horror story.

I love getting it in their eyes.