Comment On The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Have your own Tale From an Interview? Don't hesitate to send it to me. [expand full text]

Have your own Tale From an Interview? Don't hesitate to send it to me.

The Next Big Thing (from "CPound")
I recently found an advertisement in one of those thin newspapers near the entrance of the grocery store. It read:

Seeking software developer to create the next 
generation app. No one has thought of this 
before! Major potential, great $$$! 
Contact me at 555-1234."

I was out of work at the time and thought, what the heck, let's see what this new idea that "no one has thought of" was all about. So I gave the guy a call and we agreed on a time to meet at his offices.

I arrived at the address he gave me and it was one of those ramshackle, semi-abandoned plazas off a service road. I hesitated a bit before walking into the tiny "suite" and considered just going back home. But I figured I wasted gas on this, so here goes.

The office had nothing more than a table, a couple chairs, and a yellowed PC with one of those ancient bulky monitors. As I walked in, the guy came out of what looked like the bathroom and asked me to sit down and tell him about myself and my experience.

I gave him the whole spiel, and he seemed really impressed and excited. But the whole while, I was wondering if what I saw was what I'd get: just him, his small office, and his yellow PC. I decided to inquire a bit about his operation.

"Well, it's just me and a couple investors right now," he said, "We have to keep this real quiet."

He paused for a moment and continued, "it looks like you're a great candidate for the position, but I can only tell you more if I can have your solemn agreement that you will take the job."

I raised an eyebrow and stared intently.

"I'm offering this job to you right now," the guy clarified.

"I'm sorry," I said, as alarm bells were going off in my head, "but you still haven't told me what it is you want to accomplish. How can I agree to something when I have no idea what I would be doing? If you want I can sign a confidentiality agreement—"

"Oh no no no," he said, cutting me off. "That's not necessary. No paperwork here. Too much to keep up with."

More alarms went off. "Really, I have no problem signing—"

"Fine. Fine." he conceded. "I'll give you a broad outline. Two words: blog-ging."

"That's funny," I laughed a little bit. He innocently looked back with a what?-expression. "Seriously... blogging? Uh...what about it?"

"It is the newest thing to the web," he lit up. "This is going to be huge! Every day we will be posting new content. It will be fresh and informative, and will take the world by storm!"

"Are you saying that blogging is..." I thought for a moment, "new? You do realize that blogging has been around for years? And that before that, people were doing online journal—"

"Oh yeah," he countered, "but do these blogging sites have ad-ver-tise-ments?"

"Yes," I said matter-of-factly. "I can show you, just Google 'John's Blog' or 'Mike's Blog'. I'm sure you'll get thousands of results."

"Hmm," he said, glaring back, "we don't have internet access here yet."

I ended the interview shortly after that. On my way out, he shouted "now don't tell anybody about this!" Whoops.

Too Primitive for COBOL (from Jill)
Nearly twenty-five years ago, I was looking for a job as a COBOL programmer and landed an interview at a mid-sized payroll processing firm. The interviewer seemed nice enough and started out by asking the standard job interview questions. As I’d answer, he’d often interrupted me with random questions about my résumé.

“Wait a sec,” he said, cutting off my explanation of some programming problem, “you worked at CorbaDyne? I think I’ve heard of them before. Where are they based out of?”

I told him they were based out of Cape Town.

“Cape Town,” he replied, raising an eyebrow. “Where is that, in Vermont?”

“Actually,” I said, slightly clearing my throat, “it’s in South Africa.”

The interviewer stared at me for a few moments, deep in thought. Without saying a word, he clicked his pen, shook his head, and dropped my resume down on his desk. He let out a deep sigh.

“Okay,” he said in disappointed tone, “well now I know you’re lying. I mean really, everybody knows that Africa hardly even has electricity, let alone computers, let alone COBOL programmers! You could have at least picked a place like Scotland!”

Needless to say, it turned out the opportunity wasn't a good fit, after all.

"The Best" Interview (from Len)

A while back, I had a pleasure of interviewing "The Best". That was the nickname we had for him long before the interview, as he used that phrase — Proper Case and all — all over his cover letter. And clearly, his background was The Best; he had degrees in Biochemistry, Neuroscience, Programming, Automotive Technologies, and a few others fields.

I was running a little late to the interview, so my colleague got started without me. When I walked in to the conference room, The Best was in the middle of lecture about how completely unnecessary Object Oriented Programming was. I just figured he was a fan of functional programming or something.

When it came time for the technical questions, however, his answers had me wondering.

"What is inheritance?" he was asked.

The Best smiled and answered, "it's when you give a variable a value of a different variable."

We threw him another softball question. "What is a class?"

"I do not know," he shrugged, "but I would look it up."

"Okaaay," I said, moving on to another question. "what is a SQL join?"

"I do not know," he said in the same tone, "but I would look it up."

Almost every question we asked yielded the same response. As we finished up the interview, The Best shared with us a link to his personal website, and we coudln't resist checking it out."

As we perused his site, we found a page that linked to his University transcript. And by University, he meant the local community college. We also found out that, by saying "I have a degree in..." he actually meant failing or dropping out of a class in that discipline.

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 08:36 • by jaco

261807 in reply to 261584

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Joon:
Jaco:

I remember that... It's from an episode of My Family, isn't it?

People really find it hard to believe, sometimes, just how much technological advances are made in South Africa. (and yes, I am a programmer in Cape Town :-P)

Heh, a fellow reader from Cape Town, home of the world's first successful heart transplant

Lyk my nou is daar ten minste twee van ons...

Captcha: Enim. Anyone else feel there's a letter missing?

Ek is seker daar is heelwat meer van ons hier...

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 09:30 • by One Night at the Computer History Museum (unregistered)

261827 in reply to 261764

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Mummy:
Code Slave:
Charles400:
Post:
“Okay,” he said in disappointed tone, “well now I know you’re lying. I mean really, everybody knows that Africa hardly even has electricity, let alone computers, let alone COBOL programmers! You could have at least picked a place like Scotland!”

Idiot! Archeologists frequently unearth COBOL listings in the pyramids...

We buried them there for good reason! Would you idiots please stop digging them up?

Yes, please stop it! Isn't it enough that inventors of COBOL are being shown in museums around the world, wrapped with thin, white stripes of COBOL listings!

I'm picturing green-and-white mummies (greenbar!), in sarcophagi made of IBM 360 cabinets, decorated with grave goods and jewelry made from Hollerith cards... Nice. I like it.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 10:09 • by Bosluis (unregistered)

261840

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I'm from South Africa (JHB) and this reminds me of a story my mate (white guy) was telling me when he went over to the states a few months back.

He met a black guy (I mean "African American") and told him that he was African just like him, the Dude FLIPPED out and went crazy... my friend then replied "I've lived in Africa for 26 Years, how long did u stay there?" ... needless to say, it didnt end well.

Oh and for people who want a place to go on hoiliday, come to South Africa .. its R9 for a beer here which is around $0.90 and the weather is always good. :)

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 11:14 • by Someone You Know

261861 in reply to 261590

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Herby:
Not an interview, but at a job fair. I handed my nicely printed resume to the HR droid (I don't think they qualified for that, but I digress). It was summarily handed back with the comment "we only take college graduates". I mentioned "HUH?" and she (yes, it was a she) had only looked at the first line which indicated my high school education (I thought it was important, it was a private school), and the NEXT line mentioned my college degree. Evidently they didn't read past the first line.

Traditional resumes have the most recent material at the top. I think a droid could be forgiven for assuming that was the case with yours.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 11:40 • by Gharp (unregistered)

261868 in reply to 261742

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Chris:
The Sout Africa story reminds me something I was told ...
I used to leave in South West of France, close to a mountain. When one of a friend's relatives came to visit us from a "very big town", he told us
"Believe me, when I first arrived, I was so surprised to see you had electricity! Even toilet in your house, instead of the garden! I really thought you didn't have all that!I mean, you're in the mountains so ..."

Seems this happens everywhere... On a trip from Seattle to Washington DC, I had a lady ask "if we were still having problems with the Indians". She was rather offended when I told her the Indians are quite happy with their casinos and inquired how the war with the red coats was going.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 12:01 • by Teh Irish Gril Riot (unregistered)

261877 in reply to 261868

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Gharp:

Seems this happens everywhere... On a trip from Seattle to Washington DC, I had a lady ask "if we were still having problems with the Indians". She was rather offended when I told her the Indians are quite happy with their casinos and inquired how the war with the red coats was going.

Obviously she was a Tory.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 12:20 • by Jay (unregistered)

261887 in reply to 261748

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hey persto!:
EatenByAGrue:
Apparently CPound has remembered one of the first things they teach you about contracts: a verbal contract is worth the paper it's written on.

That's strange, when I studied contract law one of the first things that we were taught is that the requirement is 'communication' rather than any specific medium. It is only in few rare cases where written word (in the form of a deed) is required.

I imagine I am in a different jurisdiction, however I expect that this is the same in most western countries.

I'm not a lawyer, but I've had to study legal issues now and then, and my understanding is that, yes, a verbal contract is theoretically just as binding as a written contract. But in practice, it is much more difficult to enforce. If you go to court and you have a signed contract in your hands in which the other guy promised to deliver 200 widgets on March 3 for $500, then if you can demonstrate that you paid the money but he did not deliver 200 widgets on March 3, you should easily win the case. But if all you have is a verbal agreement, and he tells the judge that the agreed price was $5000 and so you never paid the full amount, or that he never promised to "deliver" them and you never showed up at his warehouse in Timbucktu to pick them up, or whatever, then you are left with the difficult problem of proving that he actually agreed to what you say he agreed to. If there's nothing on paper and no unbiased witnesses, how will you prove anything?

I strongly suspect that judges groan when these cases come to them, because they are left trying to guess what reasonable people might have agreed to.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 12:41 • by PicklePumpers Dot Com (unregistered)

261895

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Ugh, can we please at least use our brains and call BS on the fake stories? The Next Big Thing (from "CPound") is clearly total Bull. Next he'll be telling us about users who can't figure out how to use their drink holders.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 12:48 • by m0ffx (unregistered)

261900 in reply to 261840

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Bosluis:
I'm from South Africa (JHB) and this reminds me of a story my mate (white guy) was telling me when he went over to the states a few months back.

He met a black guy (I mean "African American") and told him that he was African just like him, the Dude FLIPPED out and went crazy... my friend then replied "I've lived in Africa for 26 Years, how long did u stay there?" ... needless to say, it didnt end well.

To be honest I'm not too surprised that a black American might get pissed off at a white South African. Apartheid ended not long ago, and there are probably people of all races who would assume all white South African's were pro-apartheid.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 14:24 • by JohnB (unregistered)

261924 in reply to 261509

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Maurits:
Rich:
Seriously, guy doesn't even recognise the capital city of South Africa!

Oh wait, or is that Johannesburg...?

South Africa has three (count 'em, three) capitals.

One of them is, indeed, Cape Town.

None of them are Jo'burg, though.

Having lived there (many years ago) and having learned how to program COBOL there (yup, seriously) ... Pretoria is the executive capital (a quite impressive sweep of a building; I lived in the city for a year or so), Bloemfontein is the judicial capital (visited for a couple of days) and Cape Town is the legislative capital (visited for a couple of days). Johannesburg (aka Jo-burg or Joeys) was a great place to live, party, work ... I miss it.

Of course, for those who enjoy cryptic crosswords, the real capital of South Africa is the rand.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-14 16:13 • by Vechni

261944

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-15 00:53 • by Furis (unregistered)

262226

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And in Africa we still don't have internet. I sent this comment via carrier pigeon. I would have used my personal zebra to take me into town, but a lion ate it. :(

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-15 04:43 • by StevenMcD (unregistered)

262579

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yeah, I just arrived at work and parked my Lion outside. To get internet access, us developers in South Africa dial up via smoke signals.

The ignorance of some people really really amazes me. This had to have been an American interviewer. No offense to you Americans that actually do have a brain, but I've found that the majority of Americans I've dealt with online are a bunch of retards that couldn't point out South Africa on a map, let alone know anything about any country outside of the "mighty USA".

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-15 05:07 • by someone else (unregistered)

262604 in reply to 261486

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Thnurg:
Scotland is supposed to be primitive according to some. I used to work for an Edinburgh based software house. On a business trip to Athens I shared a taxi with two American girls. They asked what I did and when I told them I was a computer programmer in Scotland they replied "You have all that over there?"

Sheesh.

Sounds like an opening scene from a porn movie.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-15 17:28 • by Franz Kafka (unregistered)

262797 in reply to 261900

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m0ffx:
Bosluis:
I'm from South Africa (JHB) and this reminds me of a story my mate (white guy) was telling me when he went over to the states a few months back.

He met a black guy (I mean "African American") and told him that he was African just like him, the Dude FLIPPED out and went crazy... my friend then replied "I've lived in Africa for 26 Years, how long did u stay there?" ... needless to say, it didnt end well.

To be honest I'm not too surprised that a black American might get pissed off at a white South African. Apartheid ended not long ago, and there are probably people of all races who would assume all white South African's were pro-apartheid.

How would the black guy know this? It sounds like he flipped out at the idea of a white african.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-18 01:22 • by rodgerlvu (unregistered)

262995 in reply to 261521

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I wonder if there's ANY country in the world today where there aren't at least some computers around. I mean, even in the poorest, most primitive country, there must be some number of relatively wealthy people who have nice houses and all the modern boots. Powered by a generator in the basement if necessary.

I recall years ago talking to a woman who was a missionary in, umm, Cote D'Ivoire I think, in a place remote from any modern civilization. But she had solar panels on the roof of her house that provided enough power to run lights and a small refrigerator.

The REAL Next Big Thing!!!! Nobody's thought of THIS!

2009-05-19 00:52 • by Mr. Ging (unregistered)

263276 in reply to 262995

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I'm building a computer program that allows you to put these special tags into little text files. The program will display the tags as blue, underlined text, and when you click on the text, it'll load another page-- possibly even from another computer!

Then, since you really can't tell if a remote text file is really there or not, I'll make a living writing programs that generate remote text files on the fly, which will result in "interactive" programs that are really just remote documents.

I'm thinking of calling the entire concept "Energetic Text." Nobody's thought of it before me!

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-19 06:56 • by few (unregistered)

263309

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-05-22 17:08 • by Isaac (unregistered)

265025 in reply to 261521

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Jay:
I wonder if there's ANY country in the world today where there aren't at least some computers around. I mean, even in the poorest, most primitive country, there must be some number of relatively wealthy people who have nice houses and all the modern conveniences. Powered by a generator in the basement if necessary.

I recall years ago talking to a woman who was a missionary in, umm, Cote D'Ivoire I think, in a place remote from any modern civilization. But she had solar panels on the roof of her house that provided enough power to run lights and a small refrigerator.

A Nigerian friend has told me that many people in Nigeria use smartphones, rather than PCs, for various reasons. It's likely that he's talking about middle class urban Nigerians, but I've also heard about poor villagers in places like Africa and India, who own a SIM card, and hire a phone when they need it. Tech-savviness seems to be much more widely distributed than we might think.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-06-07 08:55 • by That's for sure (unregistered)

267617 in reply to 261454

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Charles Bond:
When I was in my 20s, I had this long list of attributes I was looking for in a woman.

By the time I was 30, that list was down to one item: sane.

Now that I am 40, I'm looking for the same thing in a supervisor.

Amen, Brother!

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-06-07 09:03 • by That's for sure (unregistered)

267618 in reply to 261861

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Someone You Know:
Herby:
Not an interview, but at a job fair. I handed my nicely printed resume to the HR droid (I don't think they qualified for that, but I digress). It was summarily handed back with the comment "we only take college graduates". I mentioned "HUH?" and she (yes, it was a she) had only looked at the first line which indicated my high school education (I thought it was important, it was a private school), and the NEXT line mentioned my college degree. Evidently they didn't read past the first line.

Traditional resumes have the most recent material at the top. I think a droid could be forgiven for assuming that was the case with yours.

Yeah, man . . . we wouldn't want the HR toad to waste any of their precious time reading the whole document now would we? They have much more important things to do (things so secret that they are unknow to all of us that do real work).

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-06-08 08:42 • by I <3 MFD (unregistered)

267748

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The Best Comment

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-06-13 16:12 • by Risita (unregistered)

269050 in reply to 261521

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Jay:
I wonder if there's ANY country in the world today where there aren't at least some computers around. I mean, even in the poorest, most primitive country, there must be some number of relatively wealthy people who have nice houses and all the modern conveniences. Powered by a generator in the basement if necessary.

I recall years ago talking to a woman who was a missionary in, umm, Cote D'Ivoire I think, in a place remote from any modern civilization. But she had solar panels on the roof of her house that provided enough power to run lights and a small refrigerator.

Yup - I read somewhere that even in North Korea, a few top-ranking officials have dialup Internet access.

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2009-07-06 05:17 • by wm (unregistered)

273107

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

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298461

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2010-09-04 04:39 • by dgghua (unregistered)

320917

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

2011-11-02 22:20 • by aphro (unregistered)

365607

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The Next Big Thing (from "CPound")

Surprisingly this actually, happens, alot. It's usually when a marketing person, usually of the older generation, who have delved into traditional business, think they can plug a market with something on the "internet" and pile "SEO" into it and it will be successful.

Unfortunately I had the experience of working with someone exactly as above. Constantly being reminded that 300000GBP was invested in this, and my recommendations weren't "working" and that what he already had was "working" (600 users a day, bounce rate of 50%), my suggestions were to remove the 150+ html errors found by the W3C checker and remove javascript generated content for "SEO" and untangle the spaghetti code, as he was throwing features at me quicker than I could even work out his current stuff.

Anyway long story short, this story made me laugh so much :P cheers

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

The REAL Next Big Thing!!!! Nobody's thought of THIS!

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Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

The *REAL* Next Big Thing!!!! Nobody's thought of *THIS*!

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

Re: The Next Big Thing, "The Best" Interview, & Too Primitive for COBOL

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The REAL Next Big Thing!!!! Nobody's thought of THIS!