Comment On The Slowdown

The marketing firm managed the web presence of several large banks and needed a Unix admin. Nick had spent the past decade running heavy HP-UX servers in the banking industry. It seemed like a very natural fit, and Nick thought he was going to enjoy the faster pace in a smaller firm. The firm, as he learned, was broken into two major branches: consulting and everything else. Everything else existed to keep consulting happy, since consulting pulled down the big bucks. On Nick’s first day, his boss Ted introduced him to Larry, one of those consultants. Larry had some very important things to tell everyone who worked with the server team. [expand full text]
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Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:08 • by Moonraquel (unregistered)
"both of them were fired, and Nick was given a promotion."

This is the real WTF. (I mean I know you 'embellish' the stories but this takes it to the realm of fantasy literature.)

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:13 • by Remy Porter
389520 in reply to 389518
Hey, sometimes organizations make the right decision. The chances of you winning the lottery are nil, but the chances of someone winning the lottery are pretty good.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:19 • by pc (unregistered)
The "happy ending" does end up being a surprise when it happens. You do never quite expect it.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:20 • by History Teacher (unregistered)
...I guess we all know what trWTF here is.

Mind boggling!

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:27 • by Randolph (unregistered)
Nick thought he was going to enjoy
Oh, dear, not a good sign. This is bound to morph into WTF.

Windows servers
Yep, there it is!

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:30 • by Smug Unix User (unregistered)
Sadly the story probably went more like this:

Nick suspects something is wrong with the windows servers. Nick ignores the instructions to leave the boxes alone. Nick remotes in. The servers are filled with the kind of scum and villainy found only in droid prohibited establishments. Nick of course notifies his boss. Nick is fired for hacking the server. He is threatened with criminal charges. Larry blames the mess on Nick and takes a few months to clean it up before the next admin comes in and repeats Nick's mistake. Nick now has a giant stain on his resume and now works at pizza hut.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:33 • by Leo (unregistered)
You call needing to learn Windows administration a happy ending?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:37 • by Jim (unregistered)
389527 in reply to 389525
Smug Unix User:
Nick suspects something is wrong with the windows servers.
Fortunately, Nick knows this isn't part of his job, and moreover he was told to leave them alone. So everyone is happy -- especially the spammers.

Nick ignores the instructions
and gets fired. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:40 • by John (unregistered)
389528 in reply to 389522
History Teacher:
...I guess we all know what trWTF here is.

Mind boggling!


Yeah; some company actually promoted the guy who found the malware and reported the culprits that supported and enabled it. The usual story ends with Nick being fired for violating the "Do Not Touch" order of his superior. I've seen any number of cases like that (and once been the firee after reporting a serious security issue). I've heard rumors of people being rewarded for such things, but I've never personally seen it happen.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:42 • by Ted (unregistered)
“There are two Windows boxes in the data-center,” Larry explained. “Those are mine. Do not touch them. Ever.
those boxes actually need a hardware upgrade
So he is supposed to upgrade the hardware without touching it? I guess that might be vaguely possible with Linux boxes, but Windows? The magic in this story is more powerful than unicorns.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:49 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 08:57 • by Accalia.de.Elementia (unregistered)
389531 in reply to 389526
Leo:
You call needing to learn Windows administration a happy ending?


No, but now Nick can list those old servers on e-bay himself.

after running the appropriate disk sanitizers over the harddrives and loading them to the gills with malware (for funsies)

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:04 • by Morry (unregistered)
A happy ending? Is that even allowed? I feel dirty... like a CEO of a wall street bank or something.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:05 • by Chris A (unregistered)
389533 in reply to 389525
Smug Unix User:
Sadly the story probably went more like this:

Nick suspects something is wrong with the windows servers. Nick ignores the instructions to leave the boxes alone. Nick remotes in. The servers are filled with the kind of scum and villainy found only in droid prohibited establishments. Nick of course notifies his boss. Nick is fired for hacking the server. He is threatened with criminal charges. Larry blames the mess on Nick and takes a few months to clean it up before the next admin comes in and repeats Nick's mistake. Nick now has a giant stain on his resume and now works at pizza hut.

In this case, if reporting a banking data security breach is a legal requirement (?), presumably a boss who tried to suppress a report could be looking at a criminal conviction if they were found out? So Nick is probably on somewhat safer ground than if the company were in a less-regulated industry.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:08 • by snoofle
389534 in reply to 389530
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:11 • by Chris A (unregistered)
389535 in reply to 389534
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

It ought to be virii, not viruses.</troll> :-)

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:12 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
389536 in reply to 389534
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".

Incidentally, what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:15 • by hans (unregistered)
Whatever you do, do not click the "No" answer.

Or is that because of the happy ending?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:18 • by Lit Erate (unregistered)
389538 in reply to 389536
Garrison Fiord:
if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're"
A sentence that uses "your" when it means "you're" is difficult to read. It's like hitting a speed bump. No, worse. You have to back up and go over it again, seeking (sometimes in vain) to understand the message better than the child who wrote it.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:25 • by gambisk (unregistered)
389539 in reply to 389537
another victim of Mr Porter

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:37 • by snoofle
389540 in reply to 389536
Garrison Fiord:
what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?

Yesterday, I discovered a major fuckup done by someone else, and needed to get a jump on undoing the damage - I shifted my day to 4AM-12N so as to be able to use the systems when I've got them all to myself.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:41 • by Unicorn #8157 (unregistered)
389541 in reply to 389533
Chris A:
In this case, if reporting a banking data security breach is a legal requirement (?), presumably a boss who tried to suppress a report could be looking at a criminal conviction if they were found out? So Nick is probably on somewhat safer ground than if the company were in a less-regulated industry.
"Nick's saying he 'found' malware on that server? Well, he's wasn't even authorized to touch that server so he must've installed it maliciously. In fact, since his orders were to not touch that server at all we want him prosecuted under the computer abuse act. Not to mention the civil suit that we'll be filing where our lawyers will state that he went outside of his purview then an independent forensic expert that we hire will attest to the fact that it was only after Nick's actions was malware found on that server.

"Yes, it was definitely Nick that infected that computer for his own nefarious purposes."

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:51 • by HeeHaw (unregistered)
389542 in reply to 389536
Garrison Fiord:
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".

Incidentally, what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?


If you find that sentence difficult to read, perhaps you need more practice.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:54 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
389543 in reply to 389538
Lit Erate:
Garrison Fiord:
if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're"
A sentence that uses "your" when it means "you're" is difficult to read. It's like hitting a speed bump. No, worse. You have to back up and go over it again, seeking (sometimes in vain) to understand the message better than the child who wrote it.

I'm not saying its ideal, but at least you can convert to verbal and get some meaning out of it.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:56 • by Shawn H Corey (unregistered)
Truly, no good deed goes unpunished. Imagine having to learn Windows admin. Ugh.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:58 • by Severity One
In a flash of institutional intelligence, both of them were fired, and Nick was given a promotion.
Oh, come on, it never works that way. Of course Nick was sacked. Right?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:59 • by JAH (unregistered)
389546 in reply to 389530
Remy, the idiot:
Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least?


The WTF is strong in this one.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 09:59 • by Infidel (unregistered)
more RAM than a goat festival


Don't you mean a sheep festival?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:10 • by Severity One
389548 in reply to 389536
Garrison Fiord:
Garrison Fiord:
Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".
Excuse me? May I, a non-native speaker, list the mistakes you managed to make in those few sentences?
* comma after 'damn' doesn't belong there
* 'change' should be 'chance'
* 'right' should be 'write'
* 'happen' should be 'happened'
* 'Did someone set us up the bomb?', is that actually English? The words are all English, but the sentence originated somewhere else, possibly in a translation of a Chinese user manual.

Ergo, you're writing something, and after mentally having to fix all the mistakes you made, I kind of understand what you're trying to say, with the obvious exception of the bomb thing. But your sentences are rather difficult to read, so you're making a bit of a fool of yourself (or you'reself if you so prefer).

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:15 • by MightyM (unregistered)
389549 in reply to 389548
Severity One:
* 'Did someone set us up the bomb?', is that actually English? The words are all English, but the sentence originated somewhere else, possibly in a translation of a Chinese user manual.


Have people really forgotten about the "All your base" meme already?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:21 • by lethalronin27
389551 in reply to 389536
Garrison Fiord:
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".

Incidentally, what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?


That wasn't hard to read at all. Maybe you should try 3rd grade again so you can read it too.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:21 • by RaceProUK
389552 in reply to 389548
Severity One:
* 'happen' should be 'happened'
* 'Did someone set us up the bomb?', is that actually English? The words are all English, but the sentence originated somewhere else, possibly in a translation of a Chinese user manual.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icVy7Ve6y6A

Also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE6emvdmg-M

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:27 • by just stop it (unregistered)
I think you guys who are surprised that they fired Ted and Larry are missing the point. After Nick notified management and they looked into the situation, they discovered that the old servers were going on eBay. That is why Ted and Larry were fired. Stealing is the number one offense as far as your employer is concerned. They could have been incompetent until retirement and no one would have cared.

If not for the theft, Nick probably would have been fired because Ted and Larry probably would not have been.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:39 • by operagost
389554 in reply to 389528
John:
History Teacher:
...I guess we all know what trWTF here is.

Mind boggling!


Yeah; some company actually promoted the guy who found the malware and reported the culprits that supported and enabled it. The usual story ends with Nick being fired for violating the "Do Not Touch" order of his superior. I've seen any number of cases like that (and once been the firee after reporting a serious security issue). I've heard rumors of people being rewarded for such things, but I've never personally seen it happen.

Considering the visibility of financial and identity fraud today, you'll probably still be fired but at least you'll have a good case for wrongful termination if customer financial or personal information is at risk.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:41 • by Robert Hanson (unregistered)
more RAM than a goat festival

Made my day, thanks!

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:48 • by foo (unregistered)
389556 in reply to 389551
lethalronin27:
Garrison Fiord:
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".

Incidentally, what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?


That wasn't hard to read at all. Maybe you should try 3rd grade again so you can read it too.
Don't worry, he meant 3rd grade level at most. I can see how that sentence is a little difficult to parse for a 7 year old.

Also, besides "virii" it's "boxen"!

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:48 • by My name is unimportant (unregistered)
389557 in reply to 389549
MightyM:
Severity One:
* 'Did someone set us up the bomb?', is that actually English? The words are all English, but the sentence originated somewhere else, possibly in a translation of a Chinese user manual.


Have people really forgotten about the "All your base" meme already?


Already? That was thirteen years ago at least!

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:51 • by foo (unregistered)
389558 in reply to 389529
Ted:
“There are two Windows boxes in the data-center,” Larry explained. “Those are mine. Do not touch them. Ever.
those boxes actually need a hardware upgrade
So he is supposed to upgrade the hardware without touching it? I guess that might be vaguely possible with Linux boxes, but Windows? The magic in this story is more powerful than unicorns.
You mean Windows doesn't support Remote Hot Swap(tm) yet?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 10:59 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
389559 in reply to 389551
lethalronin27:
Garrison Fiord:
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".

Incidentally, what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?


That wasn't hard to read at all. Maybe you should try 3rd grade again so you can read it too.

That asshat Remy modified my post, probably because I'm an idiot. I bet he deletes this one, because I'm a sucker and love losing bets.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:02 • by Severity One
389560 in reply to 389557
My name is unimportant:
MightyM:
Severity One:
* 'Did someone set us up the bomb?', is that actually English? The words are all English, but the sentence originated somewhere else, possibly in a translation of a Chinese user manual.
Have people really forgotten about the "All your base" meme already?
Already? That was thirteen years ago at least!
THIRTEEN years ago? Man, back then, I was only... um, never mind my age. Move along now.

Anyway, I've never played consoles, hated them back then and hate them now. If I can't spend some considerable income on a graphics card with the sound of an F-16 taking off, so I can watch salmon jump up the waterfalls in Skyrim, it's not worth it.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:03 • by Steve The Cynic
389561 in reply to 389558
foo:
Ted:
“There are two Windows boxes in the data-center,” Larry explained. “Those are mine. Do not touch them. Ever.
those boxes actually need a hardware upgrade
So he is supposed to upgrade the hardware without touching it? I guess that might be vaguely possible with Linux boxes, but Windows? The magic in this story is more powerful than unicorns.
You mean Windows doesn't support Remote Hot Swap(tm) yet?

I did hear the story of an IBM mainframe in Japan somewhere that was up for seven and a half years, and during that time, every part of the hardware was replaced at least once, including the racks, with no downtime. (Well, of course, you take individual CPU boards (etc) out of service, but one at a time, until you have replaced them all.)

But even there, someone had to touch the hardware that was being changed...

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:04 • by D-Coder
389562 in reply to 389555
"...goats can breathe in space. Little known fact."

Ah huh.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:22 • by Crampy Grampy (unregistered)
389563 in reply to 389561
I'm pretty sure the author meant that the new guy was supposed to order the hardware, since that is his job, and that Larry would install and configure it himself.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:31 • by Steve The Cynic
389564 in reply to 389560
Severity One:
My name is unimportant:
MightyM:
Severity One:
* 'Did someone set us up the bomb?', is that actually English? The words are all English, but the sentence originated somewhere else, possibly in a translation of a Chinese user manual.
Have people really forgotten about the "All your base" meme already?
Already? That was thirteen years ago at least!
THIRTEEN years ago? Man, back then, I was only... um, never mind my age. Move along now.

Anyway, I've never played consoles, hated them back then and hate them now. If I can't spend some considerable income on a graphics card with the sound of an F-16 taking off, so I can watch salmon jump up the waterfalls in Skyrim, it's not worth it.

I prefer to buy graphics cards that don't make more noise (it's NOISE, not sound, because it's a largely undesirable side effect) than a supersonic-capable aircraft.

(And the benchmark for noisy aircraft, apparently, is a Tu-95, with eight propellers that spin fast enough that the blade tips produce sonic booms.)

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:36 • by AGray (unregistered)
The "Somebody set up us the bomb" bit is a reference to Zero Wing, a Sega Master Drive game that is known to be the best example of a poorly-localized Japanese game.

Thus, it's not English. It's Engrish.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:37 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
389566 in reply to 389559
Garrison Fiord:
lethalronin27:
Garrison Fiord:
snoofle:
Garrison Fiord:
Remy, the idiot:
Those two boxes were so loaded with viruses it was time to call in a nuclear strike to keep the infection from spreading.


Is there any damn, change that we could get an editor who can right at a 3rd grade level at least? What happen to that call-out for new writers? Did someone set us up the bomb?
Ok, I've been at work since 4AM, so I'm a little groggy, but... an illiterate sentence critiquing a correct sentence?

How about making your sentences readable? I don't care as much about grammar or spelling, but the point of writing is communication. ie, if your sentence is difficult to read, I don't care if you use "your" or "you're".

Incidentally, what's up with a 4AM start time? Do you live on the west coast?


That wasn't hard to read at all. Maybe you should try 3rd grade again so you can read it too.

That asshat Remy modified my post, probably because I'm an idiot. I bet he deletes this one, because I'm a sucker and love losing bets.

You're butt hurt much, Remy?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:41 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
That Remy seems to have a crush on me. Too bad I'm not the "unicorns and rainbows" type.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:44 • by Remy Porter
389568 in reply to 389566
Garrison Fiord:
You're butt hurt much, Remy?


At least I understand how to use the quote feature in a fashion that doesn't spam the thread with walls-of-unnecessary-text.

By the way, my articles tend to average out to about the 6th grade level. I know this because I actually check that, the Gunning-Fog index, and for word-repetition. You see, I actually do put effort into making readable articles.

But hey, you have a difficult time with content suitable for 12 year-olds. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:47 • by Garrison Fiord (unregistered)
389569 in reply to 389568
Remy Porter:
Garrison Fiord:
You're butt hurt much, Remy?


At least I understand how to use the quote feature in a fashion that doesn't spam the thread with walls-of-unnecessary-text.

By the way, my articles tend to average out to about the 6th grade level. I know this because I actually check that, the Gunning-Fog index, and for word-repetition. You see, I actually do put effort into making readable articles.

But hey, you have a difficult time with content suitable for 12 year-olds. The first step is admitting you have a problem.


Wait... how did you do that? Why do all of my quotes include the entire thread? ARE YOU A WIZARD?

Re: The Slowdown

2012-09-11 11:52 • by lulz (unregistered)
389570 in reply to 389568
Remy Porter:
Garrison Fiord:
You're butt hurt much, Remy?


At least I understand how to use the quote feature in a fashion that doesn't spam the thread with walls-of-unnecessary-text.

By the way, my articles tend to average out to about the 6th grade level. I know this because I actually check that, the Gunning-Fog index, and for word-repetition. You see, I actually do put effort into making readable articles.

But hey, you have a difficult time with content suitable for 12 year-olds. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Buttfrustrated?
Butt annihilated?
Butt devastated?

10/10 would watch you get trolled again
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