• Some Wonk (unregistered)

    Yet to release their product? Do they work from Guantanamo Bay?

  • ObiWayneKenobi (cs)

    And this is why idiots who don't know shit about software should be prevented from EVER being able to start a software company.

  • Mark (unregistered)

    I had an ex-football player for a boss once. In a meeting to our clients, he told them to basically suck it up and quit whining about our buggy software products until we fix them. My jaw dropped. This was property tax appraisal software, by the way.

    Office meetings were like that too. He was fired by upper management a couple years after I left.

  • Valacosa (cs)

    Wait, did I read this story correctly? Did the Colonel have two developers hand-convert numbers for a realtime GPS tracking system?

  • snoofle (cs)
    Alex:
    four years later, they have yet to release their product.
    So how did this place stay in business all this time? Who, in their right mind, would put up with that kind of abuse (at least outside the military)?
  • GCU Arbitrary (cs)
    Mark34625:
    I think we should construct a film about his postings on this site.

    My suggestion:

    "The lord of trolls : The return of TopCod3r"

    Meh, fark.com does it better; compared to their trolls, he rates maybe a 2, 2.5 tops.

    From this site, though, SpectateSwamp gets my personal vote as Lord of the Trolls. His brand of crazy is in a league all of its own.

  • Teh Irish Gril Riot (unregistered) in reply to ObiWayneKenobi
    ObiWayneKenobi:
    And this is why idiots who don't know shit about software should be prevented from EVER being able to start a software company.

    But... where would we work?

  • memals (unregistered)

    what were the "large personal items" and what happened if they got hot ? mmmmm, large personal chocolate bars, 50kg variety

  • rudraigh (cs) in reply to ObiWayneKenobi
    ObiWayneKenobi:
    And this is why idiots who don't know shit about software should be prevented from EVER being able to start a software company.

    Has nothing to do with software or software companies. A lousy boss is a lousy boss.

  • wonkoTheSane (cs)

    What were the "large items"

  • Sofa King (unregistered) in reply to wonkoTheSane

    corpses

  • TopCod3r (cs)

    Look everyone, I tried to give it a try again, but Alex has decided to delete my comments. As I have said before, I always try my best not to be disrespectful to anyone in my comments, only to bring a little bit of humor to the world of IT, but I suppose there is no sense of humor left in this profession, except for saying OMGWTFLOL at other people's code. And quite honestly after a while all of the WTFs on this site (and the stories along with them) are all the same in essence, and the comments are usually the same banter back and forth. But I guess that is what Alex wants, and it is his site he can do whatever he wants.

  • Jeff (unregistered)

    ATTN Commentors:

    You are reading during the hours of 00:00:01 and 23:58:59. This is unacceptable in a corporate environment and must cease effective immediately.

    Colonel doesn't know it yet, but I quit today. I'll spare you the rest of his rambling. He doesn't read his email, so he won't know I'm not telling you about the new policy in regards to acceptable lunches. Enjoy your 13.7 minutes of 'break' time tomorrow.

    See you in the unemployment line.

    DICTATED BUT NOT READ, The Colonel

  • Waffle (unregistered) in reply to wonkoTheSane
    wonkoTheSane:
    What were the "large items"

    Urmoms

  • The Undroid (unregistered)

    "top-of-the-line accommodations for executives"

    In a less paranoid age persons wanting to get from Memorial Bridge to the Courthouse area of Arlington could run through Ft. Myer. The Army puts the occupant's name and rank on base housing, so I can tell you that the duplexes averaged about five stars, i.e. to rate a share of a duplex one had to be a couple grades above colonel.

    Say what you will about the military, there is a dramatically smaller spread in compensation between the lowest pay grades and the highest than you will find in most American businesses of comparable size.

  • DOA (cs)

    The problem here is that Kirk has never been in the army. If he had, he'd avoid that company like the plague. I mean seriously, a maladjusted ex military officer? Who didn't see that coming?

  • Ben4jammin (unregistered)

    Two thoughts:

    I assume that "dictated but not read" means that he told his secretary what to email, but didn't actually read the copy that went out? If so, the secretary could have a LOT of fun with that.

    Also, is this where the phrase "the beatings will continue until morale improves" comes from? Because it seems to make about as much sense.

  • Joseph (unregistered) in reply to Valacosa

    Not the on the fly data. They had fixed the issue with the transmission, but needed to hand convert all of the malformed data that was sent before the fix was implemented.

  • Joe the Programmer (unregistered)
    To ensure that programmers were focused on programming, The Colonel cut out a lot of the unnecessary parts of the software development process like system design and testing. While the quit-wasting-time-and-type-in-your-computer-code approach certainly helped get more code written, there were a few side effects.

    Scary thing is that I've met developers who think like this too...

    ObCaptcha: "usitas". Wasn't he the old Baltimore Colts QB?

  • OhDear (unregistered)

    Nearly every company I have seen has always let their focus drift away from shipping working software. Ranging from more and more non-development staff, ISO 9000, or just piling on the features at a rate far faster than the developers can keep up with. It is almost as if they don't want to succeed.

    Capcha "aptent" The description of the smell of someone who doesn't know they smell. as in "He got a whiff of the aptent smell."

  • Douglas (unregistered)

    If Kirk had been in the military, he would have realized that fragging is an important part of the 360 review process.

    Sounds like the Colonel had been in WWI: (1) Put soldiers in trench; (2) Order them over the top; (3) Watch them die in great numbers; (4) Need more soldiers; (5) Repeat.

    A perfectly acceptable program.

    Anyway, from my understanding of today's military, one can become a Major through the inertia of stupidity, but to become a Colonel, one needs to be able to put together a PowerPoint presentation and bore the enemy (Congress) to death.

  • Alan (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    Look everyone, I tried to give it a try again, but Alex has decided to delete my comments. As I have said before, I always try my best not to be disrespectful to anyone in my comments, only to bring a little bit of humor to the world of IT, but I suppose there is no sense of humor left in this profession, except for saying OMGWTFLOL at other people's code. And quite honestly after a while all of the WTFs on this site (and the stories along with them) are all the same in essence, and the comments are usually the same banter back and forth. But I guess that is what Alex wants, and it is his site he can do whatever he wants.

    Frankly - I love your stuff - alex should kill two birds with one stone and have you write MFD.

  • jgayhart (cs) in reply to Jeff
    Jeff:
    You are reading during the hours of 00:00:01 and 23:58:59. This is unacceptable in a corporate environment and must cease effective immediately.

    Good thing I have free time from 23:59:00 through 00:00:00.

  • Glow-in-the-dark (unregistered)

    You know, I would have LOVED to join that company for a couple of weeks (obviously with no intention of staying), just to get this guy beyond the point of no return for cardiac arrest.

    This type should never be in charge of anything involving people, regardless of what it is. No leadership ability whatsoever.

  • A Nonny Mouse (cs) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    Look everyone, I tried to give it a try again, but Alex has decided to delete my comments. As I have said before, I always try my best not to be disrespectful to anyone in my comments, only to bring a little bit of humor to the world of IT, but I suppose there is no sense of humor left in this profession, except for saying OMGWTFLOL at other people's code. And quite honestly after a while all of the WTFs on this site (and the stories along with them) are all the same in essence, and the comments are usually the same banter back and forth. But I guess that is what Alex wants, and it is his site he can do whatever he wants.
    pity. i rather enjoyed the outraged responses you got :)
  • jasites (unregistered) in reply to Joe the Programmer
    Joe the Programmer:
    ObCaptcha: "usitas". Wasn't he the old Baltimore Colts QB?

    that was Unitas, close, but not quite.

  • themagni (cs) in reply to Alan
    Alan:
    TopCod3r:
    Look everyone, I tried to give it a try again, but Alex has decided to delete my comments. As I have said before, I always try my best not to be disrespectful to anyone in my comments, only to bring a little bit of humor to the world of IT, but I suppose there is no sense of humor left in this profession, except for saying OMGWTFLOL at other people's code. And quite honestly after a while all of the WTFs on this site (and the stories along with them) are all the same in essence, and the comments are usually the same banter back and forth. But I guess that is what Alex wants, and it is his site he can do whatever he wants.

    Frankly - I love your stuff - alex should kill two birds with one stone and have you write MFD.

    Awesome. I like his posts because he says the wrong thing in such a believable way - a good insight into exactly what the problem with a lot of code featured here is caused by.

    Yeah, he's no PocketNinja, but he's entertaining and gets good responses from his posts.

  • BobB (cs)

    Smells like OneSAF...

  • operagost (cs) in reply to GCU Arbitrary
    GCU Arbitrary:
    Mark34625:
    I think we should construct a film about his postings on this site.

    My suggestion:

    "The lord of trolls : The return of TopCod3r"

    Meh, fark.com does it better; compared to their trolls, he rates maybe a 2, 2.5 tops.

    From this site, though, SpectateSwamp gets my personal vote as Lord of the Trolls. His brand of crazy is in a league all of its own.

    Anyone who gets his nickname from the default password on an AOL free trial CD-ROM cannot be reasoned with.

  • DoctorFriday (cs) in reply to Mark
    Mark:
    This was property tax appraisal software, by the way.

    HA! I used to work on the client end of a property tax appraisal sofware company in a previous work-life in the local gov't.

    The consultants were actually pretty nice guys and reasonable to deal with, but their management was an absolute HOOT. Wonder if yours was the same company I worked with...hmmm...

  • Bombe (cs) in reply to jgayhart
    jgayhart:
    Jeff:
    You are reading during the hours of 00:00:01 and 23:58:59. This is unacceptable in a corporate environment and must cease effective immediately.
    Good thing I have free time from 23:59:00 through 00:00:00.
    You are not allowed to split it up in 5 seconds, 5 seconds, etc.
  • halcyon1234 (cs) in reply to Glow-in-the-dark
    Glow-in-the-dark:
    You know, I would have LOVED to join that company for a couple of weeks (obviously with no intention of staying), just to get this guy beyond the point of no return for cardiac arrest.

    This type should never be in charge of anything involving people, regardless of what it is. No leadership ability whatsoever.

    Now that's a great idea for a freelance firm if I've ever heard one. You hire out your services to the employees who need a boss like this gone. You get hired for two weeks, drive the dude over the edge, the ride off into the sunset after the men in the white jackets arrive.

  • Code Dependent (cs) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    *snip*
    I'm not sure that you are the original. I recall "Top Cod3r" (note the space) used to post all the time without being registered, and then somebody else registered the name, and then some other versions got registered, and for a few days there was some confusion over who was who.

    I feel certain that the original "Top Cod3r" is still as prolific as ever. He's just using different unregistered names now.

  • Matt A (unregistered) in reply to memals

    I immediately thought of my accoustic guitar. Leave one in a car on a really hot day, and you run the risk of the glue melting and the whole thing coming apart.

  • lanmind (cs)

    For pity's sake, please tell us the names of these ridiculous companies, so that the rest of us have the opportunity to properly ridicule them, as they should be!

  • C. F. Martin (unregistered) in reply to Matt A
    Matt A:
    I immediately thought of my accoustic guitar. Leave one in a car on a really hot day, and you run the risk of the glue melting and the whole thing coming apart.

    That's why guitars should be constructed using nails or screws

    Captcha = iusto (iusto love her, but I had to kill her)

  • ReverendJ1 (cs) in reply to themagni

    I'll have to say TopCod3r's comments have been the best thing about a lot of the articles in recent months. Sometimes I'll just scan the comments for TopCod3r if I don't have time to read them all. Shame on you Alex.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    <snip>
    No disrespect to you but I have to agree with Alex's moderation. It is extremely frustrating to watch the comments section get ruined by flame bait on every single article. Repetition was your downfall - once in a while it's funny but you used to troll every single post here and now it seems you're paying the price for that. Maybe you should come back in a few months time with a different identity and a little bit of self restraint.
  • lanmind (cs) in reply to DOA

    No $hit...

  • Kirk (unregistered)

    ATTN COLONEL

    Effective immediately, I quit.

    READ AND NOT DICTATED, Kirk

  • JD (unregistered)

    An MD straight out of the military would be all I needed to know that the job wasn't suitable. I hate to draw sweeping conclusions but from my experience, most high ranking military retirees are domineering narcissists who will never again fit in to normal society. They are broken beyond repair. Just my experience.

    NB: I respect the moderation. Sorry TC.

  • snoofle (cs) in reply to halcyon1234
    halcyon1234:
    Glow-in-the-dark:
    You know, I would have LOVED to join that company for a couple of weeks (obviously with no intention of staying), just to get this guy beyond the point of no return for cardiac arrest.

    This type should never be in charge of anything involving people, regardless of what it is. No leadership ability whatsoever.

    Now that's a great idea for a freelance firm if I've ever heard one. You hire out your services to the employees who need a boss like this gone. You get hired for two weeks, drive the dude over the edge, the ride off into the sunset after the men in the white jackets arrive.

    Awesome idea... and it would be called ... ?

  • Niki (unregistered)

    Someone should inform the colonel that there is no such thing as a "double windsor."

  • Mr B (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    TopCod3r:
    <snip>
    No disrespect to you but I have to agree with Alex's moderation. It is extremely frustrating to watch the comments section get ruined by flame bait on every single article. Repetition was your downfall - once in a while it's funny but you used to troll every single post here and now it seems you're paying the price for that. Maybe you should come back in a few months time with a different identity and a little bit of self restraint.

    It's people like you, ie. anonymous no-sense-of-humour idiots which cause threads to be derailed far more than that other chap...see you've done it here now too!

    Seems like he's not the only one who should learn a little restraint.

  • SomeCoder (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    TopCod3r:
    <snip>
    No disrespect to you but I have to agree with Alex's moderation. It is extremely frustrating to watch the comments section get ruined by flame bait on every single article. Repetition was your downfall - once in a while it's funny but you used to troll every single post here and now it seems you're paying the price for that. Maybe you should come back in a few months time with a different identity and a little bit of self restraint.

    I agree, TopCod3r's posts were good at first but because they repeated on in every thread, it got old fast. They also derailed the regular discussion too much.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Mr B
    Mr B:
    It's people like you, ie. anonymous no-sense-of-humour idiots which cause threads to be derailed far more than that other chap...see you've done it here now too!

    Seems like he's not the only one who should learn a little restraint.

    You don't know me, friend.

  • Charles400 (cs)

    Attn Colonel: Here is my finger, lick it good.

  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to Mr B
    Mr B:
    It's people like you, ie. anonymous no-sense-of-humour idiots which cause threads to be derailed far more than that other chap...see you've done it here now too!

    Seems like he's not the only one who should learn a little restraint.

    That is fucking bullshit, TopCod3r used fuck with every single post on this site. The unregistered anons have a shitload more useful input than TopCod3r. Fuck off you wannabee troll.

  • Flatline (cs) in reply to Niki
    Niki:
    Someone should inform the colonel that there is no such thing as a "double windsor."

    http://www.how-to-tie-a-neck-tie.com/double-windsor.htm

    Many, many websites would disagree with you. I'm not quite sure why it has that name when it's clearly a full windsor but the Colonel can't really be wrong if it's a generally accepted term for the knot.

  • Bob (unregistered) in reply to themagni
    themagni:
    Alan:
    TopCod3r:
    Look everyone, I tried to give it a try again, but Alex has decided to delete my comments. As I have said before, I always try my best not to be disrespectful to anyone in my comments, only to bring a little bit of humor to the world of IT, but I suppose there is no sense of humor left in this profession, except for saying OMGWTFLOL at other people's code. And quite honestly after a while all of the WTFs on this site (and the stories along with them) are all the same in essence, and the comments are usually the same banter back and forth. But I guess that is what Alex wants, and it is his site he can do whatever he wants.

    Frankly - I love your stuff - alex should kill two birds with one stone and have you write MFD.

    Awesome. I like his posts because he says the wrong thing in such a believable way - a good insight into exactly what the problem with a lot of code featured here is caused by.

    I, too, enjoy his insights into best practices.

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