Not Too Particular and More

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  • Mii 2008-02-11 10:06
    Real WTF is the dead link to the full resume ;)

    Ed: Fixed!
  • David Walker 2008-02-11 10:09
    Saying "please hire me" and then saying "I won't be working for you for very long, because I'm too good" is not the way to get a job.
  • Dr. Colossus 2008-02-11 10:12
    Remember Sin City being originally called Basin City? I want to move to Syn City, originally being called Synchronicity.
  • gabba 2008-02-11 10:21
    I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.
  • Benjamin Normoyle 2008-02-11 10:22
    Note: Information is the only word in there that's 'spelled correctly.'
    Why was ONLY information marked right? If it's a fatal bug in the checker, I don't think any of the words would have come out right (i.e. a one-off error probably isn't it).
  • Xandax 2008-02-11 10:24
    Benjamin Normoyle:
    Note: Information is the only word in there that's 'spelled correctly.'
    Why was ONLY information marked right? If it's a fatal bug in the checker, I don't think any of the words would have come out right (i.e. a one-off error probably isn't it).


    Wasn't "time" spelled correctly as well?
  • Ethan 2008-02-11 10:33
    Oh, how badly I want to see the rest of that resume, but I'm 404'd!
  • You have the opportunity to read this and I need an ego boost 2008-02-11 10:43
    It's there now and I'm guessing he didn't get the job :)
  • Scott 2008-02-11 10:44
    It didn't pick up that information and time were spelled correctly, it was confused with the comma (,) after the two words. I thought the same thing then realized the comma broke the complex spell check.
  • AccessGuru 2008-02-11 10:47
    David Walker:
    Saying "please hire me" and then saying "I won't be working for you for very long, because I'm too good" is not the way to get a job.

    The guy was just being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy?
  • shadowman 2008-02-11 10:53
    AccessGuru:
    David Walker:
    Saying "please hire me" and then saying "I won't be working for you for very long, because I'm too good" is not the way to get a job.

    The guy was just being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy?


    Not when applying for a job. Or most other times, really.
  • shadowman 2008-02-11 10:58
    It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to
    the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something.

    I really loved the closing line, however:You have the opportunity to hire me and I need work.

    Lucky us!
  • Aaron 2008-02-11 11:08
    The COBOL resume is classic. He's completely given up, not just on programming but quite possibly on life in general. I have a vision of a not-quite-middled-aged dude who always looks like he slept in his clothes and forgot to shave, and begins every answer to every question with a groan. Might actually be a good hire if you're an uptight company with a depressing work environment.

    I don't blame him - working COBOL will do that to a man (commence flames now).
  • ebs2002 2008-02-11 11:12
    In fact, I would not expect to be long in your employ in that capacity in any case. I have already a highly developed model which I expect would require only minor "tweaking" to entirely encompass your need for a Management Information System.


    It sounds more to me like he's saying "I'll do this, but I have an awesome tool that I'm working on, and you can buy it and use it to replace me".

    He's using the job-search pipeline to peddle his software. It's sort of like getting an email from a Russian girl that says "Remember me? I remember you and want to get back with you. Here's my website", and the website is a pay-to-watch webcam.
  • gr 2008-02-11 11:15
    The real problem with checking systems like this is that she'll ignore all of those, rather than correcting the real grammar mistake ("who's" should be "whose").
  • dkf 2008-02-11 11:16
    Ouch! That spell checker output makes my eyes water. A worse UI would be more than a bit difficult to come up with (well, not without actually applying effort...)
  • Kederaji 2008-02-11 11:31
    gabba:
    I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.

    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,
  • FredSaw 2008-02-11 11:40
    My gift is plain intelligence, at the expense of understanding ...value.
    Doctor: Ray, do you know how much a candy bar costs?
    Raymond: 'Bout a hundred dollars.
    Doctor: Do you know how much one of those new compact cars costs?
    Raymond: 'Bout a hundred dollars.
  • Disgruntled DBA 2008-02-11 11:41
    The spell checker somehow reminds me of Deal or No Deal. "You get to check 5 words this round."
  • Ryan 2008-02-11 11:51
    It seems the cause of this issue might be that the dictionary is comma-delimited and is not being parsed properly.
  • Zecc 2008-02-11 11:54
    Donald's resume:
    Worked 4 1⁄2 years till a group of people from India came on-line and a bunch of us were laid off.
    "No, I'm not sour..."

    I admire the guy's honest, really.
  • Jay 2008-02-11 12:10
    Aaron:
    I don't blame him - working COBOL will do that to a man (commence flames now).


    Hey, I agree, and I worked in COBOL for ten years.

    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".

    And who was it who said, "You can write a FORTRAN program in any language"?

  • MMSS 2008-02-11 12:18
    dkf:
    Ouch! That spell checker output makes my eyes water. A worse UI would be more than a bit difficult to come up with (well, not without actually applying effort...)


    Sounds like the newest OMGWTF contest!

    quibus?
  • Stuart P. Bentley 2008-02-11 12:27
    Obviously somebody threw a comma delimited dictionary into a spell-checker that only used spaces. Suprising to see that never got fixed, though- apparently employees considered behavior like that business as usual.

    Yikes!
  • Aaron 2008-02-11 12:31
    Jay:
    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".

    Was it a mining company?

    Or maybe the company car is a Chevy and they wanted to warn applicants that they'd have to drive it.
  • Smash 2008-02-11 12:35
    Jay:

    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".


    At first glance it was about programming, but then you find out that cobalt comes from the german kobold (source:wikipedia)

    So they obviously needed an experienced RPG player. Maybe you ignored Wizards of the Coast?
  • Nutmeg Programmer 2008-02-11 13:12
    I bet our friend Donald R. wears white dress shirts with a black, one inch wide necktie, and has never been seen in a sport jacket.

    Do they still make plastic pocket protectors?
  • ObiWayneKenobi 2008-02-11 13:33
    Smash:
    Jay:

    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".


    At first glance it was about programming, but then you find out that cobalt comes from the german kobold (source:wikipedia)

    So they obviously needed an experienced RPG player. Maybe you ignored Wizards of the Coast?


    The only good kobold is a dead kobold! "Mercy? You wanted mercy? I'M CHAOTIC NEUTRAL!!"
  • NotAnEnglishMajor 2008-02-11 13:45
    shadowman:
    It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to
    the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something.

    I really loved the closing line, however:You have the opportunity to hire me and I need work.

    Lucky us!


    Lucky us indeed! If this guy's resume is anywhere near the truth he is a manager's dream. Cheap rate, good smarts, willing to learn, and no desire to take his manager's job.

    -NotAn
  • Earl Purple 2008-02-11 14:25
    And there are two errors in that spell check too, which were not picked up because they are primarily grammatical. The corrections are in upper case

    1. It should be "It would be nice if there WERE a manual process"

    and

    2. "A service request is a huge hassle for an employee WHOSE main focus should be billable time"

  • Bob N Freely 2008-02-11 14:34
    shadowman:
    It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to
    the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something.


    Nah. It's just a half-hearted update of an old resume. He tacked on his new experiences without touching any of the existing stuff. So at one time, that was his "current" work experience. Really, the whole doc reeks of disillusionment. This poor guy hitched his wagon to IT in the '70s, and probably spent the last two decades hiding in back offices, tending to decrepit legacy systems, only occasionally bothered by management because "he's the guy that keeps things running." Now he's emerged into the startling reality of a rapidly evolving industry, where his skill-set is no longer of any value. That's gotta suck.
  • Anonymous 2008-02-11 14:55
    Dear Prospective Employer,

    My experience matches the description for Software Developer II for which you advertise.

    I enjoy working with people to produce a graphic and redundancy-free architecture that brings developers and users into synchronicity. Since creating model is essentially the incipient step under the paradigm of top-down programming, an information architect's work is largely cerebral and removed from the tools with which an application is implemented. It involves gathering requirements from the players (users and management). Then, the architect creates a graphic and/or software representation of primary objects and their relationships to other objects.

    The format of the graphic representation has never, and will never, change. It is an art form, and I'm very, very good at it. In fact, I would not expect to be long in your employ in that capacity in any case. I have already a highly developed model which I expect would require only minor "tweaking" to entirely encompass your need for a Management Information System.

    If you can offer the environment wherein this service is timely, I am interested in exploring further the possibility of working with you. Thank you for your consideration.

    In other words: pay me for my doodles.
  • Jeremy 2008-02-11 14:58
    Congratulations on correctly redacting a PDF document. This high-level skill appears to have escaped numerous government agencies. Perhaps you should consider offering your services as a security consultant?
  • AccessGuru 2008-02-11 15:12
    Jeremy:
    Congratulations on correctly redacting a PDF document. This high-level skill appears to have escaped numerous government agencies. Perhaps you should consider offering your services as a security consultant?

    I noticed that, too. By simply removing the black boxes in Acrobat, you can clearly see the guy's personal information, which narrows it down quite a bit.

    DONALD RXXXXXXX
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    N HOLLYWOOD CA XXXXX
    Home: 818-xxx-xxxx
    Cell: 818- xxx-xxxx
    Fax: 801- xxx-xxxx
    donrxx@xxxxxx.com

    Way to go, Alex.
  • Izzy 2008-02-11 15:32
    Nutmeg Programmer:
    I bet our friend Donald R. wears white dress shirts with a black, one inch wide necktie, and has never been seen in a sport jacket.

    Do they still make plastic pocket protectors?

    Try www.pocketprotectors.com. C'mom, you know you want one.
  • shadowman 2008-02-11 15:52
    It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.

    For instance, at the very moment that the Job Applicant said, 'Since creating model is essentially the incipient step under the paradigm of top-down programming, an information architect's work is largely cerebral and removed from the tools with which an application is implemented,' a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of a frightful interstellar battle...
  • AccessGuru 2008-02-11 15:58
    Izzy:
    Try www.pocketprotectors.com. C'mom, you know you want one.

    pocketprotectors.com:
    "Thanks, I got my pocket protectors today, they are great! Keeps my lab coat from staining and keeps the scissors and scalpels from cutting holes in the bottom of the pockets!" - M. Peterson M.D.

    I wouldn't be worried about my lab coat if I was putting scalpels in the pockets.
  • Roy-G-BIV 2008-02-11 16:32
    DONALD RXXXXXXX
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    N HOLLYWOOD CA XXXXX
    Home: 818-xxx-xxxx
    Cell: 818- xxx-xxxx
    Fax: 801- xxx-xxxx
    donrxx@xxxxxx.com

    I love how you put X's in there behind the black boxes, so that anyone who knew about badly redacted PDFs would find a little surprise.

    Dammit, what if we'd have wanted to hire the guy?
  • real_aardvark 2008-02-11 17:40
    I liked the "wherein."

    Is it just me, or is this industry getting more and more psychotic by the day? I used to laugh at resumes like this. (I was young, carefree, and cruel.) Then I felt sorry for the poor bastards. (I was young, carefree, but slightly less cruel.)

    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)

    Is there a way of forwarding things like this to your local mental hospital?
  • AnnC 2008-02-11 18:04
    Kederaji:
    gabba:
    I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.

    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,


    You misspelled the following words: big, business, can't, define, follow, if, in, new, own, standards, that's, the, thing, you, and your.

    You should try using a spellchecker for you next post.
  • TadGhostal 2008-02-11 18:30
    I know it's funny to laugh at stuff like this - heck, that's why I am (and I'm guessing most of us are) here. But I just can't help but see the desperation in the guys resume.

    I feel sorry for him, and I hope he doesn't read The Daily WTF.

    I'm such a party pooper.
  • Cabbage 2008-02-11 22:29
    Kederaji:
    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,


    Maybe they just hired Shatner as a consultant.
  • Cloak 2008-02-11 23:26
    real_aardvark:
    I liked the "wherein."

    Is it just me, or is this industry getting more and more psychotic by the day? I used to laugh at resumes like this. (I was young, carefree, and cruel.) Then I felt sorry for the poor bastards. (I was young, carefree, but slightly less cruel.)

    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)

    Is there a way of forwarding things like this to your local mental hospital?


    Don't Care about psychiatric help, just gimme the drugz.
  • kdnewton 2008-02-12 02:15
    Possibly the genius behind the whilst loop?
    http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Elegant-Syntax-Error.aspx
  • kdnewton 2008-02-12 02:15
    Possibly the genius behind the whilst loop?
    http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Elegant-Syntax-Error.aspx
  • Gordonjcp 2008-02-12 03:11
    I'd have the "Information Architect" in for an interview just for the comedy value.
  • Watson 2008-02-12 03:29
    Bob N Freely:
    ....Now he's emerged into the startling reality of a rapidly evolving industry, where his skill-set is no longer of any value. That's gotta suck.

    Yup; definitely a case of future shock. When the nifty gizmo you bought last year for seventy dollars (after looking around for a good price) turns up this morning as a promotional gimmick in your cornflakes.

    real_aardvark:
    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)
    A demographic particularly vulnerable to future shock.

    Thirty years from now, this will be you.
  • wtf 2008-02-12 05:03
    AccessGuru:
    The guy was just being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy?

    Do you mean honesticity?

    He might have very well been The Architect, but unfortunately The Matrix had him.

    But let's not be too harsh on this fellow. He quite obviously requires some minor tweaking... largely cerebral.

    I think he should have been called for a further interview though. It would have been the incipient step to a great fun.
  • wtf 2008-02-12 05:18
    ObiWayneKenobi:
    "Mercy? You wanted mercy? I'M CHAOTIC NEUTRAL!!"

    My D&D is a bit rusty... is chaotic neutral the one that instantly evaporates if he is ever caught doing something consistent?

    Lucky kobold, then. You should, by definition, randomly decide to show mercy to anyone just a second after exclaiming stuff exactly like this quote. It's in the job description.
  • Koesper 2008-02-12 05:27
    The Synchronicity guy is applying for the wrong job... with words as long as that he should be a manager!
  • The General 2008-02-12 07:21
    Cabbage:
    Kederaji:
    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,


    Maybe they just hired Shatner as a consultant.

    And then Bones said: "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a spell-checker!"
  • AnotherPartyPooper 2008-02-12 07:57
    I laughed at a lot of people reading these kinda articles. I still laugh at paula bean.

    But the cobol guy, I think he's a very interesting person and he just seems depressed.

    If I had a company, I'd at least get him over for an interview.
  • KenW 2008-02-12 09:12
    AnnC:
    You misspelled the following words: big, business, can't, define, follow, if, in, new, own, standards, that's, the, thing, you, and your.

    You should try using a spellchecker for you next post.


    Nice of you to take the trouble to alphabetize the list. :-)
  • Leahn 2008-02-12 10:40
    The "who's" is wrong, should be "whose". Wait, it is a spelling checker only...
  • JimM 2008-02-12 12:01
    Personally, my favourite bit from the resume is: "Contracting COBOL at various jobs".

    I mean, I know COBOL is meant to be bad, but is it really contagious?
  • drew 2008-02-12 16:35
    My company would hire him in a second,, in fact he might be my project manager now that I think about it.
  • real_aardvark 2008-02-12 19:26
    Watson:
    Bob N Freely:
    ....Now he's emerged into the startling reality of a rapidly evolving industry, where his skill-set is no longer of any value. That's gotta suck.

    Yup; definitely a case of future shock. When the nifty gizmo you bought last year for seventy dollars (after looking around for a good price) turns up this morning as a promotional gimmick in your cornflakes.

    real_aardvark:
    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)
    A demographic particularly vulnerable to future shock.

    Thirty years from now, this will be you.

    Thirty years from now, I'll be dead.

    Can I have the drugs now?

    Incidentally, "Future Shock" is so 1970s. I'll take the root beer floater; you're welcome to the acid blotter.
  • Cloak 2008-02-13 03:21
    TRWTF is that the spell-checker doesn't sort alphabetically.
  • Watson 2008-02-13 04:45
    real_aardvark:
    Incidentally, "Future Shock" is so 1970s. I'll take the root beer floater; you're welcome to the acid blotter.

    What, you're saying I'm thirty years out of date?! When the hell did that happen?
  • real_aardvark 2008-02-14 18:39
    Watson:
    real_aardvark:
    Incidentally, "Future Shock" is so 1970s. I'll take the root beer floater; you're welcome to the acid blotter.

    What, you're saying I'm thirty years out of date?! When the hell did that happen?

    OK, I'll take the acid blotter. You sound like a man who really needs a root beer floater.
  • Kosh 2008-02-14 22:38
    That perhaps ironically worded pitch is, of course, essentially what many ERP vendors and their associated consulting partners offer routinely.
  • Project2501a 2008-02-15 08:06
    > 30 years of experience with mainly COBOL

    you can stop right there. kthnxbye!
  • Anonymous 2008-02-15 13:24
    I will not be calling this person for an interview.

    It would be such fun though.
  • Monomelodies 2008-02-15 14:44
    I'd definitely have the "Indians" guy over for an interview. He might be crap, but he might just as well be brill(i)ant.

    But then maybe I just have a soft spot for people who've been in IT since the seventies.
  • Pope 2008-03-07 14:47
    I think the best part is when he says, "this mixed with my lack of ambition results in political suicide."

    That's awesome. I wish I had him on my team. I want someone who creates things that I can't understand (which I presume is due to obfuscation and lack of commenting) and then rolls his eyes and sighs when I ask, "Hey what does this button do?"

    I've been around severe forms of apathy. I'd rather have stupidity on my team than apathy. It makes me mad when people know how to do something but... like... man, just don't want to... uh... you know... do it.
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  • el_oscuro 2008-03-31 20:20
    dkf:
    Ouch! That spell checker output makes my eyes water. A worse UI would be more than a bit difficult to come up with (well, not without actually applying effort...)


    We are talking about Oracle. Oracle's expertise in crappy UIs is legendary.
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  • Kirby L. Wallace 2010-05-02 11:47
    Putting the word "suicide" on your resume... in any context...

    Nice.
  • Sam I am 2012-03-05 13:08
    the Synchronicity guy's email reeks of copy-pasta
  • reeks of pasta 2014-09-02 08:44
    Sam I am:
    the Synchronicity guy's email reeks of copy-pasta

    Like your mum's vagina