• Mii (unregistered)

    Real WTF is the dead link to the full resume ;)

    Ed: Fixed!

  • David Walker (unregistered)

    Saying "please hire me" and then saying "I won't be working for you for very long, because I'm too good" is not the way to get a job.

  • Dr. Colossus (unregistered)

    Remember Sin City being originally called Basin City? I want to move to Syn City, originally being called Synchronicity.

  • gabba (cs)

    I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.

  • Benjamin Normoyle (unregistered)

    Note: Information is the only word in there that's 'spelled correctly.' Why was ONLY information marked right? If it's a fatal bug in the checker, I don't think any of the words would have come out right (i.e. a one-off error probably isn't it).

  • Xandax (cs) in reply to Benjamin Normoyle
    Benjamin Normoyle:
    Note: Information is the only word in there that's 'spelled correctly.' Why was ONLY information marked right? If it's a fatal bug in the checker, I don't think any of the words would have come out right (i.e. a one-off error probably isn't it).

    Wasn't "time" spelled correctly as well?

  • Ethan (unregistered)

    Oh, how badly I want to see the rest of that resume, but I'm 404'd!

  • You have the opportunity to read this and I need an ego boost (unregistered) in reply to Ethan

    It's there now and I'm guessing he didn't get the job :)

  • Scott (unregistered) in reply to gabba

    It didn't pick up that information and time were spelled correctly, it was confused with the comma (,) after the two words. I thought the same thing then realized the comma broke the complex spell check.

  • AccessGuru (cs) in reply to David Walker
    David Walker:
    Saying "please hire me" and then saying "I won't be working for you for very long, because I'm too good" is not the way to get a job.
    The guy was just being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy?
  • shadowman (cs) in reply to AccessGuru
    AccessGuru:
    David Walker:
    Saying "please hire me" and then saying "I won't be working for you for very long, because I'm too good" is not the way to get a job.
    The guy was just being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy?

    Not when applying for a job. Or most other times, really.

  • shadowman (cs)

    It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something.

    I really loved the closing line, however:You have the opportunity to hire me and I need work.

    Lucky us!

  • Aaron (cs)

    The COBOL resume is classic. He's completely given up, not just on programming but quite possibly on life in general. I have a vision of a not-quite-middled-aged dude who always looks like he slept in his clothes and forgot to shave, and begins every answer to every question with a groan. Might actually be a good hire if you're an uptight company with a depressing work environment.

    I don't blame him - working COBOL will do that to a man (commence flames now).

  • ebs2002 (cs)
    In fact, I would not expect to be long in your employ in that capacity in any case. I have already a highly developed model which I expect would require only minor "tweaking" to entirely encompass your need for a Management Information System.

    It sounds more to me like he's saying "I'll do this, but I have an awesome tool that I'm working on, and you can buy it and use it to replace me".

    He's using the job-search pipeline to peddle his software. It's sort of like getting an email from a Russian girl that says "Remember me? I remember you and want to get back with you. Here's my website", and the website is a pay-to-watch webcam.

  • gr (unregistered)

    The real problem with checking systems like this is that she'll ignore all of those, rather than correcting the real grammar mistake ("who's" should be "whose").

  • dkf (unregistered)

    Ouch! That spell checker output makes my eyes water. A worse UI would be more than a bit difficult to come up with (well, not without actually applying effort...)

  • Kederaji (cs) in reply to gabba
    gabba:
    I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.
    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,
  • FredSaw (cs)
    My gift is plain intelligence, at the expense of understanding ...value.
    Doctor: Ray, do you know how much a candy bar costs? Raymond: 'Bout a hundred dollars. Doctor: Do you know how much one of those new compact cars costs? Raymond: 'Bout a hundred dollars.
  • Disgruntled DBA (cs)

    The spell checker somehow reminds me of Deal or No Deal. "You get to check 5 words this round."

  • Ryan (unregistered) in reply to gabba

    It seems the cause of this issue might be that the dictionary is comma-delimited and is not being parsed properly.

  • Zecc (cs)
    Donald's resume:
    Worked 4 1⁄2 years till a group of people from India came on-line and a bunch of us were laid off.
    "No, I'm not sour..."

    I admire the guy's honest, really.

  • Jay (unregistered) in reply to Aaron
    Aaron:
    I don't blame him - working COBOL will do that to a man (commence flames now).

    Hey, I agree, and I worked in COBOL for ten years.

    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".

    And who was it who said, "You can write a FORTRAN program in any language"?

  • MMSS (unregistered) in reply to dkf
    dkf:
    Ouch! That spell checker output makes my eyes water. A worse UI would be more than a bit difficult to come up with (well, not without actually applying effort...)

    Sounds like the newest OMGWTF contest!

    quibus?

  • Stuart P. Bentley (unregistered)

    Obviously somebody threw a comma delimited dictionary into a spell-checker that only used spaces. Suprising to see that never got fixed, though- apparently employees considered behavior like that business as usual.

    Yikes!

  • Aaron (cs) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".
    Was it a mining company?

    Or maybe the company car is a Chevy and they wanted to warn applicants that they'd have to drive it.

  • Smash (unregistered) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".

    At first glance it was about programming, but then you find out that cobalt comes from the german kobold (source:wikipedia)

    So they obviously needed an experienced RPG player. Maybe you ignored Wizards of the Coast?

  • Nutmeg Programmer (unregistered)

    I bet our friend Donald R. wears white dress shirts with a black, one inch wide necktie, and has never been seen in a sport jacket.

    Do they still make plastic pocket protectors?

  • ObiWayneKenobi (cs) in reply to Smash
    Smash:
    Jay:
    Which reminds me of an ad I saw for an IT job that said they needed someone experienced in "Cobalt".

    At first glance it was about programming, but then you find out that cobalt comes from the german kobold (source:wikipedia)

    So they obviously needed an experienced RPG player. Maybe you ignored Wizards of the Coast?

    The only good kobold is a dead kobold! "Mercy? You wanted mercy? I'M CHAOTIC NEUTRAL!!"

  • NotAnEnglishMajor (unregistered) in reply to shadowman
    shadowman:
    It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something.

    I really loved the closing line, however:You have the opportunity to hire me and I need work.

    Lucky us!

    Lucky us indeed! If this guy's resume is anywhere near the truth he is a manager's dream. Cheap rate, good smarts, willing to learn, and no desire to take his manager's job.

    -NotAn

  • Earl Purple (cs)

    And there are two errors in that spell check too, which were not picked up because they are primarily grammatical. The corrections are in upper case

    1. It should be "It would be nice if there WERE a manual process"

    and

    1. "A service request is a huge hassle for an employee WHOSE main focus should be billable time"
  • Bob N Freely (unregistered) in reply to shadowman
    shadowman:
    It's strange, if you look at the whole resume, the Cali Pizza Kitchen entry is written in an entirely different tense than the the other entries. "To provide additional support to the Network Manager", etc., whereas the rest of them read like "designed custom programs for..." It's as if he just copied that job description from the classifieds or something.

    Nah. It's just a half-hearted update of an old resume. He tacked on his new experiences without touching any of the existing stuff. So at one time, that was his "current" work experience. Really, the whole doc reeks of disillusionment. This poor guy hitched his wagon to IT in the '70s, and probably spent the last two decades hiding in back offices, tending to decrepit legacy systems, only occasionally bothered by management because "he's the guy that keeps things running." Now he's emerged into the startling reality of a rapidly evolving industry, where his skill-set is no longer of any value. That's gotta suck.

  • Anonymous (unregistered)
    Dear Prospective Employer,
    My experience matches the description for Software Developer II for which you advertise.
    
    I enjoy working with people to produce a graphic and redundancy-free architecture that brings developers and users into synchronicity. Since creating model is essentially the incipient step under the paradigm of top-down programming, an information architect's work is largely cerebral and removed from the tools with which an application is implemented. It involves gathering requirements from the players (users and management). Then, the architect creates a graphic and/or software representation of primary objects and their relationships to other objects.
    
    The format of the graphic representation has never, and will never, change. It is an art form, and I'm very, very good at it. In fact, I would not expect to be long in your employ in that capacity in any case. I have already a highly developed model which I expect would require only minor "tweaking" to entirely encompass your need for a Management Information System.
    
    If you can offer the environment wherein this service is timely, I am interested in exploring further the possibility of working with you. Thank you for your consideration.
    
    In other words: pay me for my doodles.
  • Jeremy (unregistered)

    Congratulations on correctly redacting a PDF document. This high-level skill appears to have escaped numerous government agencies. Perhaps you should consider offering your services as a security consultant?

  • AccessGuru (cs) in reply to Jeremy
    Jeremy:
    Congratulations on correctly redacting a PDF document. This high-level skill appears to have escaped numerous government agencies. Perhaps you should consider offering your services as a security consultant?
    I noticed that, too. By simply removing the black boxes in Acrobat, you can clearly see the guy's personal information, which narrows it down quite a bit.

    DONALD RXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX N HOLLYWOOD CA XXXXX Home: 818-xxx-xxxx Cell: 818- xxx-xxxx Fax: 801- xxx-xxxx donrxx@xxxxxx.com

    Way to go, Alex.

  • Izzy (unregistered) in reply to Nutmeg Programmer
    Nutmeg Programmer:
    I bet our friend Donald R. wears white dress shirts with a black, one inch wide necktie, and has never been seen in a sport jacket.

    Do they still make plastic pocket protectors?

    Try www.pocketprotectors.com. C'mom, you know you want one.

  • shadowman (cs)

    It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.

    For instance, at the very moment that the Job Applicant said, 'Since creating model is essentially the incipient step under the paradigm of top-down programming, an information architect's work is largely cerebral and removed from the tools with which an application is implemented,' a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of a frightful interstellar battle...

  • AccessGuru (cs) in reply to Izzy
    Izzy:
    Try www.pocketprotectors.com. C'mom, you know you want one.
    pocketprotectors.com:
    "Thanks, I got my pocket protectors today, they are great! Keeps my lab coat from staining and keeps the scissors and scalpels from cutting holes in the bottom of the pockets!" - M. Peterson M.D.
    I wouldn't be worried about my lab coat if I was putting scalpels in the pockets.
  • Roy-G-BIV (unregistered)

    DONALD RXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX N HOLLYWOOD CA XXXXX Home: 818-xxx-xxxx Cell: 818- xxx-xxxx Fax: 801- xxx-xxxx donrxx@xxxxxx.com

    I love how you put X's in there behind the black boxes, so that anyone who knew about badly redacted PDFs would find a little surprise.

    Dammit, what if we'd have wanted to hire the guy?

  • real_aardvark (cs)

    I liked the "wherein."

    Is it just me, or is this industry getting more and more psychotic by the day? I used to laugh at resumes like this. (I was young, carefree, and cruel.) Then I felt sorry for the poor bastards. (I was young, carefree, but slightly less cruel.)

    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)

    Is there a way of forwarding things like this to your local mental hospital?

  • AnnC (unregistered) in reply to Kederaji
    Kederaji:
    gabba:
    I don't know what Emily is complaining about. At least Oracle's system correctly found that 'information' and 'time' are spelled correctly. Apparently every word must be followed by a comma.
    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,

    You misspelled the following words: big, business, can't, define, follow, if, in, new, own, standards, that's, the, thing, you, and your.

    You should try using a spellchecker for you next post.

  • TadGhostal (unregistered)

    I know it's funny to laugh at stuff like this - heck, that's why I am (and I'm guessing most of us are) here. But I just can't help but see the desperation in the guys resume.

    I feel sorry for him, and I hope he doesn't read The Daily WTF.

    I'm such a party pooper.

  • Cabbage (unregistered) in reply to Kederaji
    Kederaji:
    That's, the, new, big, thing, in, business., If, you, can't, follow, the, standards, define, your, own.,

    Maybe they just hired Shatner as a consultant.

  • Cloak (cs) in reply to real_aardvark
    real_aardvark:
    I liked the "wherein."

    Is it just me, or is this industry getting more and more psychotic by the day? I used to laugh at resumes like this. (I was young, carefree, and cruel.) Then I felt sorry for the poor bastards. (I was young, carefree, but slightly less cruel.)

    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)

    Is there a way of forwarding things like this to your local mental hospital?

    Don't Care about psychiatric help, just gimme the drugz.

  • kdnewton (unregistered)

    Possibly the genius behind the whilst loop? http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Elegant-Syntax-Error.aspx

  • kdnewton (unregistered)

    Possibly the genius behind the whilst loop? http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Elegant-Syntax-Error.aspx

  • Gordonjcp (unregistered)

    I'd have the "Information Architect" in for an interview just for the comedy value.

  • Watson (unregistered) in reply to Bob N Freely
    Bob N Freely:
    ....Now he's emerged into the startling reality of a rapidly evolving industry, where his skill-set is no longer of any value. That's gotta suck.
    Yup; definitely a case of future shock. When the nifty gizmo you bought last year for seventy dollars (after looking around for a good price) turns up this morning as a promotional gimmick in your cornflakes.
    real_aardvark:
    Now I'm beginning to think that a substantial number of us need psychiatric help, preferably with strong and powerful drugs. (I am no longer young, and somewhat careworn.)
    A demographic particularly vulnerable to future shock.

    Thirty years from now, this will be you.

  • wtf (unregistered) in reply to AccessGuru
    AccessGuru:
    The guy was just being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy?
    Do you mean honesticity?

    He might have very well been The Architect, but unfortunately The Matrix had him.

    But let's not be too harsh on this fellow. He quite obviously requires some minor tweaking... largely cerebral.

    I think he should have been called for a further interview though. It would have been the incipient step to a great fun.

  • wtf (unregistered) in reply to ObiWayneKenobi
    ObiWayneKenobi:
    "Mercy? You wanted mercy? I'M CHAOTIC NEUTRAL!!"
    My D&D is a bit rusty... is chaotic neutral the one that instantly evaporates if he is ever caught doing something consistent?

    Lucky kobold, then. You should, by definition, randomly decide to show mercy to anyone just a second after exclaiming stuff exactly like this quote. It's in the job description.

  • Koesper (cs)

    The Synchronicity guy is applying for the wrong job... with words as long as that he should be a manager!

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