The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

hoodaticus · 2012-01-24 Reply Admin

I believe I once worked for The Customizer. Oh wait... Access. My prior used Excel instead.

I was specifically not allowed to write any code that wasn't a macro. I was the only programmer...

And there were thousands of these spreadsheets - one per CustomerYear. Each in a format entirely of the creator's unique design.

My job: normalize it.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

"If you all gather 'round the record player, I'll show you how we're going to have a whole lot of fun!"

Seriously, that's the first thing I think whenever I see that.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

MrBob:
A knife and a fork, a bottle and a cork. That's the way you spell New York.

A wank and fuck A piddle and a cuck That's the way you spell New Yuck.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Samurai Pizza cat:
Zylon:
Knife, Fork and Spoon!
They fight crime!

ALL OVER TOWN!

Jim the Fork and Fred the Spoon vanished into obscurity, while someone wrote a song about their buddy Mac.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

anonymouser:
I like a good fork and spoon, but spoon first. After the fork, who wants the spoon?

She does, as long as she's not on the wet patch.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

RewriteRule ^(.)FRIST(.)$ www.disney.com?donald=$1&goofy=$2 [R=304]

enim: Enums starting at 2, including FileNotFound

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jay:
C-Octothorpe:
I would agree with you in that it would be unfair to ask a .net developer what the framework feature differences between Java 1.4 and 5 are or to code a solution on paper in PHP, but christ, not knowing what Java and JavaScript are? Wow...

To be fair, dividing the word "Javascript" into two words is no evidence at all that the writer doesn't know the difference between Java and Javascript. If someone wrote on a resume that he was "skilled in database desine" I might give him a small minus for the mis-spelling, but I wouldn't conclude that he was lying about having such a skill.

"Um javascript, dunno wot that is, wot I do all day is, like, you got these tags in a file which go 'script' in angle brackets and what I does is puts things in there that make the computer do what I want."

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

I had a similar experience. I told the 'Tech Placement Company', exactly what I was looking for and how far I was wanting to drive. (within 30 mins) Let's call this company, 'Bobby Full Placement Services'.

He would find job openings and try to 'adjust' my skill-set to match the job. Just to GET the interview. It didn't matter to them whether I actually knew it. Somehow it fell under the 'if you design websites, you can fix computers' clause.

After a few declined interviews he tried calling me a few times about jobs that I would be perfect for (90 minute drive away) and I stopped returning his calls. I had to send him a nasty email when he called a member of my family and a previous employer to try to get a hold of me.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

gizmore:
RewriteRule ^(.*)FRIST(.*)$ www.disney.com?donald=$1&goofy=$2 [R=304]
enim: Enums starting at 2, including FileNotFound

Said Mickey Mouse to his divorce lawyer, "I didn't say I wanted to divorce Minnie because she's got buck teeth. I said she's fucking Goofy."

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Andrew:
> the development manager lead me to the board room.
It's led, please; led, OK? Sobs at the state of the world

I know, it's awkward reading "lead" (leed) in your head, pausing rereading, realising led and then continuing with a feeling that something still isn't quite right....

Also, I would have considered the job in the warehouse. Assistant manager must get a few $$ and it can't be that hard, right? Plus you can then put "assistant manager" on your resume, and become one of the high paid but incompetent IT managers for the futrue

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
One question people always ask is "What is most interesting project you have on your resume?"
I reply "All of them were interesting to someone or other. For me all of them held the same degree of interest only."

Maybe a better answer is: "I left the most interesting ones off my resume, because " (pick one of)

"I didn't want to look to geeky"
"I didn't want you to think I'd get bored in this role"
"It's a closely guarded Govt/military secret"
"We're still going through court...."
"I believe there's a patent pending"
"I'm not sure it's appropriate"

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Ben Jammin:
C-Octothorpe:
My name:
"I am just sick of getting dumbass applicants."
Been there.

"I thought I’d raise the bar a little and only get smart college guys and the like."

Not done that (yet), but may give it a try!
I'm guessing you didn't read the last sentece in that story?
That ad was up for nearly a year in the want ads

I could see being tired of bad applicants in a recession, since they come out of the wood works. However, you do have to pay for what you ask.

CAPTCHA: pecus - Chickens eat corn with their pecus

WOW, now that is a thought. Bad applicants come out of the woodwork in a recession. I would have thought that there are more reasonable candidates around in a recession, simply because there are fewer jobs. There is an interesting corollary, perhaps that shitheads get jobs, but are first to be dumped in a recession. This may (I guess) mean that the percentage (and indeed volume) of shitheads applying for any job is greater. One would like to think, however, that somwhere some competent people got laid off for cost saving too, though, and that these might apply...

CAPTCHA: aliquam - ali baba's brother (akismet should give bonus points for including CAPTCHA in post)

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

emurphy:
C-Octothorpe:
Forgot to mention that I wouldn't disqualfy any resume based solely on the fact that, LOLOMG they didn't write it exactly how *I* would have written it!!!1@

Hell, I've had to repeatedly correct at least two colleagues on the difference between Java and Javascript, but then it's a .NET shop so it's pretty rare that any of us need to work directly with either. The same mistake in a J2EE shop would be orders of magnitude WTFier.

Aye, and the people who think all .Net is C# and C# is MSVC (which is an IDE not a language, aside from all else - I guess people list Eclipse as a skill too??).

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jay:
C-Octothorpe:
I would agree with you in that it would be unfair to ask a .net developer what the framework feature differences between Java 1.4 and 5 are or to code a solution on paper in PHP, but christ, not knowing what Java and JavaScript are? Wow...

To be fair, dividing the word "Javascript" into two words is no evidence at all that the writer doesn't know the difference between Java and Javascript. If someone wrote on a resume that he was "skilled in database desine" I might give him a small minus for the mis-spelling, but I wouldn't conclude that he was lying about having such a skill.

I'll bite. This is different. The IT world is so pedantic that anyone who uses JavaScript knows that it is JavaScript and must never be confused with Java. Uni grads (and backyard hobbyists) who have grown up on Java often seem to think that JavaScript is some sort of derivative of Java used in Web Development that they've never encountered. Writing Java Script is a sin punishable by death because it propagates these sort of attitudes. Seeing that on a resume would always have me assuming that this person either has a Java background, or has taught themselves to write some basic JavaScript in some hobby web development.

For the first time ever, I must agree with the Octothorpe that such a mistake would have alarm bells ringing so loudly for me that resume goes to shredder. Then again, misspelling design would have a similar effect on me (it's a resume for crying out loud, this document represents you and your abilities to communicate; it's probably written in an editor that has a spell checker, and yet you manage to misspell a reasonably basic word).

But some of us are a little elitist

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Anon:
someguy:
Access is the ONLY way to go... if i had a penny for every single time I heard that. That's what happens when regular office personnel goes into programming.

Seems to me, it happens even more often when there are Engineers working at the company. Even worse when its actually an engineering firm.

I reckon Engineers more commonly rely on Excel and macros. But don't you dare change it - there is no better way, we've tried!

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Victa:
Anon:
someguy:
Access is the ONLY way to go... if i had a penny for every single time I heard that. That's what happens when regular office personnel goes into programming.

Seems to me, it happens even more often when there are Engineers working at the company. Even worse when its actually an engineering firm.
I reckon Engineers more commonly rely on Excel and macros. But don't you dare change it - there is no better way, we've tried!

Agree!

On a vaguely related sidenote (that seems to appear in other comments), the real WTF is definitely access. I've often seen people use access for stuff that could be done in Excel (so use Excel Goddammit). If you're using Access for something that can't be done in Excel, then you're doing it wrong and need to find a different tool.... ie, there are only 2 rules:

If it can be done in Excel, don't use Access (sometimes don't use Excel either)
If it can't be done in Excel, don't use Access

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jimbo:
Ben Jammin:
C-Octothorpe:
My name:
"I am just sick of getting dumbass applicants."
Been there.

"I thought I’d raise the bar a little and only get smart college guys and the like."

Not done that (yet), but may give it a try!
I'm guessing you didn't read the last sentece in that story?
That ad was up for nearly a year in the want ads

I could see being tired of bad applicants in a recession, since they come out of the wood works. However, you do have to pay for what you ask.

CAPTCHA: pecus - Chickens eat corn with their pecus
WOW, now that is a thought. Bad applicants come out of the woodwork in a recession. I would have thought that there are more reasonable candidates around in a recession, simply because there are fewer jobs. There is an interesting corollary, perhaps that shitheads get jobs, but are first to be dumped in a recession. This may (I guess) mean that the percentage (and indeed volume) of shitheads applying for any job is greater. One would like to think, however, that somwhere some competent people got laid off for cost saving too, though, and that these might apply...

CAPTCHA: aliquam - ali baba's brother (akismet should give bonus points for including CAPTCHA in post)

Competent people, when they get laid off, usually just need to contact their network and are headhunted. Everyone else is shit.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

dpm:
We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely, so you would need to sign an agreement that you'll work here for two years.
I cannot remember a finer example of ignoring the cause when treating the problem.

Interesting that the company lawyers said that was ok.

Pretty sure that is an unenforceable clause that may even make the entire contract invalid.

Certainly they're begging for a lawsuit.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jimbo:
Ben Jammin:
C-Octothorpe:
My name:
"I am just sick of getting dumbass applicants."
Been there.

"I thought I’d raise the bar a little and only get smart college guys and the like."

Not done that (yet), but may give it a try!
I'm guessing you didn't read the last sentece in that story?
That ad was up for nearly a year in the want ads

I could see being tired of bad applicants in a recession, since they come out of the wood works. However, you do have to pay for what you ask.

CAPTCHA: pecus - Chickens eat corn with their pecus
WOW, now that is a thought. Bad applicants come out of the woodwork in a recession. I would have thought that there are more reasonable candidates around in a recession, simply because there are fewer jobs. There is an interesting corollary, perhaps that shitheads get jobs, but are first to be dumped in a recession. This may (I guess) mean that the percentage (and indeed volume) of shitheads applying for any job is greater. One would like to think, however, that somwhere some competent people got laid off for cost saving too, though, and that these might apply...

CAPTCHA: aliquam - ali baba's brother (akismet should give bonus points for including CAPTCHA in post)

I don't really see the surprise. In a free market society, employers aiming for the highest profit margin will find the balance in hiring the cheapest workers that make the best product. There are definitely competent people laid off in a recession, and those seem to be the targets of this guy's job ad.

But yes, with the inability to keep all their employees, employers seem to get rid of the incompetent shitheads first, and maybe the expensive, competent, but unprofitable people next (assuming they could be replaced with cheaper, qualified people)

This is not taking into account the Peter Principle, Dunning-Kruger effect, negative selection, or anything else I found on my quick/humorous wikipedia search to make me sound smart.

CAPTCHA: erat - .worra eht morf eenk ym tcetorp ot gnihton did erat ehT (even more bonus points for it backwards.)

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jay:
On the serious side ... People regularly post on here, "The real WTF is PHP" or "The real WTF is VB". I hope they're joking. While languages have pros and cons and I certainly have my preferences, you can write real programs in VB and PHP is quite useful for some types of apps.
But "The real WTF is MS Access" ... that one leaves me hard-pressed to think of a counter-argument.

MS Access is ok for quick'n'dirty prototyping, especially if you're trying to capture the real user requirements.

I sometimes think that Government IT projects would be much better if they first did a mockup in MS Access or similar. That way it might still be over budget and late, but at least the damn thing might be useful!

Just so long as you understand that the real thing is not going to be running on a Jet engine.

(Now there's a marketing name if I ever saw one!)

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Backseat lawyer:
dpm:
We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely, so you would need to sign an agreement that you'll work here for two years.
I cannot remember a finer example of ignoring the cause when treating the problem.
Interesting that the company lawyers said that was ok.
Pretty sure that is an unenforceable clause that may even make the entire contract invalid.

Certainly they're begging for a lawsuit.

Uh, yea, no it's certainly not illegal or unenforceable. It's actually the entire basis of employment contracts, and it goes both ways. You can't quit without cause, and they can't fire you without cause. There are generally provisions for buying out the rest of the contract if one side wishes to terminate early.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jimbo:
Ben Jammin:
C-Octothorpe:
My name:
"I am just sick of getting dumbass applicants."
Been there.

"I thought I’d raise the bar a little and only get smart college guys and the like."

Not done that (yet), but may give it a try!
I'm guessing you didn't read the last sentece in that story?
That ad was up for nearly a year in the want ads

I could see being tired of bad applicants in a recession, since they come out of the wood works. However, you do have to pay for what you ask.

CAPTCHA: pecus - Chickens eat corn with their pecus
WOW, now that is a thought. Bad applicants come out of the woodwork in a recession. I would have thought that there are more reasonable candidates around in a recession, simply because there are fewer jobs. There is an interesting corollary, perhaps that shitheads get jobs, but are first to be dumped in a recession. This may (I guess) mean that the percentage (and indeed volume) of shitheads applying for any job is greater. One would like to think, however, that somwhere some competent people got laid off for cost saving too, though, and that these might apply...

Nope, the shitheads are the first to get dumped where possible.

First of all, "temporary" and agency workers are dumped, starting with the most useless.

Then there may be "voluntary" redundancies. The ones who try for the voluntary will be those who can get an equivalent job in no time, those who want a career break and the useless ones who can see the writing on the wall.

Given that their managers will want to get rid of any dross*, if there are more volunteers than redundancies...

Secondly, the first two of these groups will not be applying for new jobs - they either don't want them or already got them.

Finally, once the compulsory redundancies hit, again, the managers will be trying to ensure they keep their best* people.

So yes, in a tough market the percentage of crap will be much higher than usual.

*Their definitions of "dross" and "best" may not match that of a sane person looking to the future of the company.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
Jay:
C-Octothorpe:
I would agree with you in that it would be unfair to ask a .net developer what the framework feature differences between Java 1.4 and 5 are or to code a solution on paper in PHP, but christ, not knowing what Java and JavaScript are? Wow...

To be fair, dividing the word "Javascript" into two words is no evidence at all that the writer doesn't know the difference between Java and Javascript. If someone wrote on a resume that he was "skilled in database desine" I might give him a small minus for the mis-spelling, but I wouldn't conclude that he was lying about having such a skill.
Well, you're partially correct, but it's the sum of the parts (the errors) that, rightly so, raise a red flag. If the schmuck can't run a spell-check on his resume, then it makes him look lazy and uncaring.

What spell-check? "Java" and "script" are both perfectly cromulent words.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Jay:
On the serious side ... People regularly post on here, "The real WTF is PHP" or "The real WTF is VB". I hope they're joking. While languages have pros and cons and I certainly have my preferences, you can write real programs in VB and PHP is quite useful for some types of apps.
But "The real WTF is MS Access" ... that one leaves me hard-pressed to think of a counter-argument.

I don't think it's such a big WTF. I mean, MS Access is a program specifically designed for creating databases, forms, etc. Give me an equivalent software that can let a "standard user" do that with just a bit of trial and error. It's ideal for a small business (between 10 and 1000 records I'd say). Of course it's not intended to be used in an actual production environment. The WTF is that they didn't have anyone (or hire anyone) who knew how to handle "actual databases" and instead chose to keep their existing inadequate system.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Tud:
Jay:
On the serious side ... People regularly post on here, "The real WTF is PHP" or "The real WTF is VB". I hope they're joking. While languages have pros and cons and I certainly have my preferences, you can write real programs in VB and PHP is quite useful for some types of apps.
But "The real WTF is MS Access" ... that one leaves me hard-pressed to think of a counter-argument.

I don't think it's such a big WTF. I mean, MS Access is a program specifically designed for creating databases, forms, etc. Give me an equivalent software that can let a "standard user" do that with just a bit of trial and error. It's ideal for a small business (between 10 and 1000 records I'd say). Of course it's not intended to be used in an actual production environment. The WTF is that they didn't have anyone (or hire anyone) who knew how to handle "actual databases" and instead chose to keep their existing inadequate system.

Please wash your mouth out with soap. MS Access is a blight. The problem with using it in any business sense is that the main goal of any business is to grow/stay around. This means anything made with Access will need to be scalable and maintainable. Access is neither, especially when given to a standard user. If someone wants to catalog their movie collection, give em Access. If a pointy-haired manager wants to say he can make databases and doesn't need programmers, he'll use Access. I assume since you are on this site, you are neither, and should be ashamed of yourself.

Of course, this rant may be caused by years of my life being wasted by upgrading, consolidating, and maintaining friggin Access apps.

herby · 2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Recruiters and their minions sometimes don't have any grasp of basic skills. Some (recruiters) are hired from the opposite coast and don't have any map skills. Like today, when I was called for a job in Rancho Cucamonga, which is nice, but I'm over 300 miles away in Northern California. Sure, it it nice, but get real, I'm NOT going to do a daily commute for 6 hours down I-5 (it takes that long to get even close) to go to a job (sorry no relocation!). Don't these guys do a LITTLE bit of homework before they call people up on the phone.

Then again, it is probably asking too much given the recruiters own skill set such as it is.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

anon:
Uh, yea, no it's certainly not illegal or unenforceable. It's actually the entire basis of employment contracts, and it goes both ways. You can't quit without cause, and they can't fire you without cause. There are generally provisions for buying out the rest of the contract if one side wishes to terminate early.

it is almost always illegal and unenforceable (the only exception I know of is military service). The court considers it too close to slavery to stomach. What you will find is penalty clauses if you leave too soon, often tied to signing bonuses.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Tud:
I don't think it's such a big WTF. I mean, MS Access is a program specifically designed for creating databases, forms, etc. Give me an equivalent software that can let a "standard user" do that with just a bit of trial and error. It's ideal for a small business (between 10 and 1000 records I'd say). Of course it's not intended to be used in an actual production environment. The WTF is that they didn't have anyone (or hire anyone) who knew how to handle "actual databases" and instead chose to keep their existing inadequate system.

Would you be happier with 'the real WTF is Access in a production environment'? I don't think many will object to an Access prototype, except for the part where management sees it and decides that that's the final product.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

herby:
Recruiters and their minions sometimes don't have any grasp of basic skills. Some (recruiters) are hired from the opposite coast and don't have any map skills. Like today, when I was called for a job in Rancho Cucamonga, which is nice, but I'm over 300 miles away in Northern California. Sure, it it nice, but get real, I'm NOT going to do a daily commute for 6 hours down I-5 (it takes that long to get even close) to go to a job (sorry no relocation!). Don't these guys do a LITTLE bit of homework before they call people up on the phone.
Then again, it is probably asking too much given the recruiters own skill set such as it is.

Is it that recruiters have no map skills, or that they don't verify the results their searches give them? I know a lot of automated job-matching (like what linkedin does, for example) seems to assume that anyone in Australia might like to work in Sydney. Now I live in a little place called Adelaide (we call , and couldn't think of anything worse than moving 1800km (about 1100 miles or more) just to work in that hell hole. It similarly suggests that Melbourne, Brisbane and even Perth are places where I might want to work. Then again, I guess you can walk anywhere in Australia, right? If you carry enough water, I guess!

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Franz Kafka:
Tud:
I don't think it's such a big WTF. I mean, MS Access is a program specifically designed for creating databases, forms, etc. Give me an equivalent software that can let a "standard user" do that with just a bit of trial and error. It's ideal for a small business (between 10 and 1000 records I'd say). Of course it's not intended to be used in an actual production environment. The WTF is that they didn't have anyone (or hire anyone) who knew how to handle "actual databases" and instead chose to keep their existing inadequate system.

Would you be happier with 'the real WTF is Access in a production environment'? I don't think many will object to an Access prototype, except for the part where management sees it and decides that that's the final product.

The problem with MS Access is that it enables people who know nothing about designing a database to create a database. Click, click through a wizard, click, click: "Look, Ma, I done made a database!"

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

shuyer:
herby:
Recruiters and their minions sometimes don't have any grasp of basic skills. Some (recruiters) are hired from the opposite coast and don't have any map skills. Like today, when I was called for a job in Rancho Cucamonga, which is nice, but I'm over 300 miles away in Northern California. Sure, it it nice, but get real, I'm NOT going to do a daily commute for 6 hours down I-5 (it takes that long to get even close) to go to a job (sorry no relocation!). Don't these guys do a LITTLE bit of homework before they call people up on the phone.
Then again, it is probably asking too much given the recruiters own skill set such as it is.
Is it that recruiters have no map skills, or that they don't verify the results their searches give them? I know a lot of automated job-matching (like what linkedin does, for example) seems to assume that anyone in Australia might like to work in Sydney. Now I live in a little place called Adelaide (we call , and couldn't think of anything worse than moving 1800km (about 1100 miles or more) just to work in that hell hole. It similarly suggests that Melbourne, Brisbane and even Perth are places where I might want to work. Then again, I guess you can walk anywhere in Australia, right? If you carry enough water, I guess!

I live and work in Hawaii, have for many decades, own my own house, etc. Got many calls from recruiters wanting to send me to jobs on the US mainland, even though I'd already let them know I wouldn't take any jobs outside of Hawaii...

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

someguy:
Access is the ONLY way to go... if i had a penny for every single time I heard that. That's what happens when regular office personnel goes into programming. Then people start using the "shared" application from a network drive and before you know it's an enterprise level solution with a 2GB size limitation... well, 640kb should be more than enough anyways

"Functional dependence", son. There were far worse things at my last job than having a reason to hang in the VP's (reasonably easy on the eyes) admin assistant's cube talking SQL.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

shuyer:
herby:
Recruiters and their minions sometimes don't have any grasp of basic skills. Some (recruiters) are hired from the opposite coast and don't have any map skills. Like today, when I was called for a job in Rancho Cucamonga, which is nice, but I'm over 300 miles away in Northern California. Sure, it it nice, but get real, I'm NOT going to do a daily commute for 6 hours down I-5 (it takes that long to get even close) to go to a job (sorry no relocation!). Don't these guys do a LITTLE bit of homework before they call people up on the phone.
Then again, it is probably asking too much given the recruiters own skill set such as it is.
Is it that recruiters have no map skills, or that they don't verify the results their searches give them? I know a lot of automated job-matching (like what linkedin does, for example) seems to assume that anyone in Australia might like to work in Sydney. Now I live in a little place called Adelaide (we call it a city, most of the rest of Australia calls it a big country town), and couldn't think of anything worse than moving 1800km (about 1100 miles or more) just to work in that hell hole. It similarly suggests that Melbourne, Brisbane and even Perth are places where I might want to work. Then again, I guess you can walk anywhere in Australia, right? If you carry enough water, I guess! ---EDITED - italicised bit completed - EDITED ---

Coyne · 2012-01-24 Reply Admin

operagost:
dpm:
We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely, so you would need to sign an agreement that you'll work here for two years.
I cannot remember a finer example of ignoring the cause when treating the problem.
Putting a duration on this "agreement" makes it a contract, for sure. Sure, no raise for two years (or as this tale implies, ever) but you're guaranteed two years at whatever salary is in the contract. Unless you break the terms of the contract, they can't fire you without buying out your contract.

Gee, aren't you the "glass half full" kind of guy? I'm willing to bet the company end of the contract is full of loopholes like "probationary periods", "employee handbook violations" (not that the employee will ever see the handbook), and "business need" exceptions.

In the pro-business case-law environment that exists in this country: The definition of "idiot" is any manager that can't figure out how to throw your tail onto the street without having to pay you another dime.

2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Access is nice and usable - as a drone frontend for SQL server. Or for saving mom's phone book when you happen to have an Office Pro license (don't know about the current ones, 2000 pro included Access)

oheso · 2012-01-24 Reply Admin

Tsu Spade:
Access is nice and usable - as a drone frontend for SQL server.

You beat me to it. Perfectly acceptable as a business solution, in a production environment: as a front end.

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Ben Jammin:
Tud:
Jay:
On the serious side ... People regularly post on here, "The real WTF is PHP" or "The real WTF is VB". I hope they're joking. While languages have pros and cons and I certainly have my preferences, you can write real programs in VB and PHP is quite useful for some types of apps.
But "The real WTF is MS Access" ... that one leaves me hard-pressed to think of a counter-argument.

I don't think it's such a big WTF. I mean, MS Access is a program specifically designed for creating databases, forms, etc. Give me an equivalent software that can let a "standard user" do that with just a bit of trial and error. It's ideal for a small business (between 10 and 1000 records I'd say). Of course it's not intended to be used in an actual production environment. The WTF is that they didn't have anyone (or hire anyone) who knew how to handle "actual databases" and instead chose to keep their existing inadequate system.

Please wash your mouth out with soap. MS Access is a blight. The problem with using it in any business sense is that the main goal of any business is to grow/stay around. This means anything made with Access will need to be scalable and maintainable. Access is neither, especially when given to a standard user. If someone wants to catalog their movie collection, give em Access. If a pointy-haired manager wants to say he can make databases and doesn't need programmers, he'll use Access. I assume since you are on this site, you are neither, and should be ashamed of yourself.

Of course, this rant may be caused by years of my life being wasted by upgrading, consolidating, and maintaining friggin Access apps.

Well instead of sitting there in a puddle of piss whining about it, how about you get off your fat soggy arse and build an application that converts an Access application to something more flexible, maintainable and usable?

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Coyne:
operagost:
dpm:
We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely, so you would need to sign an agreement that you'll work here for two years.
I cannot remember a finer example of ignoring the cause when treating the problem.
Putting a duration on this "agreement" makes it a contract, for sure. Sure, no raise for two years (or as this tale implies, ever) but you're guaranteed two years at whatever salary is in the contract. Unless you break the terms of the contract, they can't fire you without buying out your contract.

Gee, aren't you the "glass half full" kind of guy? I'm willing to bet the company end of the contract is full of loopholes like "probationary periods", "employee handbook violations" (not that the employee will ever see the handbook), and "business need" exceptions.

In the pro-business case-law environment that exists in this country: The definition of "idiot" is any manager that can't figure out how to throw your tail onto the street without having to pay you another dime.

If you don't see the handbook and they try to ditch you for violating it, *you* can sue *them*.

Arancaytar · 2012-01-25 Reply Admin

“We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely,”

How incredible!

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Coyne:
operagost:
dpm:
We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely, so you would need to sign an agreement that you'll work here for two years.
I cannot remember a finer example of ignoring the cause when treating the problem.
Putting a duration on this "agreement" makes it a contract, for sure. Sure, no raise for two years (or as this tale implies, ever) but you're guaranteed two years at whatever salary is in the contract. Unless you break the terms of the contract, they can't fire you without buying out your contract.

Gee, aren't you the "glass half full" kind of guy? I'm willing to bet the company end of the contract is full of loopholes like "probationary periods", "employee handbook violations" (not that the employee will ever see the handbook), and "business need" exceptions.

In the pro-business case-law environment that exists in this country: The definition of "idiot" is any manager that can't figure out how to throw your tail onto the street without having to pay you another dime.

"... throw your tail onto the street..." You have a tail? Aha - I get it! You're a code monkey! I can get away with paying you peanuts!

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Heck yes, Eclipse IS a skill - do you know how much tinkering that pile of an IDE needs to be functional with the bunch of plugins usually gets tacked on to it?

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Anonymous Coward:
Heck yes, Eclipse IS a skill - do you know how much tinkering that pile of an IDE needs to be functional with the bunch of plugins usually gets tacked on to it?

It's true, never did a piece of software so perfectly embody the old IT standby of 'have you tried turning it off and on again' as Eclipse does.

Good enough for most tasks, but definitely a master of none specific.

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

But "The real WTF is MS Access" ... that one leaves me hard-pressed to think of a counter-argument.

SharePoint?

Nagesh · 2012-01-25 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
Nagesh:
URL Rewriting mean the person wrote his own code insted of relying on url rewriting feature provided by webserver.
Why is this so complex to understand?
I, um, agree with you...

I, I, I need to have a shower!! WASH THE DIRTY OFF!! WASH THE DIRTY OFF!!

If you change your shoes and step into mine and see world vision from my eyes, you will find you agree lot more with me. The first step is to open your mind. The second is to change shoes (not literal change of footware as in replace formal shoe with sneakers). No need for showers.

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Samurai Pizza cat:
Zylon:
Knife, Fork and Spoon!
They fight crime!

ALL OVER TOWN!
Jim the Fork and Fred the Spoon vanished into obscurity, while someone wrote a song about that fuck-wit cunt Mac.

Westwooded TFY

Nagesh · 2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Anonymous Coward:
Heck yes, Eclipse IS a skill - do you know how much tinkering that pile of an IDE needs to be functional with the bunch of plugins usually gets tacked on to it?

Eclipse is bestest IDE as far as my knowledge.

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Often the recruiting firm doesn't give the candidate an opportunity to review the resume before they send it over. In one instance, IBM was looking for testers that hadn't worked with AIX before, but the recruiters sent the resume of a contract developer that helped created AIX 3.n, editing that experience away.

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

I regret to inform you that late last night Alex was in an interview that resulted in him being offered another job. We're still trying to work out what we want to do with this site, whether we want to keep it going or call it. We wish Alex's family the best in these difficult times and ask that you bear with us.

2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Not Jimmy Wales:
"I am just sick of getting dumbass applicants."

Am I the only person who thought he was interviewing with Red Forman?

He's dumb. And an ass.

(shining light with angelic choir).

He's a dumbass!

Coyne · 2012-01-25 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Coyne:
operagost:
dpm:
We have had a problem with people leaving prematurely, so you would need to sign an agreement that you'll work here for two years.
I cannot remember a finer example of ignoring the cause when treating the problem.
Putting a duration on this "agreement" makes it a contract, for sure. Sure, no raise for two years (or as this tale implies, ever) but you're guaranteed two years at whatever salary is in the contract. Unless you break the terms of the contract, they can't fire you without buying out your contract.

Gee, aren't you the "glass half full" kind of guy? I'm willing to bet the company end of the contract is full of loopholes like "probationary periods", "employee handbook violations" (not that the employee will ever see the handbook), and "business need" exceptions.

In the pro-business case-law environment that exists in this country: The definition of "idiot" is any manager that can't figure out how to throw your tail onto the street without having to pay you another dime.

If you don't see the handbook and they try to ditch you for violating it, *you* can sue *them*.

Absolutely. And they will give you what's behind door 3, which is one, lonely, corroded nickel. 40% of which will go to legal costs.

The Storage Warehouse, The Most Ethical, and The Customizer

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