• Aydan (unregistered) in reply to ParkinT
    ParkinT:
    R O A C H E S ?!! Adds new meaning to the phrase "Bug Fix"

    I'd say back to the roots, because that's where bugfixing started. Back in the days where computers where room size and needed dedicated power plants.

  • (cs) in reply to Kyp
    Kyp:
    ... I went by and gave him a crappy old Dell laptop with Windows ME on it ...

    You wanted Windows ME on your network?

    Obviously, you guys aren't worked hard enough...

  • theknightofnee (unregistered) in reply to jordteic

    lol

  • ideo (unregistered) in reply to Aydan
    Aydan:
    ParkinT:
    R O A C H E S ?!! Adds new meaning to the phrase "Bug Fix"

    I'd say back to the roots, because that's where bugfixing started. Back in the days where computers where room size and needed dedicated power plants.

    I believe that was moth, not a roach.

  • Aydan (unregistered) in reply to ideo
    ideo:
    Aydan:
    ParkinT:
    R O A C H E S ?!! Adds new meaning to the phrase "Bug Fix"

    I'd say back to the roots, because that's where bugfixing started. Back in the days where computers where room size and needed dedicated power plants.

    I believe that was moth, not a roach.
    I was referring to bugfixing as "remove living things from computer innards" in contrast to "removing programming flaws" as it's used nowadays.

  • (cs) in reply to tgape
    tgape:
    Kyp:
    ... I went by and gave him a crappy old Dell laptop with Windows ME on it ...

    You wanted Windows ME on your network?

    Obviously, you guys aren't worked hard enough...

    Don't be silly. Windows ME doesn't support networking. ;)

  • (cs) in reply to tbrown
    tbrown:
    Wow, deja vu! Just yesterday a co-worker lost his internet connect, called the help desk, and the first question from the help deskie was "please tell me your IP address." (all IP addresses are DHCP assigned). Sheesh!

    I didn't detect any sarcasm, but the helpdesk can tell a lot depending on whether you have an IP address of 0.0.0.0, 169.x.x.x or an IP address in the range of the DHCP server.

  • (cs) in reply to akatherder
    akatherder:
    What do you think they will say when you call and tell them "I'm really smart, so you can totally skip all those basic steps"?

    I'm lead programmer and sometimes get calls or emails from sales reps with questions for clarification about certain program functionality (usually it's the same reps asking the same questions over and over because they don't read the docs). Occasionally their question is prefaced with something like "the customer is very techie, so don't leave out any details". At that point I'm assuming there is a programmer or consultant at the customer's office, but it's usually somebody who put up a FrontPage web site 10 years ago or, at best, someone who was able to upgrade MS Office on a dozen PCs at their office.

    One time a customer demanded to know why our Linux-based server app couldn't run on a Windows 98 machine they had in the office (this was last year). I said it's simply not compatible with the old system, but that the client portion works with Windows 2000 and up and there is a web client for older PCs. The customer gave a loud exasperated sigh and stated that making it work with Windows 98 should only take adding a single file that told the program how to run on that system. After all, "I've been using computers for 20 years so I think I'd know."

    Customers and end users who say they're very smart or technically proficient usually aren't. The smart ones have answers to the "dumb" questions ready because they know those questions are going to be asked before they call.

  • Phil (unregistered)

    In the late 90s working as a Tech I got a ticket that a user had several sheep on her computer. As I handled all virus related calls I headed down. When I asked the user to show me what she was talking about, she double clicked an icon on her desktop. About two seconds later she started clicking (several) time the same icon. After I got her to stop and about 30 seconds later about 20 sheep popped up and started to walk around her screen. I, trying not to fall down laughing, explained to her that she had to wait for the computer to load the program and to only double click once. Then asked her to never run programs that were e-mailed to her. You got to love elf bowl and clone.

  • consequat (unregistered) in reply to JamesQMurphy
    JamesQMurphy:
    Bappi:
    Which is why, in a case like this, you either fix it yourself or ignore it. What's the big problem with the printer saying "toner low" anyway? Just tell everyone in your area to ignore it.

    Fixing printer hardware myself? I'm good with a soldering gun, but not that good. The HP Technician was much better at it, thankfully.

    1st epic fail was your using a soldering gun and not the correct soldering iron for electronics...

  • nB (unregistered) in reply to akatherder

    Really though, I've found it not worth skipping those "basic checks". Often the first level tech support has to follow that script. I have a nice conversation with tier 1 at my ISP once about this... So we ran the script as fast as we could and he kindly escalated me to tier two whereupon I was promptly treated like a fellow techie and was able to explain that my e-mail is down because they turned on the blocking of the TCP ports (again). Had that unblocked (again) and all was well.

  • (cs) in reply to Code Dependent
    Code Dependent:
    Al:
    ...I shook the hell out of the printer until the screw moved to a more favorable position and I was able to retrieve it.
    Just off the top of my head, not knowing what resources you had available: maybe, some chewed-up gum on the end of a pencil?
    In the shop I have no less than 8 tools that would do for this job. Little magnets on telescoping pointers, extremely long and alarming looking tweezer things, a long bendy thing with a fricking grappling claw on the end...The IT department here used to have a bunch of electrical engineers on staff, so we have some crazy gear.
  • Mr^B (unregistered) in reply to Aydan
    Aydan:
    ideo:
    Aydan:
    ParkinT:
    R O A C H E S ?!! Adds new meaning to the phrase "Bug Fix"

    I'd say back to the roots, because that's where bugfixing started. Back in the days where computers where room size and needed dedicated power plants.

    I believe that was moth, not a roach.
    I was referring to bugfixing as "remove living things from computer innards" in contrast to "removing programming flaws" as it's used nowadays.

    Damn these people who don't know their heritage!

    The reason why "bugs" are called "bugs" is because the first computer "bug" was caused BY an ACTUAL "bug" (a moth).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Software_bug#Etymology

  • snarf (unregistered) in reply to Mr^B
    Mr^B:
    Damn these people who don't know their heritage!

    The reason why "bugs" are called "bugs" is because the first computer "bug" was caused BY an ACTUAL "bug" (a moth).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Software_bug#Etymology

    Did you read that page at all? Because it pretty much says the opposite of what you seem to think it says.

  • lokey (unregistered) in reply to webhamster
    webhamster:
    JamesQMurphy:
    webhamster:
    - A sticky substance over all the keys and inside the keyboard (rum & coke?)
    You hope it's rum & coke. What if he was viewing porn?

    She.

    Eveb worse...

  • Duke of New York (unregistered) in reply to anon
    anon:
    Yeah, this is TRWTF... Doesn't anyone know how to troubleshoot anymore?
    Without a set script, troubleshooters are liable to develop "tech support hypochondria" and jump to wrong conclusions.
  • Muuttaa (unregistered) in reply to akatherder
    akatherder:
    What do you think they will say when you call and tell them "I'm really smart, so you can totally skip all those basic steps"?
    While working at Applecare, I got a call from a user who immediately expected me to RMA his iPod because he was a smart guy and he knew his iPod was broken. Apple uses the 6 R's for troubleshooting iPods: Reset, Retry, Restart, Reinstall, Restore, RMA (in that order). He said he tried all the steps, and none of them worked.

    I searched in the knowledge base for the procedure for how to reset his specific iPod, and said "Okay, just so I can document the behavior, walk me through how you reset your iPod." He got all indignant, said I wasn't qualified to help him, and asked for my manager. I got my manager Jeremy on the line, and he explained to the customer that I was one of the top techs on his team and that I was following the correct procedure for an RMA. Jeremy put me back on the line, and the guy quietly admitted that he didn't remember how he reset his iPod.

    I walked the customer through resetting his iPod, and lo and behold, resetting it was all it needed. The customer sheepishly said thanks and abruptly hung up.

    The customer had indeed searched the Apple kbase for how to reset his iPod, but the first document that came up for his iPod was for an iPod mini instead, so he actually didn't reset it properly.

    Smart guy indeed.

  • (cs) in reply to Satanicpuppy
    Satanicpuppy:
    In the shop I have no less than 8 tools that would do for this job. Little magnets on telescoping pointers, extremely long and alarming looking tweezer things, a long bendy thing with a fricking grappling claw on the end...
    Every computer geek should have at least one hemostat. Mostly because it's fun to know what the heck those things are called.

    I suppose they're also handy for retrieving screws, yanking/inserting jumpers, etc.

  • (cs)

    A few of the better stories.

    • The classic 'copy the disk' photocopier story. 5 1/4 floppy + photocopier = corrupted disk. Yeah, they had to send out a new disk with the mainframe print drivers.

    • Tech shorted himself out touching a dumb terminal and a metal column.

    • VP who had his secretary print out and type responses to his e-mail for two months because he didn't know he had to 'turn on both parts of the computer'.

    • Using Novel netsend to have the computer 'talk' to the user while on the phone with them. Always fun.

    • Keyboard isn't working. "Did you spill anything on it?" "No! Of course not!" Desk visit. Tilt keyboard. Water flows. "Oh, well maybe some water."

    • The time delay soda spill. Network jacks were under the desk seam. Soda spill on day one would turn into computer not working on day three. By then the soda had hardened into something stronger than concrete and about half the time things would break while trying to remove the cable.

  • (cs) in reply to snarf
    snarf:
    Mr^B:
    Damn these people who don't know their heritage!

    The reason why "bugs" are called "bugs" is because the first computer "bug" was caused BY an ACTUAL "bug" (a moth).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Software_bug#Etymology

    Did you read that page at all? Because it pretty much says the opposite of what you seem to think it says.

    I find that saying the opposite of what Wikipedia informs me about pretty much anything is usually the way to go ...

  • bg (unregistered) in reply to d3matt
    d3matt:
    The RWTF is the fact that MS let all that revenue out the door when they allowed people to upgrade Outlook without the rest of the office suite.
    No, they only gave the impression that you can upgrade Outlook only. They secretly put in a bug that would kill Rocky if you do. So they eventually force you to upgrade to Office 2003. Didn't you read the story?!
  • (cs)

    I had Sarge from Red vs Blue as my office assistant for a while. "Where do you want to go today, Dirtbag!"

    That was brillant. Pity he was not context sensitive, though

  • (cs) in reply to bg
    bg:
    No, they only gave the impression that you can upgrade Outlook only. They secretly put in a bug that would kill Rocky if you do. So they eventually force you to upgrade to Office 2003. Didn't you read the story?!
    Oh, my god! They killed Rocky! You bastards!
  • Robert (unregistered) in reply to wtfdude

    As annoying as it is, these dumb questions will solve 90% of problems with most standard computers. The best way to fix these problems is actually "turn it off and on again", for the simple reason that most connections (network drives, printers) are reconnected at startup.

    As for the specific problem, if he printed 6 pages and then it stopped, it could of been as simple as someone turning off the printer. I had a problem like in my last job, where the environmental department in a remote office kept turning the printer off at the wall to save on electricity. Despite the fact that this was a commonly used printer with a standby mode, and also despite the fact they were using two of those electric heaters that uses 2000W to heat a small office.

  • JB (unregistered)

    I'm a programmer but for every programmer out there, please show customer support some gratitude!

    Not only are 99.9% of the people they deal with computer illiterate, they have to deal with the most irate, irrational users imaginable [i]all day long[/].

    And when a bug slips through to Production, who has to bear the backlash from every last user out there? I couldn't take that crap and I have nothing but praise for those who deal with my problems and free me to do the work that I love, programming.

  • rainbowarrior (unregistered) in reply to akatherder

    that is so untrue. I used to work in an ISP support desk and i was SHOCKED About the stupidity and naiveness of the broadband users. mebbe 1% of the folks knew what they were doing but for the majority we would have to go through a scripted dummies level interaction to diagnose which was the ONLY way we could get things done. Helpdesk people are often under a lot of pressure and it does'nt help when the customer is yelling down the phone with a negative IQ.

    for example -"do i need my pc to be turned on in order to backup "? my phone line is working so my broadband should be.. my local area connection shows connected so why is the internet not working? where is the enter button ?(yes) and they ALWAYS type links in the google search bar.

    sigh.wish everyone had to pass a test before they are allowed near a computer.

  • Michael Llaneza (unregistered)

    My best helpdesk story comes from the San Francisco HQ of a major garment manufacturer. The helpdesk passed me a ticket reporting a "de bougier" error in Lotus Notes.

    This prompted about 10 minutes of WTF from the second-level analyst group before I head out to find out WTF. I went out and talked to the nice lady with the French accent and talked over the problem. She managed to reproduce it (</applause>) and, lo and behold, Notes hits a breakpoint and pops up a debugging dialog. Mystery solved.

    The Real WTF here is that Lotus shipped a reproducible bug with a breakpoint set. That's just epically sloppy. This would have been the Mac version, about 4.67. And it was a mess. Note the seven minor versions. Each patch required a reboot and they weren't putting out cumulative updaters. I figured out that it was just updating these two extensions and just dropped those in to the Extensions folder. Bizarre UI, absolutely alien to the Mac.

    I do miss their password dialogs. Those hieroglyphs probably bought a six month extension for the team.

  • Rip Lewis (unregistered)

    LOL, Most Corporate help desks are more trouble than they are worth anyways.

    Jiff www.anonymize.us.tc

  • Darrin (unregistered) in reply to jas88
    jas88:
    "Port #12-A-27 is on the wrong VLAN, can you ask Networks to get it reconfigured please?" "What's a VLAN?" (Networking 101 in 30 seconds) "Oh. So, er, what does that affect?" "Well, it means the IP address is on the wrong subnet, so this machine can't access departmental resources which are address-limited, like printers." "So I'll put it down as a printing problem?" "No. Just assign it to Networks, they know what it is."

    Amen! I hate having to educate the uninterested.

  • Darrin (unregistered) in reply to Robert
    Robert:
    As annoying as it is, these dumb questions will solve 90% of problems with most standard computers. The best way to fix these problems is actually "turn it off and on again", for the simple reason that most connections (network drives, printers) are reconnected at startup.

    God, I hope I never call you when I need support. That's using a sledgehammer to kill a mosquito in most cases. I typically run my systems 1-2 months between reboots and can solve most problems without losing all of my 'desktop state'. That includes my desktop computers.

    I'm sure most users would appreciate a more refined approach than, "did you reboot the machine?"

  • (cs) in reply to Code Dependent
    You opened the case on the computer without voiding the warranty?
    Most brand names are like that - here at least HP, Lenovo and Dell, and depending on the model, you don't need a screwdriver to work on the insides. Whiteboxes on the other hand offer you either full warranty with closed box, on per-part warranty if you open it (which is usually shorter than the warranty on whole box).
  • Colin (unregistered) in reply to Darrin

    You're confusing incident resolution and root cause analysis. Most people want service restored ASAP and don't care what the problem is, and in that case if a reboot is quicker than poring through logs and the registry, then that's what will get done. If you want a root cause analysis on every single incident, be prepared to triple your cost of support or your hold times.

  • (cs) in reply to Fire Brigade

    Beeping. Oh sheesh. Those piezo-electric transducers are hard to pinpoint.

    I received a second high-end workstation for testing. When I switched it on, I heard a loud beep. Sometimes it would falter, other times it would stay constant. Every time it would annoy the heck out of me and my neighbors.

    I looked up motherboard beep codes for this workstation, without much hope or much luck, because all the valid codes are a series of beeps; not one constant beep, and never a faltering squeal. I called a couple of colleagues over who'd had experience with this machine. They couldn't figure it out either.

    However, we did discover that when we pulled 4 GB of RAM, leaving 4 GB in the box, there was no beep. The machine booted successfully. But this machine should have 8 GB, so I called in a hardware guy.

    He came out to replace the RAM, or the motherboard; or possibly the PSU or the CPUs -- whichever was causing the problem. I had to go to another building for the rest of the day, and I left him to his work. Next day, I came in and found a note:

    Workstation ok. Problem was UPS. Plugged workstation directly into wall. Re-installed all RAM. No beep.
  • (cs) in reply to Darrin
    Darrin:
    God, I hope I never call you when I need support.

    For verily, thou art the Helpdesk Manager, the Great Ticket Assigner, and all fault resolution stems from thine bosom.

  • (cs) in reply to nB
    nB:
    Often the first level tech support *has* to follow that script.
    If you regularly call the same helldesk with the same kinds of issues, you learn to anticipate those pat questions. This works especially well with hardware faults.

    Here's an example from memory, pretty true to the original.

    Me: I have a machine with a faulty graphics card. Them: Have you run chkdsk? M: No, because the machine won't boot. The graphics card is dead. T: Please boot the machine and run chkdsk. M: The machine won't boot, because the graphics card is dead. T: Please call me back when you have run chkdsk. M: Err... just a minute. My colleague tells me he ran chkdsk when I was out for lunch. The disk is fine. T: Thank you. What is the problem? M: The graphics card is dead. T: What do you see on the monitor? M: Nothing -- the card is dead. T: Please check the monitor cable. M: I've tested it with two monitors. But the machine won't boot because the card is dead. T: Please check the monitor is switched on. M: Yes, all the monitors I've tested this with were switched on. T: Thank you. It sounds like the graphics card might need replacement. We'll send out an engineer. M: Yes. If you were taking notes you notice that's how I started our conversation.
    Eventually, this kind of call can be refined to:
    Me: I have a machine with a graphics card fault. I have run chkdsk, and I have checked all cables. I have tested this with several hundred monitors and cables to ensure that it is indeed the graphics card and nothing else. Them: Thank you. We'll send out an engineer.
    I hate box-swappers being called "engineers" when I was being called a "technician". After all, they have zero qualifications, and I'm the one with "scientist" after my name.
  • SellNoSoup (unregistered)

    Sometimes we have to log a call against ourselves, as part of a convoluted process to implement a change on a system.

    Funny thing is - after the call is closed, you get an automatic generated form in your inbox, asking you to rate the how the call was implemented...

    I score EXCELLENT marks :)

  • (cs)

    Are computer casings even palatable environments to cockroaches? With all that fan and electromagnetic activity going on...

  • Montoya (unregistered) in reply to h
    h:
    Jesse:
    The way a pun ought to be told: with subtlety. Brilliant.
    And pointing it out does not make it better... -.-

    It does if you never noticed the pun!!! Big thanks to Jesse, let the haters hate!

  • Ciph3r_ (unregistered) in reply to akatherder

    They won't say much at all, as without their decision tree, they won't know how to reply to your comment!

  • jsweet (unregistered) in reply to akatherder
    <quote> What do you think they will say when you call and tell them "I'm really smart, so you can totally skip all those basic steps"? </quote>

    Heh, probably nobody sees this cuz I know this thread is like months old... Anyway, I just wanted to mention, I've always wished there was some sort of test you could take that would get you an Official Non-Idiot Card, and then when you call tech support, you just read the number off the card and they can skip the first ten questions and/or transfer you to someone who knows what they are talking about instead of having to waste time with the shlocks they put on the front-line phones.

  • Jim Lard (unregistered)

    I don't mind so much going through a tech support script... once... my frustration comes when they promise to escalate the issue, don't, then you have to ring back and go through the whole damn script again. Repeat three or four times, until I'm ready to chuck the damn machine out of the window.

  • Adrian Pavone (unregistered) in reply to Code Dependent

    Not on the IT Servicedesk that I work at. We tend to assume the user knows what they are doing and then dumb it down if we see that isn't the case. Works well because we don't waste time covering all the basics and can get most calls done in under 2 minutes.

    It is a bank that I am working for, and it surprises me how clued in most of the users are. The worst ones tend to be tellers ...

    I have been on the receiving end of the helpdesks that run through every stupid little step (hello phone company), but normally what I find is that if you start off with some intelligence (Hi ISP, I've got no internet connection. The sync light is on but it won't auth) they will treat you with the respect you deserve, unless they are in India. Effectively, if you can do their diagnosis for them, they will help you with the solution. If you don't do their diagnosis, they have to do it, hence why you do the "basics".

  • (cs)

    With that many bugs, I wonder if Stephanie was actually using Vista rather than XP.

  • StingyJack (unregistered)

    chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com

    Chock full of idiocy!

  • Nameythename (unregistered) in reply to akatherder

    Speaking as someone who works on a helpdesk, it isn't just that a lot of the users we deal with are computer illiterate.

    At least, at the place I work, the upper tier support will often send back tickets if I haven't gone through these stupid steps. We can have the same issue affecting dozens of users but if we haven't ruled out desktop configuration problems, then its a desktop issue, not network or server.

    And in the office I work in, a lot of the techs will call in tickets to be assigned to them (sometimes for work they've already done) because management will have an aneurysm if its not all documented and measured. And they won't always tell us. So if one of the network guys calls in a network related problem, I will assume he's calling it in to be assigned to him unless the ticket says otherwise.

    Working in an office where policy is dictated by managers and users conditions us to abandon all common sense and assume nothing.

  • Former Help Desk Employee (unregistered)

    My previous job was a help desk employee. I am currently a software developer. As a help desk employee, I used fix many problems people had with office application. We had EVERY single office application available including Microsoft Hallmark Cards application. You are required to use rocky in that application many super user employees were annoy that this could not be by passed like in other applications. In my experience all animated office assistants are really annoying.
    On another sarcastic note: in new version of office (2007 and later) there are no office assistants. I thought Michael Vick was the only person that could be a dog killer and get away with it. Yes I know he was punished but the sentence was too light.

  • eric bloedow (unregistered)

    i just remembered a crazy story: a company decided that they had too many printers (nearly one printer for every TWO employees!) and decided to remove some of them...but some of the employees refused to give them up, and one crazy woman went so far as to CALL THE POLICE to report that "her" printer was stolen! what a nut...

  • Stephanie (unregistered)

    Добрый день! Наша фирма гордится своим впечатляющим стажем работы и репутацией серьезного партнера по услугам аквапанель цена и водно пузырьковые колонны.

    Мы сформировали команду высококвалифицированных профессионалов, которым под силу выполнение решений любых объемов и сложности.

    Основные услуги нашей компании это: панели с пузырьками, аквапанель купить и пузырьковая панель купить. Вы можете рассчитывать на наивысшее качество исполнения с длительной гарантией.

    При выполнении работы придерживаемся принципов максимальной открытости клиента, ответственно подходим к реализации любого задания, вне зависимости от его объемов и стоимости.

    Наши клиенты получают развернутые консультации и качественную поддержку на всех этапах реализации решения и всегда остаются удовлетворенными своим заказом.

    Для того, чтобы получить развернутую консультацию по интересующим вопросам пузырьковые панели на заказ и пузырьковый фонтан, вам необходимо связаться с специалистами нашей компании: по телефону, через форму обратной связи на сайте, e-mail.

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