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Ever since the first Free Sticker Week ended back in February '07, I've been sending out WTF Stickers to anyone that mailed me a SASE or a small souvenir. More recently, I've been sending out the coveted TDWTF Mugs for truly awesome souvenirs. Nothing specific; per the instructions page, "anything will do." Well, here goes anything, yet again! (previous: Surprise!).
Ever since you sent me that vomit-inducing, garbage-infused, ash-like, disgustingly-terrible, and nightmarishly-awful delightful salmiakki two years ago, I've mocked you, your people, and your food every chance I got. You were an easy target, after all. I mean, there's just something seriously sick, twisted, and demented awesome about voluntarily subjecting yourself to that "candy" that smells like foamy bathroom cleaner and tastes even worse delicacy.
I can't say that I wasn't warned. "Do not anger the Finns," a Finlandite once told me, "for they have strange ways and a twisted sense of humor!" Well, it's true. Especially when the Finns are named Pekka and Toni.
"We remembered how 'disappointed' you were when there was no Salmiak products in a care package from Finland," they wrote, "and we decided that we had to undo this injustice that had been inflicted upon you. Thus, we embarked on a quest to gather all Salmiak products available in Finland. After two months spent on this quest, we found about 80 different kinds of this delicacy for you to enjoy." Now in case you're wondering what my reaction upon receiving so much Salmiak was, it was something like this.
Pekka and Toni continued, "although this is still far from the full assortment available in Finland, we believe this might 'satisfy' you for the time being. Bon appétit!"
Normally, I'd estimate that this amount of Salmiak would last me for a lifetime. Several lifetimes, in fact. Well, stellar lifetimes. You know, a good 15-30 billion years or so? But I'm going to try something a little different.
I registered Salmiyuck.com, and will chronicle my adventures in tasting Salmiak. I will of course attempt to get as many (unwitting) tasters as possible. So, here's to Salmiak!
As if all the Salmiak wasn't enough, Pekka and Toni (Finland) also enclosed "a hands-free appliance which actually needs to be held in hand to operate."
And finally, our friends from Finland also gave this "Billiardion (or whatever) dollar note from Africa."
Matt Lutton (Brookline, NH) sent some interesting finds from the past.
"At the end of 2009," wrote Andreas Reich (Hamburg, Germany), "I returned from a summer of travels, and was about to empty the stuff in my pockets in the trash, but then I remembered there was a guy who will happily take all kinds of souvenirs." This is true, Andreas, especially when the souvenirs are accompanied by a piece of Toblerone. Fun fact: the Holiday Inn key card was completely blank on both sides; no magnetic strip or anything.
"Enjoy your status as a new trillionaire," writes Bryan R (Sterling, VA).
"Here are some random tradeshow stuff," writes J Schwartz (Boca Raton, FL), "there is a citrus lip balm tube, some small mints, a USB hub (that may or may not be 2.0), a press-up calculator, a mini flashlight, and a weird pen/calculator object."
"Here's some stuff from London," wrote Martin Deutsch (London), "including some goodies from the Docklands Light Railway, Custom Haribo from one of our supplies at work, a free lollipop handed out to keep clubbers quiet, and some Ben+JErry's Post-it notes."
I'll let Scott Blackard's (Timerlake, NC) note explain, though I'll add ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. That is, unless it's really old and not from like a deer or something. Then I should say, sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
S Lindehan (Netherlands) sent this Bassie en Adriaan DVD and a picture of a local Dutch church.
"I was going to buy an International Reply Coupon," writes Michael Landis (Ramat-Gan, Israel), "but then again, I had these in my pocket."
And finally, a small handful of random stuff.
Don't forget to snail-mail in your own souvenirs for some TDWTF stickers. Ultra-awesome souvenirs (like, say, steak) could even get you a TDWTF mug.
Re: Souvenir Potpourri: Salmiak Attack
2010-02-26 09:14
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by
HopelessIntern
(unregistered)
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I just dont understand anglos' hatred of salmiak. As a norwegian, I love the stuff. Some of the ones there like Tyrkisk Peber (danish, mind, not finnish) and Lakrisal is stuff I grew up with. I used to binge on the stuff, it is also good to dissolve in vodka to make a tasty drink called "turkish vodka" "black vodka" "koskenkorva" or simply "turk" loosely translated.)
Don't eat alot at once, especially on an empty stomach. Salmiak, in essence, is ammonium chloride and a diahhretic. A friend of mine (oddly, an American..) loved it, ate too much, and spent painful hours on the toilet. |
Re: Souvenir Potpourri: Salmiak Attack
2010-02-26 09:54
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by
Danny V
(unregistered)
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You couldn't get me to eat that much Salmiak for all the money in the world. Not even for 100 MILLION DOLLARS! What's that? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days? Well I might consider it for One... Hundred... BILLION (Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe) DOLLARS!
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The calculator/pen wierd thing is actually a small trick box. If you continue rolling over (like after opening the case), the blue and silver will change places.
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In case you were wondering, the Hebrew on the 3-D spectacles reads "Three dimensional navigation", and the train tickets are both one-way, adult tickets one from Petah Tikva (Segula) to Tel Aviv and one from Tel Aviv (center) to Petah Tikva.
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Re: Souvenir Potpourri: Salmiak Attack
2010-02-26 11:41
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by
Anonymous Coward
(unregistered)
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Alex, that's actually a pretty good photo of the salmiak (wooden table and all). Any chance you could release it on a Creative Commons license so it can go on the Wikipedia article?
-- Note from Alex: consider it released to Creative Commons! That's all I have to do, right? |
Re: Souvenir Potpourri: Salmiak Attack
2010-02-26 12:02
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by
Anonymous
(unregistered)
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Funny how the entire rest of the world manage to cope with the non-edible portion of the product without requiring federal legislation to protect them. What I don't understand is this - if you guys can't handle "non-edible" elements to your food, how the hell do you stop yourselves from eating the packaging? |
Re: Souvenir Potpourri: Salmiak Attack
2010-02-26 16:25
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by
JamesQMurphy
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We don't. That's why every package of silica gel in our electronic packaging contains the phrase, "Do not eat." |
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