Remy Porter

Remy is a veteran developer who provides software for architectural installations with IonTank.

He's often on stage, doing improv comedy, but insists that he isn't doing comedy- it's deadly serious. You're laughing at him, not with him. That, by the way, is usually true- you're laughing at him, not with him.

A Slow Moving Stream

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We’ve talked about Java’s streams in the past. It’s hardly a “new” feature at this point, but its blend of “being really useful” and “based on functional programming techniques” and “different than other APIs” means that we still have developers struggling to figure out how to use it.

Jeff H has a co-worker, Clarence, who is very “anti-stream”. “It creates too many copies of our objects, so it’s terrible for memory, and it’s so much slower. Don’t use streams unless you absolutely have to!” So in many a code review, Jeff submits some very simple, easy to read, and fast-performing bit of stream code, and Clarence objects. “It’s slow. It wastes memory.”


A Private Code Review

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Jessica has worked with some cunning developers in the past. To help cope with some of that “cunning”, they’ve recently gone out searching for new developers.

Now, there were some problems with their job description and salary offer, specifically, they were asking for developers who do too much and get paid too little. Which is how Jessica started working with Blair. Jessica was hoping to staff up her team with some mid-level or junior developers with a background in web development. Instead, she got Blair, a 13+ year veteran who had just started doing web development in the past six months.


A Massive Leak

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"Memory leaks are impossible in a garbage collected language!" is one of my favorite lies. It feels true, but it isn't. Sure, it's much harder to make them, and they're usually much easier to track down, but you can still create a memory leak. Most times, it's when you create objects, dump them into a data structure, and never empty that data structure. Usually, it's just a matter of finding out what object references are still being held. Usually.

A few months ago, I discovered a new variation on that theme. I was working on a C# application that was leaking memory faster than bad waterway engineering in the Imperial Valley.

A large, glowing, computer-controlled chandelier

A Unique Choice

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There are many ways to mess up doing unique identifiers. It's a hard problem, and that's why we've sorta agreed on a few distinct ways to do it. First, we can just autonumber. Easy, but it doesn't always scale that well, especially in distributed systems. Second, we can use something like UUIDs: mix a few bits of real data in with a big pile of random data, and you can create a unique ID. Finally, there are some hashing-related options, where the data itself generates its ID.

Tiffanie was digging into some weird crashes in a database application, and discovered that their MODULES table couldn't decide which was correct, and opted for two: MODULE_ID, an autonumbered field, and MODULE_UUID, which one would assume, held a UUID. There were also the requsite MODULE_NAME and similar fields. A quick scan of the table looked like:

MODULE_ID MODULE_NAME MODULE_UUID MODULE_DESC
0 Defects 8461aa9b-ba38-4201-a717-cee257b73af0 Defects
1 Test Plan 06fd18eb-8214-4431-aa66-e11ae2a6c9b3 Test Plan

A Variation on Nulls

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Submitter “NotAThingThatHappens” stumbled across a “unique” way to check for nulls in C#.

Now, there are already a few perfectly good ways to check for nulls. variable is null, for example, or use nullable types specifically. But “NotAThingThatHappens” found approach:


True if Documented

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“Comments are important,” is one of those good rules that often gets misapplied. No one wants to see a method called addOneToSet and a comment that tells us Adds one item to the set.

Still, a lot of our IDEs and other tooling encourage these kinds of comments. You drop a /// or /* before a method or member, and you get an autostubbed out comment that gives you a passable, if useless, comment.


Underscoring the Comma

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Andrea writes to confess some sins, though I'm not sure who the real sinner is. To understand the sins, we have to talk a little bit about C/C++ macros.

Andrea was working on some software to control a dot-matrix display from an embedded device. Send an array of bytes to it, and the correct bits on the display light up. Now, if you're building something like this, you want an easy way to "remember" the proper sequences. So you might want to do something like:


Ultrabase

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After a few transfers across departments at IniTech, Lydia found herself as a senior developer on an internal web team. They built intranet applications which covered everything from home-grown HR tools to home-grown supply chain tools, to home-grown CMSes, to home-grown "we really should have purchased something but the approval process is so onerous and the budgeting is so constrained that it looks cheaper to carry an IT team despite actually being much more expensive".

A new feature request came in, and it seemed extremely easy. There was a stored procedure that was normally invoked by a scheduled job. The admin users in one of the applications wanted to be able to invoke it on demand. Now, Lydia might be "senior", but she was new to the team, so she popped over to Desmond's cube to see what he thought.


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