I guess it's been quite a while since I did the last Does Not Compute, but here goes another round! Please do send in your own stories, and who knows, in a few years we may see another .

Rodents (from Milo)
A while ago I was working as IT support for several research stations. One day we got a strange call.

They were obviously worried, not even saying hello, "Our rabbit died."

Both confused and worried that a cherished pet had died, I opted for the safe route, "I'm … sorry?"

"Our rabbit died."

"Oh," I stumbled, "I'm sorry, this is IT… I think you have the wrong number?"

"I know this is IT, our rabbit died, it's not working anymore."

I wasn't to clear what we were researching, but now I was having visions of poor caged bunnies with wires and diodes sticking out them.

"I'm sorry about your rabbit, I'm not sure what I can do for you though."

"Well I want a new one."

"Um, IT does computer tech stuff… I don't really have anything to do with getting you new rabbits."

"What? Huh? It is computer stuff, It's plugged into my computer."

This was getting more and more horrifying. Then it struck me, "Rabbit, umm... do you mean the mouse?"

"Mouse, rabbit, whatever."

I breathed a sigh of relief for poor cute bunnies everywhere, and headed on over to replace their dead rodent.

 

Out of 'E's (from Will)
A few years ago I stumbled across a victim of a pretty good practical joke. I was responding to a service call, it was from an older lady who had called with a very confident claim that her computer was out of 'E's. I, predictably, responded with some confusion.

"Ummm… out of E's?" I said.

"It's out of 'E's," she replied, "None of the words I type are getting any 'E's. I must be out. Jim told me you could fill me up."

"Jim?" I asked completely stumped.

"Jim sits next to me, he told me to call you and you would bring me down some more 'E's"

It started to dawn on me, "Oh, you need more 'E's. That's a hardware issue, I'll be down in a little bit."

"Ok, but I have a deadline," she said, sounding frantic, "I need you to refill it soon."

"Sure. I'll bring more right now. How many E's do you need?"

"A lot," she said.

I got a new keyboard from the IT closet, and headed over to her. When I installed it I said "This one's full. You shouldn't run out for at least a year."

She very enthusiastically thanked me and got right to work, typing away. The gentleman at the desk next to her was chuckling to himself. I asked the lady, "Is that Jim?"

She nodded, "Yes, he is a very helpful neighbor I don't know what I would do without him."

 

Power Outage (from Ole Christian Tvedt)
My sister visited a friend of hers a while back, who had recently gotten a brand new laptop. Mind you this was back when personal laptops were fairly new and rare. My sister had used one for work so she had stopped by to visit and give her friend a few tips.

Two weeks later, she was back at his place and asked how he was doing with his new toy. He motioned over to his desk and said pretty well. She looked over at it and saw it was plugged in, but without the battery.

She asked the natural question, "Where's the battery?"

"Aah, it's in the desk drawer. I used it up, and haven't gotten a chance to head to the store and grab a fresh one."

 

Dendro-computing (from Joe)
A while ago, one of our clients asked extremely frustrated with not being able to find his oak button. I understood the seemingly strange request immediately.

"Ah ok sir that's easy you jus-"

He was pretty worked up and interrupted me ,"I can't find it anywhere, almost every button I can see is plastic."

"Yes actually the butto-"

"The whole keyboard is plastic," he cut me off again, " this is so frustrating, you think an wooden button would be easy to find."

"Well you see sir, its not an 'oak' butt-"

"Hold on buddy, I'm gonna set the phone down for a second while I check behind the computer, maybe it's one of these back buttons."

"Sir, no its…," but he was already gone, presumably on his hands and knees pulling his whole computer out. I heard faint grunts. I waited and the next time when he got back on the phone, I was ready.

He picked it up and began, "Well I checked around back, all those buttons are plastic too, not an oak button in sight, maybe-"

"Sir."

"Hold on buddy I was in the midd-"

"Sir, there is no oak button," I said in my most commanding tone.

"But it said I had to find an oak butt-"

"Sir, there is no oak button, you are looking for the 'OK' button."

"Oh…. well that makes more sense."

"Yes sir, yes it does."

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