It's time once again for Share Your Bizarre Email day! mail in or post your favorite emails in the comments. Here's three to get started...

"My company takes safety very seriously," Adam wrote, "and here is a partially illustrative message. What's especially funny about it is that we receive examples and protips like this on a routine basis."

Colleagues,

While on travel last week a member of our staff got up at 3AM to go to the
bathroom. He tripped over a chair and fell into a coffee table, hitting
his head. He suffered a significant head injury and blood loss. He was
taken by ambulance to a local hospital emergency room. He had surgery at
the hospital at his travel site last Thursday. He came home Friday.
Sutures were removed Monday and he is due back to work tomorrow. He is
doing well and in fine spirits.

He and we have done a root cause analysis and make the following
recommendation to travelers: before retiring for the night review the
path to the bathroom in new hotel rooms and move any tripping hazards, if
possible. Further, consider leaving a light on in the bathroom with the
door slightly open or packing a portable night light in travel gear to use
in your hotel room.

Evin L-------
Safety Directory

 

"I work for a firm that is all about getting the most from their employees," Dan wrote.

Hi Dan,

You are correct. There is a discrepancy between the vacation time 
(2 weeks / 80 hours) and the newly-instituted 45-hour workweeks. 
At this time, we are not planning on increasing employee vacation 
benefits, so in order to meet the 45-hour requirement, you will 
need to either:

(a) use an hour from your sick/personal time for each vacation day

(b) work an additional hour for each vacation day

Note that, if you chose to work the extra hour, it must done 
within the same two-week pay period. Also, keep in mind that this 
policy will apply to company holidays as well.

Thank you,

Amber J------------
HR Generalist

 

"This email was sent by one of the company directors," wrote Brett M, "we have a good 300 employees, with 100 or more in IT."

Hi All, 

Yesterday there was a flood which luckily only damaged some ceiling
tiles in the downstairs loos and messed up the wall paint. It could 
potentially have damaged expensive computer equipment and the systems
our business relies on. 

The flood (of clean water from cistern) happened due to a blocked 
toilet so please follow these simple instructions  to avoid it 
happening again. 

1/ From time to time we all need to use a lot of toilet paper. On 
these occaisions use a little paper then flush, then use some more 
and flush. This can be repeated as many times as you need.  

2/ Do not flush anything apart from toilet paper (a little at a 
time) or something which has been eaten first. 

For those considering asking 'how much is a little paper', lets call 
it 12 sheets. 

Any further queries, don't hesitate to ask. 

Gerald F. ---------
Director (VP)

 

"At just about any office," writes Hansel Johnson, "there are some coworkers that you certainly wouldn't mind seeing nude, and subset of those who you certainly wouldn't mind seeing bouncing while nude."

From: Debbie A----
Sent: Wednesday, April 08, 2009 8:51 AM
To: IT_OPS
Subject: Bouncing New Dev in 5 Minutes
 
Please be advised- I will be bouncing Nude in 5 
minutes.   Please let me know if this presents an 
issue.

"I'm sure many in the office would rush to find a trampoline and some lawnchairs, and you can imagine their disappointment upon receiving the following email not more than a minute later..."

From: Debbie A----
Sent: Wednesday, April 08, 2009 8:52 AM
To: IT_OPS
Subject: RE: Bouncing New Dev in 5 Minutes
 
My apologies- Spell Check got me on this one-
 
“I will be bouncing NewDev in 5 minutes!”
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