• M (unregistered)

    Really? In an IT department, you have people you want to see nude? Obviously the gender balance is different than at most places!

  • Khepra (unregistered)

    12 sheets \m/

  • AndrewB (unregistered)

    There are at least 3 people in my department who I would absolutely love to see nude. Of course, the IS department has 65 people.

  • Dan (unregistered)

    Dear Amber,

    Screw You.

    Best, Dan

  • Strausy (unregistered)

    I feel sorry for Dan.

  • I really need to find my logon info again (unregistered) in reply to M

    I would pay good money to not see those in my IT department bouncing in the nude. Coincidentally, I'm an independent contractor who works from home most of the time.

    And I really need to hit the gym... sigh

  • (cs) in reply to M
    M:
    Really? In an IT department, you have people you want to see nude? Obviously the gender balance is different than at most places!
    The e-mail was sent by one 'Debbie', so unless Debbie was born a man, chances are you might want to see her bounce nude.
    2/ Do not flush anything apart from toilet paper (a little at a time) or something which has been eaten first.
    Is this guy aware of how the human body works? If you can't flush anything that has been eaten first, you create a bit of a problem. So what do you do? Go outside behind a bush?
  • Anon (unregistered)
    Note that, if you chose to work the extra hour, it must done within the same two-week pay period.

    The [evil] genius here is that it makes it impossible to take all two weeks of vacation at once (unless you burn through sick / personal time).

    Of course, as always, TRWTF is that 2 weeks a year vacation is considered acceptable in the US.

  • (cs)

    Dear Gerald F.

    Please can you provide a supply of toilet paper with numbered sheets.

    Thanks

  • (cs) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    2/ Do not flush anything apart from toilet paper (a little at a time) or something which has been eaten first.
    Is this guy aware of how the human body works? If you can't flush anything that has been eaten first, you create a bit of a problem. So what do you do? Go outside behind a bush?

    "Do not flush anything apart from...something which has been eaten first"

    In other words, if it has not been eaten first, don't flush it.

    Reading comprehension FTW!

  • (cs)

    Attention: I am writing this comment while bouncing nude. If you have any objections, call me.

  • Nibh (unregistered) in reply to Anon

    [quote user="Anon"][quote]TRWTF is that 2 weeks a year vacation is considered acceptable in the US.[/quote]

    Agreed. Number one reason I'd put up with living in France.

  • The Guy at the Back (unregistered) in reply to Severity One

    [quote]2/ Do not flush anything apart from toilet paper (a little at a time) or something which has been eaten first. [/quote] Is this guy aware of how the human body works? If you can't flush anything that has been eaten first, you create a bit of a problem. So what do you do? Go outside behind a bush?[/quote]

    make sure you leave a light outside on.. there are 2 many tripping hazards out there!

  • Anon (unregistered)

    Really hotels should be required to have those lighted strips on the floors like they have on aeroplanes going from the bed to the bathroom.

  • djb (unregistered)

    “I will be bouncing NewDev in 5 minutes!”

    I cannot decide whether this is a bad thing or good thing for the new dev. It sounds like some kind of sick initiation but then again it might be fun!

  • filo (unregistered) in reply to GettinSadda
    GettinSadda:
    Dear Gerald F.

    Please can you provide a supply of toilet paper with numbered sheets.

    Thanks

    Maybe you should get your allocation from stationary before proceeding.

  • (cs)

    45 hour weeks? Is that legal?

  • (cs)

    I get annoyed by people who don't test things out before broadcasting messages company-wide, then feel the need to post constant updates and corrections.

    This happened at work recently:

    Email 1: "To all employees, please note that instead of using the existing Excel spreadsheet to track vacations, we will be migrating to a new database system. Here's how to use it..."

    Email 2, a few hours later: "Correction, the instructions for using the database should have read..."

    Email 3, a few hours after that: "To clarify, employees should begin use the new system only, we will removing the old system by..."

    Email 4, the next day: "To all employees, the new vacation tracking database is experiencing some difficulties, please hold off on your submissions until we fix the problem."

    Email 5, the day after: "To all employees, the vacation tracking database is operational again, please continue using it."

    Email 6, a week or two later: "To all employees, some of you have been inputting incorrectly, a reminder that the instructions are posted..."

    Email 7, which came in yesterday: "To all employees, due to difficulties with the new vacation tracking database, we request that you do not input your information directly. Instead, send it to me using the old Excel spreadsheet method, and I will input into the database on your behalf."

    Each of these were all-employee broadcasts. I was very tempted to reply-all with, "Dear ___, please stop bothering us all until you have this thing sorted out once and for all."

  • (cs) in reply to Dan
    Dear Amber,

    Screw You.

    Best, Dan

    Best possible response IMHO :'-)

  • monkeyPushButton (unregistered) in reply to Kiss me I'm Polish

    As with anything, varies by where you are.

    At a previous job in commercial printing, during a particularly busy summer, we worked 12 hours shifts, 13 days on/one day off. That was the most they could legally make you work. Made for a hell of a check but you had no energy to do anything with it.

  • (cs) in reply to Kiss me I'm Polish

    45 hour weeks? Is that legal?

    Why wouldn't it be?

    It's a stupid policy, though, because every hourly employee will be racking up five hours of mandatory time-and-a-half per week, and all the salaried employees who HAD been staying as long is it took for the work to be done will now be bitter and resentful, and will be out the door immediately at the end of the 9th hour.

  • Bryan The K (unregistered)

    Oh another company forcing unpaid/uncompensated overtime I see.

    Just came from a place where I was working minimum 50 hour weeks; not allowed to take vacation; not being compensated for these extra hours. The final straw was when I was told I couldn't take an extended Christmas Holiday.

    /cogo: Is this like the congo?

  • Patrick (unregistered) in reply to ParkinT
    ParkinT:
    Attention: I am writing this comment while bouncing nude. If you have any objections, call me.
    And managed no typos? Impressive.
  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    OK, I can play:

    To: [email protected]<OurCompany>.com From: ---- -------- (HR Manager) Subject: Executive Toys / USB Devices

    Dear colleagues,

    Following the incident with [redacted] last week, we are implementing new policies on "corporate toys", which includes any non-work-related USB device. Such devices are hereby prohibited under the new policies and any such devices must be removed from your work areas by the end of the day. Additionally, the throwing or launching of any projectiles around the office will not be tolerated and I would remind all staff members that intruding on another staff member's personal space with the use of projectiles or similar may result in disciplinary action.

    Thank you


    It may not be immediately obvious but... ever remember playing "bra basketball" with the well endowed ladies at school? Well, it seems some people never grew out of it - instead, they graduated to USB missile launchers.

  • WildcatMike (unregistered)

    The safety warning had to be from my company. We get those every few weeks whenever anyone suffers even a minor scrape at work. Recently, someone was talking on the phone and not watching where he was going, and walked into a guard rail in the parking lot. We got a all employee email (to thousands of employees) with a full root cause analysis of the accident and a detailed tip sheet on how to walk safely. It had a lot of great tips like "always look directly ahead and be observant for any obstacles in your path." I can't believe somebody in my division actually gets paid to come up with this crap!

  • Leo (unregistered)

    Mandatory 45-hour weeks? Well, I guess they'd get two of them out of me.

  • (cs)

    The exact text of the following email was much longer and bureaucratic, but as I am no longer employed by that company, I can't dig it out of archives, so I'm going to paraphrase.

    Date: mid- to late-November From: CEO To: All

    Dear Valued Employees,

    In order to provide our employees with more family time during the holidays (in keeping with our core value of family friendliness), $FRIGGIN_BIG_COMPANY will be closed during the week between Christmas and New Year's.

    Employees will be required to use vacation time during this week. Any employee who does not have enough vacation time accrued will be required to either borrow vacation time from next year or take the time unpaid.

    We wish you all a happy and healthy holiday season.

    Mr. CEO

  • (cs) in reply to Kiss me I'm Polish
    Kiss me I'm Polish:
    45 hour weeks? Is that legal?
    Sure, if there's no contract. But expecting 45 hour work weeks without extra compensation, including "increasing" the vacation benefit to satisfy silly accounting methods, is inexcusable. If business is bad, then there's less work, not more. If business is good, then you should be able to afford to pay your workers more.
  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    This one is short and sweet, came from a software developer who (probably accidentally) sent it to the entire company (all sites wordwide):


    I HAVE JUST HAD TO WIPE UP A HUGE STICKY MESS IN THE KITCHEN BECAUSE SOMEONE THOUGHT THEY COULD LAY MILK IN THE FRIDGE. IF YOU LAY IT AFTER TAKING OFF IT'S TOP IT WILL GET VERY MESSY AND I WILL NOT BE VOLUNTEERING TO CLEAN IT UP AGAIN.

    Er, OK.

  • Bryan The K (unregistered) in reply to operagost
    operagost:
    Kiss me I'm Polish:
    45 hour weeks? Is that legal?
    Sure, if there's no contract. But expecting 45 hour work weeks without extra compensation, including "increasing" the vacation benefit to satisfy silly accounting methods, is inexcusable. If business is bad, then there's less work, not more. If business is good, then you should be able to afford to pay your workers more.

    Unless the company seriously under-bid the contract and management needs to put the development team on a death march to avoid looking bad.

  • Alex (unregistered) in reply to RobFreundlich

    Are you a coworker of mine?

    Of course, our e-mail read (paraphrased) "We will be closed for the holidays. You will be unpaid for this time. Of course, you can use vacation time if you have any."

  • Mike S. (unregistered)

    I worked at Enron, and after the bankruptcy, UBS. The UBS people ended up working on the trading floors in the new building, and occasionally people would play catch football on the floor. (It was huge, with tall ceilings.) I remember a DBA getting accidentally beaned by a football at least once.

  • Death Train to Nuneaton (unregistered) in reply to Bryan The K
    Bryan The K:
    Unless the company seriously under-bid the contract and management needs to put the development team on a death march to avoid looking bad.

    But when does that ever happen?

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to RobFreundlich
    RobFreundlich:
    In order to provide our employees with more family time during the holidays (in keeping with our core value of family friendliness), $FRIGGIN_BIG_COMPANY will be closed during the week between Christmas and New Year's.
    This is actually standard practice at every company I've ever worked for (it's highly common in the UK across all industries). We're forced to take annual leave but never get the opportunity to take unpaid time off - I would absolutely LOVE that. Seriously, I wouldn't be back into the office until mid-late February at the earliest. That would be amazing, nothing to complain about!
  • eric76 (unregistered)

    Years ago, there was a small company that was clothing optional in the summertime.

    According to someone who worked there, the Fed Ex or UPS deliveryman, I don't remember which, would take his clothes off when he entered the office area, deliver or pick up the packages, and then put his clothes back on at the door before leaving.

  • Someone like Kevin (unregistered)

    "Here's three to get started..."

    Here're a few to get started...

    FTFY

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to eric76
    eric76:
    Years ago, there was a small company that was clothing optional in the summertime.

    According to someone who worked there, the Fed Ex or UPS deliveryman, I don't remember which, would take his clothes off when he entered the office area, deliver or pick up the packages, and then put his clothes back on at the door before leaving.

    <confused expression>

  • Patrick (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    It may not be immediately obvious but... ever remember playing "bra basketball" with the well endowed ladies at school? Well, it seems some people never grew out of it - instead, they graduated to USB missile launchers.
    you mean these? thinkgeek.com/brain/whereisit.cgi?t=usb+missile

    I myself have wondered in what situation they would be appropriate. You've have to be in an environment that spends a lot of time goofing off.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Of course, as always, TRWTF is that 2 weeks a year vacation is considered acceptable in the US.
    80 hours, to be exact.
  • Patrick (unregistered) in reply to WildcatMike
    WildcatMike:
    The safety warning had to be from my company. We get those every few weeks whenever anyone suffers even a minor scrape at work. Recently, someone was talking on the phone and not watching where he was going, and walked into a guard rail in the parking lot. We got a all employee email (to thousands of employees) with a full root cause analysis of the accident and a detailed tip sheet on how to walk safely. It had a lot of great tips like "always look directly ahead and be observant for any obstacles in your path." I can't believe somebody in my division actually gets paid to come up with this crap!
    wow. someone's bored. look busy or get fired.
  • Someone like Kevin (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    eric76:
    Years ago, there was a small company that was clothing optional in the summertime.

    According to someone who worked there, the Fed Ex or UPS deliveryman, I don't remember which, would take his clothes off when he entered the office area, deliver or pick up the packages, and then put his clothes back on at the door before leaving.

    <confused expression>
    "...mail in or post your favorite emails in the comments..."

    <another confused expression>
  • Keith Brawner (unregistered)

    My fiance works as a hospital, and she gets the opposite of the previous poster:

    "You get X number of vacation hours, which are mandatory to use throughout the year, and requests can be denied. Don't even try to take anything off in December"

    So she does something like "I would like to have Thursday and Friday off". Then, the schedule says "Mon, Tues, Wed, Sat, Sun", so that she still has 40 hours.

    Rather than having time off (mandatory vacation taken), she has mandatory work (mandatory vacation expires).

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to RobFreundlich
    RobFreundlich:
    Dear Valued Employees,

    Translation: fuck you.

  • (cs) in reply to Alex
    Alex:
    Are you a coworker of mine?

    Of course, our e-mail read (paraphrased) "We will be closed for the holidays. You will be unpaid for this time. Of course, you can use vacation time if you have any."

    A lot of people don't realize that it's perfectly acceptable (legally, at least) for employers to specify when their employees can or can't take their vacation.

    Imagine if you had a home office and employed 2 or 3 people to help you - well, your vacation is their vacation, they can't walk into your house while you're in Hawaii. It's common with very small businesses and it's also common with seasonal employment (teachers get a ton of time off, but their vacation time is entirely predetermined).

    A lot of us wouldn't take it sitting down, but it's still an acceptable practice - it's just not a very nice thing to do, especially in a wealthier corporation.

  • SlyVenom (unregistered) in reply to WhiskeyJack

    Sounds like a Monty Python Skit...

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Patrick
    Patrick:
    Anonymous:
    It may not be immediately obvious but... ever remember playing "bra basketball" with the well endowed ladies at school? Well, it seems some people never grew out of it - instead, they graduated to USB missile launchers.
    you mean these? thinkgeek.com/brain/whereisit.cgi?t=usb+missile

    I myself have wondered in what situation they would be appropriate. You've have to be in an environment that spends a lot of time goofing off.

    Exactly! Add one bitchy girl with a huge chest and a low cut top and you have a recipe for disaster.

  • eric76 (unregistered)

    Regarding flushing toilet paper down the toilet, there are many areas of the world where the sewer system cannot properly handle toilet paper. Accordingly, there is often a trash can by the crapper in which you are expected to place your toilet paper.

    I even knew someone in the US who had to do that because of plumbing problems in their house.

    I've also heard a number of complaints from people who have a trash can near the crapper and cannot understand why some people put their soiled toilet paper in the trash can.

  • V (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    Note that, if you chose to work the extra hour, it must done within the same two-week pay period.

    The [evil] genius here is that it makes it impossible to take all two weeks of vacation at once (unless you burn through sick / personal time).

    Of course, as always, TRWTF is that 2 weeks a year vacation is considered acceptable in the US.

    Why, what is other places?

  • (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Exactly! Add one bitchy girl with a huge chest and a low cut top and you have a recipe for disaster.
    Story of my life.
  • eric76 (unregistered) in reply to Someone like Kevin
    Someone like Kevin:
    Anonymous:
    eric76:
    Years ago, there was a small company that was clothing optional in the summertime.

    According to someone who worked there, the Fed Ex or UPS deliveryman, I don't remember which, would take his clothes off when he entered the office area, deliver or pick up the packages, and then put his clothes back on at the door before leaving.

    <confused expression>
    "...mail in or post your favorite emails in the comments..."

    <another confused expression>

    I forgot to mention that the guy told me about it by e-mail. That was something like 15 years ago and I no longer have the e-mail.

    And it did seem to fit in with the idea of nude bouncing in the office.

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