Jane Bailey

Jane Bailey is a self-published author of urban fantasy novels as well as a part-time blogger; in her day job, she works in SQA, where she sees plenty of WTFs.

A Hard SQL Error

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Prim Maze

Padma was the new guy on the team, and that sucked. When you're the new guy, but you're not new to the field, there's this maddening combination of factors that can make onboarding rough: a combination of not knowing the product well enough to be efficient, but knowing your craft well enough to expect efficiency. After all, if you're a new intern, you can throw back general-purpose tutorials and feel like you're learning new things at least. When you're a senior trying to make sense of your new company's dizzying array of under-documented products? The only way to get that knowledge is by dragging people who are already efficient away from what they're doing to ask.


Exponential Backup

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The first day of a new job is always an adjustment. There's a fine line between explaining that you're unused to a procedure and constantly saying "At my old company...". After all, nobody wants to be that guy, right? So you proceed with caution, trying to learn before giving advice.

But some things warrant the extra mile. When Samantha started her tenure at a mid-sized firm, it all started out fine. She got a computer right away, which is a nice plus. She met the team, got settled into a desk, and was given a list of passwords and important URLs to get situated. The usual stuff.


Another Bitmask Fail

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As we've seen previously, not all government jobs are splashy. Someone has to maintain, for example, the database that keeps track of every legal additive to food so that paranoid hippies can call them liars and insist they all cause cancer and autism. Today's submitter, Cass, had just released an update when users started getting the dreaded blue Internal Error screen—never a good start to the week.


The Unbidden Password

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English - Mortise Lock with Key - Walters 52173

So here's a thing that keeps me up at night: we get a lot of submissions about programmers who cannot seem to think like users. There's a type of programmer who has never not known how computers worked, whose theory of computers in their mind has been so accurate for so long that they can't look at things in a different way. Many times, they close themselves off from users, insisting that if the user had a problem with using the software, they just don't know how computers work and need to educate themselves. Rather than focus on what would make the software more usable, they program what is easiest for the computer to do, and call it a day.


Cousin of ITAPPMONROBOT

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Logitech Quickcam Pro 4000

Every year, Initrode Global was faced with further and further budget shortages in their IT department. This wasn't because the company was doing poorly—on the contrary, the company overall was doing quite well, hitting record sales every quarter. The only way to spin that into a smaller budget was to dream bigger. Thus, every quarter, the budget demanded greater and greater increases in sales, and the exceptional growth was measured against the desired phenomenal growth and found wanting.


All Saints' Day

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Cathedral Antwerp July 2015-1

Oh, PHP. It's the butt of any number of jokes in the programming community. Those who do PHP often lie and pretend they don't, just to avoid the social stigma. Today's submitter not only works in PHP, but they also freelance: the bottom of the bottom of the development hierarchy.


Insert Away

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Bouton bleu

"Troy! Troy!"


2017: The New Manager

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We all dread the day we end up getting dragged, kicking and screaming, out of our core competencies and forced to be a manager. This is one of those stories. -- Remy

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She'd resisted the call for years. As a senior developer, Makoto knew how the story ended: one day, she'd be drafted into the ranks of the manager, forswearing her true love webdev. She knew she'd eventually succumb, but she'd expected to hold out for a few years before she had to decide if she were willing to change jobs to avoid management.


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