Don't forget, The Daily WTF loves terrible emails. If you have some to share, mail in your mail!


Perfectly Safe to Open This (from Alex)

"I mean, to some extent I'm happy to receive offers, but I'm happy with where I am. Ah, whatever."

 

 

"Helpful" Support (from Oscar)

"I was on a business trip, and the wireless connection at the hotel was acting weird. SSL connections would fail sporadically, which with the help of Wireshark turned out to be their servers sending HTML error messages instead of a TLS handshake reply (one article I found pointed fingers at Microsoft Forefront, but I didn't dig any further). Since we use OpenVPN at work, it failed the same way and I thought I'd give their support a try. Couple of weeks later, I got the following very 'helpful' reply."

________________________________________________________
From: support@thecloud.com
To: oscar@initech.se
Subject: RE: Connect Issues

Thank you for contacting The Cloud.  While The Cloud is a public-access 
network, we cannot guarantee that all VPN connections used during any 
given session will work as intended.  Further to that point, if your VPN 
connection fails whilst connected to The Cloud, we are unable to support 
your VPN.  We apologise for the inconvenience this presents.

If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to contact us again.

Kind regards,

Joseph G
The Cloud Support Team

 

iloveu (from Anon)

We received the below here at TDWTF. Yeah...

________________________________________________________
From: an anonymous lover [mailto:somebody@somewhere.net] 
To: Alex Papadimoulis
Subject: [AP] iloveu

dude wtf man u wer hittin on my GF amy? dude ill kick ur 
as if you ever hit on my girl again il hit u with my fist 
for seriously. do you even lift? bro i can benchp ress 
400 of youre little pipsqueak friends in one setting if 
u had that many but i bet you dont

but serioulsy brah stay away from my gf before i have to 
come show you why they called me the real wtf

 

 

The Origins of a WTF (from Mark M.)

It's not often that one gets to witness the formation of the universe, a star, or even a nebula. This week, however, I was gifted with a glimpse of what can only become a WTF. I will, of course, pass on this great opportunity.

Sounds like fun!

________________________________________________________
From: contact@initechrecruiting.com 
To: markm@initrode.com
Subject: A Terrific Opportunity!

Good morning!
 
I apologize if this email does not apply to your skillset!

My name is ..... ..... and I am a Microsoft/Java recruiter 
for .... Systems Inc. One of my large telecommunications 
clients in Monroe, Lousiana has an opening for an asp.net 
developer. This is a 6 month contract and contractors must 
work onsite in Monroe. Please review the job outline below 
and let me know if you'd like to discuss this in further 
detail. Pay is flexible at this point and we can negotiate
when discussing further. 

I hope to hear from you soon! Have a great remainder of your day!

Project Information: 
    Web Application for collaboration of multiple groups.
    5000 hours worth of work in a 6 month time frame
    40% front, 40% middle, 20% backend
    Virtual Server with VS 2010
    
Technologies & Tools: 
    C#
    ASP.NET
    JavaScript
    Entity Framework
    MySQL database
    MySQL workbench
    Oracle
    Visual Studio Express 
 
Development Methodology: 
    Spiral
    No real design patterns
 
Team Dynamics: 
    Lead Developer
    1 other developer
    
Skills Needed: 
    Mid - range work horse
    Collaborative environment
    Lots of discovery still going on.
    Full SDLC skills
 
Notes: 
    Not able to do remote workers

 

Crazy ol' Sears (from Jason B. )

Agent Name from Sears sent me this e-mail today about a recent order we placed, but I don't feel compelled to add the "accessories" to my order...

Sounds like fun!

 

 

Just plain wrong... (from Henrik)

Google contest run from a Live.com email address. Yep, seems legit!

________________________________________________________
From: a39Aef@gmail.com 
To: henrikrkm@initech.com
Subject: A Terrific Opportunity!

Congratulations !!! Dear Google winner,

You have been awarded the sum of 750,000.00 Great British Pounds for 
the on going Google Promo, contact us via this 
email ( googlemanagement.team@live.com ) for more 
details regarding your winning.

Best Regards.
Google Management Team. 

 

An Epic Opportunity (from Tim D.)

Seriously - if recruiters put as much time and effort into emails like this one, they'd probably fill their positions much faster.

________________________________________________________
From: Jwills@foo-recruiting.com
Subject: Formidable and rare PHP Zend role in London
To: timd@someemail.com

Hi Tim,

It was a cold day, Gustav arrived for his first day at work 
clutching his laptop and some books on the Zend framework. 
His past nights had been disturbed by the 'Tetris effect', 
lines of pure code produced by his unconscious mind in his 
sleep, dropping down, one atop the other, leaving him in 
somewhat of a half awake, half asleep state throughout the 
nights. His world view was formed through code, indeed 
giving him great insight, yet leaving him somewhat distant 
from those around him.

He was starting to question his sanity. A formidable PHP Zend 
coder, instead of taking rest in its conventional sense, his 
mind would be occupied with thoughts on RESTful services, 
instead of using soap in the bath, he would be comparing SOAP 
with RESTful services. He took a single bite on a pear, the 
only food he had eaten in two weeks, and instantly started 
thinkng of PEAR and PECL extensions. Instead of eating, he 
would usually be coding, his natural hunger instinct shut 
off from the deep levels of focus that he sustained during 
coding sessions. Am I human? he asked himself one day, clearly 
feeling that his very existence had merged with the technology 
with which he was engaged on a day to day basis.

His family life remained intact, a bright wife who understood 
his predicament serving as a buffer between his internal world 
and the world around him. Even when talking with her, his mind 
would drift onto coding, sometimes so much so, that he lost 
awareness of her very presence.

As he calmly, as if programmed, walked through the porte-cochère 
leading to the entrance of the office, he felt totally in control, 
as if on a mission to take charge of his young colleagues and guide 
them in the right direction on the greenfield LAMP platform-build 
that he was to be in charge of. He knew that this would be no easy 
feat, but felt reassured that he would be able to get on with producing 
a large amount of the purest code himself, whilst overseeing the 4 
strong team of fastidious developers that already worked at the company, 
rather than being a mere hands off development manager.

As he arrived at his desk, he was astounded by the office environment, 
a wondrous place, void of unnecessary ornementation, fine desks 
sculpted from burr walnut. A minimalistic, clutter free environment 
seemed exactly what young Gustav needed to allow his coding to 
flourish. The air was as clean, a distant memory pervaded his mind, 
reminding him of the clean childhod air of the Matterhorn foothills 
in which he was raised. He mused on the brilliance of the architecture 
holding him, a hybrid blend of Le Corbusier and Ahrends Burton Koralek 
he decided..... indeed he had many other interests in addition to his 
coding.......

I am looking for candidates like young Gustav, to fill a technical 
lead role in a London based agency. I would really like to speak with 
you about the opportunity as it is a good one. They really want 
fastidious PHP Zend coders, who have experience in RESTful services, 
to work on their new platform, and migration to the LAMP stack.

You will be coding every day as well as overseeing other developers 
in a relaxed environment where you start work at 9 and finish at 5.

Please do get back to me if you are very good at PHP Zend and are looking 
for a new opportunity. I will be able to provide you with plenty of 
information. The salary on offer is £55K-£60K per annum

Best Regards

 

It's not a big deal until you're fired. (from Ian)

"For a while we ran Outlook 2002. Better known to most as Outlook XP. The back end at the time was Exchange 5.5 . We found an issues were one could show the 'From' field when composing an email. The real problem came in the form of being able to fill in ANY name and being able to send the email. Our exchange administrator didn't think this was much of a problem as only a few knew about it, and they were limit to the system admins group."

________________________________________________________
From: IT Director
Sent: Tue 2/24/2004 9:10 AM
To: ExchangeAdmin
Subject: Your negligence...

Has cost you your job. Pack you things and get out.


You're FIRED!!

Once he calmed down and I admitted I had sent him the message he got the point.