• First! (unregistered)

    I once had a christmas tree.

    That is a night I do not wish to relive.

  • Dariusz Jackowski (unregistered)

    Maybe another support question should be is there any christmas tree near the computer

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Dariusz Jackowski
    Dariusz Jackowski:
    Maybe another support question should be is there any christmas tree near the computer

    You mean why was there a computer near the christmas tree.

  • TAG (unregistered)

    Legal burnination. It's the best kind of burnination.

  • Me (unregistered)

    So the lawyers are spraying a smoldering Christmas Tree because they're not logged in?

  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    The sooner you create a dedicated Helpdesk category the less migration you'll have to do of all those old helpdesk stories that are currently filed under "featured articles". Just saying.

  • neminem (unregistered)

    Heh. The third one reminds me, sadly, of when I first tried out getting my new shiny computer to talk to my tv over HDMI. The fact that it took some prodding to get it to send video data was totally Win7's fault. But after getting the video to work, the audio still wasn't working. Spent like half an hour googling, found any number of suggestions as to why I might not have any sound, but none of them worked.

    Eventually I realized my tv was muted. Drr... not my strongest day ever, intelligence-wise.

  • Anonymous (unregistered)
                   *
                   *
                  ***
                 *****
                *******
               *********
             *************                A
                *******
              ***********                VERY
            ***************
          *******************            HAPPY
              ***********
            ***************            CHRISTMAS
          *******************
        ***********************         AND MY
            ***************
          *******************         BEST WISHES
        ***********************
      ***************************     FOR THE NEXT
                ******
                ******                    YEAR
                ******
    
  • (cs)

    Grr. Stupid Andrew! Without him, we'd have at least one less lawyer in the world...

  • (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
                   *
                   *
                  ***
                 *****
                *******
               *********
             *************                A
                *******
              ***********                VERY
            ***************
          *******************            HAPPY
              ***********
            ***************            CHRISTMAS
          *******************
        ***********************         AND MY
            ***************
          *******************         BEST WISHES
        ***********************
      ***************************     FOR THE NEXT
                ******
                ******                    YEAR
                ******
    
    * 88 8*****88a ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***
       ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******888v **** 8** 88 8*****888
     ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8* 
     * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******88e ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **
    ** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*r 88888******888 **
    *   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 y*****
    888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* **
    * 8*  * *******8888 g*** 8** 88 8*****888 ****a* 8***8 
    8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******888
    8 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888
     ***   ******* rb* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 
    8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******
    * 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 **l*8
    * 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  *
     *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888
     **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******8
    88 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88e8 **** 8** 8
    8 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   **
    ***** 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888
     ****8* 8***8 8*8 8d888******888 ***   ******* 8* **
    * 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8**
    *8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * 
    *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88
    88 **** 8** 88 8x****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888m***
    **888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8
    ** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******a888 **** 8** 88 8*****
    888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8
    * *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8
    * 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *****
    **88s8 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88
    88 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88828****
    **888 ***   ******* 8* *** u*  * *******8888 **** 8
    ** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 **
       ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8*
  • anon (unregistered) in reply to EJ_
    EJ_:
    Anonymous:
                   *
                   *
                  ***
                 *****
                *******
               *********
             *************                A
                *******
              ***********                VERY
            ***************
          *******************            HAPPY
              ***********
            ***************            CHRISTMAS
          *******************
        ***********************         AND MY
            ***************
          *******************         BEST WISHES
        ***********************
      ***************************     FOR THE NEXT
                ******
                ******                    YEAR
                ******
    
    * 88 8*****88a ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***
       ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******888v **** 8** 88 8*****888
     ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8* 
     * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******88e ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **
    ** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*r 88888******888 **
    *   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 y*****
    888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* **
    * 8*  * *******8888 g*** 8** 88 8*****888 ****a* 8***8 
    8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******888
    8 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888
     ***   ******* rb* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 
    8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******
    * 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 **l*8
    * 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  *
     *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888
     **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******8
    88 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88e8 **** 8** 8
    8 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   **
    ***** 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888
     ****8* 8***8 8*8 8d888******888 ***   ******* 8* **
    * 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8**
    *8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * 
    *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88
    88 **** 8** 88 8x****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888m***
    **888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8
    ** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******a888 **** 8** 88 8*****
    888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8
    * *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8
    * 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *****
    **88s8 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88
    88 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88828****
    **888 ***   ******* 8* *** u*  * *******8888 **** 8
    ** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 **
       ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8*

    What is that like some sort of Kwanzaa ASCII art?

  • Cell This (unregistered)
    This app was used by the customer service reps to ensure that once a customer bought a cell phone, the various features on his/her plan would be set up correctly so as to maximize the unintended charges from unwanted features
    FTFY
  • (cs)
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.
  • frits (unregistered) in reply to anon
    anon:
    EJ_:
    Anonymous:
                   *
                   *
                  ***
                 *****
                *******
               *********
             *************                A
                *******
              ***********                VERY
            ***************
          *******************            HAPPY
              ***********
            ***************            CHRISTMAS
          *******************
        ***********************         AND MY
            ***************
          *******************         BEST WISHES
        ***********************
      ***************************     FOR THE NEXT
                ******
                ******                    YEAR
                ******
    
    * 88 8*****88a ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***
       ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******888v **** 8** 88 8*****888
     ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8* 
     * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******88e ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **
    ** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*r 88888******888 **
    *   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 y*****
    888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* **
    * 8*  * *******8888 g*** 8** 88 8*****888 ****a* 8***8 
    8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******888
    8 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888
     ***   ******* rb* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 
    8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******
    * 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 **l*8
    * 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  *
     *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888
     **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******8
    88 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88e8 **** 8** 8
    8 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   **
    ***** 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888
     ****8* 8***8 8*8 8d888******888 ***   ******* 8* **
    * 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8**
    *8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * 
    *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 
    88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88
    88 **** 8** 88 8x****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888m***
    **888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8
    ** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******a888 **** 8** 88 8*****
    888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8
    * *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8
    * 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *****
    **88s8 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 ***   ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******88
    88 **** 8** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88828****
    **888 ***   ******* 8* *** u*  * *******8888 **** 8
    ** 88 8*****888 ****8* 8***8 8*8 88888******888 **
       ******* 8* *** 8*  * *******8888 **** 8*

    What is that like some sort of Kwanzaa ASCII art?

    No, fool, it's a bunch of ninja snowmen fighting with shuriken.

  • frits (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.
    I'm pretty sure that you would have a 100% chance of being on the losing end of a lawsuit.

    Your not too bright, are you?

  • boog (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    boog:
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.
    I'm pretty sure that you would have a 100% chance of being on the losing end of a lawsuit.

    Your not too bright, are you?

    I'm pretty sure that I have a 100% chance of never holding a job.

  • Xapp (unregistered) in reply to EJ_

    lol

    If only there was a like button somewhere.

  • Grammar Nazi (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    boog:
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.
    I'm pretty sure that you would have a 100% chance of being on the losing end of a lawsuit.

    Your not too bright, are you?

    Pot, allow me to introduce you to my good friend, Kettle. I believe you two will discover that you are both of the same ebony hue.

  • (cs) in reply to boog
    boog (unregistered):
    I'm pretty sure that I have a 100% chance of never holding a job.
    Well with a name like that, who'd want to hire you in the first place?
  • Dazed (unregistered)

    Nice set of stories. +1

  • (cs) in reply to neminem
    neminem:
    Heh. The third one reminds me, sadly, of when I first tried out getting my new shiny computer to talk to my tv over HDMI. The fact that it took some prodding to get it to send video data was totally Win7's fault. But after getting the video to work, the audio still wasn't working. Spent like half an hour googling, found any number of suggestions as to why I might not have any sound, but none of them worked.

    Eventually I realized my tv was muted. Drr... not my strongest day ever, intelligence-wise.

    I once spent a good three hours with a polycom soundpoint 300, trying to figure out:

    1. Where is the speakerphone button
    2. Why doesn't it send any audio in speakerphone mode.

    Turns out the SP300 doesn't have a speakerphone mic, just "handsfree audio output" mode.

  • Slicerwizard (unregistered)

    "downtown law firm that was had"

    So the swindlers were themselves swindled?

  • (cs)

    Attack of the vicious Christmas tree! Attack of the vicious Christmas tree! It's mean, it's green, it's tall and leans; It's many needles sharp and keen; And so we flee, The vicious tree... tree... tree... evil Christmas Tree.

  • (cs)

    Ah, I've been at that text-messaging place so many times. After each instance, I make a mental note--Troubleshooting step 1: verify there's really a problem. But then a few months later, I've forgotten, or gotten lazy; and not long after that, I once again find myself wasting my valuable time trying to hunt down the root cause of a mysterious issue that doesn't actually exist.

    Which is, I guess, TRWTF. :-)

  • backForMore (unregistered) in reply to @Deprecated
    @Deprecated:
    neminem:
    Heh. The third one reminds me, sadly, of when I first tried out getting my new shiny computer to talk to my tv over HDMI. The fact that it took some prodding to get it to send video data was totally Win7's fault. But after getting the video to work, the audio still wasn't working. Spent like half an hour googling, found any number of suggestions as to why I might not have any sound, but none of them worked.

    Eventually I realized my tv was muted. Drr... not my strongest day ever, intelligence-wise.

    I once spent a good three hours with a polycom soundpoint 300, trying to figure out:

    1. Where is the speakerphone button
    2. Why doesn't it send any audio in speakerphone mode.

    Turns out the SP300 doesn't have a speakerphone mic, just "handsfree audio output" mode.

    Bought a nice new shiny laptop with integrated wireless (when this was a new feature). Spent HOURS and hours formatting installing OS etc to try and get this feature to work. Eventually and feeling defeated I took it back to the store to let there techs fix it or give me a refund. I handed my laptop to him he held it up , spun the laptop around looking for something and then he flipped a little switch into the ON position and wireless worked.

  • (cs)

    LOL @ the featured comments.

  • rojo (unregistered) in reply to frits

    You're not too bright

  • momjeans (unregistered) in reply to frits

    germans have no sense of humor.

  • ÃÆâ€℠(unregistered)

    No wonder our children are falling behind the rest of the world. When you have idiot teachers that can't use a computer to save their life, you get idiot lawyers that try to cover up the smoking smell with aerosol spray.

  • CodeNinja (unregistered) in reply to neminem
    neminem:
    Heh. The third one reminds me, sadly, of when I first tried out getting my new shiny computer to talk to my tv over HDMI. The fact that it took some prodding to get it to send video data was totally Win7's fault. But after getting the video to work, the audio still wasn't working. Spent like half an hour googling, found any number of suggestions as to why I might not have any sound, but none of them worked.

    Eventually I realized my tv was muted. Drr... not my strongest day ever, intelligence-wise.

    It's always the simple things...

    I remember one night (morning) a year or so ago. The entire team was putting in crazy hours for a demo, and had been at work something like 20 hours straight (all night). We couldn't figure out why the hardware wasn't communicating. 4 Engineers, a Senior Engineer, and the Project Manager all standing around scratching our heads for over an hour.

    Then one of our hardware guys walks into the engineer bay, wanders over, and hits the power switch. BOOM! All working!

    We felt a little sheepish.

  • Mooney (unregistered) in reply to frits

    I'm pretty sure your sense of humor is 100% broken.

    And no, I don't mean really "broken", I just exaggerating for comedic effect. It's very complicated.

  • (cs) in reply to boog
    boog:
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.

    U mad?

  • anon (unregistered)

    The text message one does remind me of one of my least favorite users at my last job. He was hired to do something that didn't really end up happening, but they kept him on because they planned a new venture with him down the road. Long story short he had no real job or anything to do for several months. During this time, he'd "work from home" quite often. I don't think he even had a computer at home, but basically he'd get his emails on his Blackberry (mostly personal crap and anything sent to firmwide distribution lists). Every time he worked from home, he'd email me around 8:30 or 9 asking "Is the email server working?" I'd reply "Yes Bill, and if it wasn't I wouldn't have gotten this so there's not much point in sending this email." The first time it happened, he actually replied to my response and said "But I haven't gotten any emails, I think something is wrong".....

  • (cs) in reply to frits
    frits:
    boog:
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.
    I'm pretty sure that you would have a 100% chance of being on the losing end of a lawsuit.

    Your not too bright, are you?

    Self defense -- strangle the guy or burn up in the forthcoming fire. It works.

  • Jo (unregistered) in reply to frits

    Neither are you. Your indicates ownership. You meant you're (you are)...

    Take that mister smarty fancy pants

  • Kettle Black (unregistered) in reply to frits

    Homophones are tricky.

  • Jane (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    boog:
    the smoke smell was getting to m--
    I'm pretty sure I'd have strangled him before he could finish that sentence.
    I'm pretty sure that you would have a 100% chance of being on the losing end of a lawsuit.

    Your not too bright, are you?

    Dead people find it very difficulty to sue....

  • ÃÆâ€â„ (unregistered) in reply to Kettle Black
    Kettle Black:
    Homophobes are tricky.
    FTFY
  • Matt (unregistered) in reply to frits

    "You're not too bright, are you?" I fixed it for you.

  • SA (unregistered) in reply to momjeans
    momjeans:
    germans have no sense of humor.

    I always think of sandwiches ( I think it might be similar to what the yanklees call baloney, but could be wrong ) wiki reference

    Most (well many, anyways) people think it's made of Horsemeat....

  • Duh! (unregistered) in reply to frits

    I think that you meant to say "You're not too bright" ;)

  • zac (unregistered) in reply to frits

    [You're] not either...

  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    Well done to fake frits for proving beyond any doubt that the old trolls are still the most effective. Would anyone else like to comment on his obviously deliberate grammar error or are we all done now?

  • (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Well done to fake frits for proving beyond any doubt that the old trolls are still the most effective. Would anyone else like to comment on his obviously deliberate grammar error or are we all done now?
    The fact that it's a featured comment means we've only just begun. Popcorn?
  • Jerry (unregistered) in reply to frits

    "You're"

    It's really not very bright to call someone's brightness into question while demonstrating your own lack of brightness.

  • (cs) in reply to anon
    anon:
    The text message one does remind me of one of my least favorite users at my last job. He was hired to do something that didn't really end up happening, but they kept him on because they planned a new venture with him down the road. Long story short he had no real job or anything to do for several months. During this time, he'd "work from home" quite often. I don't think he even had a computer at home, but basically he'd get his emails on his Blackberry (mostly personal crap and anything sent to firmwide distribution lists). Every time he worked from home, he'd email me around 8:30 or 9 asking "Is the email server working?" I'd reply "Yes Bill, and if it wasn't I wouldn't have gotten this so there's not much point in sending this email." The first time it happened, he actually replied to my response and said "But I haven't gotten any emails, I think something is wrong".....
    Well if he emails to ask if the email system is working, and doesn't get a reply, that pretty well answers his question...
  • publiclurker (unregistered) in reply to backForMore
    backForMore:
    @Deprecated:
    neminem:
    Heh. The third one reminds me, sadly, of when I first tried out getting my new shiny computer to talk to my tv over HDMI. The fact that it took some prodding to get it to send video data was totally Win7's fault. But after getting the video to work, the audio still wasn't working. Spent like half an hour googling, found any number of suggestions as to why I might not have any sound, but none of them worked.

    Eventually I realized my tv was muted. Drr... not my strongest day ever, intelligence-wise.

    I once spent a good three hours with a polycom soundpoint 300, trying to figure out:

    1. Where is the speakerphone button
    2. Why doesn't it send any audio in speakerphone mode.

    Turns out the SP300 doesn't have a speakerphone mic, just "handsfree audio output" mode.

    Bought a nice new shiny laptop with integrated wireless (when this was a new feature). Spent HOURS and hours formatting installing OS etc to try and get this feature to work. Eventually and feeling defeated I took it back to the store to let there techs fix it or give me a refund. I handed my laptop to him he held it up , spun the laptop around looking for something and then he flipped a little switch into the ON position and wireless worked.

    The same ting happened to me the first time I encountered a laptop with built-in wireless. My realization was more embarrassing than an encounter with a store tech though, as the computer was my new mother in law's.

  • Design Pattern (unregistered) in reply to momjeans
    momjeans:
    germans have no sense of humor.
    Since this was fake frits it's obvious his attempt to be humourless failed: it became a featured comment!

    Fake frits is only a fake german.

  • (cs) in reply to neminem
    neminem:
    Heh. The third one reminds me, sadly, of when I first tried out getting my new shiny computer to talk to my tv over HDMI. The fact that it took some prodding to get it to send video data was totally Win7's fault. But after getting the video to work, the audio still wasn't working. Spent like half an hour googling, found any number of suggestions as to why I might not have any sound, but none of them worked.

    Eventually I realized my tv was muted. Drr... not my strongest day ever, intelligence-wise.

    Kinda reminds me of the time I spent an hour debugging my code to figure out why it just plain wasn't doing part of its task. I eventually traced it down to one function that didn't seem to be doing anything. Looking at the function itself immediately explained why:

    void someFunction()
    {
    	//TODO
    }
  • ÃÆâ€â„ (unregistered) in reply to Duh!
    Duh!:
    I think that you meant to say "You're not too bright" ;)
    No, I think you meant "ur not 2 brite"

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