• tB (unregistered)

    Having worked at a computer store, I can say that I always loved when the little old ladies from the neighborhood would come by. We even had one who would bake something for us every time she came in. By far the older customers were the best, at least where I worked. They never made assumptions and were usually willing to listen when you were teaching them.

    Fun 'issues'/pranks:

    1. Has anyone noticed that a USB A connector will fit nicely into an ethernet port? Had a mouse returned once that 'wouldn't work'
    2. While I was in Iraq we were bored, so we convinced people that cheap keyboards would make their screen flip upside down. (XP has a keyboard shortcut you can enable) When they weren't looking we'd flip the screen, and then when they called us over to fix it, we'd slam the keyboard into the desk a few times (while secretly hitting the keyboard shortcut). Later on we'd flip the screen, then sit back and enjoy. Try it sometime... it's a classic.
    3. I once convinced a user that ethernet cables could store data, and they should cut it into 1 inch pieces before they threw it away.

    CAPTCHA: tristique <-- ??WTF??

  • (cs) in reply to po8crg
    po8crg:
    Windows 98 SE = Windows 4.11 Windows Me = Windows 4.9

    Hmmm... is 4.9 greater or less than 4.11?

  • A Gould (unregistered) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:
    OK, I'll grant you Windows 96.5 as totally incompetent tech support.

    But the rest of the stories were just dumb or rude users. That could have happened with any tech company (if they happened at all -- the foot pedal sounds pretty apocryphal, has someone really seen that happen?)

    Haven't seen the foot pedal, but I have (with my own two eyes) seen mouses held upside down (using the ball as a trackball), and held to the screen. I'd pretty much guarantee that the footpedal trick's happened at least once at some point. (Now, I'd say it hasn't happened in the last 5 years, but 10-15 years ago? Sure...)

  • SR (unregistered) in reply to Maurits
    Maurits:
    po8crg:
    Windows 98 SE = Windows 4.11 Windows Me = Windows 4.9

    Hmmm... is 4.9 greater or less than 4.11?

    Windows 98 SE (4.11): half decent Windows Me (4.9): complete load of kronk

    In this case 4.11 is definitely > 4.9

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Shredder
    Shredder:
    No, I think the 9x and NT kernels have independent versions. 4 - NT4 (duh) 5 - 2k/xp 6 - Vista 7 - 7 (duh)
    No no no! Windows 7 is version 6.1, just run the version command or MSInfo.
  • William (unregistered) in reply to tB
    tB:
    1) Has anyone noticed that a USB A connector will fit nicely into an ethernet port? Had a mouse returned once that 'wouldn't work'

    Yes! I was working on a printer problem, and it turned out this was the issue.

    The best part is that I tried unplugging and plugging back in the printer to trigger the USB detection, and I did it behind the computer without looking and didn't even notice that it was in the ethernet port and not a USB port.

  • (cs)

    Hm. They read better fifteen years ago.

  • Marc B (unregistered)

    I call shenanigans on the Missing Icons one. Although I can (somewhat) see someone using a mouse on their monitor, surely the simplest of simpletons would understand that objects behind the hand and mouse would be obscured. That'd be like someone complaining that Angela Lansbury was disappearing from their TV screen whenever someone walked in front of it.

  • (cs) in reply to Carl
    Carl:
    Back in the good old days (you kids have it so easy) the computer was in a large room halfway across town, and you did your work on a teletype connected by dial up modem.

    Now, picture a college lab full of these teletypes, students all working on the same assignment. Someone makes a typo; code won't compile. Error message prints. You can hear each letter clacking out onto the paper. After a while, certain patterns sound familiar. So you just yell across the room to the doe eyed airhead who decided to take Fortran to round out her psych degree "you left out a comma in your FORMAT statement" and bask in the bewilderment and awe.

    Now that's an interesting way to prove your geek credentials!
  • Jay (unregistered) in reply to Shredder
    Shredder:
    No, I think the 9x and NT kernels have independent versions. 4 - NT4 (duh) 5 - 2k/xp 6 - Vista 7 - 7 (duh)

    I no longer have a computer with Windows 95 to verify this, but I distinctly recall that if you did the internal system call to ask the version number, which returned the major version in one register and the minor version in another, Windows 95 returned major version=3, minor version=95.

    I can't even try this now because I've become so enJava'd that I don't even have a Windows C compiler.

  • Jay (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    WhiskeyJack:
    OK, I'll grant you Windows 96.5 as totally incompetent tech support.

    But the rest of the stories were just dumb or rude users. That could have happened with any tech company (if they happened at all -- the foot pedal sounds pretty apocryphal, has someone really seen that happen?)

    Yeah, I agree. The setup sounds plausible, little old lady gets a computer and her only frame of reference is her trusty old sewing machine. But in reality, it just doesn't wash. A sewing machine pedal is basically just a rheostat and by definition it has travel - push a little and the machine goes slow, push a lot and the machine goes fast. A mouse button is obviously that - a button. It doesn't have travel and it cannot be engaged to varying degrees like a sewing machine pedal. It is simply a button and even little old ladies know how buttons work - you press them, with your finger generally. I doubt that even the most senile of old ladies would see a mouse and assume that it's foot operated.

    This sort of rebuttal is only valid if you start with the assumptions that (a) the person carefully studied the device before using it incorrectly, and (b) thought through the mechanical design.

    I can easily imagine someone picking up an unfamiliar device and without thinking assuming that it works the same way as some other device that they are familiar with. You don't even have to assume the person is stupid, just that they leaped to a conclusion too quickly based on insufficient information.

    I recall the time I vainly struggled with a certain auto repair tool before I realized that it might be helpful if I removed the cover. Indeed, I'd guess almost everyone in a technological society has had the experience at one time or another of using a device incorrectly because they didn't understand how it was supposed to work.

    Heck, right here in my office, one of the other programmers came over to my desk to show me something and couldn't get my mouse to work. No matter how much he pressed it against the table and how carefully he moved it, the cursor on the screen just wouldn't move. Despite the fact that I kept trying to tell him that it wasn't a mouse, it was a trackball. But it just didn't register on him.

  • Dan (unregistered)
    "CompuMart shouldn't advertise Computer Support lines in their shops or catalogues, as the description is just too vague. It needs to be Compuware-only Computer Support. This cost me $4.90 in long distance (bill attached), I expect a refund on my call costs."

    So... I guess he would call up his Nissan dealer to answer questions about his Ford.

  • Alex (unregistered)

    To the people thinking the food pedal is made up, I can state it does happen, for I have lived to see it occuring.

    Back then I worked as a network administrator for a company that had maybe, 60 employees. The company made gloves and resold/distributed various sports stuff.

    One of the branches of the company made fire-proof gloves for firemen, and armored gloves for the GRC's swat team. It was in a fairly remote location, where people found computers very alien. At least most people in the factory.

    Whenever they'd need a computer, we'd ship one out with diagrams and clear explanations on how to set it up, connectors being color coded, etc etc. They usually set it up correctly. However, one day one of them called and told me "The pedal on my computer is broken".

    It took me forever to understand he was talking about the mouse, and seeing as how most people there were used to commercial sewing machines and other kind of factory machinery that involved pedals, it seemed natural for them to place the mouse on the floor, under the desk.

  • (cs) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:
    OK, I'll grant you Windows 96.5 as totally incompetent tech support.

    But the rest of the stories were just dumb or rude users. That could have happened with any tech company (if they happened at all -- the foot pedal sounds pretty apocryphal, has someone really seen that happen?)

    You've never worked with real users, have you?

  • r2k-in-the-vortex (unregistered)

    "foot pedal? I don't think that's true"

    really? ive had to explain my grandfather that no, a mousepad is not an advanced mousetrap

  • (cs)

    I actually ran a copy of "Windows 96½" once. My manager was a warez fiend, and he downloaded a beta of what at the time (spring of 1996) was being called Windows 97 from alt.binaries.warez.ibm-pc (or whatever the group was back then). He decided my 386 workstation would be a great testbed for it.

    I nuked the OS in frustration after the third time I had to wait several seconds for a menu drop-down animation (that you couldn't disable, naturally) to render. He didn't understand why I seemed not to like it.

  • chunder thunder (unregistered) in reply to Dan
    Dan:
    So... I guess he would call up his Nissan dealer to answer questions about his Ford.

    Well, it's often possible to get a service station to work on whatever make you've got. Maybe not a dealer, but some places they might do at least basic maintenance on whatever you've got. So I don't think it's absurd to call whatever company is advertising computer support. However, that doesn't excuse the attitude...

  • CGomez (unregistered)

    I guess it might be drawn from a real call, but I think Phil Hendrie did a few of these bits ten years ago. Sometimes people think his shows are real and pass it on as real. But who knows... maybe a real tech support engineer sent these in.

  • Kelsey Grammar (unregistered)

    I guess I'll be the jerk today:

    ...a complete factor-state restore...

    ...who listed to the irate customer complain the thirty-minute wait times...

    ...they live little doo-doos around the house...

    ...the cubicle next time his...

  • Scott (unregistered)

    I know we all hate grammar Nazis, but this article had a few too many distracting mistakes for my liking. And I'm pretty sure I've heard the "foot pedal" one on a top-10 list of IT stories before.

  • (cs) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    I no longer have a computer with Windows 95 to verify this, but I distinctly recall that if you did the internal system call to ask the version number, which returned the major version in one register and the minor version in another, Windows 95 returned major version=3, minor version=95.

    I don't know about internally, but in the computer properties dialog box, I remember it identified the OS version as 4.0095.[whatever build the kernel was].

    Windows XP is identified as Windows version 5.1.2600 using 'ver'.

  • LU (unregistered)

    Merging two fixes into one...

    for good or for ill Microsoft has numbered: Windows NT 4.0 = 4 Windows 2000 = 5 Windows XP = 5.1 Windows Vista = 6 WIndows 7 = 6.1

  • Drone (unregistered)

    I once worked in a particular blue-and-yellow competitor to CompuMart...

    After a while, even competant sales staff developed a hatred for the customers. We once had a man ask if a particular mousepad would work with his computer. My snarky coworker shot back: "Well sir, what color is your computer?" "Uh, beige." "No sir, that mouse pad won't work. [now reaching for a beige pad] Here sir, THIS mousepad will work with your computer."

    Customer came back the next day, very angry at having been mocked. But management insisted that my coworker didn't exist... turns out, he was also the guy who stole the old nametags from fired employees, so he was a different person every day.

    sigh Good times...

  • The guy (unregistered) in reply to William
    William:
    tB:
    1) Has anyone noticed that a USB A connector will fit nicely into an ethernet port? Had a mouse returned once that 'wouldn't work'

    Yes! I was working on a printer problem, and it turned out this was the issue.

    The best part is that I tried unplugging and plugging back in the printer to trigger the USB detection, and I did it behind the computer without looking and didn't even notice that it was in the ethernet port and not a USB port.

    Ok, I have to call B.S. on this... I have never seen a mouse with a USB-A connector, and I have never seen a computer with a USB-A connector. The USB standards designate the USB-A connector to be used for hubs or peripherals -- not the computer.

    Now, having said that, I can say that I have really, honestly had this problem, but it was plugging in a printer/fax/scanner combo that has Ethernet support (HP OfficeJet 6300 series). It's a printer, so it actually has a USB-A, and it does fit very well into the ethernet port and the two ports are right next to each other. I wouldn't be surprised if the HP techs get that one on the support line...

    Captcha: gravis. I only mention it because these stories all seem about as old as the Gravis Gamepad I used to have plugged into my SoundBlaster 16 sound card. Maybe even the 8-bit sound card...

  • (cs) in reply to Drone

    I recall foot pedal granny showing up some 15 years ago at the earliest I can remember. I've always chocked it up as urban legend. But I've worked with a lot of ignorant users as well, so it wouldn't shock me if it were true. I may still have the usenet thread archive with it SOMEWHERE... it's probably the most commonly repeated "omgtechcomprehensionfail" story I've seen - that and the CD tray/cupholder one.

  • (cs) in reply to The guy
    The guy:
    Ok, I have to call B.S. on this... I have never seen a mouse with a USB-A connector, and I have never seen a computer with a USB-A connector. The USB standards designate the USB-A connector to be used for hubs or peripherals -- not the computer.

    You've got it backwards. A is the flat connector that plugs into PCs (and is approximately the same width as an Ethernet port). B is the square peripheral/hub connector.

  • The guy (unregistered) in reply to Kensey

    I knew something was wrong... Oh well. Now that I think of it, the USB-B connector fit right into the phone connector...

    I got mixed up because people normally just say USB connector when talking about USB-A. Since he was specific, I ass_u_me_d he was talking about the USB-B.

  • Tom (unregistered)

    Man oh man am I glad I don't work a help desk...

    Most of the time I just have to deal with the crud that doesn't get sorted through the help desk.

    One of my favorites: "When I boot my machine up, there is a loud beeping noise." Move a stack of papers off of the keyboard, and reboot the machine, no more beeping.

  • (cs) in reply to Alex
    Alex:
    To the people thinking the food pedal is made up, I can state it does happen, for I have lived to see it occuring.

    I can believe it happened, somewhere, someplace. Now apparently it happens more often than I'd thought (and the dictation machine explanation does make sense).

    It just seems like every time we get an article about IT horror stories, this story (and the CD cup holder) show up, so either it truly is happening frequently enough that every IT person who tells the story has had it happen to them, or they're embellishing or referencing an incident that happened to someone else.

    Remember that kid (Craig Shergold?) who was dying of cancer and wanted to break the world record for postcards received in the mail? I have no doubt that it happened but that doesn't stop me from being suspicious every time I hear a story like it.

  • Brett (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous

    I couldn't say, but I'm touched that you pay such careful attention to my writings.

    I can say that I was once the Tech Support Manager for TopSpeed Corporation back in the late 90s and I did in fact say the above to one or two beligerently stupid asses.

    Thanks for caring.

  • Mike (unregistered)

    I haven't actually ever run into a user trying to use a mouse with their foot or a CD tray as a cupholder, but I have had users do things that could seem like urban legend.

    1. Our company has a large warehouse the contains all of our product to be shipped around the country. About 4 years ago a manager out there who was in his sixties (he has since retired) asked for a laptop to use to type inventory data into a spreadsheet. We provided him with an old 600MHz Celeron laptop and he had difficulty using the touch pad. He unplugged the mouse from his office computer and had plugged it into the laptop and it wouldn't work so he called our Help Desk. I walked out there to find that he had jammed the USB mouse connector onto the laptops serial port.

    2. A user called in (and left a voicemail) to complain that she couldn't get to the internet. We got this message after power was restored to the building. Her phone and laptop both stayed on, but she didn't put two and two together that the lights being out would stop her access to the internet.

  • Garth Webb (unregistered)

    Does anyone read these before posting? I've noticed that thedailywtf.com tends to have one spelling error per post, but I usually ignore them. This article, however, had three errors in the first three sections that would be obvious if anyone actually read the article first:

    factor => factory "The tech then moved on to a complete factor-state restore..."

    live => leave "...but they live little doo-doos..."

    time => to "...that it occurred in the cubicle next time his."

    I'm not someone who usually comments just to point out spelling errors, but these are getting distracting.

  • AdT (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    These are always good. Can we PLEASE get a dedicated category for the tech support posts?

    Seconded. Or thirded, icosidodecaded or whatevered it is by now. BTW, my laser mouse not only works on a TFT but also the bottom side of a steel pot. Hey, I was curious. Captcha's opto, I swear.

  • Procedural (unregistered)

    +1 on the category idea

    The mouse-on-screen idea: that tech really impressed me; I would have never ever thought of that as a possibility. Who knows if a new wave of those will come up now that touch computing is upon us ?

  • Tommy (unregistered)

    Worst. TDWTF. Story. Ever.

  • Procedural (unregistered) in reply to Tommy
    Tommy:
    Worst. TDWTF. Story. Ever.

    (Why do people really want to sound like the fat Comic Guy from the Simpson ? Is the display or either poor memory or emphysema a good thing to communicate to the world ? Purple monkey dishwasher ?)

  • Right Wing-Nut (unregistered) in reply to Mike
    Mike:
    ...

    Windows 3.x = 3.x Windows 95 = 4.0 Windows 95 OSR2 = 4.0C Windows 98 = 4.1 Windows 98SE = 4.1A Windows ME = 4.9 Windows 2000 = 5.0 Windows XP = 5.1 Windows Vista = 6.0 Windows 7 = 6.1

    TRWTF is that Windows 7 is Windows 6.1, not actually 7.0.

    Microsoft claims that this is not due to Windows 7 just being a glorified service pack for Windows Vista, rather is is to increase compatibility with applications written for Vista that look for Windows version numbers.

    CAPTCHA: esse, It is esse to be confused by Windows version numbers.

    Now, tell us how sad your life is by letting us know how many of those you did not need to verify...

    (I remembered that 95 was 4, but was thinking that 95 OSR2 was 4.1...)

  • (cs) in reply to Plz Send Me The Code
    Plz Send Me The Code:
    foot pedal? I don't think that's true

    Ever see an old sewing machine?

  • Loomphious (unregistered)

    I also call shenanigans on the "disappearing icons" one. The medical community refers to the stage of a normally constituted human being's life when they can recognized that their hand can make things disappear as: "baby".

  • (cs) in reply to galgorah
    galgorah:
    Anon:
    There was a Windows 98½, aka Windows ME
    I had a laptop years ago that came with Windows ME. Let me tell you, that OS is an abomination against nature itself. I would rather spend eternity bathing in a river of fecal matter than use that existential perversion again...

    I keep ranting about this over and over. Windows Me has a bad rap in the same way Vista does. It had some early problems, but a significant portion of the crap users had to go through with it was driver-based. They were transitioning from VXD to WDM drivers in Windows 98SE, but they made them mandatory in Windows Me. No one new how the @#$% to write a WDM driver, so none of your hardware worked well, so Windows Me crashed. A lot.

    I kept my drivers up to date and chucked out a couple of bad components and had just as good an experience (or better) with Windows Me than most people did with Windows 98SE - for better or for worse.

    I am also currently running Windows Vista SP2 and it's just as stable as the Windows 7 beta was on the same hardware (downgraded for reasons that turned out to be unrelated, too lazy to reinstall the beta when the full thing is out in like, two days now).

    I read somewhere that something like 40-60% of BSODs on Windows Vista in the first few months were related to NVidia drivers.

  • J (unregistered) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:
    the foot pedal sounds pretty apocryphal, has someone really seen that happen?

    No, but neither did the tech support person - they were talking on the phone, so they didn't see anything.

  • thom (unregistered)

    Lyfe? Lyle would've been better. No, not just better... the BEST! And Lyle would not have gotten a complaint!

    That Lyle story is still one of my favorites:)

  • Radu C (unregistered)

    This article brought back an idea I got about two weeks ago when I got a ZX Spectrum+ (full box, introductory tape and manual) from eBay. How come today's computers no longer come with manuals? Why are you expected to know everything about your computer? To sell more Windows books? And more "computer" books? And none of them tells you what the "foot pedal" actually is (a cup holder people!).

    The Speccy's manual is colorful, full of detail, and giving you an extensive basic training around the machine and it's UI (BASIC as it were).

    These days? Not so much. I got a laptop with Vista installed on it. First thing I see? The Vista pre-installation, license acceptance screen. After that? Well, the Vista desktop. No manual in the box to tell me what I can do with it, no suggestions, no trips and tricks for the first time user. Nothing. They expect me to know, or know someone who knows. That means, if I weren't in IT, I'd have to call someone who is, and that is, hopefully, not first line tech support, as they won't even know what books to point me to. They'll just tell me to "Google it". What's this Google thing anyway and how do I get to it? :) Browser? What's that? And so on...

  • psm321 (unregistered)

    Am I really the only one who thought the user expecting computer support from a store advertising that they provided "computer support" was not being unreasonable? If I buy a Microcenter branded PC (yes they have their own brand), would Best Buy Geek Squad not support it?

  • (cs) in reply to me
    me:
    The part the guy asking for his $4.99 phone bill sounds fine to me. I don't see any WTF in it and the guy is right! I'll go on and advertise "will bring back relatives from the dead in under 2 seconds" and if someone bitches about it, I'll let them know that it will only happen over 5 billion years.
    Wait, what?
  • Carl (unregistered) in reply to Radu C
    Radu C:
    How come today's computers no longer come with manuals?
    Most lusers would rather spend eternity bathing in a river of fecal matter than actually read a manual -- or anything else. Which is why they had to invent software that shows you a bunch of shiny colorful cartoons you can "point and shoot" at like a video game. I don't know what it is, but something about a computer makes normal decent folk turn into knee-jerk stimulus-response three-year-olds.

    //third try//

  • Herby (unregistered)

    Well well...

    If you want customer support tales, go visit: http://www.techtales.com While it hasn't been updated in almost a year, they DO have LOTS of older funny stories about the ins and outs of customer support.

    Moral: there are lots of 1d10t's out there, and it doesn't take much to find them.

  • Konrad (unregistered) in reply to ContraCorners
    ContraCorners:
    Anonymous:
    Anon:
    There was a Windows 98½, aka Windows ME
    And there was a Windows 95½, AKA OSR2. And Windows 7 is actually Windows 6.1, which could legitimately be considered as "Windows Vista½". Looks like half versions are pretty much the norm for Microsoft.
    Not for nothin', but where does the name Windows 7 come from? I mean, many years ago I worked with a program called Windows 3.1. That makes

    Windows 95 = Windows 4 Windows 98 = Windows 5 Windows 2k = Windows 6 Windows XP = Windows 7 Vista = Windows 8 Windows 7 = Windows 9

    Or is the product called Windows 7 really just Windows XP repackaged?

    This always bugs me about September - December.

  • Central Harlem Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to ContraCorners

    I believe that 95, 98, and ME are viewed as basically the same product to Microsoft (version 4), as are NT and 2000 (version 5). That leaves XP and Vista as 6, and they new thing as 7.

    Also, I don't know if anybody could prove it, but I think the design at Microsoft with the current numbering is to suggest that they are a step ahead of Apple. As Apple has been selling OS X 10.1, 10.2, etc., and is now at 10.6, Microsoft naturally offers Windows 7.

    It's not a perfect theory -- Windows 11 would be an even more obvious trump.

  • (cs) in reply to Carl
    Carl:
    Now, picture a college lab full of these teletypes, students all working on the same assignment. Someone makes a typo; code won't compile. Error message prints. You can hear each letter clacking out onto the paper. After a while, certain patterns sound familiar. So you just yell across the room to the doe eyed airhead who decided to take Fortran to round out her psych degree "you left out a comma in your FORMAT statement" and bask in the bewilderment and awe.
    Incidentally I did try this about a year ago. Got an old clunker (W95 OSR2, VB 6, and some sources laying around). For "listening in" I got a Tek 7L14 spectrum analyzer in a 7603 mainframe, and an antenna. After a few tries it was doable to see whether a compile ended up in generating the .exe or not. As for types of error messages shown -- sorry, couldn't get that far. Maybe if I could fire the sweep off F7 key, and set things up just right. In case anyone asks: I happened on an article related to TEMPEST and just couldn't help myself. Dunno why I chose to experiment with VB 6 and compiling, I guess it was the first "big cruncher" that I saw in the start menu. Disk defragmentation looks quite boring on the analyzer, although it's very obvious and easy to distinguish from anything else, it seems.

    I guess the teletype wins :)

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