• Anonymous (unregistered)

    This is about average where I work.

  • Cailin Coilleach (unregistered)

    Wait a minute! -My- website works with a single index.php with different GET variables. I thought it works quite nicely. Am I missing something? O_o

  • ContraCorners (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    This is about average where I work.
    Don't you know anything? You're supposed to write "First" in the first comment.

    Geez... some people!

  • Robert (unregistered)

    Did I spy a Monopoly joke of all things?!

  • Chris (unregistered) in reply to Cailin Coilleach
    Cailin Coilleach:
    Wait a minute! -My- website works with a single index.php with different GET variables. I thought it works quite nicely. Am I missing something? O_o

    Same here, although I do use mod_rewrite to turn those nasty looking query strings into neat looking URL's...

  • fuzzix (cs)

    I'm interested in this visual assistant thing. What is it and what can it do for me?

  • Mike (unregistered)

    With parents named Alice and Bob, I was expecting a cryptography reference in there somewhere.

  • pjt33 (cs) in reply to Mike
    Mike:
    With parents named Alice and Bob, I was expecting a cryptography reference in there somewhere.
    I was expecting the get-rich-quick gimmick to be looking up someone's birth certificate before trying to contract them for professional services.
  • DaveK (cs)

    If only they had considered specializing. They could have invented the lolcat!

  • @Deprecated (unregistered)

    Okay so the previous guy got $3000 for an unfinished contract. The guy lives in an extravagant house.

    Seriously, why did Gaye not sign on at an exhorbitant rate, and start the project from scratch! Unless, of course, the guy actually liked the illegible page format.

  • Addison (unregistered)

    If only they lived on boardwalk. . .

  • mrs_helm (unregistered)

    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

  • jonnyq (cs) in reply to Cailin Coilleach
    Cailin Coilleach:
    Wait a minute! -My- website works with a single index.php with different GET variables. I thought it works quite nicely. Am I missing something? O_o

    If that index.php file is responsible for calling a couple class constructors or a few specialized functions with a few includes that keep the business well separated, then no problem. (But at that point you'd probably be cleaning the URLs up with htaccess files...)

    However, if it's a 5000 line hodgepodge with 25 blocks of code that are all exactly the same except for a couple lines different in each block with variables like $bob and $xx, then oh hell no.

    And once you've seen 1997-esque get-rich-quick homepage made by some guy trying to fill requirements for a green card, which of those two scenarios is suddently more likely?

  • Downfall (unregistered) in reply to mrs_helm
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    I came here to say this. The overlap between computer smart and business smart is shockingly narrow. How could you turn down a client who accepts work like what was described, buys anything he sees on late night TV and (some how) apparently has access to significant assets?

  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    Hmm, another article that never quite finishes. This is becoming quite a common

    [Post attempt #3]

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Downfall
    Downfall:
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    I came here to say this. The overlap between computer smart and business smart is shockingly narrow. How could you turn down a client who accepts work like what was described, buys anything he sees on late night TV and (some how) apparently has access to significant assets?

    But what you seem to be forgetting is that this guy lived in a big house in the nicest part of town. So he must be doing something right, no?

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Downfall:
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    I came here to say this. The overlap between computer smart and business smart is shockingly narrow. How could you turn down a client who accepts work like what was described, buys anything he sees on late night TV and (some how) apparently has access to significant assets?

    But what you seem to be forgetting is that this guy lived in a big house in the nicest part of town. So he must be doing something right, no?
    No, you weren't forgetting that at all. It was right there in your comment. Apparently I can't read anymore.

  • Anon (unregistered)

    Move along...nothing to WTF here...

  • Meh (unregistered) in reply to Downfall
    Downfall:
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    I came here to say this. The overlap between computer smart and business smart is shockingly narrow. How could you turn down a client who accepts work like what was described, buys anything he sees on late night TV and (some how) apparently has access to significant assets?

    Morals?

    Or maybe, the idea of the kind of work you'd be doing for him? Some things aren't worth doing even for large sums of money, this might just be one of them.

  • DeaDPooL (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Downfall:
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    I came here to say this. The overlap between computer smart and business smart is shockingly narrow. How could you turn down a client who accepts work like what was described, buys anything he sees on late night TV and (some how) apparently has access to significant assets?

    But what you seem to be forgetting is that this guy lived in a big house in the nicest part of town. So he must be doing something right, no?

    I thought the cat army was the clue that it was his grandmother's place he was crashing at.

  • Adam (unregistered) in reply to DeaDPooL
    DeaDPooL:
    Anonymous:
    Downfall:
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    I came here to say this. The overlap between computer smart and business smart is shockingly narrow. How could you turn down a client who accepts work like what was described, buys anything he sees on late night TV and (some how) apparently has access to significant assets?

    But what you seem to be forgetting is that this guy lived in a big house in the nicest part of town. So he must be doing something right, no?

    I thought the cat army was the clue that it was his grandmother's place he was crashing at.

    I don't see why; maybe he just liked cats, for heaven's sake. I like cats :3

  • Eddy (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that Gabe didn't take the job from a guy who was living in a $500,000 house and was willing to pay, that's the average client of mine.

    And FYI: most PHP websites use one main page that's triggered by a $_GET variable; they just use mod_rewrite to "beautify" the URL.

  • Vechni (cs)

    When I was in college I worked in a restaurant and was always looking for side web-work. So this guy approached me in the restaurant while I was working and we were talking about web development and so he schedules a meeting with me at a coffee shop. So when I get there I see him, overly well dressed with some kind of very expensive Rolex telling me how I can make all this money selling products like... Rolex's for example, directly from China and earn profit from the direct markup. This actually isn't completely unsound, like a typical scam, but I still immediately declined it being that he wasn't upfront about his intentions of this meeting (red flag) plus the fact that it is definitely a scam of sorts.

  • blub (unregistered)

    Of course, but he is talking about different GET-variables, i.e.

    ?meh=muh for page 1, ?muh=meh for page2, ?olaf=gustav for page3, ...

  • lolator (unregistered) in reply to Adam
    Adam:
    I don't see why; maybe he just liked cats, for heaven's sake. I like cats :3

    I can haz $obscene_hourly_rate for teh programang of websait?

  • Wongo (unregistered)

    There is an other variant of the get-rich-quick schemes nowadays: the dating-site-that's-gonna-end-em-all. I'm CTO of a web agency in Europe, and there's not a day where I don't get at least one person inquiring about setting up a dating site, along the lines of:

    "Ok, I've got this fantastic idea of a new dating site with an edge: ppl will be able to enter their specifics and the site will match them automatically. Smart, eh? It has to have a credit card system + Paypal, huge databases to accomodate millions of users, has to be friendlier, nicer and more intuitive than whatever is out there at the moment, unlimited space for the users so they can upload pictures and videos, a classified section (with unlimited space for the ads), and unlimited bandwidth. Obviously I shall be the owner of the source code. Oh, and it also has to double as some sort of Facebook + Myspace + Ebay thingy, only more user-friendly.

    I've heard of this "open source" thing, so I expect the site to cost less than $300.

    Now, onto my problem: do you think I should register a domain name, and should I set up a company for this?"

    Yeah, those are your real problems. Because the other thing, the actually-doing-stuff bit, can easily be solved by clicking on the "Create a full dating site in 1 sec and become immensely rich" button. It's carefully hidden in Windows, but programmers know where it is. It's their job, after all.

  • Charles400 (cs)

    Didn't this guy eventually start TechCrunch?

  • Daryl (unregistered)

    Amazed that noone has said this but...

    WTF = the guy's name is GAYE.

    • runs childishly away! -
  • Kef Schecter (unregistered) in reply to Addison
    Addison:
    If only they lived on boardwalk. . .

    Yeah, but there's a hotel on it, so Gaye would have had to pay $2000 once he landed there.

  • Mel (cs) in reply to Daryl
    Daryl:
    Amazed that noone has said this but...

    WTF = the guy's name is GAYE.

    • runs childishly away! -
    I wondered about this. I've met a few people called 'Gaye', but without exception they were women aged 50+...
  • ubersoldat (cs) in reply to Wongo
    Wongo:
    There is an other variant of the get-rich-quick schemes nowadays: the dating-site-that's-gonna-end-em-all. I'm CTO of a web agency in Europe, and there's not a day where I don't get at least one person inquiring about setting up a dating site, along the lines of:

    "Ok, I've got this fantastic idea of a new dating site with an edge: ppl will be able to enter their specifics and the site will match them automatically. Smart, eh? It has to have a credit card system + Paypal, huge databases to accomodate millions of users, has to be friendlier, nicer and more intuitive than whatever is out there at the moment, unlimited space for the users so they can upload pictures and videos, a classified section (with unlimited space for the ads), and unlimited bandwidth. Obviously I shall be the owner of the source code. Oh, and it also has to double as some sort of Facebook + Myspace + Ebay thingy, only more user-friendly.

    I've heard of this "open source" thing, so I expect the site to cost less than $300.

    Now, onto my problem: do you think I should register a domain name, and should I set up a company for this?"

    Yeah, those are your real problems. Because the other thing, the actually-doing-stuff bit, can easily be solved by clicking on the "Create a full dating site in 1 sec and become immensely rich" button. It's carefully hidden in Windows, but programmers know where it is. It's their job, after all.

    Don't start me with the ones who want a gambling site, I've met at least 5 during my career.

  • luis.espinal (cs)

    Oh boy, that is so sadly common. Tards who actually believe they can get rich on the interweebz because the Aussie guy on late night TV tells them so.

    It is also irritable in that, sooner or later, no matter how careful or picky you are, one of them will find a way to snare you in and waste your time.

    There is nothing more painful than to listen to some clueless soul asking you to participate in their bizness with promises of delayed payments until they get filthy rich. Oh yeah.

  • Anonymouse (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    But what you seem to be forgetting is that this guy lived in a big house in the nicest part of town. So he must be doing something right, no?
    I don't think that for that, he needed to do anything right beyond being born to the right pair of parents.
  • Blablablaadje (unregistered) in reply to Cailin Coilleach
    Cailin Coilleach:
    Wait a minute! -My- website works with a single index.php with different GET variables. I thought it works quite nicely. Am I missing something? O_o

    Mine too.. The code is not that hard, the GET variable is just a template id.

  • Blablablaadje (unregistered) in reply to luis.espinal
    luis.espinal:
    Oh boy, that is so sadly common. Tards who actually believe they can get rich on the interweebz because the Aussie guy on late night TV tells them so.

    It is also irritable in that, sooner or later, no matter how careful or picky you are, one of them will find a way to snare you in and waste your time.

    There is nothing more painful than to listen to some clueless soul asking you to participate in their bizness with promises of delayed payments until they get filthy rich. Oh yeah.

    If I'm to believe late night TV, I could be meeting hot model chicks in the area, somehow they all would be waiting to date me... I seriously doubt it. (I'd probably get mugged)

  • DOA (cs) in reply to ubersoldat
    Wongo:
    There is an other variant of the get-rich-quick schemes nowadays: the dating-site-that's-gonna-end-em-all. I'm CTO of a web agency in Europe, and there's not a day where I don't get at least one person inquiring about setting up a dating site, along the lines of:

    "Ok, I've got this fantastic idea of a new dating site with an edge: ppl will be able to enter their specifics and the site will match them automatically. Smart, eh? It has to have a credit card system + Paypal, huge databases to accomodate millions of users, has to be friendlier, nicer and more intuitive than whatever is out there at the moment, unlimited space for the users so they can upload pictures and videos, a classified section (with unlimited space for the ads), and unlimited bandwidth. Obviously I shall be the owner of the source code. Oh, and it also has to double as some sort of Facebook + Myspace + Ebay thingy, only more user-friendly.

    I've heard of this "open source" thing, so I expect the site to cost less than $300.

    Now, onto my problem: do you think I should register a domain name, and should I set up a company for this?"

    Yeah, those are your real problems. Because the other thing, the actually-doing-stuff bit, can easily be solved by clicking on the "Create a full dating site in 1 sec and become immensely rich" button. It's carefully hidden in Windows, but programmers know where it is. It's their job, after all.

    Sonafabitch, someone stole my idea. Oh, well, there's always plan b-

    ubersoldat:
    Don't start me with the ones who want a gambling site, I've met at least 5 during my career.
    Godammit
  • JohnB (unregistered) in reply to Mike
    Mike:
    With parents named Alice and Bob, I was expecting a cryptography reference in there somewhere.
    and I was expecting a movie reference including Carol and Ted.
  • DWalker59 (cs)

    He was looking around for a visual aide? Really?

  • Zach (unregistered) in reply to Daryl

    The 'e' on the end somehow makes it less funny.

  • Chris (unregistered) in reply to Wongo
    Wongo:
    There is an other variant of the get-rich-quick schemes nowadays: the dating-site-that's-gonna-end-em-all. I'm CTO of a web agency in Europe, and there's not a day where I don't get at least one person inquiring about setting up a dating site, along the lines of:

    "Ok, I've got this fantastic idea of a new dating site with an edge: ppl will be able to enter their specifics and the site will match them automatically. Smart, eh? It has to have a credit card system + Paypal, huge databases to accomodate millions of users, has to be friendlier, nicer and more intuitive than whatever is out there at the moment, unlimited space for the users so they can upload pictures and videos, a classified section (with unlimited space for the ads), and unlimited bandwidth. Obviously I shall be the owner of the source code. Oh, and it also has to double as some sort of Facebook + Myspace + Ebay thingy, only more user-friendly.

    I've heard of this "open source" thing, so I expect the site to cost less than $300.

    Now, onto my problem: do you think I should register a domain name, and should I set up a company for this?"

    Yeah, those are your real problems. Because the other thing, the actually-doing-stuff bit, can easily be solved by clicking on the "Create a full dating site in 1 sec and become immensely rich" button. It's carefully hidden in Windows, but programmers know where it is. It's their job, after all.

    In my relatively short career doing freelance web programming, I've run into 2 of these idiots already. People are quite naive.

  • Yup (unregistered) in reply to Wongo
    Wongo:
    Yeah, those are your real problems. Because the other thing, the actually-doing-stuff bit, can easily be solved by clicking on the "Create a full dating site in 1 sec and become immensely rich" button. It's carefully hidden in Windows, but programmers know where it is. It's their job, after all.

    Shit. You found that button too? There goes my whole business plan.

  • Murdog (unregistered) in reply to Wongo
    Wongo:
    There is an other variant of the get-rich-quick schemes nowadays: the dating-site-that's-gonna-end-em-all. I'm CTO of a web agency in Europe, and there's not a day where I don't get at least one person inquiring about setting up a dating site, along the lines of:

    "Ok, I've got this fantastic idea of a new dating site with an edge: ppl will be able to enter their specifics and the site will match them automatically. Smart, eh? It has to have a credit card system + Paypal, huge databases to accomodate millions of users, has to be friendlier, nicer and more intuitive than whatever is out there at the moment, unlimited space for the users so they can upload pictures and videos, a classified section (with unlimited space for the ads), and unlimited bandwidth. Obviously I shall be the owner of the source code. Oh, and it also has to double as some sort of Facebook + Myspace + Ebay thingy, only more user-friendly.

    I've heard of this "open source" thing, so I expect the site to cost less than $300.

    Now, onto my problem: do you think I should register a domain name, and should I set up a company for this?"

    Yeah, those are your real problems. Because the other thing, the actually-doing-stuff bit, can easily be solved by clicking on the "Create a full dating site in 1 sec and become immensely rich" button. It's carefully hidden in Windows, but programmers know where it is. It's their job, after all.

    I would be happy with the "Make me a ham sandwhich" button. But sadly it eludes me :(

  • JuanCarlosII (cs) in reply to Murdog
    Murdog:
    I would be happy with the "Make me a ham sandwhich" button. But sadly it eludes me :(

    You need the command line for that - http://xkcd.com/149/ </obligatoryxkcdlink>

  • snoofle (cs) in reply to Murdog
    Murdog:
    I would be happy with the "Make me a ham sandwhich" button. But sadly it eludes me :(
    The big blue "e" leads to many sites where you can request a ham sandwich, or whatever, and they will bring it to your door.

    Re get-rich-quick-scheme-victims: one word: retainer!

    If they're willing to fork it over, take the job.

  • Milton (unregistered) in reply to Robert
    Robert:
    Did I spy a Monopoly joke of all things?!

    "Park Place? he thought, that's the second nicest street in the area!"

    Love the editing.

  • Justice (cs) in reply to Vechni
    Vechni:
    When I was in college I worked in a restaurant and was always looking for side web-work. So this guy approached me in the restaurant while I was working and we were talking about web development and so he schedules a meeting with me at a coffee shop. So when I get there I see him, overly well dressed with some kind of very expensive Rolex telling me how I can make all this money selling products like... Rolex's for example, directly from China and earn profit from the direct markup. This actually isn't completely unsound, like a typical scam, but I still immediately declined it being that he wasn't upfront about his intentions of this meeting (red flag) plus the fact that it is definitely a scam of sorts.

    Classic move. I got a voicemail from some guy claiming to be good buddies with a college friend of mine, saying that he'd gotten my number from said friend, and was wanting to discuss a business proposition. So far so good; my friend works in a sort of business analyst role for Big Retail Chain, and does some programming work in the course of the job, so it made sense that he might get word to me if something interesting came up.

    So I call the guy back, and while he seems fairly amicable, he's extremely cagey about details of this business proposition. Then he says he needs to meet people for dinner, so he has to cut things short, but I should call him back if I'm interested. At this point I still don't know what it is I'm supposed to be interested in.

    Later that day I finally get into contact with my friend, and it turns out he barely knows this guy; he's just some dude who goes to the same gym. And what's this guy's stellar business proposition, the one he wanted all these smart analyst/programmer types for?

    Amway.

    Needless to say I didn't call him back.

    With this story, though, it sounds like he just wanted a website done for his multi-level marketing (or other late-night TV money system) operation. I can understand objecting to it in principle, but it's not like he was demanding you sign on as his first referral or anything. If money's tight, why turn it down?

  • Zach Bora (unregistered)

    The real WTF is the cats

  • Anona (unregistered)

    Actually, I once received a support request on one of my client's websites from a woman named "Gay Power". The WTF is that several of my co-workers couldn't understand why that was funny.

  • joeyadams (cs) in reply to Zach Bora

    I CAN HAZ WEB DZINER?

    It is done.

  • amischiefr (cs) in reply to mrs_helm
    mrs_helm:
    Actually, this might not have been a bad client to take. He will apparently pay $1000 for any lie you can sell him. All you have to do is keep coming back with "the newest thing that will definitely make you an internet millionaire".

    Just don't list his website in your portfolio, or use him as a reference.

    No kidding, the OP in this story is the real wtf. Unwilling to finish / clean up somebody else's code? What a fucking hack. Give me that guys name and number, I'll do it and charge him another 3k.

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