Maybe I'm shooting at an unfair target here, but Dave sent in this from Crystal Reports. Now if you think BASIC code can get ugly ... well, just take a look at this ...
if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'SOUTH AFRICA' then "Visitors to " + 'South Africa' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'PUERTO RICO' then "Visitors to " + 'Puerto Rico' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'UNITED ARAB EMIRATES' then "Visitors to " + 'United Arab Emirates' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'CAYMAN ISLANDS' then "Visitors to " + 'Cayman Islands' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'HONG KONG' then "Visitors to " + 'Hong Kong' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'RUSSIA FED EUROPE' then "Visitors to " + 'Russia Fed Europe' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'CZECH REPUBLIC' then "Visitors to " + 'Czech Republic' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'COSTA RICA' then "Visitors to " + 'Costa Rica' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'NEW ZEALAND' then "Visitors to " + 'New Zealand' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'ANTIGUA AND BARBUDA' then "Visitors to " + 'Antigua and Barbuda' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else if {crGetPassportDetails;1.Name} = 'ST LUCIA' then "Visitors to " + 'St Lucia' + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
else "Visitors to " + Mid ({crGetPassportDetails;1.Name},1,1 ) + LowerCase(mid({crGetPassportDetails;1.Name},2,length({crGetPassportDetails;1.Name}))) + " require a full passport which must be valid for " + {@MinMonths} + " months after departure from this country."
And for your off-topic "sidebar" post, check out what American Apparel is "pimpin'".