• Patrick (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that someone out there is still using what is really an upgraded version of The Print Shop. I haven't used that in at least 10 years.

  • (cs)

    I wonder what the phrase "from scratch" would mean for those people

  • (cs)

    Polishes Keys Cleans Screen Washes Hands Types Comment

  • (cs)

    Hooray for the fact that the best of the sidebar articles no longer link to the actual sidebar thread.

    No seriously, this is actually a good thing.

  • Geoff (unregistered)

    The real WTF is the advice to clean a CD with a circular motion.

  • Adrian (unregistered)

    But did it work?

  • facilisis (unregistered)

    I actually had to do that with a CD of customer data someone sent us, they somehow got fingerprints all over the important side.

  • fash (unregistered)

    At least he got that far. I tried to "Install The Print Shop® from scratch" according to the manual and the disc wasn't even readable.

  • Grant (unregistered)

    Can I also prevent viruses by putting a condom on the CD tray first?

  • (cs)

    Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

  • Havagan (unregistered)

    I worked for a biotech a few years back and an award winning PhD/researcher at Johns Hopkins asked for help installing software on his laptop which he had been struggling with for two days to install.

    Once I cleaned the jelly fingerprints from the CD it installed perfectly. (He admitted to letting his young son play with his computer.)

  • tardibear (unregistered)

    It gets worse - the installation instructions tell you to run MSCONFIG, make a note of and disable each startup item, and then reboot before running the installer :-

    http://support.broderbund.com/fix.asp?isid=44676&prog=1294820992&printer=1

  • Jon B (unregistered)

    Support: Customer is getting error 1305, what do we do?

    Engineering: Do a clean install.

    Support: Will do. BTW - please write up instructions for this that we can post on the web.

    Engineering: [They'll get a kick out of this...]

    Webmaster: I'll just post this FAQ without reading it or thinking about it because I'm so busy. I'm sure these guys aren't pulling any kind of prank - that would be childish.

  • (cs) in reply to Jon B

    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

  • Herohtar (unregistered)

    You have to at least give them some credit for having such detailed and helpful installation instructions.

  • John (unregistered) in reply to WeatherGod
    WeatherGod:
    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

    Did it turn out to be a dirty CD? Or did you just ignore his instructions because you "knew" better then gave up? Would you have been offended if he'd have asked if you were eating a donut at the same time as removing the CD from the packaging?

    Give these guys a break... You have to remember they could be dealing with morons, they have to check the obvious.

  • SarcasmFTW (unregistered) in reply to John
    John:
    WeatherGod:
    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

    Did it turn out to be a dirty CD? Or did you just ignore his instructions because you "knew" better then gave up? Would you have been offended if he'd have asked if you were eating a donut at the same time as removing the CD from the packaging?

    Give these guys a break... You have to remember they could be dealing with morons, they have to check the obvious.

    I give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, but after talking with me savvy person for a few minutes it should be obvious that the person isn't an idiot, and perhaps its time to try the less inane solutions.

  • Marc (unregistered)

    When working for tech support, I once told a guy he would need to clean his hard drive (as there wasn't any space left to install his program). He thanks me and hangs up the phone.

    Thirty minutes later he calls back and starts swearing at me saying his computer won't turn on. After 20 minutes of troubleshooting I find out that in order to "clean" his computer, he took the side panel off the case, put it on this patio table and sprayed it with the garden hose.

    /Seriously

  • (cs)

    Wax on, Wax of

    It is the way of the install

  • John (unregistered) in reply to SarcasmFTW
    SarcasmFTW:
    John:
    WeatherGod:
    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

    Did it turn out to be a dirty CD? Or did you just ignore his instructions because you "knew" better then gave up? Would you have been offended if he'd have asked if you were eating a donut at the same time as removing the CD from the packaging?

    Give these guys a break... You have to remember they could be dealing with morons, they have to check the obvious.

    I give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, but after talking with me savvy person for a few minutes it should be obvious that the person isn't an idiot, and perhaps its time to try the less inane solutions.

    I didn't say that he wasn't a moron...

  • (cs) in reply to John
    John:
    SarcasmFTW:
    John:
    WeatherGod:
    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

    Did it turn out to be a dirty CD? Or did you just ignore his instructions because you "knew" better then gave up? Would you have been offended if he'd have asked if you were eating a donut at the same time as removing the CD from the packaging?

    Give these guys a break... You have to remember they could be dealing with morons, they have to check the obvious.

    I give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, but after talking with me savvy person for a few minutes it should be obvious that the person isn't an idiot, and perhaps its time to try the less inane solutions.

    I didn't say that he wasn't a moron...

    Either did John. He said YOU might be. You... sure showed him?

  • (cs) in reply to SarcasmFTW
    SarcasmFTW:
    I give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, but after talking with me savvy person for a few minutes it should be obvious that the person isn't an idiot, and perhaps its time to try the less inane solutions.

    I have a guy that calls me and claims he has all these certifications. He'll call me, ask my opinion, then tell me I'm wrong! Want... to... strangle... him. SO I'll go to his computer and fix it the way I told him, and he'll give all these excuses about how that's not how it's supposed to work according to the plethora of books he has read.

    So, if you're like me, or if, Gourd help you, you're like the "certified" guy... watch the pride. It can really make you look like a turd if you're not careful.

  • David Sallis (unregistered) in reply to SarcasmFTW

    I once had a tech support person thank me for not being their usual idiotic caller. Actual quote: "It's a relief to talk on the phone to someone who's actually competent."

  • Bob (unregistered)

    When I was first installing my wireless router, I couldn't connect to my ISP.

    Remove the router, connects fine.
    Add the router, fail.

    I do some other diagnosing and about 40 minutes later, I call my ISP helpdesk. I begin a detailed explanation of what was going on so I wouldn't be subjected to the whole "Is your PC turned on?" script. They needed to know they weren't dealing with an idiot!

    The tech interrupts (very rudely, I thought), "Do you want your connection fixed or not"? "Well, yes but I ..." "Then stop talking and let me tell you what to do."

    3 minutes later I was saying, "Thank you, it's working now."

    humble

  • shawn (unregistered)

    http://support.encoreusa.com/kb.asp?id=554'

  • Whoosis (unregistered)

    When I was at school (early-1990s) there was a policy that any disk you wanted to use on the school's computers had to be 'checked for viruses' by the IT teacher. The first occasion that I brought in a 3.5" floppy, I dutifully handed it to the teacher, assuming he was going to go to his office, or at least a nearby computer, and run some kind of check.

    Instead, he stood there in front of me, pulled back the sprung metal cover on the disk case, looked at the small portion of disk visible within, peering at it from a couple of angles, and handed it back to me, saying "Looks clean to me, go ahead."

    I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny; judging by his general absence of humour, I don't think so. After that I never bothered getting him to 'check' anything else.

  • (cs) in reply to Grovesy
    Grovesy:
    Wax on, Wax of

    It is the way of the install

    This one should be blue.

  • (cs) in reply to Marc
    Marc:
    When working for tech support, I once told a guy he would need to clean his hard drive (as there wasn't any space left to install his program). He thanks me and hangs up the phone.

    Thirty minutes later he calls back and starts swearing at me saying his computer won't turn on. After 20 minutes of troubleshooting I find out that in order to "clean" his computer, he took the side panel off the case, put it on this patio table and sprayed it with the garden hose.

    /Seriously

    I REALLY want to know what you said to him after that. And what his reply was.

  • sweavo (unregistered) in reply to SarcasmFTW
    SarcasmFTW:
    I give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, but after talking with me savvy person for a few minutes it should be obvious that the person isn't an idiot, and perhaps its time to try the less inane solutions.

    Maybe the helpdesk person spotted your inability to string together a sentence and decided to give you extra help?

  • Jon B (unregistered) in reply to Whoosis
    Whoosis:
    When I was at school (early-1990s) there was a policy that any disk you wanted to use on the school's computers had to be 'checked for viruses' by the IT teacher. The first occasion that I brought in a 3.5" floppy, I dutifully handed it to the teacher, assuming he was going to go to his office, or at least a nearby computer, and run some kind of check.

    Instead, he stood there in front of me, pulled back the sprung metal cover on the disk case, looked at the small portion of disk visible within, peering at it from a couple of angles, and handed it back to me, saying "Looks clean to me, go ahead."

    I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny; judging by his general absence of humour, I don't think so. After that I never bothered getting him to 'check' anything else.

    Doesn't he know how dangerous that is? What if it had been infected? He could have caught the virus HIMSELF by exposing his eyes to the raw data.

    I wonder how he handles thumb drives?

  • (cs) in reply to John
    John:
    WeatherGod:
    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

    Did it turn out to be a dirty CD? Or did you just ignore his instructions because you "knew" better then gave up? Would you have been offended if he'd have asked if you were eating a donut at the same time as removing the CD from the packaging?

    Give these guys a break... You have to remember they could be dealing with morons, they have to check the obvious.

    No, it wasn't a dirty CD. The thing that made the whole thing stupid was that he never asked me for any of the technical information. He just took me through the basic installation steps and when that failed to solve the problem, the best he could suggest was "do you have another computer?" After trying it on a completely different computer and having the same problems, he just filed my "bug report" and I never heard back from them. The best I could figure was a driver issue because it would crash only when the device the software was using was connected.

  • SomeCoder (unregistered) in reply to Marc
    Marc:
    When working for tech support, I once told a guy he would need to clean his hard drive (as there wasn't any space left to install his program). He thanks me and hangs up the phone.

    Thirty minutes later he calls back and starts swearing at me saying his computer won't turn on. After 20 minutes of troubleshooting I find out that in order to "clean" his computer, he took the side panel off the case, put it on this patio table and sprayed it with the garden hose.

    /Seriously

    Did you actually say "Clean your hard drive" ? Because even as someone who is computer savvy, that doesn't come across as "delete some old files so you have more hard drive space" or even "reformat your hard drive" to me.

    Granted, I still wouldn't have taken it out and hosed it down :)

  • Logan (unregistered)

    So if you actually read it... it states:

    Complete the following steps:

    1.) Clean the DVD or CD

    ... those steps ...

    2.) Perform a Clean Install: Click here for installation instructions

    Obviously, the WTF was the submitter, and Alex for not being able to read instructions.

  • Radranic (unregistered) in reply to shawn

    I'm a little bit more worried that changing

    http://support.encoreusa.com/kb.asp?id=554

    to...

    http://support.encoreusa.com/kb.asp?id=bob

    gives....

    "Invalid column name 'bob'."

  • noname (unregistered) in reply to Radranic

    "Invalid column name 'bob'."

    That wouldn't happen to be little bobby would it?

    http://xkcd.com/327/

  • The Dave (unregistered)

    The worst part is that even the clean install instructions are wrong, you don't use a circular motion, you wipe straight from the center outward to avoid.

  • Andrew (unregistered) in reply to The Dave
    The Dave:
    The worst part is that even the clean install instructions are wrong, you don't use a circular motion, you wipe straight from the center outward to avoid.

    what, to avoid being cut off in mid-sente%^&(&)()* NO CARRIER

  • Fraggle My Rock (unregistered)

    Hi, Barry Scott here ... asking whether you have problems with lime scale, rust, ground in dirt ... they're a challenge for some house hold cleaners ... but not for Cillit Bang!

    Cillit Bang! Cillit Bang! Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang! Cillit Bang! Cillit Bang! Cillit Bang! Cillit Bang! Cillit Cillit Cillit Bang!

    ... Lime scale, rust, ground in dirt ...

  • (cs) in reply to tardibear
    tardibear:
    It gets worse - the installation instructions tell you to run MSCONFIG, make a note of and disable each startup item, and then reboot before running the installer :-

    http://support.broderbund.com/fix.asp?isid=44676&prog=1294820992&printer=1

    6. Click Apply. 7. Click OK.

    Why God, why?

    Addendum (2008-04-14 12:57): http://support.encoreusa.com/kb.asp?id=64';drop database encore;--

  • tech support (unregistered) in reply to David Sallis
    David Sallis:
    I once had a tech support person thank me for not being their usual idiotic caller. Actual quote: "It's a relief to talk on the phone to someone who's actually competent."

    We say that to every moron who calls.

  • HammerTime (unregistered) in reply to tardibear
    tardibear:
    It gets worse - the installation instructions tell you to run MSCONFIG, make a note of and disable each startup item, and then reboot before running the installer :-
    That must have come from an old-school Mac user. The way you used to troubleshoot Macs was to disable all the system extensions. If the problem went away, you'd then turn half of them back on to see if the problem returned. Through several iterations of turning off or on half of the remaining set of extensions you could locate the conflict. Sounds like they were trying to suggest the Windows equivalent. By the way, extensions were modular add-ons such as control panels or third-party device drivers. They became obsolete with the release of MacOS X. Except when you have to run apps in classic mode, that is.
  • BBT (unregistered) in reply to Jon B
    Jon B:
    Support: Customer is getting error 1305, what do we do?

    Engineering: Do a clean install.

    Support: Will do. BTW - please write up instructions for this that we can post on the web.

    Engineering: [They'll get a kick out of this...]

    Webmaster: I'll just post this FAQ without reading it or thinking about it because I'm so busy. I'm sure these guys aren't pulling any kind of prank - that would be childish.

    I'm reminded of this clip from one of my favorite comedians, Brian Regan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBko_3wT44Q

    Particularly at 1:40

  • (cs) in reply to SomeCoder
    SomeCoder:
    Did you actually say "Clean your hard drive" ? Because even as someone who is computer savvy, that doesn't come across as "delete some old files so you have more hard drive space" or even "reformat your hard drive" to me.

    Granted, I still wouldn't have taken it out and hosed it down :)

    Windows XP has a tool called "Disk Cleanup". Granted it doesn't actually clean up much, especially if you set your settings like I have them so the stuff it cleans up never accumulates (thumbnail caches, etc). But the name of the tool indicates MS thought it was in the general user's vernacular (and the tool is a simple tool clearly designed for a general user, maybe to use as a prompt from tech support).

  • (cs)

    Girl: What are you doing honey? Guy: Running disk defrag... will later uninstall programs that are not required and clean the hard drive... U better sleep.. this is gonna take some time...

    The Next day... Girl: What are you doing honey? Guy: Damn the computer's not starting... Just checking if the cables are connected fine... Girl: Oh them.. I couldn't figure out how to put them back today morning when i cleaned the hard drive... Guy: ?????????????? Girl: Oh don't worry... I just sprayed it with water and wiped off all the dust... there was dust on the fan too... and there was this long chip... green in color..

    They never slept together again...

    </Aaargh..>

  • acsi (unregistered) in reply to T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM
    T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM:

    Unclosed quotation mark before the character string ';drop database encore;--'.

  • SomeCoder (unregistered) in reply to The MAZZTer
    The MAZZTer:
    Windows XP has a tool called "Disk Cleanup". Granted it doesn't actually clean up much, especially if you set your settings like I have them so the stuff it cleans up never accumulates (thumbnail caches, etc). But the name of the tool indicates MS thought it was in the general user's vernacular (and the tool is a simple tool clearly designed for a general user, maybe to use as a prompt from tech support).

    Well you could say "run Disk Cleanup" rather than "Clean your hard drive". While I know about Disk Cleanup, my mind still doesn't automatically go there when I hear "Clean your hard drive". Of course, I'm sure I'm not the target audience for tech support anyway. :)

  • SomeCoder (unregistered)

    Just so I'm clear, I do think hosing down your computer is a huge WTF.

  • nat42 (unregistered) in reply to facilisis
    facilisis:
    I actually had to do that with a CD of customer data someone sent us, they somehow got fingerprints all over the important side.

    The 'true' W.T.F. is... [A.K.A. unjustified rant from left field follows...] C.D.s themselves! Why do people care so much about the shiny side - yes, true, it is the side read with a <quote> L.A.S.E.R. </quote> but it is adequately protected with a 1m.m. thick layer of plastic! What about the boring label side though - A thin coat of paint - yeah that'll protect that ulta-thin super important foil layer - not. Same Mistake for D.V.D.s dear god why I cry did Sony folly to protect but one side. It's like if God designed a turtle, echidna or armadillo which got around upside-down - unprotected belly exposed - oh the horror of it all.

    And while I'm ranting - what ever happened to putting full stops in acronyms?

  • (cs)

    gently rub the soap on the disc in a circular motion

    and even that is wrong... that's how you clean vinyl records but NOT a CD. for that you gently move the cleaning tool radially outwards from the middle. If you get any scratches at all on the surface, you want them to be across the data, not parallel to the data.

    (instructions copied from all across the net)

  • Survey User 2338 (unregistered) in reply to John
    John:
    SarcasmFTW:
    John:
    WeatherGod:
    I had a tech support guy do this to me once. I had a program that I installed, but kept crashing on startup. The guy told me to clean the CD. I told him that the CD was perfectly clean (just came out of the shrink-wrapped case). He was adamant that I go and clean the thing. I just put down the phone, walked away while I calmed down and came back.

    Did it turn out to be a dirty CD? Or did you just ignore his instructions because you "knew" better then gave up? Would you have been offended if he'd have asked if you were eating a donut at the same time as removing the CD from the packaging?

    Give these guys a break... You have to remember they could be dealing with morons, they have to check the obvious.

    I give them the benefit of the doubt all the time, but after talking with me savvy person for a few minutes it should be obvious that the person isn't an idiot, and perhaps its time to try the less inane solutions.

    I didn't say that he wasn't a moron...

    Most idiots don't know that they are idiots. I feel pretty confident that this because they are idiots in the first place.

    When I worked tech support the idiots always thought they knew more than the tech support guys did. I am sure nothing has changed.

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