• Dale (unregistered)

    I have no words for how much I like this story, and on so many levels...

  • Jaap_null (unregistered)

    I think this is the best story I ever read on TDWTF, certainly the most memorable.

    Nice pick.

  • Jon H (unregistered)

    Good one, hardly a WTF. Anyway, it reminds me on someone who used the cdroom drive to click on the "open-the-door-button" at the inside initiated by a phone call or SMS or whatever.

  • Sven (unregistered) in reply to Jaap_null

    Totally agree with this.

  • TGVish (unregistered) in reply to Jon H
    Good one, hardly a WTF.
    Wow, tell me the name of your employer so I can avoid it...
  • TGVish (unregistered) in reply to Jon H
    Good one, hardly a WTF.
    Wow, tell me the name of your employer so I can avoid it...
  • Patrick (unregistered)

    That is so sad...

    (and then I think about Akismet)

  • (cs)

    The writing on this one was superb! ITAPPMONROBOT is a tragic figure, all alone in the corner, forgotten by its creator, eternally pursuing a purpose long since moot.

    It's like the robot version of Hell.

  • (cs) in reply to hoodaticus
    hoodaticus:
    The writing on this one was superb! ITAPPMONRBOT is a tragic figure, all alone in the corner, forgotten by its creator, eternally pursuing a purpose long since moot.

    Suddenly I realize Wall-E's idea has been totally cribbed from TDWTF!

  • (cs) in reply to Jaap_null
    Jaap_null:
    I think this is the best story I ever read on TDWTF, certainly the most memorable.

    Nice pick.

    Then you never read about a certain J2EE supply chain software that absorbs the souls of its maintenance developers, disassembling and recompiling them in an endless cycle for eternity.

  • (cs)

    This story is so much epic. Probably the best of all stories all over this site.

  • Bryan the K (unregistered)

    Can I have the codez in J2EE?

  • eVil (unregistered)

    Genuinely classic stuff this one.

    Any chance we could have anonymous posting disabled? Not having to read that terrible childish shite would definately be worth the price of logging in.

    Also, we might return this site to something like it was 5 years ago.

  • Pentium100 (unregistered)

    Why use a CD drive to open/close to press the reset button? Why not a relay that would short out the button, the relay would be controlled from the parallel port of the monitoring PC? In that case you could move the machines if needed and no alignment would be necessary.

  • Kiliman (unregistered)

    Somebody needs to make a comic in honor of ITAPPMONROBOT like xkcd's Spirit Mars Rover http://xkcd.com/695/

    That would be truly sad.

  • (cs) in reply to eVil
    eVil:
    Genuinely classic stuff this one.

    Any chance we could have anonymous posting disabled? Not having to read that terrible childish shite would definately be worth the price of logging in.

    Also, we might return this site to something like it was 5 years ago.

    Or how about this: as a reward for logging in, you have the option of not viewing unregistered comments.

  • (cs)

    I'm not sure I'm buying it. I've used dozens of CDROM drives over the years, and none have come shooting out with enough force to press a button on a CPU (which are usually recessed to prevent accidental pressing)

  • (cs) in reply to JamesCurran
    JamesCurran:
    I'm not sure I'm buying it. I've used dozens of CDROM drives over the years, and none have come shooting out with enough force to press a button on a CPU (which are usually recessed to prevent accidental pressing)
    CPU's have buttons?!?!?!
  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to JamesCurran
    JamesCurran:
    I'm not sure I'm buying it. I've used dozens of CDROM drives over the years, and none have come shooting out with enough force to press a button on a CPU (which are usually recessed to prevent accidental pressing)

    Have you never heard of "willing suspension of disbelief"?

  • dörte (unregistered)

    I did not notice it the first time I read that story, but how did the drive get back in? I think its not possible in software, at least on windows with no additional software? oO

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to hoodaticus
    hoodaticus:
    eVil:
    Genuinely classic stuff this one.

    Any chance we could have anonymous posting disabled? Not having to read that terrible childish shite would definately be worth the price of logging in.

    Also, we might return this site to something like it was 5 years ago.

    Or how about this: as a reward for logging in, you have the option of not viewing unregistered comments.

    But then you'd miss out on my pearls of wisdom...

  • Ken B. (unregistered) in reply to JamesCurran
    JamesCurran:
    I'm not sure I'm buying it. I've used dozens of CDROM drives over the years, and none have come shooting out with enough force to press a button on a CPU (which are usually recessed to prevent accidental pressing)
    You've apparently never seen systems where you've had to tape a piece of cardboard over the reset button to prevent accidental pressings. Perhaps manufacturers have since learned from their mistakes, and now put such button in recessed holes, but that wasn't always the case.

    You've also obviously never repartitioned an HD with a baby on your lap, whose foot was getting closer and closer to the reset button, as you rolled your chair further and further back. You'd think he was part cat the way his leg appeared to grow before your eyes. Fortunately, it wasn't until the repartition said "press enter to reboot" that his toe pushed the button.

  • Skywings (unregistered) in reply to Pentium100
    Pentium100:
    Why use a CD drive to open/close to press the reset button? Why not a relay that would short out the button, the relay would be controlled from the parallel port of the monitoring PC? In that case you could move the machines if needed and no alignment would be necessary.

    From the story,

    I mean, I don't know anything about circuitry, or how to build robots.
    While the concept of using a relay isn't hard I suspect this guy is a software guy and wouldn't know a resistor even you stab one in his eye. It would probably have been beyond his skills to wire one up. Unless you're talking about a industrial solid state relay of sorts. In that case its much easier and is a simple case of connect the wires.
  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to dörte
    dörte:
    I did not notice it the first time I read that story, but how did the drive get back in? I think its not possible in software, at least on windows with no additional software? oO

    That's what interns are for.

  • QJo (unregistered) in reply to Pentium100
    Pentium100:
    Why use a CD drive to open/close to press the reset button? Why not a relay that would short out the button, the relay would be controlled from the parallel port of the monitoring PC? In that case you could move the machines if needed and no alignment would be necessary.

    Might need a soldering iron.

    The given solution was pure and elegant.

    I'd like to add my voice to the opinion that this is one of the best stories (if not the best) ever seen on TDWTF - with the possible exception of the guy who bought a million dollars' worth of coal.

  • stibbons (unregistered) in reply to Pentium100

    Time required to position a PC, migrate an existing script and frob it to also eject the CD tray: a couple hours. A bit more if you have to ask the neighbours if you can borrow their phone book.

    Time required to disassemble proprietary hardware, wire a relay across the power switch, build the parallel interface, and write controlling code: ???

    Also, guess which one of these can be done by the intern?

  • eVil (unregistered) in reply to trtrwtf
    trtrwtf:
    hoodaticus:
    eVil:
    Any chance we could have anonymous posting disabled? Not having to read that terrible childish shite would definately be worth the price of logging in.
    Or how about this: as a reward for logging in, you have the option of not viewing unregistered comments.

    But then you'd miss out on my pearls of wisdom...

    We certainly don't want to miss out on those!

    I swear I've had the captcha 'ullamcorper' at least 3 times. It irks me.

  • Ken B. (unregistered) in reply to dörte
    dörte:
    I did not notice it the first time I read that story, but how did the drive get back in? I think its not possible in software, at least on windows with no additional software? oO
    So, you've never installed some software, had the tray eject, and start to reboot the system, reach for the CD to take it out, only to have the tray pull back in? Perhaps you've only seen laptop drives, and not desktops?
  • eVil (unregistered) in reply to QJo
    QJo:
    Might need a soldering iron.

    The given solution was pure and elegant.

    I'd like to add my voice to the opinion that this is one of the best stories (if not the best) ever seen on TDWTF - with the possible exception of the guy who bought a million dollars' worth of coal.

    The barge-loads of coal was brilliant, although I'm not sure it was actually true... either way it was really well written, and made for an excellent story!

  • (cs)

    Who wants to bet that it is still sitting in the corner and ejecting the cd tray?

    As for it having enough force, some cd tray designs actually have gear systems that slowly but surely open and close the tray. It is more than enough force to hit a button.

  • (cs) in reply to Ken B.
    Ken B.:
    You'd think he was part cat the way his leg appeared to grow before your eyes.
    Is this a typical feature of cats?
  • (cs)

    This story is almost romantic...

  • stibbons (unregistered) in reply to JamesCurran
    JamesCurran:
    I've used dozens of CDROM drives over the years, and none have come shooting out with enough force to press a button on a CPU (which are usually recessed to prevent accidental pressing)

    I've used plenty with enough oomph to press a reset button. They're recessed (which can be easily defeated with a carefully-positioned paperclip and some superglue) but they're still only slightly-sprung momentary push buttons.

  • stibbons (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    Ken B.:
    You'd think he was part cat the way his leg appeared to grow before your eyes.
    Is this a typical feature of cats?

    Cats are genetically optimised to cause the most distress to their owners. So, in this case, yes.

  • Ken B. (unregistered) in reply to Skywings
    Skywings:
    Pentium100:
    Why use a CD drive to open/close to press the reset button? Why not a relay that would short out the button, the relay would be controlled from the parallel port of the monitoring PC? In that case you could move the machines if needed and no alignment would be necessary.
    From the story,
    I mean, I don't know anything about circuitry, or how to build robots.
    While the concept of using a relay isn't hard I suspect this guy is a software guy and wouldn't know a resistor even you stab one in his eye. It would probably have been beyond his skills to wire one up. Unless you're talking about a industrial solid state relay of sorts. In that case its much easier and is a simple case of connect the wires.
    Well, I'm not an engineer, but my design would be self-contained in the server. (No monitor system required.) This does presume the ability to install software and attach a piece of software off a spare port, however.

    Since the crash requires a hard boot, I am going to assume the entire system has crashed, and not just the "critical" program.

    Have the program send a signal every few seconds out the appropriate port (parallel, serial, whatever), where a small circuit board is "listening". The circuit board is in "failsafe" mode, and the signal resets the circuit. If it doesn't get that signal after some time, it trips a solenoid, cutting power to the computer entirely. And, in doing so, releases the solenoid, reapplying power to the computer, booting it up again.

    I'm sure there are a few kinks to work out (such as waiting several seconds before reapplying power), but I leave that up to the engineers.

    Or, use the same thing, but rather than a solenoid to cut power, pulse the reset line.

    A few resistors and some 555's, and you're all set to go. :-)

  • [unpopular-mp3-player]sis - more than you ever asked for! (unregistered) in reply to Ken B.
    Ken B.:
    You've also obviously never repartitioned an HD with a baby on your lap, whose ____ was getting closer and closer to the reset button, as you rolled your chair further and further back. You'd think he was part cat the way his ___ appeared to grow before your eyes.

    That wasn't his leg.

    You should be proud!

  • QJo (unregistered) in reply to dörte
    dörte:
    I did not notice it the first time I read that story, but how did the drive get back in? I think its not possible in software, at least on windows with no additional software? oO

    I believe that with sufficient resisting counterforce to the opening of the CD it will get the message and close. So it is positioned so that when it presses the button it gets just enough pressure from the target server that it gets pushed back in.

    Except that at the end of its life it carried on opening and closing while standing on its own in the corner, so it must have had some sort of closing command. Maybe it wasn't a Windows machine/

  • Ken B. (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    Ken B.:
    You'd think he was part cat the way his leg appeared to grow before your eyes.
    Is this a typical feature of cats?
    Yes.

    Find someone with a cat. Observe said cat, following it around until it decides to stretch out a bit. Estimate length from foot to foot, and compare to "normal" length of head to tail.

  • eVil (unregistered) in reply to Ken B.
    Ken B.:
    Find someone with a cat. Observe said cat, following it around until it decides to stretch out a bit. Estimate length from foot to foot, and compare to "normal" length of head to tail.

    long cat is loooooooooong!

  • stibbons (unregistered) in reply to Ken B.
    Ken B.:
    A few resistors and some 555's, and you're all set to go. :-)

    If you can do all of that, in a couple of hours, during a budget freeze, with zero downtime, then sure, it might be a more elegant solution.

  • Brazilian Monkey (unregistered) in reply to Pentium100

    Actually, I've used that fix one time. It sends a pulse every 5 minutes. If the "server" is on, it remains on. If it's off, it turns on.   I know it's lame, but the "server" had to stay on a hidden room and that was the best way I could think to make it to stay online 24h, even if the power goes out. Now I'm building an arduino-based remote controller so I can turn it on or off trough a telephone line (in case the internet goes down).

  • (cs) in reply to stibbons
    stibbons:
    frits:
    Ken B.:
    You'd think he was part cat the way his leg appeared to grow before your eyes.
    Is this a typical feature of cats?

    Cats are genetically optimised to cause the most distress to their owners. So, in this case, yes.

    Seems like a stretch to me.

  • Sorcy (unregistered) in reply to JamesCurran
    JamesCurran:
    I'm not sure I'm buying it. I've used dozens of CDROM drives over the years, and none have come shooting out with enough force to press a button on a CPU (which are usually recessed to prevent accidental pressing)
    I have an old DVD Writer in my Computer that comes out so fast (and goes back in equally fast), that it will take of your hand at the wrist if you're not careful. AT THE WRIST, I say!
  • Lucent (unregistered) in reply to eVil
    eVil:
    Ken B.:
    Find someone with a cat. Observe said cat, following it around until it decides to stretch out a bit. Estimate length from foot to foot, and compare to "normal" length of head to tail.
    long cat is loooooooooong!
    Awesome meme reference!

    Any chance we could have anonymous posting disabled? Not having to read that terrible childish shite would definately be worth the price of logging in.

    Also, we might return this site to something like it was 5 years ago.

  • trn (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    stibbons:
    frits:
    Ken B.:
    You'd think he was part cat the way his leg appeared to grow before your eyes.
    Is this a typical feature of cats?

    Cats are genetically optimised to cause the most distress to their owners. So, in this case, yes.

    Seems like a stretch to me.

    You were really reaching on that one.

  • [unpopular-mp3-player]sis (unregistered) in reply to trn
    trn:
    frits:
    stibbons:
    frits:
    Ken B.:
    You'd think he was part donkey the way his penis appeared to grow before your eyes.
    Is this a typical feature of donkeys?
    Donkeys are genetically optimised to cause the most distress in people taking a shit on the side of the road. So, in this case, yes.
    Seems like a stretch to me.
    You were really reaching-around on that one.
    At least he had the common courtesy, you know?
  • (cs) in reply to eVil
    eVil:
    Also, we might return this site to something like it was 5 years ago.
    Is it 2012 already?
  • Paul (unregistered) in reply to Pentium100

    You kidding? Don't you know that relays, d-sub connectors and wiring cost money?

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    eVil:
    Also, we might return this site to something like it was 5 years ago.
    Is it 2012 already?

    Didn't you notice? The Mayan end-of-calendar bug looped us back into 2011. Looks like we're stuck in that that loop for a few more cycles until we can reset. (Hence the Large Hadron Collider).

  • Paul (unregistered)

    May just be me, but the ending of this tale makes me feel sad in the same way as when I think of the Spirit rover ending its days spinning its remaining good wheels in a futile effort to get to a destination it will never reach.

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