• boog (unregistered)

    I'd still rather write MUMPS than VB.

  • monkeyPushButton (unregistered)

    After the code snip, I didn't think it could get more disgusting. And then we learned more about Darren.

    Now there are two reasons to remove him from the gene pool.

  • Bryan the K (unregistered)

    The REAL WTF is that this story is far from plausible.

  • ExOttoyuhr (unregistered)

    MUMPS... language of pedophiles now?

    From my experience with MUMPS, I'd call it an acquired taste -- if Alex did a side-blog on a MUMPS project, I'd expect it to come out quite similar to how Salmiyuck did. The language can be used for good or evil, but its handling of strings is beautiful, and its data-storage model is surprisingly good.

    I'd recommend trying a side project with it, especially something text-heavy, if Alex has left you suspicious that it can't be as bad as all that. It really isn't as bad as all that, after all; and, as he hints, it's a field in urgent need of new members.

  • nosliwmas (cs)

    The most surprising thing about this story is that Remy has a wife.

  • JamesQMurphy (cs)

    I'm not a lawyer, but if this story is real, couldn't they get in trouble for working with a known fugitive? Something about aiding and abetting?

  • Bill's Kid (unregistered) in reply to Bryan the K
    Bryan the K:
    The REAL WTF is that this story is far from plausible.

    Please explain.

    Is it that programmers are never egotistical enough to name all their variables with their initials?

    Is it that they can't be pedophiles?

    Is it that a pedophile programmer wouldn't skip bail to avoid prison gang rapes?

    Is it that one wouldn't try to find a source of income in the field in which they have expertise?

  • Clementine (unregistered)

    They should be thankful Darren wasn't hit by a bus. Now he has lots of time to dedicate himself to the project. Like Mr Reiser.

  • Death (unregistered)

    Code does not get like that by accident or even incompetence. Darren was covering his ass, in case something went wrong. Apparently it worked.

  • Mike (unregistered)

    Wouldn't it be easier to find out what the code was SUPPOSED to do - what function did it perform? Then write code in a decent language that would do the same thing, but faster and less opaquely.

    Like in BASH. With awk/grep/sed/etc

    :)

  • Abhilash (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Huh? (unregistered) in reply to Mike
    Mike:
    Wouldn't it be easier to find out what the code was SUPPOSED to do - what function did it perform? Then write code in a decent language that would do the same thing, but faster and less opaquely.

    Like in BASH. With awk/grep/sed/etc

    :)

    Perl.

  • Toster (unregistered) in reply to Death
    Death:
    Code does not get like that by accident or even incompetence. Darren was covering his ass, in case something went wrong. Apparently it worked.

    Yep.. he probably keeps the real source and has a MUMPS to DG translation script :D

  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to Huh?
    Huh?:
    Mike:
    Wouldn't it be easier to find out what the code was SUPPOSED to do - what function did it perform? Then write code in a decent language that would do the same thing, but faster and less opaquely.

    Like in BASH. With awk/grep/sed/etc

    :)

    Perl.

    shame

    I don't know perl... I actually wrote a huge log-analysis app in bash script. I'll eventually learn perl - and then I'll get to recode the app in Perl. :)

  • frits (cs)

    The daily bummer.

  • chron3 (cs) in reply to ExOttoyuhr
    ExOttoyuhr:
    It really isn't as bad as all that, after all; and, as he hints, it's a field in urgent need of new masochists.

    If I want to twist my brain like that, I'd rather try to solve Expert level Sudoku's after half a bottle of a good single malt... much more fun to be had there.

  • TheCPUWizard (unregistered) in reply to ExOttoyuhr
    ExOttoyuhr:
    MUMPS... language of pedophiles now?

    From my experience with MUMPS, I'd call it an acquired taste -- if Alex did a side-blog on a MUMPS project, I'd expect it to come out quite similar to how Salmiyuck did. The language can be used for good or evil, but its handling of strings is beautiful, and its data-storage model is surprisingly good.

    I'd recommend trying a side project with it, especially something text-heavy, if Alex has left you suspicious that it can't be as bad as all that. It really isn't as bad as all that, after all; and, as he hints, it's a field in urgent need of new members.

    I strongly agree. Every computer language has its strengths and its weaknesseses. Having programmed in well over 30 different (not counting dialects) languages over the past 38 years I have yet to find a "bad" language. Inappropriate use, definately, but that does not make a language inherently "bad".

    I started working with MUMPS circa 1979 and did my last significant project in that language circa 2003. Even the abbrieviations used in the code sample should not be a problem for someone experienced with the language (variable naming with out a lexicon is a different matter).

  • akatherder (cs) in reply to Death
    Death:
    Code does not get like that by accident or even incompetence. Darren was covering his ass, in case something went wrong. Apparently it worked.

    I suppose we can all agree that something has gone horribly wrong when your best option is retaining a fugitive pedophile for long-term maintenance.

  • KirbyG (unregistered)

    The article makes it sound like letting him work on them pesky foreign Mexican timezones was some sort of major concession.

    Mexican time zones are Central, Mountain and Pacific.

  • frits (cs)

    Chris Hansen is TRWTF.

  • SR (unregistered) in reply to Death
    Death:
    Code does not get like that by accident or even incompetence. Darren was covering his ass, in case something went wrong. Apparently it worked.

    Or he was a bad programmer. We'll all inadvertantely written bad code. Just not that bad (I hope).

  • Kai (unregistered) in reply to TheCPUWizard
    TheCPUWizard:
    I strongly agree. Every computer language has its strengths and its weaknesseses. Having programmed in well over 30 different (not counting dialects) languages over the past 38 years I have yet to find a "bad" language. Inappropriate use, definately, but that does not make a language inherently "bad".

    INTERCAL?

  • toth (cs)

    I lol'd at Pedobear.

  • wtf (unregistered)

    TRWTF is, this guy gets a job and it turns out he has to figure out a GUI written in a difficult language used only in closed environments, therefore without the infrastructure of assistance available for the languages we all know and love, a language whose structures are not like anything he's famliiar with and which allows all sorts of obfuscatory shortcuts, and the person who wrote the code is unavailable to assist because - get this - he's on the lam due to a pedophilia sting.

    Yep, that's pretty much a real WTF.

  • Ymer (unregistered) in reply to wtf
    wtf:
    TRWTF is, this guy gets a job and it turns out he has to figure out a GUI written in a difficult language used only in closed environments, therefore without the infrastructure of assistance available for the languages we all know and love, a language whose structures are not like anything he's famliiar with and which allows all sorts of obfuscatory shortcuts, and the person who wrote the code is unavailable to assist because - get this - he's on the lam due to a pedophilia sting.

    Yep, that's pretty much a real WTF.

    Thanks for summing up the whole article!

  • Jellineck (unregistered) in reply to KirbyG
    KirbyG:
    The article makes it sound like letting him work on them pesky foreign Mexican timezones was some sort of major concession.

    Mexican time zones are Central, Mountain and Pacific.

    Put your xenophobe card down. I'm sure you can see the inconvenience of living on Central time and having to keep Pacific time for work.

  • Chris Hansen (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • wtf (unregistered) in reply to ExOttoyuhr
    ExOttoyuhr:
    it's a field in urgent need of new members.

    Is that really the best choice of words, all things considered?

  • William (unregistered)

    I love the moral of this story. Not only are programmers who deliberately obfuscate code bad people, they're probably pedophiles too.

  • Rich (unregistered) in reply to nosliwmas
    nosliwmas:
    The most surprising thing about this story is that Remy has a wife.

    +1 Unicorn

    populus: An act that Darren was hoping someone would perform upon his person.

  • Steve The Cynic (cs)

    Observation: it seems that nobody posting here actually knows where Ciudad Juarez (normally known colloquially just as Juarez) is.

    In between Juarez and El Paso (Texas) is a river, and the US/Mexican border, and that's about it.

    Up to around 1880, in fact, Juarez was called El Paso, and the US city now called El Paso was called Franklin.

  • SmittyBoy (unregistered) in reply to Toster
    Toster:
    Death:
    Code does not get like that by accident or even incompetence. Darren was covering his ass, in case something went wrong. Apparently it worked.

    Yep.. he probably keeps the real source and has a MUMPS to DG translation script :D

    Exactly my thought when I looked at the code. Reminds me of early versions of code-obfuscator at work.

  • frits (cs) in reply to Steve The Cynic
    Steve The Cynic:
    Observation: it seems that nobody posting here actually knows where Ciudad Juarez (normally known colloquially just as Juarez) is.

    In between Juarez and El Paso (Texas) is a river, and the US/Mexican border, and that's about it.

    Up to around 1880, in fact, Juarez was called El Paso, and the US city now called El Paso was called Franklin.

    Did you have mumps as a child?

  • West Mattwood (unregistered) in reply to Bill's Kid

    Is it that "Bryan the K" doesn't know the difference between plausible and implausible?

  • Severity One (cs) in reply to Steve The Cynic
    Steve The Cynic:
    Observation: it seems that nobody posting here actually knows where Ciudad Juarez (normally known colloquially just as Juarez) is.
    I live in Europe and I have a pretty good idea where it is. And I know there is, um, a bit of a problem with drugs gangs, shootings of teenagers at parties, that sort of thing.

    Hey, there's another risk: if Darren goes in search of teenagers, he might get shot.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to William
    William:
    I love the moral of this story. Not only are programmers who deliberately obfuscate code bad people, they're probably pedophiles too.

    If that shouldn't be a demotivater poster, I don't know what should.

  • Anon (unregistered)

    Letting a know pedophile in to your computer network? What could possibly go wrong?

    Bet that network makes a great proxy.

  • Jellineck (unregistered) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    Steve The Cynic:
    Observation: it seems that nobody posting here actually knows where Ciudad Juarez (normally known colloquially just as Juarez) is.
    I live in Europe and I have a pretty good idea where it is. And I know there is, um, a bit of a problem with drugs gangs, shootings of teenagers at parties, that sort of thing.

    Hey, there's another risk: if Darren goes in search of teenagers, he [s]might get shot[/s] will have a lot of competition.

    FTFY. Northern Mexicans like 'em young.

  • Silfax (cs) in reply to Huh?
    Huh?:
    Mike:
    Wouldn't it be easier to find out what the code was SUPPOSED to do - what function did it perform? Then write code in a decent language that would do the same thing, but faster and less opaquely.

    Like in BASH. With awk/grep/sed/etc

    :)

    Perl.

    Why not use something truly cryptic - Forth

  • da Doctah (cs)

    Now let's be fair. Maybe this new mysterious contractor is actually a different guy who just happens to be named Darren.

    Like on Bewitched when Dick York was replaced with Dick Sargent.

  • Dw (unregistered)

    I don't believe this story. The employees of the company held a collection to pay the founder's bail? Said founder subsequently skips bail but is secretly rehired by the company?

    1. The employees of the company cannot be that stupid
    2. The executives of the company must be exposing themselves to all kinds of lawsuits.
  • boog (cs)

    Wow, what a scumbag. Sounds like Darren deserves to be beaten within an inch of his life. With a 2x4. And a shovel. While he's on fire.

    Seriously, writing code like that is just unforgivable.

    Wait--what? You say he's a pedophile too?

  • iToad (unregistered) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    Steve The Cynic:
    Observation: it seems that nobody posting here actually knows where Ciudad Juarez (normally known colloquially just as Juarez) is.
    I live in Europe and I have a pretty good idea where it is. And I know there is, um, a bit of a problem with drugs gangs, shootings of teenagers at parties, that sort of thing.

    Hey, there's another risk: if Darren goes in search of teenagers, he might get shot.

    He could get shot just walking down the street. I remember reading somewhere that Ciudad Juarez has had about 2500 homicides so far this year.

  • Bosshog (unregistered) in reply to KirbyG
    KirbyG:
    The article makes it sound like letting him work on them pesky foreign Mexican timezones was some sort of major concession.

    Mexican time zones are Central, Mountain and Pacific.

    Ah, but they were talking about horizontal timezones, not vertical ones!
  • Xero (cs) in reply to KirbyG

    They can be a little bit tricky since Mexico doesn't do Day Light Saving Time. And as someone who grew up in El Paso (directly across from Juarez where they have enough problems without this guy) I sure hope they catch him.

  • wtf (unregistered) in reply to Dw
    Dw:
    I don't believe this story. The employees of the company held a collection to pay the founder's bail?

    If you work with someone for a while, it's not hard to see how you'd come to trust in them, at least as far as presuming their innocence in a criminal matter - especially one so incomprehensible to most people as pedophilia. If someone told you that one of your co-workers had a thing for thirteen-year-olds, you'd probably find that hard to believe, all joking aside. If you believe that someone is in fact innocent, helping them put up their bail is perfectly reasonable.

    Said founder subsequently skips bail but is secretly rehired by the company?

    If there's one person in the world who understands your code base, and they need money, you might be tempted to hire them under the table - especially if they're in a position where you can get them for a reduced rate.

    I just hope they're using some of the profits to pay back the money that people put up for Darren's bail.

  • Harrow (unregistered) in reply to Silfax
    Silfax:
    Huh?:
    Mike:
    Wouldn't it be easier to find out what the code was SUPPOSED to do - what function did it perform? Then write code in a decent language that would do the same thing, but faster and less opaquely.

    Like in BASH. With awk/grep/sed/etc

    :)

    Perl.

    Why not use something truly cryptic - Forth

    TECO.

    -Harrow.

  • boog (cs) in reply to Dw
    Dw:
    I don't believe this story. The employees of the company held a collection to pay the founder's bail?
    They paid the founder's bail in order to retain the business manager's sanity. It would have been good for the company, had it worked (instead her husband went fugitive and she moved away).
    Dw:
    Said founder subsequently skips bail but is secretly rehired by the company?
    Yeah, that's hard for me to believe too. I'm not sure if that's just "artistic license" or if it's really part of the story. If things were really bad (after losing both the company's architectural "genius" and the business manager) I suppose a secret rehire might make sense to an executive type. It'd still be wrong, but they'd think it made sense.
  • Pete (unregistered)

    I think if I found that code I would probably try and write a parser to turn all the N's into new and I's into if's and whatever other shortcuts there are just as a starting point to make it a bit easier to read. Although it would mess up source control.

  • Edward von Emacs, VI (unregistered) in reply to Clementine
    Clementine:
    They should be thankful Darren wasn't hit by a bus. Now he has lots of time to dedicate himself to the project. Like Mr Reiser.

    It really is a shame that Reiser can't work from prison. He really would have loads of time to improve reiser4.

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