• J (unregistered) in reply to Garrett

    Send me the

  • Bub (unregistered) in reply to Bim Job
    Bim Job:
    Bub:
    You know that feeling you get when you're 95% of the way through jerking off, and some ninja smashes through your ceiling and chops off both your hands?

    This WTF story makes me even more frustrated than that.

    Quality typing, though. At least the ninja couldn't see your prick well enough to lop it off.
    Myopia is common among orientals, true.

  • (cs) in reply to Bim Job
    Bim Job:
    ...making wild assumptions about someone...
    Let's just say "making assumptions about someone".
    Bim Job:
    ...it could be argued that VSS was an anti-tool
    Yes, and I could easily be called as a witness. Still, it was better than no source control at all.
    Bim Job:
    (a) The PHB in question refused permission to branch, because "it just won't be necessary."
    Could happen, I suppose. Our managers to date haven't been far enough down in the trenches to make such decisions. We have a couple of TFS admins on the team who like to follow "best practices".
    Bim Job:
    (b) You don't have control of the source control system anyway, and the ninnies in charge won't listen to you.
    More likely than (a), I'd say. All you need is a couple of TFS admins who don't like (or know how) to follow "best practices".
    Bim Job:
    (c) The entire team was on a death march for three months to get the new features out, and didn't have time to sit in endless meetings to discuss philosophical issues like "if a branch falls in the forest, and nobody pruned it, does it prove that the client is my imaginary friend?" Then some twit comes in and uses the clueless bat to make the death march even more painful.
    Uh... okay...
    Bim Job:
    (d) So many orthogonal features, so little room for branching. Might not happen in your world. Happens elsewhere in the multiverse.
    cf. (c) above.
    Bim Job:
    (e) An application where (at least) one team is on software development, and one team is on hardware development. Possibly on a different site. With different source control systems.
    It's always been that way here, except that I'm unaware of any hardware source control system. What, like a RAID, or failover system? I can't see that being at odds with TFS code.
    Bim Job:
    But to make a comment like "three words: source control rollback" ill-behoves you.
    It wasn't an attack on the poster. It was an observation, intended to spark conversation. Which it has indeed done. Now, if I just had an aircraft carrier, a borrowed fighter-jet pilot outfit and a big banner...
  • aBase (unregistered) in reply to Bim Job
    Bim Job:
    Well, nobody reads these things any more unless you repeat them.

    Gosh, did I just get taken in by a Spelling Ninzi? Inadvertently, though, a succinct summary of the nostrum "Three words: source control rollback."

    Gee willikers, now yours will get read, too.

  • (cs) in reply to Satanicpuppy
    Satanicpuppy:
    Code Dependent:
    Satanicpuppy:
    ...and they ditched the product change at the absolute last possible second, which caused untold havok with all the code which was suddenly wrong
    Three words: source control rollback

    That wasn't the problem. The problem was that the code generates work orders and inventory requests based on projected production, and that it had been doing so for almost 10 days before the production run.

    Rolling back the code was trivial. Trying to figure out what should have been in the logistics pipeline, and expedite it...That was challenging.

    Okay. I took "all the code which was suddenly wrong" to be a reference to the code.

  • (cs)

    So the real WTF is that, even after anonymizing the story, there are still 2 different people named Ken?

    Or are Ken and Garret split personalities of the same person?

    This story sucks. I'm so pissed at myself for reading it.

  • Joops (unregistered) in reply to Herohtar
    Herohtar:
    @Deprecated:
    It's a "Pick your own ending" book!

    If you want Ken to be fired, turn to page 39. If you picked up the magic shoes in the crystal cave, turn to page 17. If you think Garrett now has a new best friend, turn to page 128.

    turns to page 17

    As the CEO tears you to shreds for exploring crystal caves during work hours, you realise that maybe stealing the fuel for your journey may have been a mistake... Turn to Page 3 to start again...

  • Mish (unregistered) in reply to Satanicpuppy
    Satanicpuppy:
    pitchingchris:
    the best part of this story is missing - its how they treat ken after all this crap happens. More than likely they'll shrug it off and everything will go back to normal, with Ken still barking at everybody, which seems to be the WTF, but it always happens.

    Yep. I just had one like that earlier this week. Stupid manager demanding high priority code changes to accommodate an upcoming product change, and they ditched the product change at the absolute last possible second, which caused untold havok with all the code which was suddenly wrong (well, not wrong, but the supply chain is set more than a week in advance, and so the stuff that's been being scheduled for the next 7 days is all wrong, and needs to be rescheduled and rushed with literally hours until production).

    If the course of events had been reversed, if they had gone live and my code was wrong, I would have had a bad time of it (well, I would have had lots of meetings and talks from my superiours, who, none-the-less, wouldn't have fired or reprimanded me in any meaningful way, for fear I'd snap and kill someone, or, worse, quit), but since it's someone else's fault, even though its cost thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours, it'll just get swept under the rug.

    Way of the world. Management is seldom held responsible for their own bad decisions.

    Why would they? When things go wrong there is always someone that can be blamed (the last person that left the project, someone who is known not to be quite as competent as the rest of the team, someone you dislike intently, etc....). When things go right, there's not enough credit to go around, so who can blame the manager for taking it? Essentially, it's there arse or yours. Quite nobly most choose yours (which usually doesn't result in anything) rather than there own (which may risk a demotion or sacking, depending on how badly wrong things went).

    I have seen many people move into management who have always sworn about managers having this attitude. I have not yet seen one who does not (usually within a month or two) develop the same attitude. It's a lot more difficult to put your balls on the line for your prinicples when you have several angry directors asking you to allocate the blame. I've never been ion the same position, and while I'd like to think that I could take the blame if the fault were mine, I'm not going to claim I would until I've been there and done that.

  • (cs) in reply to savar
    savar:
    This story sucks. I'm so pissed at myself for reading it.
    Be sure to wash your hands.
  • (cs) in reply to galgorah
    galgorah:
    Durr:
    galgorah:
    Herohtar:
    @Deprecated:
    It's a "Pick your own ending" book!

    If you want Ken to be fired, turn to page 39. If you picked up the magic shoes in the crystal cave, turn to page 17. If you think Garrett now has a new best friend, turn to page 128.

    turns to page 17

    As you put on the magic shoes, you immediatly find yourself in a dank dark cave. A feeling of Death and despair permeating the darkness.

    "Hello my child" hisses a voice from behind you.

    Turning to face the voice you find a wrinkled crone humanoid toad in a cloak staring at you.

    "Take this..." hisses the crone, handing you a book. "The answers to your problems lie herein."

    You grab the book and start to walk away when you suddenly find yourself back in the office. A grizzly book clutched in your hands. Looking at the book you barely make out the name "Necronomicon". It appears Bound in human flesh and inked in blood. Do you....

    A) Read the book. Turn to page 245. b) Read the book Aloud. Turn to page 310. c) Give the book to Ken. Turn to page 220. d) Donate it to your local library. Turn to page 35. e) put it with your other books at work. Turn to page 64.

    But what if you don't have a book. Then what?

    Its already been explicitly stated that you do have a book. It's called the necronomicon. now go to page 310 dammit

    turns to page 35

  • (cs) in reply to superjer
    superjer:
    "In the Army, they didn't teach us how to go to the bathroom at all. :("
    This explains an awful lot about the Army.
  • HushHushPuppy (unregistered)

    I can't believe I got all the way to the end of the comments and nobody mentioned the Hammerites, Pagans or Mechanists.

  • Huzzah! (unregistered) in reply to savar
    savar:
    I'm so pissed at myself for reading it.
    Be sure to wash your hands!
  • Xythar (unregistered)

    We've traced the call, it's coming from inside the

  • (cs)

    And then Ken did the mash. He did the monster mash. The monster mash...

  • ClaudeSuck.de (unregistered) in reply to Dlareg
    Dlareg:
    Garret got a nice bonus. Plus he can now install whatever he wants.

    I always make these kinds of deals, there is never any budget for bonuses and stuff. But if you do this overtime, you get a new development laptop to use at home :wink wink: or I get to order from our electronics supplier etc... (different budgets)

    TopCod3r, is that you?

  • Ben H. (unregistered)

    Well, when you go to the bathroom, you touch the door-handle, the door, the flush button / knob / chain, the tap handle, the soap dispenser, and the door on the way out again, at a minimum.

    All of these are covered in bacteria and other peoples microscopic traces of shit.

    In order to be completely safe and prevent leaving the bathroom with bacteria and shit-covered hands, the following steps must be followed:

    1. Enter the bathroom. Hands are dirty now.
    2. Open the stall door
    3. Lift up the lid
    4. Leave the stall, and turn on the water faucet by the sink
    5. Very quickly gather some soap, wash your hands, and leap back into the stall before the door shuts. Your hands are now clean.
    6. Do your business.

    This has prevented your penis from being covered in shit particles.

    1. Flush the toilet. Hands are dirty now.
    2. Gather some soap, and wash your hands. Leave a bit of soapy water on them.
    3. Turn off the faucet.
    4. With the remaining bit of soapy water in your hands, rinse out your hands again to remove germs from the faucet handle.
    5. VERY CAREFULLY reach for some paper towels to dry your hands, or use one of those auto hand dryer things. If no towels are available, or the hand dryer requires manual activation, evacuate immediately so as not to enter an infinite loop of touching dirty dryer button and washing hands.
    6. Using several paper towels to shield your hand, open the door handle. If no paper towels are available, you must wait for someone else to open the door for you.
    7. Leave. Congratulations, your hands are not covered in shit!
  • John Muller (unregistered) in reply to Ben H.

    7. Flush the toilet. Hands are dirty now.

    1. VERY CAREFULLY reach for some paper towels to dry your hands, or use one of those auto hand dryer things. If no towels are available, or the hand dryer requires manual activation, evacuate immediately so as not to enter an infinite loop of touching dirty dryer button and washing hands.

    Shouldn't you do the evacuate bit before flushing?

  • Nick (unregistered) in reply to someguy
    someguy:
    Or an ex-surgeon as a janitor.

    They're entirely different fields, and while I'm of the general opinion that programmers are awesome enough to bring a unique and useful perspective to any situation, most job skills do not translate well.

    Surgeons may be really smart and really highly trained- but not at being janitors. And they'd probably be horrible at it.

    What about Dr Jan Itor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_itor)?

  • Tom (unregistered)

    What's with all these military personnel who didn't learn to wash their hands before signing up?

  • cc (unregistered)
    Ken had the attitude of a drill sergeant from basically any movie with a cliché terrifying drill sergeant.

    Jake had the writing ability of pretty much any high school student with poor writing ability.

  • (cs)

    Fire Ken! Er... Jake!

  • don't splash the keyboard (unregistered) in reply to Bim Job
    Bim Job:
    Bub:
    You know that feeling you get when you're 95% of the way through jerking off, and some ninja smashes through your ceiling and chops off both your hands?

    This WTF story makes me even more frustrated than that.

    Quality typing, though. At least the ninja couldn't see your prick well enough to lop it off.

    So if your hands have been chopped off, what exactly are you typing with?

  • (cs) in reply to Moss
    Moss:
    galgorah:
    Durr:
    galgorah:
    Herohtar:
    @Deprecated:
    It's a "Pick your own ending" book!

    If you want Ken to be fired, turn to page 39. If you picked up the magic shoes in the crystal cave, turn to page 17. If you think Garrett now has a new best friend, turn to page 128.

    turns to page 17

    As you put on the magic shoes, you immediatly find yourself in a dank dark cave. A feeling of Death and despair permeating the darkness.

    "Hello my child" hisses a voice from behind you.

    Turning to face the voice you find a wrinkled crone humanoid toad in a cloak staring at you.

    "Take this..." hisses the crone, handing you a book. "The answers to your problems lie herein."

    You grab the book and start to walk away when you suddenly find yourself back in the office. A grizzly book clutched in your hands. Looking at the book you barely make out the name "Necronomicon". It appears Bound in human flesh and inked in blood. Do you....

    A) Read the book. Turn to page 245. b) Read the book Aloud. Turn to page 310. c) Give the book to Ken. Turn to page 220. d) Donate it to your local library. Turn to page 35. e) put it with your other books at work. Turn to page 64.

    But what if you don't have a book. Then what?

    Its already been explicitly stated that you do have a book. It's called the necronomicon. now go to page 310 dammit

    turns to page 35

    As you leae the library you notice a group of ophans crowding around the book you just donated. An ominous sense of dread fills you as exit through the sliding doors of the library. You shed a tear realizing these children will probably never read MFD or bring your own code. This is all Ken's fault and you vow to get your revenge...

    Do you...

    1. Commit Seppuku? page 6.
    2. Cannibalize the orphans. page 12
    3. Learn MUMPS? page 37
    4. Get your revenge on ken? page 64.
    5. Go Home. page 64.
  • C (unregistered) in reply to Code Dependent
    Code Dependent:
    Satanicpuppy:
    ...and they ditched the product change at the absolute last possible second, which caused untold havok with all the code which was suddenly wrong
    Three words: source control rollback
    That is, if they worked on separate branches for the "main" coding and the "major change" features... And still you'd need to pray that everything still fits as it should.
  • (cs) in reply to don't splash the keyboard
    don't splash the keyboard:
    So if your hands have been chopped off, what exactly are you typing with?
    Ask the Hawkman.

    D'oh! How many superfluous words does it take to get past this?

    [image]
  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to galgorah
    galgorah:
    Moss:
    galgorah:
    Durr:
    galgorah:
    Herohtar:
    @Deprecated:
    It's a "Pick your own ending" book!

    If you want Ken to be fired, turn to page 39. If you picked up the magic shoes in the crystal cave, turn to page 17. If you think Garrett now has a new best friend, turn to page 128.

    turns to page 17

    As you put on the magic shoes, you immediatly find yourself in a dank dark cave. A feeling of Death and despair permeating the darkness.

    "Hello my child" hisses a voice from behind you.

    Turning to face the voice you find a wrinkled crone humanoid toad in a cloak staring at you.

    "Take this..." hisses the crone, handing you a book. "The answers to your problems lie herein."

    You grab the book and start to walk away when you suddenly find yourself back in the office. A grizzly book clutched in your hands. Looking at the book you barely make out the name "Necronomicon". It appears Bound in human flesh and inked in blood. Do you....

    A) Read the book. Turn to page 245. b) Read the book Aloud. Turn to page 310. c) Give the book to Ken. Turn to page 220. d) Donate it to your local library. Turn to page 35. e) put it with your other books at work. Turn to page 64.

    But what if you don't have a book. Then what?

    Its already been explicitly stated that you do have a book. It's called the necronomicon. now go to page 310 dammit

    turns to page 35

    As you leae the library you notice a group of ophans crowding around the book you just donated. An ominous sense of dread fills you as exit through the sliding doors of the library. You shed a tear realizing these children will probably never read MFD or bring your own code. This is all Ken's fault and you vow to get your revenge...

    Do you...

    1. Commit Seppuku? page 6.
    2. Cannibalize the orphans. page 12
    3. Learn MUMPS? page 37
    4. Get your revenge on ken? page 64.
    5. Go Home. page 64.
    loads handgun, points at head, turns to page 37
  • (cs) in reply to They Call Me The Joker
    They Call Me The Joker:
    Populus:
    These ex-Navy guys are the worst. They have to have procedures and manuals for everything else they wouldn't know how to turn on a light or go to the bathroom.

    A Marine and a Navy guy were using the bathroom. After the Marine finished, he began to walk out. The Navy guy says, "In the Navy, they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom." The Marine responds, "In the Marines, they taught us not to piss all over our hands."

    Add an engineer.

    "In the MIT, they expected that we're already toilet trained."

  • hoodaticus (unregistered) in reply to Luthe
    Luthe:
    bah, how many programmers truly know garbage collection.

    I imagine that the ones that need to know, know. And the rest are functional weenies.

  • anonymous coward (unregistered) in reply to Bim Job
    Bim Job:
    Code Dependent:
    Bim Job:
    Works well for dipstick little VB programs that don't have complex dependencies.

    Works less well for large-scale engineering systems... MegaCo ... $1,000,000 ... blah blah blah.<snip/>

    Well, BJ, I've been working with source control for over 12 years, both singly and as part of a team; first SourceSafe, now TFS. "Twenty man-years of development on new features" gets checked in at regular points in the development process, with labels (SS) or numbered changesets (TFS) and comments documenting the changes. A rollback to a previous version does not erase the versions that came after it; they remain in source control, and if necessary you can "rollback" to them (or would that be "rollforward"?).

    If there's a question whether proposed new development may become obsolete, you can keep it in a branch off of the current Production version. If it turns out to be needed after all, merge the branch in with main.

    Our main web application has been in source control for seven years. It currently consists of 5952 files and has 149 dependencies. We've performed occasional rollbacks when circumstances made it necessary. You might want to have another look at source control. Sounds like it's changed some since you used it last.

    Diffrnt strokes for diffrnt ... oh, let's not go there.

    You're falling in to the same trap we all fall in to on the Web, CD; making wild assumptions about someone you will (thankfully, for you) never meet. Nice statistics, though.

    Source control is a tool (although it could be argued that VSS was an anti-tool). When used with (ironically) Standard Operating Procedures, such as you suggest, it can indeed be great for rollback (even for web apps, which don't really fit the model I posited, however large. Yup, programmed them too. Insisted on SVN, and installed it myself).

    Doesn't make rollback/forward painless, though.

    AFAIR, I was making a simple (VB snidey, as is my way) defence of an earlier poster, who made the entirely reasonable point that a week often won't get you there, no matter how fine and dandy your source control system is, and no matter how careful you are with branches and labels and the like.

    Some possible problems:

    (a) The PHB in question refused permission to branch, because "it just won't be necessary." (b) You don't have control of the source control system anyway, and the ninnies in charge won't listen to you. (c) The entire team was on a death march for three months to get the new features out, and didn't have time to sit in endless meetings to discuss philosophical issues like "if a branch falls in the forest, and nobody pruned it, does it prove that the client is my imaginary friend?" Then some twit comes in and uses the clueless bat to make the death march even more painful. (d) So many orthogonal features, so little room for branching. Might not happen in your world. Happens elsewhere in the multiverse. (e) An application where (at least) one team is on software development, and one team is on hardware development. Possibly on a different site. With different source control systems. Oh yes, give me some of that sweet ClearCase Kool-aid, please ... because I trust those in charge to make these decisions. And money doesn't matter.

    Now, all five of those have happened to me. I'd guess that one of those was responsible for the $100,000 loss mentioned by the earlier poster. I might be wrong. I, no doubt like you, have taken to running my own secondary source control on the side in mitigation: tarballs at the minimalist level, and a side-order of CVS (blech) if that's all I can get away with.

    But to make a comment like "three words: source control rollback" ill-behoves you. Four letters: YMMV.

    Reality does, indeed, bite simplicity in the bum.

    Instead of writing all that you could have just written "I'm an arrogant, flippant jackass who is incompetent at source control." It would have saved us all a lot of reading.

  • Ant. Build (unregistered) in reply to someguy
    someguy:
    Or an ex-surgeon as a janitor.

    They're entirely different fields, and while I'm of the general opinion that programmers are awesome enough to bring a unique and useful perspective to any situation, most job skills do not translate well.

    Surgeons may be really smart and really highly trained- but not at being janitors. And they'd probably be horrible at it.

    Very specifically, surgeons are trained to never, ever catch anything anybody drops (lest it be a scalpel, for example) so would particularly suck at being janitors

  • Carlos Konstanski (unregistered)

    You mean there are heads of IT that don't know squat about computers, and who fabricate a smokescreen of rules and regulations to hide behind, and who abuse their power? I would never have believed it. But seriously, I'm waiting for the day when the "Ken" in my office slips up; you'll all get to read about it!

  • Jimmy (unregistered)

    I'd tell Ken to go F himself.

  • (cs) in reply to oldami
    oldami:
    DWalker59:
    They Call Me The Joker:
    Populus:
    These ex-Navy guys are the worst. They have to have procedures and manuals for everything else they wouldn't know how to turn on a light or go to the bathroom.

    A Marine and a Navy guy were using the bathroom. After the Marine finished, he began to walk out. The Navy guy says, "In the Navy, they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom." The Marine responds, "In the Marines, they taught us not to piss all over our hands."

    I have heard that saying a bunch of times, and it's really, really stupid. You're not washing your hands to get the piss off of them; you are washing your hands to get rid of (some of) the germs that are living on your private parts and are now on your hands (and there are some, no matter how clean you are). Fresh piss is pretty germ-free.

    You especially want to wash your hands if you're going back to your table in the restaurant where you'll slice some more bread for your fellow diners, which requires holding the small loaf of bread...

    People who use this saying are idiots. I don't crap on my hands either, but I sure wash my hands each time I crap.

    I think you must not understand the concept of a joke. Maybe you should look up the definition.

    I understand a joke, but people have said this to me in all seriousness: "I don't piss on my hands".

  • Segfault Zen (unregistered) in reply to DWalker59
    DWalker59:
    They Call Me The Joker:
    Populus:
    These ex-Navy guys are the worst. They have to have procedures and manuals for everything else they wouldn't know how to turn on a light or go to the bathroom.

    A Marine and a Navy guy were using the bathroom. After the Marine finished, he began to walk out. The Navy guy says, "In the Navy, they taught us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom." The Marine responds, "In the Marines, they taught us not to piss all over our hands."

    I have heard that saying a bunch of times, and it's really, really stupid. You're not washing your hands to get the piss off of them; you are washing your hands to get rid of (some of) the germs that are living on your private parts and are now on your hands (and there are some, no matter how clean you are). Fresh piss is pretty germ-free.

    You especially want to wash your hands if you're going back to your table in the restaurant where you'll slice some more bread for your fellow diners, which requires holding the small loaf of bread...

    People who use this saying are idiots. I don't crap on my hands either, but I sure wash my hands each time I crap.

    Did you happen to flush your sense of humor the last time you took one?

  • (cs) in reply to Ceiswyn
    Ceiswyn:
    Yes, but WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?!

    EGG-zactly!!!.... I want to hear about whether Kenny-boy got fired, or he was able to bluster, bully or BS his way out of it....LOL...

  • (cs) in reply to Bub
    Bub:
    Bim Job:
    Bub:
    You know that feeling you get when you're 95% of the way through jerking off, and some ninja smashes through your ceiling and chops off both your hands?

    This WTF story makes me even more frustrated than that.

    Quality typing, though. At least the ninja couldn't see your prick well enough to lop it off.
    Myopia is common among orientals, true.

    OMG you unregistereds are hella funnier than the regulars 'round here, esp the ones with kanji characters in their sigs....LOL

  • Guy Smiley (unregistered) in reply to blah
    blah:
    /*
    This made me laugh. A complete summary in two characters.
  • Pup (unregistered)

    THEN WHO WAS PHONE!

    Captcha: 'quibus'.. sounds potentially rude...

  • I am Kenough (unregistered)

    Ken talks about Ken in third person Ken has 2 cores running in parallel

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