• (cs)
    I had intercourse with all of my customers
    ...and this is why you should always translate by hand.
  • Eric D (unregistered) in reply to Preskooldude
    Preskooldude:
    I had intercourse with all of my customers
    ...and this is why you should always translate by hand.

    Are you sure the Chinese wasn't the version that was translated?

  • (cs)

    The medical imaging story indirectly reminded me of a past experience.

    I got complacent and stayed with a job that I really liked but I was grossly underpaid for. I frequently talked with my boss about my low salary. He blamed it on our old management team (which was true to a degree). I told him I was looking for a new position and asked if I could use him as a reference.

    Boss: Sure, but we could accelerate your raises if money is the only issue. Me: Yeah it's the only issue, but I would need the details of this "accelerated raise schedule" and have it put in writing. Boss: I'll have to talk to my manager to see what we have in the budget.

    He never mentioned it to me again until I found a new job and put in my two weeks notice. Suddenly he could offer a substantial raise. I considered it, but went with the other job offer which doubled the raise he offered.

    They outsourced my job and all my old co-workers keep bugging me to come back and hate the guys who replaced me.

  • whicker (unregistered)

    I think that last candidate was quite comfortable living on unemployment checks and just wanted some proof that he was actively looking for a job.

    As for that first one, even though I know some people tend to think in different and sometimes insightful ways, I probably would have burst out laughing had I been there.

  • James (unregistered)

    When I read that last one, I'm picturing Kyle's cousin from the South Park episode "The Entity". "Now I have a headache from all that squinting" -- priceless!

  • pm (unregistered) in reply to Preskooldude

    First meaning of intercourse in wiktionary is communication.

    Naughty meaning is listed as #4 of 4

    boring but true.

  • Stan (unregistered)

    Offer at half the rate ...

    The father of a friend worked many years at a job and constantly told management it was highly skilled and he should have a raise. They finally got tired of this and fired him. They posted the position in the paper "no experience required" Ouch!

  • BestSnowman (unregistered) in reply to akatherder
    akatherder:
    The medical imaging story indirectly reminded me of a past experience.

    I got complacent and stayed with a job that I really liked but I was grossly underpaid for. I frequently talked with my boss about my low salary. He blamed it on our old management team (which was true to a degree). I told him I was looking for a new position and asked if I could use him as a reference.

    Boss: Sure, but we could accelerate your raises if money is the only issue. Me: Yeah it's the only issue, but I would need the details of this "accelerated raise schedule" and have it put in writing. Boss: I'll have to talk to my manager to see what we have in the budget.

    He never mentioned it to me again until I found a new job and put in my two weeks notice. Suddenly he could offer a substantial raise. I considered it, but went with the other job offer which doubled the raise he offered.

    They outsourced my job and all my old co-workers keep bugging me to come back and hate the guys who replaced me.

    I quietly left a job that I was unhappy with, and underpaid, (put in my notice but didn't make a big deal of it). A couple weeks after my last day and I had been with my new job for a while I ran into my old boss's boss. Offered me a bigger raise than I had originally asked for. Felt good to turn him down :)

  • PCM2 (unregistered)

    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

  • (cs) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.
    In a number of countries you could sue the company for that. Surely in Germany: You could demand re-employment (at your old rate) and then settle for a one-off compensation instead.

    However, this compensation would then be deducted from your unemployment benefits - so it's probably not worth going through the trouble - especially since the risk of the lawsuit still rests on your own pocket - i.e. if you loose, you have to pay the costs from your dole, if you win, it will be taken from you.

    Speaking about WTF, eh? :-/

  • Kerry (unregistered) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

    That's what I was thinking, but it probably differs from state to state/country to country. And those companies usually find loop holes around it. For example, when I was laid off, they had to fill out some form and in the "Reason" field the put "Re-organization" instead of selecting "Position redundant" which would probably help them in court...

  • Manuel (unregistered)

    For the first, I think Paco used a different key to decrypt the answer

  • mctaz (unregistered) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

    Why would that be illegal?

  • RC Pinchey (unregistered) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

    ...er... why would that be illegal, exactly? As long as it's above minimum wage, can't they offer whatever salary they like for a position?

    I would hope it would just be supply and demand- if you don't offer enough money, no-one will take the job. I really can't see the need to legislate for it!

  • Bruce W (unregistered)

    I can relate to the last one well. I was performing interviews recently and noticed the candidate graduated within one semester of me from the same university in the same program (OK, yes, it was an MIS program). I worked hard to try and remember anyone with his name. During the interview I asked the following:

    Me: hey, I graduated close to when you graduated in the same program. What classes have you found most applicable to your work? Candidate: Ah, uh, well, technology is always changing so the classes aren't that applicable any more. Me: Well, I found that our database design class and systems analysis class to be helpful even 10 years later. Candidate: Well, uh, yeah, I guess. I don't do much with relational databases (even though his resume talked about his "extensive SQL database work").

    Needless to say he didn't get a second look. I trust he did graduate but I probably don't remember him because even then he would have been the type that gives MIS grads a bad rap.

  • Rob (unregistered)

    I once was contacted (anonymously, through a job site) by a company, and I went for a job interview. Afterwards, they told me I didn't fit in with their "company culture".

    A few weeks later, the same company contacted me again. I replied with one question: "Now do I fit in with your company culture?" Never heard from them again. Never cared either.

  • a/c (unregistered) in reply to Rob
    Rob:
    I once was contacted (anonymously, through a job site) by a company, and I went for a job interview. Afterwards, they told me I didn't fit in with their "company culture".

    A few weeks later, the same company contacted me again. I replied with one question: "Now do I fit in with your company culture?" Never heard from them again. Never cared either.

    If their company culture is "don't be a dick" then probably not.

  • (cs) in reply to Rob
    Rob:
    I once was contacted (anonymously, through a job site) by a company, and I went for a job interview. Afterwards, they told me I didn't fit in with their "company culture".

    A few weeks later, the same company contacted me again. I replied with one question: "Now do I fit in with your company culture?" Never heard from them again. Never cared either.

    Sounds like their company culture is: be a mindless automaton doing a task without thinking...

    You're better off...

  • (cs)

    I like the change of pace with these snippets. Thanks Alex et al.

  • (cs) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.
    I was laid off 3 months ago due to "restructuring". Essentially, they were looking for cheaper labor. Then they hired a junior guy to replace me with a VERY subtly different skillset. Unfortunately, he had no experience and so the project has languished, and the costs have exponentially dwarfed the salary difference.

    Ah well, save a dollar, spend 100 elsewhere as a result, don't get the job done, take credit for lowering costs - that's effective management!

  • SomeCoder (unregistered) in reply to a/c
    a/c:
    Rob:
    I once was contacted (anonymously, through a job site) by a company, and I went for a job interview. Afterwards, they told me I didn't fit in with their "company culture".

    A few weeks later, the same company contacted me again. I replied with one question: "Now do I fit in with your company culture?" Never heard from them again. Never cared either.

    If their company culture is "don't be a dick" then probably not.

    I wouldn't call that being a dick. I'd call that being irritated that the company is incompetent.

    I had a similar thing happen to me. Company calls me in for an interview, it seems to go no where. I go home thinking that I wasn't going to get it.

    About a month later, I get a call from the same company. The wording was slightly different so I thought it was a call back. I went back for a second interview... so I thought. The guy started to go through the entire interview process again from the beginning until I stopped him and told him that I had been here before. At that point, he decided that since he had picked me twice, I was good enough for the job.

    I didn't take it for reasons not really related to that WTF.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to RC Pinchey
    RC Pinchey:
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

    ...er... why would that be illegal, exactly? As long as it's above minimum wage, can't they offer whatever salary they like for a position?

    I would hope it would just be supply and demand- if you don't offer enough money, no-one will take the job. I really can't see the need to legislate for it!

    Because there is a legal difference between a layoff and a termination. The termination, from my limited understanding, opens the employer up to arbitration and/or lawsuits. A layoff just means, "we don't have work for these people or we can't pay them."

    Generally a layoff also means that you can't hire someone to replace a layed off person. You have to first offer the job back to the layed off person if they are available. Of course some companies just change the job description slightly to make it legally a different job when it is actually the same job. Who is going to catch them?

    I don't know that offering the same job for a lesser wage constitutes a change though. For the lower salary offered for that position, the original person would be insane to take it anyhow. They could have just offered the employee to get paid lower rather than laid them off. shrug

    Then there is the old trick that fast food companies used to use to get rid of people. Just cut their hours to nothing until they quit on their own.

  • (cs)

    In the US, I think that companies can fire people, eliminate positions, and add (or not add) new positions to their heart's content, at any salary they want, as long as it's above minimum wage. Even if the skill set is exactly the same as a former position, you can hire someone at half the salary that the previous employee had.

    I have worked at companies that didn't have specific, named "positions" even though they had a bunch of employees. (This is probably considered bad practice, from a "Human Resources" standpoint.)

    I don't know of any state laws that pre-empt this.

    I know that some countries (such as Germany) have stricter labor laws than the US.

    My employ is "at will". My employer can fire me for any reason, or for no reason at all. By law, they don't have to give a reason. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/At-will, which mentions some exceptions.)

  • diaphanein (unregistered)

    All these talks about layoffs remind me of my dad several years back. My dad worked in regional sales, territory covered several states in the northwest (huge geographical area). He was essentially forced out in an early retirement (take it or we'll fire ya, tough call). When he left, 3 guys were hired to cover his old territory and they still managed to lose half of his existing accounts. Cost effective, no?

  • (cs)
    I had intercourse with all of my customers
    I interviewed a guy a while back whose qualifications included "over two years of pubic relations experience".
  • (cs) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

    Does CA=Canada or California?

    Unless the employee was hired under a definite employment contract, in which case the terms of that contract apply, California law allows companies to employ people "at will" and can fire them for no reason, and then hire a replacement at minimum wage.

  • (cs) in reply to a/c
    a/c:
    Rob:
    I once was contacted (anonymously, through a job site) by a company, and I went for a job interview. Afterwards, they told me I didn't fit in with their "company culture".

    A few weeks later, the same company contacted me again. I replied with one question: "Now do I fit in with your company culture?" Never heard from them again. Never cared either.

    If their company culture is "don't be a dick" then probably not.

    Nice!

  • (cs) in reply to PCM2

    Why would this be illegal? Pay rates are in the USA set by the market. If they can find someone to work at "half pay" and do the job, that's a good thing.

    Nobody is forced to apply for and accept jobs they think they'll be underpaid at.

  • Someguy (unregistered) in reply to SomeCoder
    SomeCoder:
    I had a similar thing happen to me. Company calls me in for an interview, it seems to go no where. I go home thinking that I wasn't going to get it.

    About a month later, I get a call from the same company. The wording was slightly different so I thought it was a call back. I went back for a second interview... so I thought. The guy started to go through the entire interview process again from the beginning until I stopped him and told him that I had been here before. At that point, he decided that since he had picked me twice, I was good enough for the job.

    The opposite happened to me: About a month after my interview they call me to tell me I didn't get the job. A few days later they call me again to tell me I didn't get the job.

    They rejected me twice.

    Captcha: "burned" indeed.

  • Brandon (unregistered)

    In my state, it isn't only legal to lay off and offer the position at a reduced rate, it's done to state employees.

    Teachers get a pay raise after working for a year or two, due to raises passed by the legislature. But to sway costs, school boards will just give them the pink slip in May and offer them the job again in June without the raise built in. And since most teachers only have teaching certification in one state, they have little choice unless they move to a different school district.

    Maybe we should talk "No Teacher Left Behind" instead of the current mess our education system is in.

  • Brandon (unregistered) in reply to Brandon
    Brandon:
    In my state, it isn't only legal to lay off and offer the position at a reduced rate, it's done to state employees.

    Teachers get a pay raise after working for a year or two, due to raises passed by the legislature. But to sway costs, school boards will just give them the pink slip in May and offer them the job again in June without the raise built in. And since most teachers only have teaching certification in one state, they have little choice unless they move to a different school district.

    Maybe we should talk "No Teacher Left Behind" instead of the current mess our education system is in.

    CAPTCHA: Pirates... quite fitting.

  • whicker (unregistered) in reply to Brandon
    Brandon:
    Brandon:
    In my state, it isn't only legal to lay off and offer the position at a reduced rate, it's done to state employees.

    Teachers get a pay raise after working for a year or two, due to raises passed by the legislature. But to sway costs, school boards will just give them the pink slip in May and offer them the job again in June without the raise built in. And since most teachers only have teaching certification in one state, they have little choice unless they move to a different school district.

    Maybe we should talk "No Teacher Left Behind" instead of the current mess our education system is in.

    CAPTCHA: Pirates... quite fitting.

    I'm not following, and neither would a judge especially if this is state law...

    Teacher works there for 2 years. Teacher gets fired at end of school year. Teacher gets re-hired at start of new school year. Teacher has still worked there for 2 years.

  • Wene Girchinko (unregistered) in reply to Someguy
    Someguy:
    SomeCoder:
    I had a similar thing happen to me. ...was good enough for the job.
    The opposite happened to me: They rejected me twice.

    not to be in a pissin contest... but you reminded me of the unfortunate dot bomb days. I got laid off on a Friday, and by the next Thursday, had been hired - was supposed to show up for the first day the following Monday - got a call Friday (exactly one week from my layoff) and was told not to show up on Monday, as there had been a major layoff.

    HA!! So I was laid off, hired and laid off again within one week's time.

  • surt (unregistered) in reply to Wene Girchinko
    Wene Girchinko:
    Someguy:
    SomeCoder:
    I had a similar thing happen to me. ...was good enough for the job.
    The opposite happened to me: They rejected me twice.

    not to be in a pissin contest... but you reminded me of the unfortunate dot bomb days. I got laid off on a Friday, and by the next Thursday, had been hired - was supposed to show up for the first day the following Monday - got a call Friday (exactly one week from my layoff) and was told not to show up on Monday, as there had been a major layoff.

    HA!! So I was laid off, hired and laid off again within one week's time.

    Doesn't quite compete, but I started my first job (on monday) out of college at a place that laid off 2/3rds of the staff on friday. That was a bit scary, as I had moved across the state for that job. Fortunately I was cheap, and they kept me. I learned a lot doing self directed study as they spent the next 9 months just deciding what the company should do. The guy who hired me felt pretty bad about it, and helped me find my next job, too.

  • Ben Evans (unregistered) in reply to whicker
    whicker:
    Brandon:
    Brandon:
    In my state, it isn't only legal to lay off and offer the position at a reduced rate, it's done to state employees.

    Teachers get a pay raise after working for a year or two, due to raises passed by the legislature. But to sway costs, school boards will just give them the pink slip in May and offer them the job again in June without the raise built in. And since most teachers only have teaching certification in one state, they have little choice unless they move to a different school district.

    Maybe we should talk "No Teacher Left Behind" instead of the current mess our education system is in.

    CAPTCHA: Pirates... quite fitting.

    I'm not following, and neither would a judge especially if this is state law...

    Teacher works there for 2 years. Teacher gets fired at end of school year. Teacher gets re-hired at start of new school year. Teacher has still worked there for 2 years.

    It probably goes by fiscal year, not calendar year... if the teacher is laid off in fiscal year 1 and re-hired in fiscal year 2, then they are not considered continuous employment and their counter starts over (there could also be a 90 day expiration or something along those lines before that counter starts over too).

  • Mr Steve (unregistered) in reply to DWalker59
    DWalker59:
    In the US, I think that companies can fire people, eliminate positions, and add (or not add) new positions to their heart's content, at any salary they want, as long as it's above minimum wage. Even if the skill set is exactly the same as a former position, you can hire someone at half the salary that the previous employee had.

    I have worked at companies that didn't have specific, named "positions" even though they had a bunch of employees. (This is probably considered bad practice, from a "Human Resources" standpoint.)

    I don't know of any state laws that pre-empt this.

    I know that some countries (such as Germany) have stricter labor laws than the US.

    My employ is "at will". My employer can fire me for any reason, or for no reason at all. By law, they don't have to give a reason. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/At-will, which mentions some exceptions.)

    :/ man

    i live in New Zealand which is the complete opposite, here it's basically impossible to fire someone

  • Jon (unregistered) in reply to Rob
    Rob:
    I once was contacted (anonymously, through a job site) by a company, and I went for a job interview. Afterwards, they told me I didn't fit in with their "company culture".

    A few weeks later, the same company contacted me again. I replied with one question: "Now do I fit in with your company culture?" Never heard from them again. Never cared either.

    It meant means they're desperate. The correct response is to ask for higher pay.

  • (cs) in reply to PCM2
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.
    Unfortunately, most of us do not work in communist countries. OTOH, we're mostly all headed towards that.

    I presume that if you ever paid, say $60/hour for a painter, you would never allow anyone to paint for you for any less?

  • (cs) in reply to RC Pinchey
    RC Pinchey:
    PCM2:
    Wait ... if you get laid off from your job, and then you find out that your old company is staffing the exact same position you held, only for half the pay ... isn't that totally illegal? At least, in CA I'm pretty sure it is.

    ...er... why would that be illegal, exactly? As long as it's above minimum wage, can't they offer whatever salary they like for a position?

    I would hope it would just be supply and demand- if you don't offer enough money, no-one will take the job. I really can't see the need to legislate for it!

    The action of hiring another employee to replace one who was let go isn't specifically illegal, letting one employee go for a reason that the employee would have been unable to self-correct (i.e. lack of money, elimination of position due to restructuring etc.) then re-hiring within a specific timeframe (most places is a couple months) can be argued as an illegal practise. Mind you, most companies will usually engineer a way to fire a person legally to replace their position with a lower-paid person, usually using the 'not a fit' excuse, or by modifying the requirements of the position away from the current employee's skillset.

  • Anon Fred (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Because there is a legal difference between a layoff and a termination. The termination, from my limited understanding, opens the employer up to arbitration and/or lawsuits. A layoff just means, "we don't have work for these people or we can't pay them."

    I don't know what you're talking about, but in the US a "layoff" is much nicer to the (ex-)employee. It means "we're not paying this person any more, but it's not their fault." The employee generally gets unemployment compensation and doesn't have to say they were fired.

    The alternative is to say "fired" or "terminated with cause." The individual may not get UI compensation.

  • None (unregistered)

    And remember - the legal advice you receive on this forum is worth what you paid for it.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Ancient_Hacker
    Ancient_Hacker:
    Nobody is forced to apply for and accept jobs they think they'll be underpaid at.
    Indeed. Everyone always has a nice safety net available in case they can't find that dream job.
  • tALSit de CoD (unregistered)

    I know of a guy that moved his entire life from the UK to Australia to work for a games company.

    Halfway through his second day of work, the entire company was shut down and everyone fired...

  • Lady Nocturne (unregistered) in reply to Ben Evans

    I can't speak for other districts, but in the district in which I teach HS, as long as someone has been employed for at least half the year and holds a valid full credential (not a temporary credential) that half-year counts for a full year of service on the salary schedule. I got pink-slipped in March my first year because of district budget cuts, but then I was rehired in May for the following year, and I was able to keep my years of service and everything. Had I been teaching with a temporary credential, I would have stayed at the same number of years of service regardless of whether or not I received a pink slip--teachers in our district can't gain years of experience until they're fully credentialed.

  • (cs) in reply to Brandon
    Brandon:
    Maybe we should talk "No Teacher Left Behind" instead of the current mess our education system is in.
    You can blame these guys.
  • itchy (unregistered)

    With all these layoff stories I'll throw mine in...

    A few years ago I had decided to leave my job and was really relishing the day I could give my notice as the company was going down the toilet. I had interviewed a few weeks earlier with a new firm and finalized a deal for a new gig at about 30% more pay. I went in to work the next day with my resignation letter in hand ready to submit it. As soon as I walked in the door I got called into the boss' office and was laid off along with 2/3 of the office. Talk about stealing my thunder.

    I called my new boss and told him what happened and that I could now start right away if he wanted. They weren't quite ready for me yet and Christmas was coming up so he told me to take the 6 weeks of UI, rest up and have a nice vacation and report to work on January 15th. I love it there!

  • swordfishBob (unregistered) in reply to Preskooldude
    Preskooldude:
    I had intercourse with all of my customers
    ...and this is why you should always translate by hand.
    "Intercourse" doesn't have to be sexual. If in doubt, use a dictionary.
  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered) in reply to swordfishBob

    The word "intercourse", taken out of context, isn't necessarily a reference to sexual activity, no. However, the phrase "to have intercourse with (someone)" most certainly is, as are all conjugations thereof.

  • aussie (unregistered) in reply to RC Pinchey

    This in Australia is called unfair dismissal. It is now legal for companies < 100 employees for any reason and > 100 employees for operational reason. Also in Australia if you are made redundant then part of your termination payment is concessionaly taxed provided the termination is genuine. If you are dismissed and then rehired immediately the tax office will deem that you are gaming the system to get some tax free benefits and hence most company will not rehire you in 12 months.

  • George Nacht (unregistered) in reply to Stan

    The story about firing experienced worker because of raise request is nasty, but still somewhat logical. My soon-to-be-father-in-law has been fired after twelwe years, becuase he insisted that the company where he worked is terribly understaffed ... No, I can´t explain.

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