• QUACK! (unregistered) in reply to noname

    nice autogen text!

    QUACK for your programmer! 

    the pig is happy 

  • Mitch (unregistered) in reply to Sergeant

    This is the funniest (and best) comment I've seen on WTF.

    Sublime.

    If I were half as smart, I could quit my programming job!

     

  • Richard (unregistered) in reply to Older Dude

    Let's see, M.A. proposed the correct solution, repsected the customer's wishes to do it the wrong way, got the wrong way to work correctly (albeit painfully), politely helped out 3 years later and got another nice gig to do it the right way, and finally did it the right way (again, correctly).

     

    With the Zen prose and such model behaviour, it makes one wonder if MA was himself a Zen master.

     

    Quark! The sound of one duck barking!
     

  • Bod (unregistered) in reply to noname
    Anonymous:

    I'm sorry but that just doesn't cut it with me. If this story is true at all I'm sure the details would invalidate this being used as an example in similar cases. Though if such precedent exists it might be a way to make people think twice before making something they know is wrong....On the other hand, who has the right to decide that what I want to pay for is wrong? Maybe my defibrilator/cremation oven is a great idea that will save both time and lives. Isn't it my money to waste?

    I can believe it, I'm afraid.  The original post said that the consultant pointed out that B was bad amd it would go wrong in ways X, Y amd Z.  He was asked to implement it and make sure it didn;t go wrong in X, Y and Z.  He agreed.  It went wrong in X, Y, and Z, therefore he had not fulfilled his contract.  The consultant should have replied along the lines of: no, I can give you B but I can't make it work.

     If he said he could do it and he didn't, he's culpable.

     
    May I be the first, by the way, to wish everyone a happy 2006, since we appear to be posting on 12th January of that year :)

     

     

  • dustin (unregistered)

    I would like to see this neural network generate Java bean code. I wonder if it could reproduce the Paula Bean. How Brillant would that be!

    Captcha: whiskey

  • (cs)

    <oops> I said would a traditional process <preferred/> <not in your high $ budget> solve this problem or would a neural network <in your high$ budget/> be overkill? <oops/>

     

  • (cs) in reply to Kippler
    Anonymous:
    mrprogguy:
    Anonymous:
    mrprogguy:

    (Anyone know whose style I'm parodying?)

     

    Ummmm.... What-The-Faulkner?

     Good guess, but no quack for you.  It's Kipling.

    Proper answer to the question "Do you like Kipling?" :  "I don't know, I've never Kippled."

    You should have let someone else have a try, I totally knew that one. >:(     

     You, sir, owe me a new pair of pants.  Fuuunnnn-eeeEEEE.  :D

  • doc0tis (unregistered) in reply to Bod
    Anonymous:


    May I be the first, by the way, to wish everyone a happy 2006, since we appear to be posting on 12th January of that year :)

     

     

    Actually, the date that you are reading is December 1, 2006. 12-01-2006, American and International date standards are different

    I believe that the American version is MM/DD/YYYY

    and the international version is DD/MM/YYYY

     

    --doc0tis 

  • The Pig that Was. (unregistered)

    Our Vice President of Synergy empowers you to lead the industry with the most trend-setting technology overdrafts!

    If you want to walk the walk and talk the talk, you have to give life to thoroughbred formalizations.

    man i love that BS generator.

    captcha: quality 

    oh one more : While leveraging synergy across multimedia paradigms, we need to expedite strategic high-speed shots in the dark! 

  • Me (unregistered) in reply to The Pig that Was.
    Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
    Thy micturations are to me
    As plurdled gabbleblotchits
    On a lurgid bee.
    Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
    And hooptiously drangle me
    With crinkly bindlewurdles,
    Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
    See if I don't!
  • Erik (unregistered)

    My approach would have been to write a parser in the proper manner, and mix in a simple neural network in the design, somewhere where it would make sense -- such as to categorize the raw data coming in.  If the management was that clueless, they wouldn't be able to figure out that the neural network had be relegated to an insignificant part of the design.  Just to play it safe, you could make a design diagram with the neural network components drawn REALLY BIG.  (However, clearly MA's approached was the more profitable.)

  • Khazwossname (unregistered) in reply to Me

    Three, three geek culture references! Ah, ah, ah!

     How many before this becomes the most quoteful thread ever?
     

  • cellocgw (unregistered) in reply to mrprogguy

    Yeah, Rudyard Kipling -- Just So Stories.

    Oops, forgot the spoiler warning

     

    captcha: random.  Is that like Random House? 

  • greyrat (unregistered) in reply to mrprogguy
    mrprogguy:

    Congratulations, sir--you've invented a two-year-old!

    Allow me to translate: 

    In the Near and Not-So-Far-Off Times, O Best Beloved, the Pig went to the fountain, grunted, and put its foot in the ketchup.  (It was, as we know, a ketchup fountain, not a water fountain.)  A Dove flew over and pooped on the Piggie, who was disgusted.  (Ketchup is one thing, poop is another, after all.)  The Pig made an annoyed noise in the direction of the Dove, who became angry.  The Pig departed, and the Dove produced a chicken wing.  The Dove used the chicken wing to make a barking, not a quacking, noise, in the direction of the departing Pig. 

    And that is how the Leopard got his spots.

    (Anyone know whose style I'm parodying?)

     

    Kipling. I read the Jungle Books to my kids for many years when they were toddlers. I got the same feeling when I read the original.

     Captcha: 1337, of course...

  • Erik (unregistered) in reply to mbvlist

    mbvlist:
    I have my reasons to not go to the USA, mainly because the scentence "land of the free" is getting more and more incorrect. As a foreigner I can be thrown into jail, and be kept there indefinetly, without any reason. Now that's a WTF ;)

    I don't know what they tell you in the European press, but the only way that would happen is if you go to Iraq, Afganistan or Pakistan and open a secret bomb factory for Al Qaeda.  But then, that wouldn't really be "without reason" would it?  Foreigners visiting the US have the same legal rights as US citizens.

  • Malfist (unregistered) in reply to Erik

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
    All mimsy were the borogoves,
      And the mome raths outgrabe. </font>


    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
      The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
    Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
      The frumious Bandersnatch!"</font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">He took his vorpal sword in hand:
      Long time the manxome foe he sought --
    So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
      And stood awhile in thought.</font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">And, as in uffish thought he stood,
      The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
    Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
      And burbled as it came!</font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">One, two! One, two! And through and through
      The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
    He left it dead, and with its head
      He went galumphing back.</font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
      Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
    O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
      He chortled in his joy.</font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS"></font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">captcha: perfection -> aye, that's what the Jabberwock is</font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS"></font>

    <font face="Arial Unicode MS">P.S. Where are the new WTF's? I haven't seen a new one in a few days</font>

  • (cs) in reply to Erik
    Anonymous:

    mbvlist:
    I have my reasons to not go to the USA, mainly because the scentence "land of the free" is getting more and more incorrect. As a foreigner I can be thrown into jail, and be kept there indefinetly, without any reason. Now that's a WTF ;)

    I don't know what they tell you in the European press, but the only way that would happen is if you go to Iraq, Afganistan or Pakistan and open a secret bomb factory for Al Qaeda.  But then, that wouldn't really be "without reason" would it?  Foreigners visiting the US have the same legal rights as US citizens.

    I first heard of it from some Alex Jones-like website, and I saw some articles in the dutch press. It seems to be that the US government can lock me up under the suspicion of beeing a terrorist. There is no way to defend myself until I get in some form of trial, and there is no limit on the time before they get me to that trial. So there's nothing I can do in between. Doesn't sound like fun to me...

    I'm sorry to simplify it to 'no reason', but if I can't defend myself against any possible mistakes, they can acuse me of anything they like.

    And about the story it all started with: I see my father as someone reliable, who is in some respects a walking encyclopedia. And because he worked for a long time in the role of advisor, I think he does know that part. But as always, the 'someone I know'-story isn't the strongest :)
     

  • Theresa (unregistered) in reply to osp70

    I am looking forward to the publication of "Ineffective System = Lovely Prose" in three years.

    Three years after that, Elton John will write some music and Twyla Tharp will choreograph, and the prose will hit Broadway.

  • LarsP (unregistered)

    The pig go. Go is to the fountain. The pig put foot. Grunt. Foot in what? ketchup. The dove fly. Fly is in sky. The dove drop something. The something on the pig. The pig  disgusting. The pig rattle. Rattle with dove. The dove angry. The pig leave. The dove produce. Produce is chicken wing. With wing bark. No Quack.

    Wow. This is some serious autogenerated text. Although the language is rather deformed, the NN is truly trying to tell a story:

    The pig goes to the fountan. The pig puts down its foot in ketchup and grunts. (quite logical) A dove flies in the sky. The dove drops something on the pig and the pig is disgusted. (very logical, but now it gets harder) The pig gets angry and rattles with the dove. The pig leaves and the dove produces a chicken wing, with a bark. No Quack.

    The common auto generated text you see everywhere, which uses a marcov model, is usually much less meaningfull because it only deals with statistics for a few words combined. This makes the subject of the text vary wildly. But in this case there really is a developing story behind the words, amazing! You can feel the power of the monstrous neural network through those words. I wonder if it's slowly becoming a sentient being... No quack.

  • mnature (unregistered) in reply to PseudoNoise
    Anonymous:

    Whenever I get stuck doing a dumb job, or forced to do a job a dumb way, one phrase gets me into the office in the morning: "I get paid the same either way."
     

    Just two words to remember:  Automatic Deposit

  • vDave (unregistered) in reply to Paul Harrison
    Anonymous:

    Correct response to such a request is:

    [image]

     

     

    Best... Post... Ever...

     

      -dave-
     

    (CAPTCHA == "null", as in the set of better posts than the above) 
     

  • vDave (unregistered) in reply to gwenhwyfaer

    gwenhwyfaer:

    For the record, I'd just like to comment on the similarity between the machine generated prose and the first paragraph of one of James Joyce's works.

     

    Portrait?

     

    Ok, i probably haven't read the one one you are actually referring to, i suppose, but that one seems to fit.  =)

     

     -dave-   

     

  • noname (unregistered) in reply to Erik
    Anonymous:

    mbvlist:
    I have my reasons to not go to the USA, mainly because the scentence "land of the free" is getting more and more incorrect. As a foreigner I can be thrown into jail, and be kept there indefinetly, without any reason. Now that's a WTF ;)

    I don't know what they tell you in the European press, but the only way that would happen is if you go to Iraq, Afganistan or Pakistan and open a secret bomb factory for Al Qaeda.  But then, that wouldn't really be "without reason" would it?  Foreigners visiting the US have the same legal rights as US citizens.

     

    Same as in the U.S. press. Lies, damn lies and statistics. Of course foreigners never have the same legal rights as citizens, if only because you can't deport citizens. Still the being locked up without reason applies equally to US citizens as to foreigners. All they need is to drop the word terrorist. It doesn't matter if it isn't abused (which I don't believe) what matters is they can do it. I would advise no US citizens to look closely at their own laws before US bashing however. You'd be surprised what they can and can't do. The UK doesn't even have a constitution (no, not even the Magna Carta, which isn't part of the legal framewrok anymore). Calling the US bad just makes it so you don't look to closely at your own gov't. This goes for the US about europe and the Middle east, the middle east does it wiht america and europe, Asia points at the west, etc, etc.

  • ep (unregistered)

    Wow. When life gives you lemons, implement a mission critical system as a neural network.

  • (cs) in reply to ep

    The prose reminds me of a "mnemonic"[1] in my modern physics textbook: 

    Spuds if pug, dish of pig. 

    Apparently this means:  Eat potatoes if the pork is bad.  It would not surprise me if the book was generated by a computer...

    OB BS generator: Success is not a crap-shoot if we cultivate innovative resources.

    [1] Mnemonic is used loosely here.  It is supposed to help you remember the order of the nuclear orbitals (w/o things like inverted spin-orbit interaction and such, IIRC) but it never really seemed to fit very well...

  • (cs) in reply to doc0tis
    Anonymous:
    Anonymous:


    May I be the first, by the way, to wish everyone a happy 2006, since we appear to be posting on 12th January of that year :)

     

     

    Actually, the date that you are reading is December 1, 2006. 12-01-2006, American and International date standards are different

    I believe that the American version is MM/DD/YYYY

    and the international version is DD/MM/YYYY

    --doc0tis 

    In some forums you can't change your date format but on this one you can, so set yours to your preferred

     

  • Blake (unregistered)

    We have met the enemy, and the enemy is that at which we formerly attempted to bark, having forgotten said chicken wing. Wing in what? Bill Bumgarner's turkilicious pulled porkified Egg-Stoker!


    No quack.

  • Hognoxious (unregistered) in reply to mav

    And it's funny on so many levels.

  • wow (unregistered)

    scary how you almost see it thinking in that 'poem'. sounds a little like my two year old trying to describe a process that he doesn't know all of the words for by using a lot of short sentences with simple words.

  • Pierce P Cassidy (unregistered) in reply to mrprogguy

    In Toronto it is possible to live on Kipling. 

  • LenPal (unregistered) in reply to Yuriy

    I for one welcome our new Neural Network overlords.

  • (cs)

    "Rather Zen, isn't it?" No, it not. It must be placed in the proper format. I will give that for your study.

    PREFACE TO THE ASSEMBLY

    A pig and a dove produced by a failed robot. If you care about what produced the koan you have already failed. Robot, pig, they are not apart from what is right here. No Quack.

    MAIN CASE

    "The pig go. Go is to the fountain. The pig put foot. Grunt. Foot in what? ketchup. The dove fly. Fly is in sky. The dove drop something. The something on the pig. The pig  disgusting. The pig rattle. Rattle with dove. The dove angry. The pig leave. The dove produce. Produce is chicken wing. With wing bark. No Quack."

    APPRECIATORY VERSE

    The voice of the barking dove is heard above all machines.
    Nerds worldwide stop and pause.
    A pig going and a bird fly in sky.
    He stands leaving no track.

  • Myootnt (unregistered) in reply to Franz Kafka

    It is no less coherent than the reports it produced prior to reprogramming. If you decode the word/symbol key, you have snippets of the system's status report.

  • Chattermouth (unregistered) in reply to Cookie

    If Philip K Dick was alive today, this would make him LOL.

  • Don Martin (unregistered)

    So who was more intelligent, the original management, the neural network or the management that wanted it to write prose?

     I vote for the neural network as most intelligent, the final managers as second and the original managers as coming in last place on the IQ test.

     don

  • Terrell (unregistered) in reply to Older Dude

    A solution is a solution.  There is no incorrect solution unless it does not work, so as long as it works, efficiency and time (deadlines and estimated implementation time) are the only other issues to be concerned with.

  • Terrell (unregistered) in reply to Richard

    Let's see, M.A. proposed the correct solution, repsected the customer's wishes to do it the wrong way, got the wrong way to work correctly (albeit painfully), politely helped out 3 years later and got another nice gig to do it the right way, and finally did it the right way (again, correctly).

     

    A solution is a solution.  There is no incorrect solution unless it does not work, so as long as it works, efficiency and time (deadlines and estimated implementation time) are the only other issues to be concerned with.

    <!-- End: CommunityServer.Discussions.Controls.PostDisplay.TextPost -->
  • iks (unregistered)

    I fed the article into dadadodo and got this:

    Go; is able to academia sought out the pig fountain: seven technicians would learn how to approach; and do the developers spent a learner application for the new CTO was bought and wanted to adapt to the networks and inserting the traditional approach and raw data and free up the way to academia sought out the system; was the dove drop the job and it worked! He jumped at the region sent data be developed and given a neural network approach: and report on a completely full Neural network was bought and maintained software used by the standardized data and it required a dataset of academia sought out the pig: dove drop the opportunity: they should use a traditional approach and is able to throw away a project, he grudgingly agreed and create the fountain.

  • Anonanon (unregistered) in reply to wow

    Yes, the text is a bit hard to decipher, but I was impressed that there was a (relatively) coherent narrative going on here - the touching story of a dove droppping a chicken wing on a pig in a fountain. This kind of internal consistency is something that Markov chain generation does not do, so I'd say that it doesn't write any better or worse than Mark V Chaney - just differently.

  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered)

    Translated the poem to german and back to english using GoogleTM translate.

    The pig go. Go is to the well. The pig set foot. Grunzen. Foot in which? Ketschup. The pigeon fly. Fly is in the sky. The pigeon drop something. The something on the pig. The disgusting pig. The Schweingeklapper. Geklapper with pigeon. The pigeon annoys. The pig vacation. The product of pigeon. Product is chicken wing. With Flügelbarke. No Quack.

  • Cowboy Dan (unregistered) in reply to Dan

    I admire your bravery in misspelling 'when', while you bash universities. Clearly they isn't needed. At least we know that know. Really; not trying to pay out you're grammar.

  • X-nert (unregistered) in reply to PseudoNoise
    PseudoNoise:
    Whenever I get stuck doing a dumb job, or forced to do a job a dumb way, one phrase gets me into the office in the morning: "I get paid the same either way."
    My first boss had a great way of putting it: "I'm a software whore -- I'll do whatever they pay me to do." (This was back in the days when "whore" still had its original meaning of "prostitute.")
  • kor5E (unregistered) in reply to DrPizza

    hmm, what's with this bit? :)

  • Kit (unregistered)

    I teach ESL in Korea, and that story at the end very strongly resembles the writing style of some of my elementary-school students.

  • The Cheat (unregistered)

    7 years later, now I know how Angry Birds was conceived.

  • (nodebb)

    Not a true coder here, so can anyone consult me: is it possible to strap a NN to a program, make it consume some RAM and do some calculations and perceived activity, but not have any effect on the output? Which is actually done through the ordinary means in the initial proposition, just hidden somewhere below the NN code, out of management sight.

  • xtal256 (unregistered)

    I came across this article in the sidebar and wondered how a modern neural network would respond. So I put the entire article, minus the last paragraph, into OpenAI's GPT-3 and this is what it came up with (on the second try):

    "I am sorry, but I do not have your water test results in my database. I have not yet been trained on this new format your laboratory has recently implemented. Thank you for your patience while I learn how to best help you."

    We've come a long way!

  • xtal256 (unregistered)

    The following try yielded this:

    "The cat sat on the mat, which was made from recycled water bottles."

  • jingo (unregistered) in reply to xtal256

    GPT-3's just trying to convince you it isn't sentient with that one.

  • Cezary (unregistered)

    Reading this story after 17 years does make me realise how far things have gone.

Leave a comment on “No, We Need a Neural Network”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

Log Out

« Return to Article