• (cs)

    unthinkableMayhem isn't a WTF - just an attempt to inject humor into the code.  It's clear what it means.

  • ChetOS (unregistered)

    second post!

  • (cs)

    Jason Mauss has an Aspect phone switch.  I've seen that schema before.  Some of the things they do with dates are truly WTF-worthy, while they continue to claim that it's not purposeful obfuscation...

  • anonymous coward (unregistered)

    unthinkableMayhem

    I like this code!

  • (cs)

    That was one good ass_party too...

    Seriously tho, that's an.. interesting... way to strip html entities...

  • (cs)

    Manually URLEncoding in ASP from within the template page is obviously The Win...

    And did that... thing... happen on every link?

  • jb (unregistered)

    When I was at IBM, we had an intern write an internal web app. When it finally was ready to go live, the web mast asked, what's in this directory called "big_butt".

    Of course, it contained the images used as "button" graphics. The big ones.

    The funny thing is I had seen that directory name, but because I knew what was in it, I hadn't even thought about it.

  • Colin (unregistered) 

    theNum = Int((5-1+1) * Rnd + 1)

    I sometimes do something similar (5-1+1) if each number means something different and keeping them there is sort of a reminder that, yes, I did subtract for X and add one for Y.

  • (cs)
    Alex Papadimoulis:

    Jason Fox's predecessor seemed to have a difficult time believing that subtracting and adding one from a number will actually yield a predictable result ... 

     theNum = Int((5-1+1) * Rnd + 1)

    I can kinda see this one. Microsoft gives an example of how to generate a bounded random number as:

       Int((upperbound - lowerbound + 1) * Rnd + lowerbound)

    Apparantly the author just copied the example and plugged in his own values, but didn't actually bother to apply any real thought to it.

  • Never Mind (unregistered) in reply to jb

    Anonymous:
    When I was at IBM, we had an intern write an internal web app. When it finally was ready to go live, the web mast asked, what's in this directory called "big_butt".

    Of course, it contained the images used as "button" graphics. The big ones.

    The funny thing is I had seen that directory name, but because I knew what was in it, I hadn't even thought about it.

    Its always good to know everything that goes into "big_butt" that way you won't be surprised when it comes back out!

  • (cs)

    about the one-liner... I actually saw a guy doing that once (he asked for help), I was like

    "dude... WTF!"

  • (cs) in reply to Maurits
    Maurits:
    unthinkableMayhem isn't a WTF - just an attempt to inject humor into the code.  It's clear what it means.


    Yeah, I've known some female coders that do stuff like that. It's fun to read. That ASP code takes the cake. I mean WTF. Seriously, WTF. Too bad I wasn't invited to the ass party lol.
  • (cs) in reply to GoatCheez
    GoatCheez:
    Maurits:
    unthinkableMayhem isn't a WTF - just an attempt to inject humor into the code.  It's clear what it means.


    Yeah, I've known some female coders that do stuff like that. It's fun to read. That ASP code takes the cake. I mean WTF. Seriously, WTF. Too bad I wasn't invited to the ass party lol.

    O.o;

    There are several WTFs in your post...
  • (cs) in reply to Mikademus

    <font size="2">I wonder if you're required to have a certain ass_type to get into the ass_party.

    </font>

  • JC (unregistered) in reply to masklinn

    Assuming that it is from the vbscript project I had the pleasure of being contracted to add features (which I submitted code snippets from several months ago), yes, he does do it for every single link. :(

    Too bad he didn't post all the snippets from it... that project was really sad. There was one conditional statement with about 20 conditional statements in it, filenames that made no sense (colcon.asp), and the most pleasurable, subs DoIamMail, DoIamMail2, and DoIamMail3. One of those will get called based on the value of a variable somewhere else of which I have no way of understanding what determines which should be called... if DoIamMail or DoIamMail2 get called, it causes all of the servers memory to get consumed and pages would timeout.

    There's still more... let's just say that the original coder did not believe in primary keys.

  • JC (unregistered) in reply to masklinn
    masklinn:

    Manually URLEncoding in ASP from within the template page is obviously The Win...

    And did that... thing... happen on every link?



    Sorry, my last message was in response to the above quoted post.
  • (cs) in reply to cconroy
    cconroy:
    <font size="2">I wonder if you're required to have a certain ass_type to get into the ass_party.

    </font>


    It says right there, 'CHAR(1)'.

    Now, how does one cast their ass to char?


    Perhaps that was a typo, and should read, "CHAIR()", but I'm not admitting to having a chair ass.
  • (cs) in reply to Anonymoose
    Anonymoose:

    Now, how does one cast their ass to char?


    Duh, of course it's a simple one-char code:

    M:  male
    F:   female
    D:   donkey
    E:   ass not found

    <:o)
  • (cs)

    We have a stored procedure with a name that beats the length on that one from Joel Martinez.  I don't want to put the whole thing here(in case my boss reads this), but it beats it by a mere 2 characters.

    Our general sproc naming convention is:
    NamespaceReallyLongObjectNameSave
    NamespaceReallyLongObjectNameDelete
    NamespaceReallyLongObjectNameGet - single
    NamespaceReallyLongObjectNameGetReallyLongObjectNames - multiple record, search sproc

  • (cs) in reply to Anonymoose
    Anonymoose:
    cconroy:
    <font size="2">I wonder if you're required to have a certain ass_type to get into the ass_party.

    </font>


    It says right there, 'CHAR(1)'.

    Now, how does one cast their ass to char?


    Perhaps that was a typo, and should read, "CHAIR()", but I'm not admitting to having a chair ass.


    I think your typo correction has a typo, it should prolly read:  "CHAIR(1)".  If you  look close enough at the (1), it kinda looks like an ass.




  • (cs) in reply to JC
    Anonymous:
    Assuming that it is from the vbscript project I had the pleasure of being contracted to add features (which I submitted code snippets from several months ago), yes, he does do it for every single link. :(

    Too bad he didn't post all the snippets from it... that project was really sad. There was one conditional statement with about 20 conditional statements in it, filenames that made no sense (colcon.asp), and the most pleasurable, subs DoIamMail, DoIamMail2, and DoIamMail3. One of those will get called based on the value of a variable somewhere else of which I have no way of understanding what determines which should be called... if DoIamMail or DoIamMail2 get called, it causes all of the servers memory to get consumed and pages would timeout.

    There's still more... let's just say that the original coder did not believe in primary keys.

    Oh my god, poor you... then again when you see what he uses for URLencoding it probably makes sense that his mail-related functions can crash and burn a whole server, i guess

  • js (unregistered)

    Gee, if only the web framework we are using to develop this web app had a function to perfom HTML escaping. They could even call it HtmlEscape(), or maybe just escape(). Guess we'll have to do it on our own in the least readable, crappiest way possible!

  • (cs) in reply to Mikademus
    Mikademus:
    GoatCheez:
    Maurits:
    unthinkableMayhem isn't a WTF - just an attempt to inject humor into the code.  It's clear what it means.


    Yeah, I've known some female coders that do stuff like that. It's fun to read. That ASP code takes the cake. I mean WTF. Seriously, WTF. Too bad I wasn't invited to the ass party lol.

    O.o;

    There are several WTFs in your post...


    WTF u talkin 'bout! ;-)
  • (cs) in reply to Anonymoose
    Anonymoose:
    Now, how does one cast their ass to char?


    I tried CAST(@Ballmer AS CHAIR()) but it threw an exception...
  • (cs) in reply to Maurits

    A competitor exception?

  • (cs) in reply to Maurits
    Maurits:
    Anonymoose:
    Now, how does one cast their ass to char?


    I tried CAST(@Ballmer AS CHAIR()) but it threw an exception...


    Something like this?

    <font face="verdana, arial, helvetica" size="3">java.io.FileNotFoundException: Cannot cast Ballmer as CHAIR().
      at boo.hoo.StackTrace.bar(StackTrace.java:223)
      at boo.hoo.StackTrace.foo(StackTrace.java:218)
      at boo.hoo.StackTrace.main(StackTrace.java:54)


    </font>
  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to TankerJoe

    Oh boy, I have found that last one in one of our 'apps' as well. It generated XML, and DTP would import into InDesign. Every day, there'd be a problem with a 'special' character that screwed the layout in InDesign. My coworker then added that character to this ever growing list.

    I took over during his week off, was confronted with this code for the first time, and changed the beginning of the XML file from encoding="utf-8" to encoding="utf-16". Problem solved...

  • Sotek (unregistered)

    The last one looks like JSP to me - if so, the WTF isn't the code, it's the fscking environment.
    Tomcat. God I hate Tomcat.

  • (cs) in reply to Sotek

    In the BusinessObjects one (though from the company that produces Crystal Reports, nothing surprises me - shudder), what does S1 mean?

  • Runtime Error (unregistered) in reply to johnl
    johnl:
    In the BusinessObjects one (though from the company that produces Crystal Reports, nothing surprises me - shudder), what does S1 mean?


    unthinkableMayhem
  • (cs) in reply to Runtime Error

    That should be the only option then!

  • (cs) in reply to jb

    Anonymous:
    When I was at IBM, we had an intern write an internal web app. When it finally was ready to go live, the web mast asked, what's in this directory called "big_butt".

    Of course, it contained the images used as "button" graphics. The big ones.

    The funny thing is I had seen that directory name, but because I knew what was in it, I hadn't even thought about it.

    We had an Art Director who didn't appear to think much about how he named files, and for one of the screen elements in our application, we needed a button.  It needed to be long.  It needed to be yellow.  And what did we get...?

    longbuttyell.gif

    Not sure what he was thinking, but it might have been about the after-effects of his lunch....

     

     

  • (cs) in reply to mrprogguy

    At least you didn't yet longyellowbutt.gif

    Reminds me of a Simpsons quote

    Homer: "Kiss my hairy yellow butt!"

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to limelight
    limelight:
    Alex Papadimoulis:

    Jason Fox's predecessor seemed to have a difficult time believing that subtracting and adding one from a number will actually yield a predictable result ... 

     theNum = Int((5-1+1) * Rnd + 1)

    I can kinda see this one. Microsoft gives an example of how to generate a bounded random number as:

       Int((upperbound - lowerbound + 1) * Rnd + lowerbound)

    Apparantly the author just copied the example and plugged in his own values, but didn't actually bother to apply any real thought to it.

    Thank God that some of the compilers they have nowadays are smart enough to do it for them.  It's nice that nowadays they have development environments that 'underline' various syntactical errors that display tooltips with nice hints as to what was botched.

    Perhaps they need to also add checking for constructs like this and have a tooltip which reads: "Psssttt.... Rumor has it that '5-1+1 = 5'."

  • (cs) in reply to Sotek
    Anonymous:
    The last one looks like JSP to me - if so, the WTF isn't the code, it's the fscking environment.
    Tomcat. God I hate Tomcat.


    Just goes to show how much you actually know about JSP ...
  • Goober Foober (unregistered)

    I stumbled across the sproc for drilling into the ASS_TYPE of your choice at any ASS_PARTY.

    PROCEDURE GetTheAssTypeOfYourChoiceAtAnyAssParty (
       @AssPartyID int,
       @AssTypeChoice nvarchar(10)
    )
    AS

    SELECT * FROM ASS_PARTY

    WHERE ASS_PARTY_ID = @AssPartyID

    AND ASS_TYPE_NAME = CASE (@AssTypeChoice)

    WHEN 'fat ass'
       THEN '(__.__)'

    WHEN 'tight ass'
       THEN '(!)'

    WHEN 'sore ass'
       THEN '(_*_)'

    WHEN 'friday night ready'
       THEN '(_o_)'

    WHEN 'king kong ready'
       THEN '(_O_)'

    WHEN 'kissable'
       THEN '(_x_)'

    WHEN 'saving for marriage'
       THEN '(_X_)'

    WHEN 'wise ass'
       THEN '(_o^o_)'

    WHEN 'dumb ass'
       THEN '(_?_)'

    WHEN 'Money coming out their ass'
       THEN '(_$_)'

    WHEN 'smart ass'
       THEN '(_E=mc2_)'

    WHEN 'lard ass'
       THEN '{___!___}'

    WHEN 'lazy ass'
       THEN
    END

     

  • geewj (unregistered) in reply to TankerJoe
    TankerJoe:

    I think your typo correction has a typo, it should prolly read:  "CHAIR(1)".  If you  look close enough at the (1), it kinda looks like an ass.


    I thought so too. And with hips.

    It like, ...secret programmer porn.
  • (cs)

    public String getPaula() { // UnthinkableMayhemException extends // RuntimeException so you only know that stuff // will go 'boom' when you execute it XD throw new UnthinkableMayhemException(-1); }

  • (cs) in reply to nobody

    A guy at work created a share on his machine called "I like big butts".  Needless to say, the boss queried it.  But it just contained a build of one of his little utilities.

  • (cs) in reply to johnl

    I went into our shop at work and was startled to see a drawer labeled "ass screws".
    Turns out it was just short for "assembly".

  • (cs) in reply to John Smallberries

    For those who don't know, every printer in the universe when queried appropriately returns a text string called the IEEE 1284 ID. It will look something like this:

    MFG:COMPANY;MDL:MODEL;CLASS:PRINTER

    One day our customer opened up a printer and plugged it in, and somehow 8 bytes got lost. Instead of showing MODEL as the model name, the "New Hardware Found" dialog showed "COMPANY ASS:PRIN"

  • maht (unregistered) in reply to Maurits 

    in vbscript <%=Z%> is shorthand for <% response.write(Z) %>

    so this code 
    ID="obj<%=Response.Write(x)%
    really performs 
    ID="obj<% Response.Write(Response.Write(x)) %>"
    that x gets outputted at all is a side effect !


  • (cs) in reply to Goober Foober

  • (cs) in reply to jb

    I had to write a program to remove registration information (i.e re-virginize) from some customers data disks.  All went well untill I got to something called BA-Data.  It seems support did not want to send out a program called barevirgin.exe:$

  • (cs) in reply to TheDauthi

    Hey, it looks like I'm not the only one that's head to deal with an ASPECT system before ;). My other favorite was a "Quality Assurance" folder that had the name shortened to "Quality Ass".

    And yeah, the date stuff in ASPECT is truly WTF-worthy. Our ETL processes have to add "1900000" to all their dates values because that's how they store dates, seriously. The number of mm/dd/yyyy since the year 1900. It's unbelievable.

  • Daniel (unregistered) in reply to ChetOS

    <FONT face=Verdana size=2>46th post!</FONT>

    <FONT face=Verdana size=2>This is getting stupid ;-)</FONT>

  • (cs)
    Alex Papadimoulis:
    And finally I'll leave you with one more one-liner that should remind you that the code you work with isn't really that bad ...
    I'll say. Those ampersands in the 'href' attribute should be escaped.
  • MOrbii (unregistered) in reply to Mystery

    I love that last one... starts with a <TD> and ends with a <TR>!  (not to mention everything else ;)

    And as others have said, unthinkableMayhem is funny... I once wrote a function called CutRect() with parameters of rectAssailant, rectVictim and listEntrails :O

  • (cs) in reply to Sotek
    Anonymous:
    The last one looks like JSP to me - if so, the WTF isn't the code, it's the fscking environment.
    Tomcat. God I hate Tomcat.

    It's ASP.

    Have you ever actually used JSP?

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to cconroy

    The real WTFs are replies like this one. Tool.

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