• Beta (unregistered) in reply to Smitty
    Smitty:
    One of the circles of hell described by Dante contained flatterers submerged in a river of shit. I say those who spawned VB belong there.
    Ah, but there's another circle for those who caused religious schisms...
  • hell-ip (unregistered) in reply to drachenstern
    drachenstern:
    Josephus:
    .. . .. . . .
    Don't you know language like that will get you banned? You've been warned: .. . . . .. ..... .
    You're in the IEEE? Now I'm scared.
  • (cs)

    Sounds like a previous project.. A 'handy utility' made by some guy at the customer who hadn't any affinity with software development but could 'do' some VBA (because he knows Excel). Of course this 'handy utility' grew larger and larger and became a 'mission critical' application and also very unmaintanable and with a lot of bugs. Then they hired us (the professional IT company) ) to fix them.. At that time when i was literally plowing through all the shit, I was seriously thinking of a career change

  • (cs) in reply to hell-ip
    hell-ip:
    drachenstern:
    Josephus:
    .. . .. . . .
    Don't you know language like that will get you banned? You've been warned: .. . . . .. ..... .
    You're in the IEEE? Now I'm scared.
    i e e e i 5 e ~ what a random grouping for smashing those two keys. Good catch. Also, IEEE supported IE5 FTW!
  • Lego (unregistered)

    It's full of dots!

  • mike (unregistered)

    One of the best WTFs in a while. A story well told.

  • YeahRight (unregistered) in reply to SR
    SR:
    bl@h:
    Please contact a Comment Administrator to fix this Com.......

    But you are a Comment Administrator

    What do you do now?

  • dgushurst (unregistered)

    TRWTF is Jason. First words out of his mouth should have been, "Hello. What do you mean by 'crashing'? What is the error message? And what were you doing?"

  • Simon Richard Clarkstone (unregistered) in reply to YeahRight
    YeahRight:
    SR:
    bl@h:
    Please contact a Comment Administrator to fix this Com.......

    But you are a Comment Administrator

    What do you do now?

    Quickly retrieve arms from database.

  • usitas (unregistered)

    I didn't have time to read all the comments, but the dots should have spelled out SOS in Morse code...

  • blah (unregistered)

    VBA on Windows For Embedded Systems has some missing functionality, like no file system. They have to use serial port scanners and wooden tables to get by. Give them a break.

  • BentFranklin (unregistered)

    Give the VB programmers one unit of credit for reinventing Emacs's file local variables.

    Emacs Manual

  • (cs)

    Quick and Dirty Fix: Add an extra line of code to make the aforementioned dots white.

  • Mark Hutchinson (unregistered)

    Time to look at DITA. http://www.ibm.com/developerworks/xml/library/x-dita1/

    ========== Dorothy loved to dance. She like to dance a lot. To accordion and tuba accompaniment she'd move, so we called her Polka Dot.

  • Zylon (unregistered) in reply to keigezellig
    keigezellig:
    At that time when i was literally plowing through all the shit, I was seriously thinking of a career change
    Hopefully you're better at programming than English.
  • (cs) in reply to BentFranklin
    BentFranklin:
    Give the VB programmers one unit of credit for reinventing Emacs's file local variables.

    Emacs Manual

    At least in Emacs the file-local variables are obvious, not almost-mostly-prettywell hidden.
  • mc (unregistered) in reply to mike
    mike:
    One of the best WTFs in a while. A story well told.

    Seconded. Or perhaps it's more appropriate to 'Frist' it on this site. Anyhow, while I agree that this is definitely an instant classic for TDWTF, I give a lot of credit to Remy for a brilliantly (also 'brillantly') written retelling. Keep 'em coming!

  • wcw (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    RBoy:
    frits:
    And to think, just yesterday someone was lauding the virtues of VB.

    Because you couldn't do the same stupid thing in any other language?

    Write macros in Office? Not yet.

    You can make COM calls with anything that has an attendant library. I know this because I have some python spaghetti that does part of my job for me every day around midnight. Among the things it does is send emails, and the only way I can do this in my delightfully secure corporate environment is by calling Outlook. Whee.

  • Myself (unregistered)

    VBA in a WTF? Come on, that's not even fair. It's like laughing at a retarded kid.

  • MRidley (unregistered)

    That is why I make my with a white font...

  • Andrew (unregistered) in reply to ipeet
    ipeet:
    If strTempString = "0" Or strTempString = "1" Or strTempString = "2" Or strTempString = "3" Or strTempString = "4" Or strTempString = "5" Or strTempString = "6" Or strTempString = "7" Or strTempString = "8" Or strTempString = "9" Or UCase(strTempString) = "A" Or UCase(strTempString) = "B" Or UCase(strTempString) = "C" Or UCase(strTempString) = "D" Or UCase(strTempString) = "E" Or UCase(strTempString) = "F" Or UCase(strTempString) = "G" Or UCase(strTempString) = "H" Or UCase(strTempString) = "I" Or UCase(strTempString) = "J" Or UCase(strTempString) = "K" Or UCase(strTempString) = "L" Or UCase(strTempString) = "M" Or UCase(strTempString) = "N" Or UCase(strTempString) = "O" Or UCase(strTempString) = "P" Or UCase(strTempString) = "Q" Or UCase(strTempString) = "R" Or UCase(strTempString) = "S" Or UCase(strTempString) = "T" Or UCase(strTempString) = "U" Or UCase(strTempString) = "V" Or UCase(strTempString) = "W" Or UCase(strTempString) = "X" Or UCase(strTempString) = "Y" Or UCase(strTempString) = "Z" Then
    FTFY:
    if( isalnum(strTempString[0]) )
    (I write C not VB, sue me.)

    That's Me.sue in VB, braces boy.

  • (cs) in reply to Myself
    Myself:
    VBA in a WTF? Come on, that's not even fair. It's like laughing at a retarded kid.

    Well played, sir.

  • (cs) in reply to Remy Porter
    Remy Porter:
    You give these mouth-breathers a thousand pounds of steel and a few gallons of a very explosive fuel and send them out on the roads with vague instructions- and somehow, we actually survive this.
    Please tell us where you live, so I can make sure I don't try to drive there. In the places I've lived, you have to have your learner's permit for a minimum of six months and pass both written and behind-the-wheel tests. And of all the government paperwork I've had to wade through, state drivers' manuals are among the least vague.
  • Nibh (unregistered) in reply to Zylon
    Zylon:
    keigezellig:
    At that time when i was literally plowing through all the shit, I was seriously thinking of a career change
    Hopefully you're better at programming than English.

    Obligatory xkcd reference: http://www.xkcd.com/725/

  • Zylon (unregistered)

    As XKCDs go, that one is far, far from obligatory.

  • Neville Flynn (unregistered)

    Macro administrator, micro brain.

    This comment will not appear on Sundays.

  • (cs) in reply to mc
    mc:
    mike:
    One of the best WTFs in a while. A story well told.

    Seconded. ... Keep 'em coming!

    Well, thanks! Glad people liked.

  • Oh THAT Brian! (unregistered) in reply to ipeet
    ipeet:
    If strTempString = "0" Or strTempString = "1" Or strTempString = "2" Or strTempString = "3" Or strTempString = "4" Or strTempString = "5" Or strTempString = "6" Or strTempString = "7" Or strTempString = "8" Or strTempString = "9" Or UCase(strTempString) = "A" Or UCase(strTempString) = "B" Or UCase(strTempString) = "C" Or UCase(strTempString) = "D" Or UCase(strTempString) = "E" Or UCase(strTempString) = "F" Or UCase(strTempString) = "G" Or UCase(strTempString) = "H" Or UCase(strTempString) = "I" Or UCase(strTempString) = "J" Or UCase(strTempString) = "K" Or UCase(strTempString) = "L" Or UCase(strTempString) = "M" Or UCase(strTempString) = "N" Or UCase(strTempString) = "O" Or UCase(strTempString) = "P" Or UCase(strTempString) = "Q" Or UCase(strTempString) = "R" Or UCase(strTempString) = "S" Or UCase(strTempString) = "T" Or UCase(strTempString) = "U" Or UCase(strTempString) = "V" Or UCase(strTempString) = "W" Or UCase(strTempString) = "X" Or UCase(strTempString) = "Y" Or UCase(strTempString) = "Z" Then
    FTFY:
    if( isalnum(strTempString[0]) )
    (I write C not VB, sue me.)

    if (UCase(strTempString) like "[A-Z]" ) or (strTempString like "[0-9]") THEN ...

    (I write VB, not C - sue someone else!)

    Captch: valetudo - Car park valet with an attitude.

  • monkeyPushButton (unregistered) in reply to YeahRight
    YeahRight:
    SR:
    bl@h:
    Please contact a Comment Administrator to fix this Com.......
    But you are a Comment Administrator
    What do you do now?
    Shoot the user.
  • Fred (unregistered)
    When you install a development suite on every user's desktop, eventually one of them decides they're qualified to make use of it.
    This whole story was yet another great proof that babies should not be allowed to play with chainsaws no matter how loud they cry.

    Gosh I miss the good old days when computers were made for smart people.

  • (cs)

    Where are you supposed to stash your stuff anyway?

  • (cs) in reply to monkeyPushButton
    monkeyPushButton:
    Shoot the user.

    Whoa. You must know kung fu.

  • CoderHero (unregistered) in reply to ceiswyn
    ceiswyn:
    A:
    Clearly the proper enterprisey solution would have been to make the "dots" use white font color so the user couldn't see them. That's just common sense good UI design.

    I actually did that once.

    Must have been almost ten years back. Whichever version of Word we were using at the time had a bug whereby sometimes it wouldn't let you delete things from the footer. Three of us spent a day wrestling with the problem before deciding to heck with it; even though we couldn't delete anything we could still change the formatting, so every time we came across the problem we just changed the offending text to 1pt, white.

    Some of those docs probably still have invisible random numbers in them to this day...

    Any chance that the numbers would spell "pink unicorn"?

  • Billy The Squid (unregistered)

    You know.... as much as it pains me to say this... I actually like writing VBA macros. No, don't stab yourself in the eye, quick trying to throw up, and hear me out.

    Let's say you have a repetitive task in some Office application, at some company which makes Office 2003 mandatory. You can either do the repetitive task over and over and over again, or you can write a simple macro which is to do said task easily and quickly.

    Eg 1: Analyzing data in an excel sheet to look for particular entries, highlighting them, and copying these data rows into another excel sheet, printing both the original and the exception report to a single PDF, sending the information off to the appropriate recipient based on information in the first sheet? Lengthy macro (Which should probably have been a standalone program).

    Eg 2: Apply conditional formatting of various rows / columns based on the value in a particular cell, to ensure it stands out? Quick macro.

    Eg 3: "clean out" various static data in an excel sheet, leaving surrounding formulas / formatting intact, and entering some data based on current date / time / location / system information? Quick macro.

    Eg 4: Highlight group of cells, run macro to alternate colours every 5 rows in that cell range, and make certain values / empty cells black... Quick macro.

    These are not huge programs. These are not even programs - they are scripts, or scriptlets... Repetitive tasks which are used on a regular basis, and by using a macro save time. They are not "mission critical" scripts - they save me time.

    The first example is the only script which I wrote (took about half an hour) which should have been a standalone program.... However, this was quick, simple, and saved the payroll person roughly 50 minutes a day (couldn't be fully automated - manual process was required for certain information). These were not "huge" programs... They were simple, time-saving programs.

    VBA isn't fantastic.... But it does the job, based on what the job is. The average person uses it to apply simple formatting, or do simple tasks - this is what it should have been designed for. Modern mission-critical applications made out of VBA? No. Much like Access, most of these start as something handy for one person, someone sees it wants a copy of it, a department starts using it, marketing sees it and wants it to be standard across the company, and it blossoms into a nightmare.

    Don't hate what it can do.... hate what people are doing with it.

  • Drone (unregistered)

    My jaw is on the floor. By far one of the best WTFs on this site in a long time.

    Dots. Holy Sh*t.

  • LoveKnuckle (unregistered)

    Remy,

    Very nice article. I really liked your writing in this and have noticed a great improvement over earlier articles.

    Keep up the good work!

    Love Knuckle

  • ideo (unregistered)
    Remy Porter:
    Impenetrable prose. Comments going missing...

    ...Bowytz? Is that you? New alias to see if we'll notice the writing "style"?

  • (cs) in reply to ideo

    Sorry. Next time I'll prepare an easy-reader version for you.

    "See Jason. See Jason debug. Debug, Jason, debug! This code is very bad code. Jason doesn't like bad code. See Jason frown at the bad code."

    //I honestly know nothing about the missing comments.

  • AnOldRelic (unregistered) in reply to pete
    pete:
    I don't know how to fit in visio, inf path and one note in.

    You have to have a strong VISIOn for the company and the ability to see ONE NOTE from start to finish along our INFOrmation PATHway.

    Nulla - The variable... it's-a null-a!

  • red (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that he didn't set the font color to white.

  • mike (unregistered) in reply to Billy The Squid
    Billy The Squid:
    ...I actually like writing VBA macros...

    Let's say you have a repetitive task in some Office application, at some company which makes Office 2003 mandatory....

    I've got a simple solution to this problem, and it doesn't involve macros.

  • the beholder (unregistered) in reply to Remy Porter
    Remy Porter:
    Sorry. Next time I'll prepare an easy-reader version for you.

    "See Jason. See Jason debug. Debug, Jason, debug! This code is very bad code. Jason doesn't like bad code. See Jason frown at the bad code."

    !(quack);
  • Grumpy (unregistered)

    There is no dot.

  • Han o. Namous (unregistered)

    I'm going to chime in with my praise for this WTF. The style of writing, the dodgy code asides, the overall humour, and of course, one of the actual best WTFs I have read. Super. golf clap

  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to Nibh
    Nibh:
    This illustrates something that all but the worst programmers already know:

    If you hear the word "Office", "Excel", "Word", or "Access" during the course of a job interview, it is necessary for your own wellbeing to throw common courtesy out the window, followed by the rest of your body. It is essential that you escape at the first sign of danger.

    I actually like hearing these words in an interview, because I know can handle the platform and am willing to, and I'm going to get the job and make the money because everyone else will run away screaming.

    I actually like using VBA

  • ARMed but harmless (unregistered) in reply to anon
    anon:
    My brain vapor-locked after reading the punch line. Let's hope that particular primate doesn't teach this trick to any offspring.

    I believe it's even worse. That particular primate IS the offspring of the programmer of the Bally Astrocade BASIC Interpreter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bally_Astrocade#BASIC

    On the second thought - no. The interpreter is a brilliant hack, while the dot trick is utterly gaga.

  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to mike
    mike:
    Billy The Squid:
    ...I actually like writing VBA macros...

    Let's say you have a repetitive task in some Office application, at some company which makes Office 2003 mandatory....

    I've got a simple solution to this problem, and it doesn't involve macros.

    Does it involve robots? I like robots.

  • Amerrickangirl (unregistered)

    Ok, I'll admit it. I write VBA code. Mostly Access (I was responsible for a bunch of databases in my previous jobs) and a few Excel and Word macros.

    However, I've also studied programming and use best practices in these applications. Nobody gets woken up in the middle of the night because my apps bombed out.

    The point is that any tool is going to fail in the hands of an incompetent operator.

    Unfortunately VBA is too easily used by untrained people, but there are plenty of apps out there written in VBA and VB that are well designed and as efficient and error-free as the language will permit.

    But those aren't the ones who make it to the Daily WTF.

  • Kook (unregistered) in reply to RBoy
    RBoy:
    frits:
    And to think, just yesterday someone was lauding the virtues of VB.

    Because you couldn't do the same stupid thing in any other language?

    I'm sorry if someone else has pointed this out (too lazy to read through all the comments)

    This happens [del]more[/del] most often in VB, and the reason is that the Macro system in MS stuff allows idiots who barely know how to turn on a computer pretend (for a day) that they are the world's greatest programmer....

    Sure, you could do this in other languages, but for some reason we don't see things like this very often in other languages. You do the Math....

  • KH (unregistered)

    TRWTF is definitely companies who are willing to rely on systems built by amateurs - who merely did the best they could with the knowledge and tools they had available to them - instead of investing in some expert employees and the right platform for the job. (I say this as someone who has written his share of VBA monstrosities without enough training or knowledge - and handed them off to baffled coworkers who couldn't maintain them. Yeah, it was a bad idea for the company to permit me to do that.)

    But the dots idea still really sucks. Wow.

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