• SkittlesAreYum (unregistered)

    No, the real WTF is that apparently whiteout is sufficient to redact sensitive information. I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I wanted.

  • Bean (unregistered)

    I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I wanted.

    I'm guessing the applied white-out and then either faxed the document, or then made xerox copies to send off to all the accounts, both of which would be sufficient in my mind.

  • snoofle (cs) in reply to SkittlesAreYum
    SkittlesAreYum:
    No, the real WTF is that apparently whiteout is sufficient to redact sensitive information. I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I wanted.
    Not if you photocopy the page and mail the copy...

    edit: Rats: Bean beat me to it...

  • Marvin the Martian (unregistered)

    Ah, found the WTF, cunningly hidden:

    Let's start a new life! I'm a Scarlet customer and therefore have 10^7 dollars at least. So my account growing by 9000 this month means I only need about, ah, 1100 months for my secret fund to match my [minimum] current richness and get me out of the ol' harpy's claws.

    [The irony being that this 9000 solves all work for the wife to get proof positive in court of not-just-an-affair, but "starting a new life".]

    On the other hand, maybe the WTF is the captcha as usual --- or is this too much acsi-dental disclosure?

  • Pete Bassett (unregistered) in reply to Marvin the Martian

    Someone doesn't understand compound interest. ;-)

  • m0ffx (unregistered)

    Your secret savings account, it's OVER NINE THOUSAND!

  • DelawarePete (unregistered)

    20 years ago I was a telephone bill collector. Some guy had a credit account that went 2 months past due and we had to call him and ask him to pay his bill. So my co-worker called Directory Assistance and asked for a number for Joe Smith on Mockingbird Lane. Got the number, called and spoke with Joe's wife. She said it must be some sort of mistake, he didn't have a card with us, etc. My co-worker said OK, let's review all of this info and make sure. Same name, SSN, employer, etc, etc. The only difference between the account info and Joe's info was Joe lived at 4 Mockingbird Lane and the bills went to 10 Mockingbird Lane. Then the light went on in Joe's wife's head. She asked what the card was used for. It was all furniture. Turned out Joe had set up his girlfriend in a house a few doors down. He furnished it for her and had the bills going there. Joe liked to go for runs around the neighborhood. Joe is now divorced.

  • RememberToBreathe (unregistered) in reply to SkittlesAreYum
    Comment held for moderation.
  • BobB (unregistered)

    Soldering iron or wood burning tool. Can't recover sorched marks of paper! I wonder if this would actually work...

  • SkittlesAreYum (unregistered) in reply to RememberToBreathe
    Comment held for moderation.
  • IgglePiggle (unregistered)

    Shame on him, should have had the statements in her name then he could have framed here for divorce!

  • Daniel (unregistered) in reply to Marvin the Martian

    Well, assume the account earned 1% that month. That means it already has US$ 900,000.00 in it. It is a substantial amount.

  • Bobble (unregistered)

    "So the WTF is, what, that a cheating jerk got caught?"

    No. The WTF is that someone engaged in elicit activities on a subaccount of an account that would get him busted. It could be cheating on his wife, laundering money to an orphanage to pay for food, or creating an account to save money to buy his parents a house. Regardless, bad move, there bucko.

  • Stewie (unregistered) in reply to DelawarePete
    DelawarePete:
    20 years ago I was a telephone bill collector. Some guy had a credit account that went 2 months past due and we had to call him and ask him to pay his bill. So my co-worker called Directory Assistance and asked for a number for Joe Smith on Mockingbird Lane. Got

    Did a double-take at first - wondered why somebody trying to collect on an overdue telephone bill would need to call directory assistance :) Then my slow mind caught up :)

  • dpm (cs) in reply to DelawarePete
    DelawarePete:
    Turned out Joe had set up his girlfriend in a house a few doors down. He furnished it for her and had the bills going there. Joe liked to go for runs around the neighborhood. Joe is now divorced.
    That is so damned stupid that I believe it.
  • one dude on the interweb (unregistered)

    so late last century i wrote a letter to the editor of a gonzo newspaper in moscow complaining about a restaurant review. to fit in i used a word that rhymes with "buck," made crude references to madeleine albright's sexuality, and signed with my real name.

    fast forward a couple years, and my wife decides to google me. she reads my letter and things it's pretty funny. "he usually doesn't use words like 'buck"", she things "i'll add that to my search, and see if i find more!"

    so now she's searching my full name plus "buck." of course, tons of 'dating' sites show up. and of course she clicks on them, and they have dynamic content that create ads based upon the geographical location of the searcher.

    so my wife is freaking out because she's "found me" on adultFriendFinder or something looking for "girls in menlo park, CA who want to buck TONIGHT!"

    it was of course, just at that moment i came down and told my wife i had an unexpected lunch meeting in town. you can imagine the hilarity that ensued. :-)

  • halcyon1234 (cs)

    TRWTF is that Joe Judge seems to have some really intimate knowledge of how Derrick kept his house in order-- especially those details about Derrick's wife.

    I think she lucked out that Derrick slipped up first before he found his wife and his web admin in bed together.

  • Me (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • D. T. North (unregistered) in reply to Bean
    Bean:
    > I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I > wanted.

    I'm guessing the applied white-out and then either faxed the document, or then made xerox copies to send off to all the accounts, both of which would be sufficient in my mind.

    That's why I white-out, copy then place the copy on a wooden table, snap a picture and e-mail THAT.

  • CaptainSmartass (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that there's a newly divorced millionairess on the market, and the story didn't provide enough information to find her and woo her. She's had her fill of cheating rich guys, maybe a loyal poor guy would be just the thing for her, now.

  • Edward Royce (unregistered) in reply to one dude on the interweb
    one dude on the interweb:
    so late last century i wrote a letter to the editor of a gonzo newspaper in moscow complaining about a restaurant review. to fit in i used a word that rhymes with "buck," made crude references to madeleine albright's sexuality, and signed with my real name.

    fast forward a couple years, and my wife decides to google me. she reads my letter and things it's pretty funny. "he usually doesn't use words like 'buck"", she things "i'll add that to my search, and see if i find more!"

    so now she's searching my full name plus "buck." of course, tons of 'dating' sites show up. and of course she clicks on them, and they have dynamic content that create ads based upon the geographical location of the searcher.

    so my wife is freaking out because she's "found me" on adultFriendFinder or something looking for "girls in menlo park, CA who want to buck TONIGHT!"

    it was of course, just at that moment i came down and told my wife i had an unexpected lunch meeting in town. you can imagine the hilarity that ensued. :-)

    Buck eh?

    Sooooo. You put on some fake antlers, spray mark trees and bugle a challenge to other males?

    You're a freak man. Even Rick James can't hang with you.

  • Edward Royce (unregistered) in reply to D. T. North
    D. T. North:
    Bean:
    > I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I > wanted.

    I'm guessing the applied white-out and then either faxed the document, or then made xerox copies to send off to all the accounts, both of which would be sufficient in my mind.

    That's why I white-out, copy then place the copy on a wooden table, snap a picture and e-mail THAT.

    Hah! Insufficient security sir!

    Whereas I translate said statement into Sumerian cuniform, apply to clay tablets, bake said tablets and then fed ex them to the relevant people.

    Translation is their problem.

  • kswanton (cs)

    These guys have millions of dollars and are not smart enough to know when to use cash??

  • ContraCorners (unregistered) in reply to DelawarePete
    DelawarePete:
    20 years ago I was a telephone bill collector. Some guy had a credit account that went 2 months past due and we had to call him and ask him to pay his bill. So my co-worker called Directory Assistance and asked for a number for Joe Smith on Mockingbird Lane. Got the number, called and spoke with Joe's wife. She said it must be some sort of mistake, he didn't have a card with us, etc. My co-worker said OK, let's review all of this info and make sure. Same name, SSN, employer, etc, etc. The only difference between the account info and Joe's info was Joe lived at 4 Mockingbird Lane and the bills went to 10 Mockingbird Lane. Then the light went on in Joe's wife's head. She asked what the card was used for. It was all furniture. Turned out Joe had set up his girlfriend in a house a few doors down. He furnished it for her and had the bills going there. Joe liked to go for runs around the neighborhood. Joe is now divorced.

    And, hopefully, your "co-worker" is out of job! Regardless of what you or your "co-worker" think about the morality of Joe's arrangements, you have no freaking business discussing Joe's credit card accounts or SSN with anyone not specifically named on the account. (You don't say that the wife isn't named on the account, but I strongly suspect that she wasn't.)

    This is a serious violation of confidentiality and I hope the Joe sued your company out-of-business.

  • Omega Minus (unregistered) in reply to Marvin the Martian
    Marvin the Martian:
    Ah, found the WTF, cunningly hidden:

    Let's start a new life! I'm a Scarlet customer and therefore have 10^7 dollars at least. So my account growing by 9000 this month means I only need about, ah, 1100 months for my secret fund to match my [minimum] current richness...

    Unless his wife thought they had $5 million. Then, his secret fund matches his "current wealth".

  • The Coffey Maker (unregistered)

    Dumbass should have just spent the nine grand on vaginal rejuvenation surgery for his wife.

  • biziclop (unregistered)

    The correct process is as follows: you have to apply whiteout first, then place the statement on a wooden table...

  • biziclop (unregistered) in reply to kswanton
    kswanton:
    These guys have millions of dollars and are not smart enough to know when to use cash??

    Two words: Jerry Springer.

  • shadowman (cs) in reply to Marvin the Martian
    Marvin the Martian:
    Ah, found the WTF, cunningly hidden:

    Let's start a new life! I'm a Scarlet customer and therefore have 10^7 dollars at least. So my account growing by 9000 this month means I only need about, ah, 1100 months for my secret fund to match my [minimum] current richness and get me out of the ol' harpy's claws.

    [The irony being that this 9000 solves all work for the wife to get proof positive in court of not-just-an-affair, but "starting a new life".]

    On the other hand, maybe the WTF is the captcha as usual --- or is this too much acsi-dental disclosure?

    The account grew by $9000 in the last month. Quiz question:

    Given an extremely conservative estimate of 3% annual interest (lets just say it's a plain old savings account), how much money would need to be in that account in order to earn $9000 interest in one month?

    Hint: it's probably enough to start a new life...

  • frustrati (unregistered) in reply to Edward Royce
    Edward Royce:
    D. T. North:
    Bean:
    > I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I > wanted.

    I'm guessing the applied white-out and then either faxed the document, or then made xerox copies to send off to all the accounts, both of which would be sufficient in my mind.

    That's why I white-out, copy then place the copy on a wooden table, snap a picture and e-mail THAT.

    Hah! Insufficient security sir!

    Whereas I translate said statement into Sumerian cuniform, apply to clay tablets, bake said tablets and then fed ex them to the relevant people.

    Translation is their problem.

    You guys obviously don't watch CSI. I can just write a VB app that interfaces with MSPaint to bring out the hidden detail!

    BTW, great story. Not very much focus on the IT part, but still great.

  • alegr (cs) in reply to CaptainSmartass
    CaptainSmartass:
    TRWTF is that there's a newly divorced millionairess on the market, and the story didn't provide enough information to find her and woo her. She's had her fill of cheating rich guys, maybe a loyal poor guy would be just the thing for her, now.

    That's The Real Whom To Fuck.

  • frustrati (unregistered) in reply to shadowman
    shadowman:
    Marvin the Martian:
    Ah, found the WTF, cunningly hidden:

    Let's start a new life! I'm a Scarlet customer and therefore have 10^7 dollars at least. So my account growing by 9000 this month means I only need about, ah, 1100 months for my secret fund to match my [minimum] current richness and get me out of the ol' harpy's claws.

    [The irony being that this 9000 solves all work for the wife to get proof positive in court of not-just-an-affair, but "starting a new life".]

    On the other hand, maybe the WTF is the captcha as usual --- or is this too much acsi-dental disclosure?

    The account grew by $9000 in the last month. Quiz question:

    Given an extremely conservative estimate of 3% annual interest (lets just say it's a plain old savings account), how much money would need to be in that account in order to earn $9000 interest in one month?

    Hint: it's probably enough to start a new life...

    Hint: Most accounts allow you to also use a transaction type called "deposit" to add funds. Not all credits to an account are necessarily interest.

  • John B (unregistered)

    This story threw me for a loop, at least. 90% of the stories here are told from the point of view of the protagonist, so I was somehow expecting Derrick to be both pure as driven snow, and somehow subject to the inanities of someone else.

    Clearly the story needs an end of tale 180 to redeem our hero and say, blame his wife for the bug. And affair.

  • Smash King (cs) in reply to Marvin the Martian
    Marvin the Martian:
    Ah, found the WTF, cunningly hidden:

    Let's start a new life! I'm a Scarlet customer and therefore have 10^7 dollars at least. So my account growing by 9000 this month means I only need about, ah, 1100 months for my secret fund to match my [minimum] current richness and get me out of the ol' harpy's claws.

    [The irony being that this 9000 solves all work for the wife to get proof positive in court of not-just-an-affair, but "starting a new life".]

    No, the REAL WTF is on people assuming that Derrick had at least ten million. He obviously made much less money but he had the privilege to have an account at Scarlet just because he worked there.

    Would any of you be an employee if you had 10 million at the bank?

  • Dirk Diggler (unregistered) in reply to The Coffey Maker
    The Coffey Maker:
    Dumbass should have just spent the nine grand on vaginal rejuvenation surgery for his wife.
    I disagree, typically the other parts wear out and there will still be lots of 'miles' left on the vag. Trading up is the way to go if you can afford it.
  • tuna (unregistered)

    other than the 9k coming from interest theory, which i .. question... the obvious reason for that number is to stay below the magical 10k limit at which uncle sam takes notice.

    step1: withdraw 9k per month from primary account step2: deposit 9k per month into secondary account step3: ?? step4: profit?

    captcha: dolor (dollar would be more appropriate given the subject matter but i'll take it)

  • Dirk Diggler (unregistered)

    I see some people are having trouble grasping that Derrick doesn't work at the bank. A helpful hint for those of you that only went to a state school or community college, please read the article twice before posting.

  • Jake Grey (cs)

    Personally, I actually prefer the stories where the consequences take precedence over the code; they're significantly more accessible to non-programmers like myself, and put things into a wider context.

    As for how 'Joe' knows all these details, some of it may have been artistic license on our host's part, but I would also theorise that 'Scarlett' hosts company social functions often enough for wives, girlfriends and any female employees to form a highly efficient intelligence network with their usual enviable alacrity. Most of the brighter men will recognise the inevitability of this and turn it to their advantage.

  • TopCod3r (cs)

    I am rich, since I have been working in the industry for over 11 years, so I can understand what these clients have gone through and why they would leave this crummy bank. To give you an idea, I make over 50% more now than when I first started working, and have never been laid off.

    I pretty much have the same thing with my 401K, I make sure the statement is not sent to my house. I also tried to see if they could hide that line item from my paycheck, so it would look like I made less money, but they would not do that for me.

  • Redbeard (unregistered)

    I got the characters confused the first read through, in my mind somehow Derrick was the software developer at Scarlet, I didn't connect that JOE was the one at Scarlet initially.

    I was expecting at the last minute for Derrick to realize that the letter was a result of a test account that somehow generated physical letters, showing a completely fictitious second life the developer was having (but not really having because its a test account). But in the end I realized that this article was not really a WTF and more along the lines of natural karma.

    Maybe I need more coffee.

  • akatherder (cs)

    What's so hard to follow? "Joe Judge" submitted this story as the web developer whose company screwed up. Derrick is a fictional character who represents what would happen to a typical person when their spouse found out about the secret purchases and accounts.

  • Calli Arcale (unregistered)

    Hah. Given the massive revelations about my dad over the past year (and all of his girlfriends, and all the money he was spending on them) I can totally believe this. It's not that men are scum or anything. It's that sex addiction is a horrible thing that destroys a lot of lives. And there are some really grade-A jerks in the world.

    An important note: one should not assume that all of the embarrassed clients were men. Though female addicts seldom have to give lavish gifts to maintain their secret love lives, and thus tend not to have the same financial issues as male addicts, it can still happen.

  • Dirk Diggler (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    I am rich, since I have been working in the industry for over 11 years, so I can understand what these clients have gone through and why they would leave this crummy bank. To give you an idea, I make over 50% more now than when I first started working, and have never been laid off.

    I pretty much have the same thing with my 401K, I make sure the statement is not sent to my house. I also tried to see if they could hide that line item from my paycheck, so it would look like I made less money, but they would not do that for me.

    I have a similar problem as, I too, am quite wealthy. I set up my mistress in one of trailers on the far side of the court. Since I get paid in cash, I don't have to worry about my wife seeing my paycheck.
  • TopCod3r (cs) in reply to Dirk Diggler
    Dirk Diggler:
    TopCod3r:
    I am rich, since I have been working in the industry for over 11 years, so I can understand what these clients have gone through and why they would leave this crummy bank. To give you an idea, I make over 50% more now than when I first started working, and have never been laid off.

    I pretty much have the same thing with my 401K, I make sure the statement is not sent to my house. I also tried to see if they could hide that line item from my paycheck, so it would look like I made less money, but they would not do that for me.

    I have a similar problem as, I too, am quite wealthy. I set up my mistress in one of trailers on the far side of the court. Since I get paid in cash, I don't have to worry about my wife seeing my paycheck.

    I hope you are joking, right?

  • pseudonym (unregistered) in reply to Calli Arcale

    Sorry I don't buy the story, guys with names like Derrick, Delbert, or Dilbert don't have that kind of money.

    Oh yeah, the names were changed to protect the guilty.

  • snoofle (cs) in reply to Edward Royce
    Edward Royce:
    D. T. North:
    Bean:
    > I'm pretty sure I could remove whiteout from paper if I > wanted.

    I'm guessing the applied white-out and then either faxed the document, or then made xerox copies to send off to all the accounts, both of which would be sufficient in my mind.

    That's why I white-out, copy then place the copy on a wooden table, snap a picture and e-mail THAT.

    Hah! Insufficient security sir!

    Whereas I translate said statement into Sumerian cuniform, apply to clay tablets, bake said tablets and then fed ex them to the relevant people.

    Translation is their problem.

    Your oven is broken and you can not bake your clay. Now what do you do?

  • Gord (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that he had a wife

  • snoofle (cs) in reply to Smash King
    Smash King:
    No, the REAL WTF is on people assuming that Derrick had at least ten million. He obviously made much less money but he had the privilege to have an account at Scarlet just because he worked there.
    Agreed. I work at a brokerage and see accounts on the order of $10^8, but I don't make or have anywhere near that much - by a few orders of magnitude!

    And by the way, a depost of $9000 is quite plausible, even among us ordinary folk. I just transferred a college-fund CD from IndyMac to another bank - $75000, and was thankful to have gotten the money back!

    Addendum (2008-09-23 13:57):

    Smash King:
    No, the REAL WTF is on people assuming that Derrick had at least ten million. He obviously made much less money but he had the privilege to have an account at Scarlet just because he worked there.
    Agreed. I work at a brokerage and see accounts on the order of $10^8, but I don't make or have anywhere near that much - by a few orders of magnitude!

    And by the way, a depost of $9000 is quite plausible, even among us ordinary folk. I just transferred a college-fund CD from IndyMac to another bank - $75000, and was thankful to have gotten the money back!

    P.S. I realize that he didn't work there.

  • Charlie Sheen (unregistered) in reply to biziclop
    biziclop:
    kswanton:
    These guys have millions of dollars and are not smart enough to know when to use cash??
    Two words: Jerry Springer.

    The two words you're looking for are: Charlie Sheen.

    On a side note - I get told I look like him alot. Who would have thought "Take a check?" would work as a pick-up line?

  • Justice (cs)

    This was a lame WTF. I was thinking maybe the statement would show them with no money due to some bug at the bank. C'est la vie.

    But! The Real WTFs in the lame little story are:

    1. The trophy wife of a rich husband didn't expect this sort of thing in the first place;
    2. Derrick didn't have an invincible pre-nup for just such an occasion; and
    3. His wife didn't suspect something already considering that they were most likely having marital problems.

    Alex, you tell a great dev story, but fiction isn't your bag.

    Though now that I think about it, the Real WTF is that if this is the firm I'm thinking of, I know a guy who works there as a financial manager, and I wouldn't trust him to manage five bucks, let alone $10 million.

Leave a comment on “Scarlet's Letter”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

« Return to Article