• (cs)

    Yeah, my dad once experienced the turn-the-paper-around problem in a completely unrelated field.

    He was jobbing as a construction worker at some road works, where they had to open up the street in order to insert pipes.

    A few hours after they were already 1 meter deep into the street (having removed the asphalt), the foreman looked at his map, scratched his head - and, with a sheepish look on his face, turned the map around.

    "Alright, boys, close that hole! It's the other side of the street!"

  • WTF (unregistered)

    Hm, interesting, so does this option really works, disco... [Incoming connection (ICID 185273) lost]

  • cynical cynic (unregistered)

    !NNNEEEKKKOOORRRBBB !NEKORB SI TNEMMOC YM

  • WTF (unregistered) in reply to cynical cynic

    You must be looking at the wrong face of the monitor

  • (cs)

    MEANWHILE, BACK IN JK2

    Padawan has joined the game Reelo : Padawan, type /disco in console for disco lights! Padawan has disconnected

  • Alargule (unregistered)

    Hmm; that first story reminds me somewhat of a song by a Dutch cabaretier, roughly translated as: "A traffic light jumps to red, another one jumps to green, Almelo (some backwater town in the middle of nowhere) sure has a great party scene".

    Discothèque...yeah, let's party, animal :-P

  • Woowoo (unregistered)

    I had a "stuck keys" problem once but it was "stuck in capitals". The user complained that her keyboard must have been physically stuck, the Caps Lock key was, she assured me, visibly lower than the others, she couldn't turn it off. I checked and double-checked she had nothing leaning on the keyboard.

    With keyboards a few pounds and the user upstairs I took a new one up. But first I checked the problem. For me the Caps Lock light went on and off, but everything was in caps. So I switched from Word to notepad and the problem went away. Back in Word the font was set to "All caps". The user assured me she didn't set it.

  • Wet and Dirty (unregistered)

    I have a dirty keyboard too

    Captcha: kinky

  • (cs)

    “Ah, well, did you try turning the paper?”

    That's probably because "turning the paper" is interpreted as "turning the paper over."

    "Rotating the paper" would likely have had a better result.

  • Rich (unregistered)

    So the "two monitors" icon allowed the user to tell the Internet connection to keep "Stayin Alive"? Discotheque seems apropos.

    Staying aliiiiiveee!

    Captcha: venio: from the phrase "veni vedi venio" meaning "I came, I saw, I drank the wine".

  • (cs) in reply to powerlord
    "Rotating the paper" would likely have had a better result.
    He'd probably be yelled at for being too technical.
  • tragomaskhalos (unregistered) in reply to powerlord
    powerlord:
    “Ah, well, did you try turning the paper?”

    That's probably because "turning the paper" is interpreted as "turning the paper over."

    "Rotating the paper" would likely have had a better result.

    Based on the fact that the person put the call in in the first place, I'm not convinced that they would have understood the word "rotate" !

  • Troy (unregistered)

    Wow, remind me never to hire William Blosch. Without ever actually witnessing the problem as it occurred, he wasted his own time and his customer's time by eradicating a non-existent trojan then completely reimaging the computer. Anything to avoid actually talking to another human.

  • David (unregistered)

    ¿ʇsıɹℲ

  • (cs) in reply to Rhywden

    My cousin had a similar problem. We have a service here called digger's hotline. Basically whenever anyone, including road construction, needs to excavate, they call this number and within a few days a local inspector comes out and marks the buried water, gas and electric lines. Well my cousin was working road construction, and was pushing a pipe under a road, using a special machine, which is designed to force a pipe through dirt without having to chop up the road, when he hit a water main. This machine is more than capable of cracking the water main, and the water pressure caused about 100 feet of road to buckle. The city was supposed to mark the water main accepted responsibility for it, because it was mis-marked. After my cousin told me this story, and I figured my friend's dad who works for the water company, could elaborate on the story. (My cousin is known to BS)

    Here is the WTF: My friend's dad looked surprised when I told him it, and he told me he was the inspector who missed that water main.

  • Captain Obvious (unregistered)

    I think support contracts need to include an idiot fee, which is added for each query that invokes a /facepalm/ reaction.

    I'd say $5000 a pop would be adequate...

    The inspiration for this - I once had a customer at a PC retail/service store return a wireless desktop package as not-working. Upon investigating, it would seem she did not plug in the wireless dongle to the computer. She accused us of false advertising, as "I shouldn't have to plug anything in - its WIRELESS you dipshits".

    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.

    She still shops with us :-)

  • Oppeto (unregistered) in reply to Troy

    I was thinking the same thing. Seems like all of my encounters with my corporate IT.

    Me: "My computer started freezing up for 2-3 seconds every 30 mins, starting this morning." Him: Let me re-image the machine, I've taken the liberty to back up all of your files that were in the your Documents folder, but nothing else. Problem solved! Oh wait, let me install this Norton Enterprise Security Monitor first. Me 5 minutes later: "My computer is freezing up again."

  • (cs)

    I want to meet guy #4 in real life. And something to exercise Darwin's theorem, too. ;)

  • (cs) in reply to Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious:
    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.
    He managed to charge a customer $250 for calling him a dipshit, and you call him retarded? There's more than one retard in that story, but your boss isn't one of them.
  • (cs) in reply to Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious:
    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.

    She still shops with us :-)

    Doesn't sound like your boss is retarded to me.

  • Grumpy Sysadmin (unregistered) in reply to Oppeto

    That's why you use network profiles in any "real" corporate IT. Your computer is completely interchangeable with any other. I shouldn't have to back up anything on a workstation in order to reimage it.

  • Eaten by a Grue (unregistered) in reply to Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious:
    I think support contracts need to include an idiot fee, which is added for each query that invokes a /facepalm/ reaction.

    I'd say $5000 a pop would be adequate...

    The inspiration for this - I once had a customer at a PC retail/service store return a wireless desktop package as not-working. Upon investigating, it would seem she did not plug in the wireless dongle to the computer. She accused us of false advertising, as "I shouldn't have to plug anything in - its WIRELESS you dipshits".

    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.

    She still shops with us :-)

    We already have prices figured out, thanks to the hard-working people on alt.sysadmin.recovery: http://www.toodarkpark.org/textfile.cgi/computers/humor/sysadmin Of course, a lot of these fall into the "Calling in with a stupid question" category.

    While we're on support stories, back in the days of 5.25" floppy drives, my dad got a support call where somebody couldn't get past the first disk of the install program. After trying a bunch of solutions, he asked the user to insert the diagnostic disk. The user responded "There isn't room in the drive". Turns out they'd been following the instructions to the letter: "Insert disk 1", "Insert disk 2", ... A few years later, I noticed that the instructions for this sort of thing had changed to "Remove disk 1 and insert disk 2".

  • Gamil (unregistered)

    Glad to see, in the comments, at least, that some people still believe in at least determining what the problem is before wiping a system. All the big-name manufacturers are good at doing things like re-imaging a notebook with a cracked screen.

    TRWTF is wiping a machine before determining that there's actually a problem.

    Captcha: 'tego' Building blocks we got from the dollar store when I was a kid.

  • evilspoons (unregistered)

    As for the first story: it astounds me the lack of reasoning a lot of people have.

    "Every time I press this thing (and I do not know exactly what this thing does) something I don't want to happen occurs."

    Mayyyyybe you should stop doing that thing or figure out what it's actually for!

  • whiskeyjack (unregistered)

    I'm not sure I understand the mentality of some people, particularly the "discotheque" story.

    Imagine you see a menu option that you think is called "discotheque", and you click it, and your internet connection goes down. You repeat maybe once or twice and confirm there is a consistent correlation.

    How do you respond?

    1. "Hmm, for some reason whenever I click that option, the internet disconnects. Better not click that option anymore."

    2. "But I really want to know where the discotheque is! I'll keep clicking and clicking. And, hey, how come my internet stopped working?"

  • whiskeyjack (unregistered)

    Oops, like evilspoons and I are on the same page...

  • The Judge (unregistered) in reply to Sir Twist
    Sir Twist:
    Captain Obvious:
    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.
    He managed to charge a customer $250 for calling him a dipshit, and you call him retarded? There's more than one retard in that story, but your boss isn't one of them.
    I demand that this be made a featured comment.
  • Darth Dumbass (unregistered)

    I have hidden a wireless keyboard in your drawer...pray you don't put your purse on it.

  • Paul (unregistered) in reply to evilspoons
    evilspoons:
    As for the first story: it astounds me the lack of reasoning a lot of people have.

    "Every time I press this thing (and I do not know exactly what this thing does) something I don't want to happen occurs."

    Mayyyyybe you should stop doing that thing or figure out what it's actually for!

    It's computers that seem to make some people excessively thick.

    I bet doctors don't get patients complaining "There's something wrong with my leg! Every time I stick this knife into it, it hurts!"

    (or maybe they do...)

  • jdw (unregistered) in reply to Troy
    Troy:
    Wow, remind me never to hire William Blosch. Without ever actually _witnessing_ the problem as it occurred, he wasted his own time and his customer's time by eradicating a non-existent trojan then completely reimaging the computer. Anything to avoid actually talking to another human.
    Actually, re-imaging the computer is often more cost- and time-effective than troubleshooting these sorts of issues. Re-imaging takes very little time at all; tracking down esoteric and uncommon issues like this can be a big pain, and in most large companies, if you find that some sort of virus is causing the issue, protocol will demand a format anyway. As long as the user is not storing essential data locally, re-imaging is the CORRECT form of troubleshooting.

    But, hey, if you want to waste YOUR time chasing ghosts, go for it. I'll be sitting at my desk playing solitaire while you try to figure out what's going on.

  • (cs) in reply to Darth Dumbass
    Darth Dumbass:
    I have hidden a wireless keyboard in your drawer...pray you don't put your purse on it.
    More like: I screwed up your meme, pray I don't screw it any further.

    On another note: I think purse is a pretty cool guy. eh sits on wireless keyboards and doesn't afraid of anything.

  • ~ (unregistered) in reply to Troy
    Troy:
    Wow, remind me never to hire William Blosch. Without ever actually _witnessing_ the problem as it occurred, he wasted his own time and his customer's time by eradicating a non-existent trojan then completely reimaging the computer. Anything to avoid actually talking to another human.
    Yeah, because he should have magically knew she had a wireless keyboard and kept putting her purse on it. Perfectly logical.
  • (cs) in reply to jdw
    jdw:
    As long as the user is not storing essential data locally, re-imaging is the CORRECT form of troubleshooting.

    When you have a hammer...

    The big problem with instinctively re-imaging is that you never learn what went wrong.

  • CodeNinja (unregistered)

    Ah yes, support stories...

    I remember when this woman and her son brought in his computer since it 'wasn't turning on'. We always put it up on a small test bench and plug it in right in front of the customer when we take them in, so they can show us exactly what was happening. The claim was that the computer didn't power on. Well, guess what came up when my boss hit the switch? That's right, a desktop of two large naked men pleasuring each other.

    Finding out your son is gay by having that come up in front of total strangers at a busy computer shop? Not apparently the highlight of that woman's day.

    The guy who let his 10 year old son try to 'fix' the computer before bringing it to us was fun, too. Apparently the 10 year old thought beating the motherboard with a hammer was a legitimate fix. We knew something was up when the computer -rattled- as it was lifted onto the test stand. The small pile of capacitors and other components laying at the bottom of the case only confirmed our fears. Needless to say, he'd voided his warrenty.

  • A Gould (unregistered) in reply to Gamil
    Gamil:
    Glad to see, in the comments, at least, that some people still believe in at least determining what the problem *is* before wiping a system. All the big-name manufacturers are good at doing things like re-imaging a notebook with a cracked screen.

    TRWTF is wiping a machine before determining that there's actually a problem.

    Seemed like proper troubleshooting to me:

    • there is a problem (she says there is)
    • safe money is that it's something the user did
    • reimage will solve 99% of stupid things a user can do.
    • therefore, nuke and pave, gentlemen.
  • Captain Obvious (unregistered)

    To clarify the 'retarded'

    My boss thought this was an entirely WTF-less issue, and that installing said wireless dongle inside the tower could become standard practice. He thought her complaint was valid.

    The extra $ was, by his reckoning, an 'innovation fee'.

  • whiskeyjack (unregistered) in reply to CodeNinja
    CodeNinja:
    The guy who let his 10 year old son try to 'fix' the computer before bringing it to us was fun, too. Apparently the 10 year old thought beating the motherboard with a hammer was a legitimate fix.

    He must have been related to the people who worked in the chop-shop that sold me my first computer. They had apparently had some difficulty getting the modem PCI card to seat properly in the motherboard, so their solution was to take a hammer to that little L-shaped bracket at the end of the card until it was in the proper shape.

    I was really mad when I discovered that. What other shortcuts might they have taken? I shudder.

  • Chris (unregistered)

    One of my coworkers was troubleshooting a web app problem. I heard him ask the user "Can you close the window?" the followed up by laughter. Apparently the user responded "Of course it's closed. It was cold this morning"

  • A Betting Man (unregistered)

    I'll wager that 3 out of 4 of these stories involve alcohol.

  • (cs) in reply to Paul
    Paul:
    evilspoons:
    As for the first story: it astounds me the lack of reasoning a lot of people have.

    "Every time I press this thing (and I do not know exactly what this thing does) something I don't want to happen occurs."

    Mayyyyybe you should stop doing that thing or figure out what it's actually for!

    It's computers that seem to make some people excessively thick.

    I bet doctors don't get patients complaining "There's something wrong with my leg! Every time I stick this knife into it, it hurts!"

    (or maybe they do...)

    Obligatory xkcd

    Oh, fun times. I made the spam filter mad.

  • Bob (unregistered) in reply to Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious:
    To clarify the 'retarded'

    My boss thought this was an entirely WTF-less issue, and that installing said wireless dongle inside the tower could become standard practice. He thought her complaint was valid.

    The extra $ was, by his reckoning, an 'innovation fee'.

    TRWTF is that you still fail to see the problem. People DO care what their computers look like. That's why some keep wireless keyboards in the drawer to prop up their purses.

  • Teej (unregistered)

    The true WTF for this is how the support staff handle the situation.

    Keyboard issue: my first response would be "show me.". This will yield a pattern totally different than what this support person found.

    Scanner: correct use of the language is important. First, repeat the problem the user is experiencing, then explain why the problem is occurring, and offer a resolution. "the program is showing your sheets upside down. This is most likely your scanner that is reading your paper upside down. Scanners typically read in one direction, so one way to solve it is to rotate the paper so that the scanner can read it in the proper direction. Hope it help."

  • RBoy (unregistered) in reply to timias
    timias:
    My cousin had a similar problem. We have a service here called digger's hotline.

    There's no need to be racist.

  • neminem (unregistered) in reply to Oppeto
    Oppeto:
    Oh wait, let me install this Norton Enterprise Security Monitor first. Me 5 minutes later: "My computer is freezing up again."
    I assume these two things were related? Norton Enterprise Security Monitor sounds like an *excellent* culprit for making computers freeze up.

    And yeah. Whoever came up with the "nuke the drive" method of tech support, I'm sure saved the major computer resellers boatloads of money. Just like all the other ways they get out of actually doing their jobs (my favorite: HP pretending I never bought a computer from them, and conveniently losing all records of it.)

    Captcha: an actual Latin word, "aliquam". Means "somewhat". Like, "HP's warrantees are somewhat like actual warrantees."

  • RBoy (unregistered) in reply to Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious:
    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.

    She still shops with us :-)

    Retarded? More like genius.

  • The Judge (unregistered) in reply to Bob
    Bob:
    Captain Obvious:
    To clarify the 'retarded'

    My boss thought this was an entirely WTF-less issue, and that installing said wireless dongle inside the tower could become standard practice. He thought her complaint was valid.

    The extra $ was, by his reckoning, an 'innovation fee'.

    TRWTF is that you still fail to see the problem. People DO care what their computers look like. That's why some keep wireless keyboards in the drawer to prop up their purses.
    I demand that this be made a featured comment.

  • RBoy (unregistered) in reply to dubbreak
    dubbreak:
    Darth Dumbass:
    I have hidden a wireless keyboard in your drawer...pray you don't put your purse on it.
    More like: I screwed up your meme, pray I don't screw it any further.

    More like: I made your meme funny and relevant, pray that it can be done again.

  • (cs) in reply to evilspoons
    evilspoons:
    As for the first story: it astounds me the lack of reasoning a lot of people have.

    "Every time I press this thing (and I do not know exactly what this thing does) something I don't want to happen occurs."

    Mayyyyybe you should stop doing that thing or figure out what it's actually for!

    One would have thought that Darwinian evolution would have produced this result.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to RBoy
    RBoy:
    timias:
    My cousin had a similar problem. We have a service here called digger's hotline.
    There's no need to be racist.
    Digga please!
  • (cs) in reply to Captain Obvious

    s/retarded/a genius/ !!!!!

    Captain Obvious:
    Because our boss is retarded, he got us to drag her USB port into her tower, and plug in the dongle inside, and out of sight. This set her back: $100 dollars labour $50 for parts (read - a cable tie) $100 because my boss thought $250 total seemed about right.

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