The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

hoodaticus · 2011-09-29 Reply Admin

One of the Nagesh's made a frighteningly educated point earlier. I can still bash the registered one though - he's still dumb as cattle.

2011-09-29 Reply Admin

If I get a dollar for each line of code written.....

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
But extension methods can only be used on non-null objects/structs, which means state...

object hi = null; 
hi.EatThis();

static class Util 
{ 
 public static void EatThis(this object wat) 
 { 
  Console.WriteLine("FUUUUUUU"); 
 } 
}

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.

That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.

That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
Fake Nagesh, Chullu bhar paani mein doob jao!

See, kes seda loep, on hull! Uw moeder heeft visjes gebakken! Habacas ojekas mysto! Tu es turpior at trahendum karrum tectum! Pai leaw, dek bah! Fuego! Fuego! Peligrosso!

English site is English, people!

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

hoodaticus:
Jay:
JamesQMurphy:
eVil:
The Great Lobachevsky:
Yeah, there aren't any women in computers, right? At least any that know JavaScript. ;-)

Got to the right websites, and you'll find your computer is chock-full of them. They generally naked and licking each other though, so I doubt they have much time for JavaScript.

The ones I found actually use "JavaScript" as a safeword. Go figure.

That's a good idea. Mention of Javascript always kills my sex drive. Along with my will to live.
This. Javascript is what outsourcing is for.

...on a slightly different note, is a prostitute simply an outsourced wife?

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

A slightly unrelated (and barely related) issue I came across yesterday...

In PHP, you can pass by reference in your functions and methods. It's pretty much the same as pointers: You don't edit the variable locally within your function, but the variable from the calling code's changed as well. Comes in pretty damn handy from time to time.

Now, PHP has an oddity to it. You can do something like: $bar = "something"; foo($bar); (where function foo's parameter is a reference) But you can also do this: foo("something");

Where's that reference to?

In PHP 5.2, it goes ignored. In PHP 5.3, they figured out that it's nonsensical and it throws a warning.

Still, that's one hell of a WTF that that's possible...

TheSHEEEP · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Timmy:
TheSHEEEP:
hoodaticus:
Procedural coders should be banned from .NET development.

They should be banned from pretty much anything. Just to be sure.

Except crochet.
In every language, even C and assembler? Why? What do you think is behind all those methods? There's no such thing as magic--somewhere in the object method is procedural code. Sure, it's at a lower level and it's compiled and blah, blah...but somebody's got to code it. Is there some magic assembler code that does everything all in one line? Just magic?

Okay... I'll be more precise: They should be banned from everything that allows you to code in a non-procedural manner... which should be pretty much any "modern" language. I don't know about assembler, though. I value my sanity and will never even try to learn it.

Better?

frits · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!

Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

eVil:
...on a slightly different note, is a prostitute simply an outsourced wife?

More like a rented "wife" (does she cook and clean, too? And nag?). I don't think you can outsource an activity that you personally take part in.

Now, if you removed your junk and sent it away to be stimulated, or removed the back of your head and sent it away to have The Look drilled into it, that would be like outsourcing a wife.

A surrogate kind of fits the bill, too. You jerk one off, ship the seed off, some woman has it inserted into her and grows the baby, 9 months later she ships the baby back.

I should try that, 'cause when I insert it myself, it always ends up in the wrong hole (or wrong gender). I didn't realize it until I told my grandma how I was doing it and she was all like "DERP! YUR DOIN IT WRONG!!!!!"

If it wasn't meant to go in the ass, why does it feel better there?

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

tristique:
...the only thing I have to come back to is C-Octothorpe and hoodaticus making out.

That's nothing! Once I walking in on them naked and spreading honey all over each other on a bed of rose petals surrounded eager young knaves ready to accept their yield.

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

frits:
Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!
Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!

That's quite a tale, shooter! But I once had to decipher 9003 chained property get/sets, the last of which called the first one!

frits · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Topper:
frits:
Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!
Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!
That's quite a tale, shooter! But I once had to decipher 9003 chained property get/sets, the last of which called the first one!

That's cool. However, I once wrote a main routine that recursively calls itself infinity times through tail recursion.

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

frits:
Topper:
frits:
Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!
Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!
That's quite a tale, shooter! But I once had to decipher 9003 chained property get/sets, the last of which called the first one!
That's cool. However, I once wrote a main routine that recursively calls itself infinity times through tail recursion.

Well, at least it was through tail recursion, right? Ha ha! Count your lucky stars you don't grapple with my main method which calls it self recursively multiple times throughout it's body, sometimes within the same process, and sometimes starting a new process on another system! Wowza!

To top it all off, the other systems are all in different timezones and different languages even though they all sit right next to me in my cube! There's an "English to ____" propped up against each case, right in from of the fan intake (why's it so hot in here, anyway?)

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

frits:
Topper:
frits:
Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!
Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!
That's quite a tale, shooter! But I once had to decipher 9003 chained property get/sets, the last of which called the first one!
That's cool. However, I once wrote a main routine that recursively calls itself infinity times through tail recursion.

That's not so weird. A shell is pretty much a main routine that repeats infinitely through iteration. Doing it with recursion might be a cute way to gather usage data or preserve state for the next session or something.

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

trtwtf:
frits:
Topper:
frits:
Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!
Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!
That's quite a tale, shooter! But I once had to decipher 9003 chained property get/sets, the last of which called the first one!
That's cool. However, I once wrote a main routine that recursively calls itself infinity times through tail recursion.
That's not so weird. A shell is pretty much a main routine that repeats infinitely through iteration. Doing it with recursion might be a cute way to gather usage data or preserve state for the next session or something.

Ha! I'd say it's not just "not so weird" it's perfectly normal! In fact, every such program should be written this way! I'd say it's absolutely adorable and I'd make sweet, sweet love to it if the machine it was on had a Fleshlight strapped to it!

.-= The Topper =-. You've just been Topped!

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Topper:
trtwtf:
frits:
Topper:
frits:
Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!
Oh yeah?! Well I have to work on a class with 9002 chained constructors!
That's quite a tale, shooter! But I once had to decipher 9003 chained property get/sets, the last of which called the first one!
That's cool. However, I once wrote a main routine that recursively calls itself infinity times through tail recursion.
That's not so weird. A shell is pretty much a main routine that repeats infinitely through iteration. Doing it with recursion might be a cute way to gather usage data or preserve state for the next session or something.
Ha! I'd say it's not just "not so weird" it's perfectly normal! In fact, every such program should be written this way! I'd say it's absolutely adorable and I'd make sweet, sweet love to it if the machine it was on had a Fleshlight strapped to it!
.-= The Topper =-. You've just been Topped!

Oh, no. The zoon has spawned a new process. This could be dangerous. What happens if it cross-breeds with one of the Nageshen?

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

z00n3s!$:
I should try that, 'cause when I insert it myself, it always ends up in the wrong hole (or wrong gender). I didn't realize it until I told my grandma how I was doing it and she was all like "DERP! YUR DOIN IT WRONG!!!!!"
If it wasn't meant to go in the ass, why does it feel better there?

That's nothing! I once traveled back through time and anally raped my own mother while forcing my child self to watch on pain of castration!

.-= The Topper =-. You've just been Topped

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Topper:
z00n3s!$:
I should try that, 'cause when I insert it myself, it always ends up in the wrong hole (or wrong gender). I didn't realize it until I told my grandma how I was doing it and she was all like "DERP! YUR DOIN IT WRONG!!!!!"
If it wasn't meant to go in the ass, why does it feel better there?
That's nothing! I once traveled back through time and anally raped my own mother while forcing my child self to watch on pain of castration!

.-= The Topper =-. You've just been Derped

If it were me, I would have gone back a few years earlier to the delivery room where I was born, fucked myself in the ass as I was being born (I came out feet first), and at the same time, using the head of my infant body to fuck my mother in as many places as possible and have my father lick my infant head clean in between holes and slapping my baby-self shouting "This is all you're good for! Got it! All you are good for!"

I'd probably also have the doctor and nurses eat the placenta, but I haven't thought that one through yet.

Now it's your turn! GO! GO!

C-Octothorpe · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

trtwtf:
Oh, no. The zoon has spawned a new process. This could be dangerous. What happens if it cross-breeds with one of the Nageshen?

I don't think anybody would sink THAT low...

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

That's nothing. At my current project, we have functions containing over 100 input variables, and over 150 output variables. It's a disgrace. Especially the fact that the lead developer is actually proud of his design. Co-workers from other teams were shell-shocked when they found out about our "structure." Perhaps in a few years time, when the pain has subsided, I'll be able to issue a WTF.

Nagesh · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Some of these coments are ugly and disgusted!

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
trtwtf:
Oh, no. The zoon has spawned a new process. This could be dangerous. What happens if it cross-breeds with one of the Nageshen?
I don't think anybody would sink THAT low...

I think zunesis would sink that low. Cholera probably turns him on...

C-Octothorpe · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

trtwtf:
C-Octothorpe:
trtwtf:
Oh, no. The zoon has spawned a new process. This could be dangerous. What happens if it cross-breeds with one of the Nageshen?
I don't think anybody would sink THAT low...

I think zunesis would sink that low. Cholera probably turns him on...

I thought it was dysentery... From eating too much diarrhea, or breyani, not that there's much of a difference...

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
trtwtf:
C-Octothorpe:
trtwtf:
Oh, no. The zoon has spawned a new process. This could be dangerous. What happens if it cross-breeds with one of the Nageshen?
I don't think anybody would sink THAT low...

I think zunesis would sink that low. Cholera probably turns him on...
I thought it was dysentery... From eating too much diarrhea, or breyani, not that there's much of a difference...

I think you may be right, I get my diarrhea-causing ailments mixed up sometimes. Come to think of it, this may explain his periodic absences... his life is in flux right now....

(Did you hear about the time when one of the last remaining colonial occupiers visited Nagesh's grandfather's shack? Stopped in to pay a social call, and he was horrified that he wasn't offered a place to sit. "I am very sorry sahib, but as you see, I haven't got a chair to offer you". "Well, haven't you got a bloody stool at least?" "Ah!" says Nagesh-senior-senior. "That, I can offer you, sahib...")

C-Octothorpe · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

trtwtf:
(Did you hear about the time when one of the last remaining colonial occupiers visited Nagesh's grandfather's shack? Stopped in to pay a social call, and he was horrified that he wasn't offered a place to sit. "I am very sorry sahib, but as you see, I haven't got a chair to offer you". "Well, haven't you got a bloody stool at least?" "Ah!" says Nagesh-senior-senior. "That, I can offer you, sahib...")

I LOLed... Thanks!

hoodaticus · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

A. Non:
That's nothing. At my current project, we have functions containing over 100 input variables, and over 150 output variables. It's a disgrace. Especially the fact that the lead developer is actually proud of his design. Co-workers from other teams were shell-shocked when they found out about our "structure." Perhaps in a few years time, when the pain has subsided, I'll be able to issue a WTF.

That function won't even fit into L1 cache!

hoodaticus · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
trtwtf:
(Did you hear about the time when one of the last remaining colonial occupiers visited Nagesh's grandfather's shack? Stopped in to pay a social call, and he was horrified that he wasn't offered a place to sit. "I am very sorry sahib, but as you see, I haven't got a chair to offer you". "Well, haven't you got a bloody stool at least?" "Ah!" says Nagesh-senior-senior. "That, I can offer you, sahib...")
I LOLed... Thanks!

God, that was good!

ObiWayneKenobi · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

Topper:
C# Guy:
Ken B.:
"This is one of the reasons our average .cs codefile hovers in the 22,000 lines-of-code range."
Wow. And I thought that our largest feature-creeped module of 7,412 lines of C was huge.
That's nothing, I have come across a 9000 line stored procedure.
That's nothing! I have to work on a 9001 line constructor!

Nappa: Vegeta, what's the scouter say about the lines of code in his constructor?

Vegeta (reading scouter): ... IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! crushes scouter

Nappa: What, 9000?!

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

ObiWayneKenobi:
Nappa: Vegeta, what's the scouter say about the lines of code in his constructor?
Vegeta (reading scouter): ... IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! crushes scouter

Nappa: What, 9000?!

Zunesis: ObiWayneKenobi, how lame are you?

ObiWayneKenobi: ... FOURTY YEAR OLD VVVIIIRRRRGGGIIINNN!!!!

Zunesis: Guessed as much.

(want me to take care of that for you?)

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

z00n3s!$:
C-Octothorpe:
hoodaticus:
Procedural coders should be banned from .NET development.
When Visual Studio starts up, it should require you to implement an OO design pattern in a mini-game. If you win, Visual Studio won't reach out with robot arms, pulling you over the desk, with a third arm that reaches around with an electric, spiked dildo, forcibly sodomizing you, while urine is squirted onto your face and a recorded message let's you know you're nothing but a piece of shit (HIS piece of shit) and a funnel collects the dripping excrement from your swollen anus and liquifies it and then injects it up your urethra or vagina (as applicable) and then a gloved, mechanical hand slaps you back and forth demanding you never do that again until you say "Yes, master" at least three slaps in a row.
FTFM
FTFY

I read that on /b/ the other day, nice copypasta

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

hoodaticus:
C-Octothorpe:
I LOLed... Thanks!
God, that was good!

Gosh, thanks guys... (wipes tear)

You guys are the best.

hoodaticus · 2011-09-30 Reply Admin

BillClintonsThirdTerm:
I read that on /b/ the other day, nice copypasta

Fucking 4channers.

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

trtwtf:
hoodaticus:
C-Octothorpe:
I LOLed... Thanks!
God, that was good!
Gosh, thanks guys... (wipes tear)
You guys are the best.

That wasn't a tear.

2011-09-30 Reply Admin

hoodaticus:
BillClintonsThirdTerm:
I read that on /b/ the other day, nice copypasta
Fucking 4channers.

Cry me a river Timberlake, and dont act so butthurt.

2011-10-01 Reply Admin

Nagesh :
The Poop... of DOOM!:
And that's why we need one static Nagesh class. That way, there won't be several instances... not even one, actually! Problem solved

We are already having a static Nagesh class, and it is being able to be called from any TDWTF poster. This is the problem, you see. I am thinking that a singleton is perhaps a better solution to the problem that we are having.

The real problem is that all the posters are simpletons.

2011-10-01 Reply Admin

The Poop... of DOOM!:
English site is English, people!

So... Not American?

2011-10-02 Reply Admin

As someone who has played croquet on a few occasions I resent your last statement!

2011-10-02 Reply Admin

Crock of Shit! The mark of a good programmer IS NOT what language they have used or learnt with, it's how readily they can adapt to ANY language and use it in the way intended... Besides, if your spelling is anything to go by I would imagine that your code is riddled with bugs....

2011-10-02 Reply Admin

Burn it with fire!

Then, once it's been thoroughly burnt, burn it some more!

2011-10-03 Reply Admin

That's totalitarian/corporate thinking. The result is an environment in which a good programmer is frustrated by being unable to implement their design and still enabling bad programmer to write crappy code.

BAD code can be written in ANY language. Not every language enables writing good code (try storing 100 million XYZ vectors in Java and keep it elegant... oh, you actualy DON'T have 100GB RAM? time to upgrade!)

2011-10-03 Reply Admin

The above was to be in reply to:

hoodaticus:
I wouldn't permit static classes unless there is a damn good justification. Too many people in the hiring pool need to be deprived of their crutch if they are to learn anything.

Sorry for the messup.

2011-10-03 Reply Admin

Ohhh.... you work here also :)

2011-10-03 Reply Admin

Oh, this is great. Globalized local variables. Declare the variables as out parameters and then everytime the function is called the variables must be redeclared. Seriously, the only reasoning behind this design is the increase in line count. Whoever is paying for this code is the real sucker here.

2011-10-03 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
What does it take to get a ****ing article around here?

For that you should subscribe to Penthouse instead.

frits · 2011-10-04 Reply Admin

Randy Snicker:
Matt Westwood:
What does it take to get a ****ing article around here?
For that you should subscribe to Penthouse instead.

He wasn't looking for complete fabrications...

2011-10-04 Reply Admin

Yeah...I know this is late... but... I still don't by the argument that Static Classes Are Evil. I found this code snippet of mine, and the only thing I can figure out wrong about it may be the exception might be too generic. And I didn't make it an extension method, either, because the XPathNavigator (and frankly all XML related objects in .NET) have way to many functions for me to keep track of and it'd get lost in the mess. If a function doesn't change anything's state, why not make it static and put it in a static class?

        public static string SafeSelectSingleNodeValue(XPathNavigator f, string XPath, string DefaultSValue)
        {
            try
            {
                return f.SelectSingleNode(XPath).Value;
            }
            catch (Exception)
            {
                return DefaultSValue;
            }
        }

hoodaticus · 2011-10-04 Reply Admin

MZ:
That's totalitarian/corporate thinking. The result is an environment in which a good programmer is frustrated by being unable to implement their design and still enabling bad programmer to write crappy code.
BAD code can be written in ANY language. Not every language enables writing good code (try storing 100 million XYZ vectors in Java and keep it elegant... oh, you actualy DON'T have 100GB RAM? time to upgrade!)

Rules are not for good programmers, but bad ones. My developers who do not need to learn anything from me may do as they please.

hoodaticus · 2011-10-04 Reply Admin

JayC:
Yeah...I know this is late... but... I still don't by the argument that Static Classes Are Evil. I found this code snippet of mine, and the only thing I can figure out wrong about it may be the exception *might* be too generic. And I didn't make it an extension method, either, because the XPathNavigator (and frankly all XML related objects in .NET) have way to many functions for me to keep track of and it'd get lost in the mess. If a function doesn't change anything's state, why not make it static and put it in a static class?
        public static string SafeSelectSingleNodeValue(XPathNavigator f, string XPath, string DefaultSValue)
        {
            try
            {
                return f.SelectSingleNode(XPath).Value;
            }
            catch (Exception)
            {
                return DefaultSValue;
            }
        }

Is this the best you people can do? Nagesh had the right idea. Cross-cut concerns perhaps belong in statics. This, however, is not a cross-cut concern. It's a fucking method of XPathNavigator. Gee, how would I add a method to a class I don't own?

Perhaps I could FUCKING INHERIT.

You are the precise example of what I'm talking about when I say juniors should be banned from making static classes until they learn OOP.

The Global Workaround

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