• (cs) in reply to v
    v:
    They are prisoners. They stole something
    Yeah, like for example a slice of pizza.
    v:
    or killed someone.
    Or smoked an 'effin spliff, ferchrissakes. You aren't half as down-with-the-little-guy as your eponymous namesake from the film, are you?
  • Jack (unregistered) in reply to Zylon
    Zylon:
    "Deptartment of Justice"?

    Tasty!

    "Deptartment of Juicetice" - even more.

  • All-Beef Patty (unregistered) in reply to checker
    checker:
    at the end of the article the inmate number is a different one oO

    Wow... you were the first one to notice too. Impressive.

  • (cs) in reply to DaveK
    DaveK:
    RiX0R:
    You must be a big Dr. Cox fan.
    I don't watch a lot of tv, but if that's how he deals with the media, he has my respect.

    I'm more a fan of the other Good Doctor:

    Journalist:
    Doctor! Doctor, what do you have to say about the shameful case of Inmate #88172?
    Doctor Hunter S. Thompson (for it is he):
    Eh? What? What? Did you say "Stab the president through the eyeballs with an icepick"?
    Journalist:
    No, doctor, Inmate #88172. What happened to the money the state owes him, doctor? Where's it gone?
    Doctor:
    Well, gee ... [ takes small bottle of pills out of pocket and starts flipping through it ] .. let me just see right here ... reds ... blues .... methamphetamine, whoops! Too far [ starts clawing at own face ] ... 88175 ... 88174 ... 88173 ... 88172, aaaaah! I'm getting the fear... [ pause, inspects imaginary lizard for a moment, feigns surprise ] Well, wow, just look at that, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GIANT LIZARD DOING OVER THERE? *gibber*
    Journalist:
    Well, that's what me and my viewers want to know, doctor. What does it say, doctor?
    Doctor:
    >shouting< It says it can see right into your dark filthy soul, you scumsucking swine! Bourbon! I must have whiskey. Bring me three cases of Wild Turkey at once. ... [ swallows another handful of pills, starts sweating ] whoAAH! [ reels ] *grin* Hey, those little yellow suckers got quite a kick on them ... [ stumbles away rambling to self ].
    Well, I think I might be able to sell your other narrative to the Marketing Communications guys here in Leamington Spa, but this one is a tad ... extreme.

    Maybe that's it.

    Me: You know this Extreme Programming stuff you keep going on about? This is the Marketing equivalent.

    Boss: But we've only got one Marketing Executive. You need at least two for Pair Marketing. How would that work?

    Me: I think I have what you need right here, my friend. (Rummages in black medical bag.) Ah ... yes ... I just need to check the quality -- could you unscrew the cap while I stab myself in the hand to get rid of the DTs? Thanks ... um ... snort ... YES! Don't worry, I'll get rid of the bats later. I am, after all, a professional.

    Boss: How will this help our Marketing Executive?

    Me: Help him? Help him? Good Lord, man, this is pure adrenachrome. Marketing Executives have died for this. In fact, it's the only goddamn way to harvest the stuff. No, Timothy is beyond redemption. HAS HE BATHED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB? No, I thought not, my friend ... few of us have been all the way out on that line. And certainly not with our brains fried on adrenachrome. No ... I don't think this would help Timothy at all. Timothy needs ... uh ... (rummages again) these pills.

    Boss: Will they help make Timothy a better Marketing Executive?

    Me: Well, they might make Timothy a human being. It's worth a try.

    No, on reflection, I still think your first suggestion is the way to go.

  • (cs) in reply to pink_fairy
    pink_fairy:
    DaveK:
    RiX0R:
    You must be a big Dr. Cox fan.
    I don't watch a lot of tv, but if that's how he deals with the media, he has my respect.

    I'm more a fan of the other Good Doctor:

    Journalist:
    Doctor! Doctor, what do you have to say about the shameful case of Inmate #88172?
    Doctor Hunter S. Thompson (for it is he):
    Eh? What? What? Did you say "Stab the president through the eyeballs with an icepick"?
    Journalist:
    No, doctor, Inmate #88172. What happened to the money the state owes him, doctor? Where's it gone?
    Doctor:
    Well, gee ... [ takes small bottle of pills out of pocket and starts flipping through it ] .. let me just see right here ... reds ... blues .... methamphetamine, whoops! Too far [ starts clawing at own face ] ... 88175 ... 88174 ... 88173 ... 88172, aaaaah! I'm getting the fear... [ pause, inspects imaginary lizard for a moment, feigns surprise ] Well, wow, just look at that, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GIANT LIZARD DOING OVER THERE? *gibber*
    Journalist:
    Well, that's what me and my viewers want to know, doctor. What does it say, doctor?
    Doctor:
    >shouting< It says it can see right into your dark filthy soul, you scumsucking swine! Bourbon! I must have whiskey. Bring me three cases of Wild Turkey at once. ... [ swallows another handful of pills, starts sweating ] whoAAH! [ reels ] *grin* Hey, those little yellow suckers got quite a kick on them ... [ stumbles away rambling to self ].
    Well, I think I might be able to sell your other narrative to the Marketing Communications guys here in Leamington Spa, but this one is a tad ... extreme.
    The word you're looking for, I believe, is "gonzo". HTH :)
    pink_fairy:
    Maybe that's it.

    Me: You know this Extreme Programming stuff you keep going on about? This is the Marketing equivalent.

    Boss: But we've only got one Marketing Executive. You need at least two for Pair Marketing. How would that work?

    Me: I think I have what you need right here, my friend. (Rummages in black medical bag.) Ah ... yes ... I just need to check the quality -- could you unscrew the cap while I stab myself in the hand to get rid of the DTs? Thanks ... um ... snort ... YES! Don't worry, I'll get rid of the bats later. I am, after all, a professional.

    Boss: How will this help our Marketing Executive?

    Me: Help him? Help him? Good Lord, man, this is pure adrenachrome. Marketing Executives have died for this. In fact, it's the only goddamn way to harvest the stuff. No, Timothy is beyond redemption. HAS HE BATHED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB? No, I thought not, my friend ... few of us have been all the way out on that line. And certainly not with our brains fried on adrenachrome. No ... I don't think this would help Timothy at all. Timothy needs ... uh ... (rummages again) these pills.

    Boss: Will they help make Timothy a better Marketing Executive?

    Me: Well, they might make Timothy a human being. It's worth a try.

    No, on reflection, I still think your first suggestion is the way to go.

    Well, fine, have it your way. Play it safe if you must, but one day you're gonna regret it, one day when you're old and grey and you look back on your life and think "Damn! I never really *lived*!"

    "Carpe Diem" = Old Latin saying for "Go on, spike the boss's coffee with LSD, you know you want to!"

  • (cs) in reply to testx
    testx:
    Maybe you haven't noticed, but this site is like "Dear Penthouse" for programmers.

    i vote for paula as the first TDWTF bunny!

  • (cs) in reply to testx
    testx:
    Maybe you haven't noticed, but this site is like "Dear Penthouse" for programmers.

    i vote for paula as the first TDWTF bunny!

  • abigo (unregistered) in reply to Jamie
    Jamie:
    Too bad the prisoner was not owed $7.50.

    Then Sabbo's boss could have called a big, live, press conference to present the ex-con with a large novelty cheque for the entire amount, PLUS INTEREST, with a big apology.

    Well, maybe a competing news channel would have shown that, and then added, "shame Shame SHAME on channel X for wasting thousands of dollars..."

    Then have every other prisoner (rightly) demand that they also have their accounts verified. $7.50 per prisoner would be a crap load of cash.

  • Brad (unregistered)

    I used to be a jailer. Every scab in max had a bad attitude to say the least. Except one guy. All he ever did was come out to eat meals and head right back to his cell. Never any problems. I started wondering what this guy's story was. I looked at his records on the AS/400 system and it showed a release date something like 9 months prior. I don't remember what his crime was or how he ended up in max. I called "accounting" and told them what I found.

    A while later they called back and said that dude was to be released. Don't say anything else - just tell him to pack it up. They suspected a lawsuit coming on.

    Like everything else that was required of him, he dutifully packed his trash and left. Apparently he was homeless and preferred life in vs. out. Never did find out why the release was never triggered for him.

  • dan (unregistered) in reply to mmm..... scotch
    mmm..... scotch:
    After a hard day of writing code at the Department of Justice, Sabbo settled into his favorite chair to watch the evening news. But instead of his usual glass of iced tea, that night it was a tumbler-full of Johnnie Walker Black on rocks.
    Best start of a story ever

    I thought the whole thing was well-written and entertaining. Kudos to you Alex (I assume it's still you that writes the stories) - I hope this site brings you success, somehow.

    captcha: "dolor" - I hope not..

  • dan (unregistered) in reply to Brad
    Brad:
    I used to be a jailer. Every scab in max had a bad attitude to say the least. Except one guy. All he ever did was come out to eat meals and head right back to his cell. Never any problems. I started wondering what this guy's story was. I looked at his records on the AS/400 system and it showed a release date something like 9 months prior. I don't remember what his crime was or how he ended up in max. I called "accounting" and told them what I found.

    A while later they called back and said that dude was to be released. Don't say anything else - just tell him to pack it up. They suspected a lawsuit coming on.

    Like everything else that was required of him, he dutifully packed his trash and left. Apparently he was homeless and preferred life in vs. out. Never did find out why the release was never triggered for him.

    That, right there, is one of the many reasons why Americans should learn more about socialism, and stop being so scared of it. It is actually a good thing. And it prevents these kind of situations.

    And when I say socialism, I mean stuff like taking care of the homeless and making sure everyone gets an education. I don't mean massive bailouts for banks.... only time will tell whether that was a good idea.

    It's actually worth it to pay extra taxes to make sure that the poor have an ok life. That way you avoid the situation where crime is the only good way to live for those that have difficulty holding down a job.

    Imagine the effect on the economy if you could reduce crime by 33%, or even 50%. Think about it.

  • Brother Laz (unregistered) in reply to dan

    Oh noes, you started a political flamewar.

    A lot of people, including in Europe, confuse 'reducing homelessness, starvation and death to curable illness' with 'hey, let's give anyone under the income median free movie tickets'. It is the socialists' fault that nobody in Europe is a socialist anymore.

  • Lots42 (unregistered)

    Seven fifty? Wouldn't it have been easier just to FedEx the guy a tenner? "Look, you made two fifty! Now bite me!"

  • Captain Oblivious (unregistered) in reply to iMalc
    iMalc:
    What some of you don't realise is that handing over $7.50 rather than spending thousands to work out that it wasn't owed afterall would have set a very dangerous precedent. Give an inch and they'll take a mile!

    Of course the best thing to do would have been to have them sign something before looking into the records that says that if they are not in fact owed that amount (or greater), that they will instead pay for the costs of going through the old records. I wonder how insistent prisoner 781227 (or whatever the number was) would have been then.

    Why? The ex-prisoner was a free man at that point. Maintaining accurate records is just a part of the cost of doing business. It is not the ex-prisoner's fault the state or bank didn't do such a good job of it. Indeed, that is what he was complaining about.

    I would NEVER sign a paper like that if I thought my bank was trying to screw me. If the sum was substantial, I'd call a lawyer.

  • Dugeen (unregistered) in reply to Mark

    Sorry, but your attempt at a capitalist rant is a failure.

  • JS (unregistered) in reply to mmm..... scotch
    mmm..... scotch:
    After a hard day of writing code at the Department of Justice, Sabbo settled into his favorite chair to watch the evening news. But instead of his usual glass of iced tea, that night it was a tumbler-full of Johnnie Walker Black on rocks.
    Best start of a story ever

    Volcanic rocks?

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