The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

lucidfox · 2011-08-27 Reply Admin

Actually, dear anonymous, my name is Leon Trotsky Jr., and I'm a hermaphrodite and an agent for both the CIA and KGB at once.

...What do you mean the KGB doesn't exist anymore? That's just what they want you to think.

2011-08-27 Reply Admin

lucidfox:
Actually, dear anonymous, my name is Leon Trotsky Jr., and I'm a hermaphrodite and an agent for both the CIA and KGB at once.
...What do you mean the KGB doesn't exist anymore? That's just what they want you to think.

Nice try Maia...

2011-08-28 Reply Admin

lucidfox:
Actually, dear anonymous, my name is Leon Trotsky Jr., and I'm a hermaphrodite and an agent for both the CIA and KGB at once.

but he wants to be...

A LUMBERJACK !!!!!!

2011-08-29 Reply Admin

... and this reminds me of that one guy who had heard about hotmail, but lacked both good English skills and common sense.

He went on to enter

www.hotmale.com

Oops!

Severity One · 2011-08-29 Reply Admin

SpockMOnster:
You think English is easy??? There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP ...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........it is time to shut UP!

I got the distinct impression that adding 'up' (and no, I don't mean 'adding up') to verbs is chiefly an American habit. I'd say I'd 'call' or 'ring' a person, not 'call up'. Same for a shop: it opens and closes, not 'opens up' or 'closes up'. And it clouds over, not up.

One word, though, that I found to have a bewildering amount of meanings is 'bar', both as a verb and a noun. Most of them related to a long, rectangular piece of wood, but still.

Matt Westwood · 2011-08-29 Reply Admin

Severity One:
SpockMOnster:
You think English is easy??? There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP ...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........it is time to shut UP!
I got the distinct impression that adding 'up' (and no, I don't mean 'adding up') to verbs is chiefly an American habit. I'd say I'd 'call' or 'ring' a person, not 'call up'. Same for a shop: it opens and closes, not 'opens up' or 'closes up'. And it clouds over, not up.

One word, though, that I found to have a bewildering amount of meanings is 'bar', both as a verb and a noun. Most of them related to a long, rectangular piece of wood, but still.

Another good one is "set".

2011-08-29 Reply Admin

I was once doing phone support for a little old lady, she wanted a email service that she could use while on holiday.

I told her, "just go to hotmail.com and setup and account."

she went to "hotmale.com" and got the shock of her life :-)

2011-08-31 Reply Admin

Dani:
Max:
(with Eastern-European accent): in Soviet Russia The Service mails YOU!
fail

don't you mean fale?

captcha: eros A little suspicious I think.

2011-08-31 Reply Admin

gross. sad. stop it.

2011-09-01 Reply Admin

lucidfox:
Actually, dear anonymous, my name is Leon Trotsky Jr., and I'm a hermaphrodite and an agent for both the CIA and KGB at once.

Actually, Matt, you're a troll, liar, and male. Hello from LOR.

lucidfox · 2011-09-01 Reply Admin

anonymous:
Hello from LOR.

Well, if you wanted to cement your site's reputation for being a bunch of dicks, you've succeeded all too well.

2011-10-15 Reply Admin

How disappointed... I wrote the second story but it was nothing like that, I guess it was rewritten to fit with the first one =(.

I don't feel awkward or creeped out by my coworkers in any of my jobs, and I work as sysadmin, not as a dev. I'm good at what I do, my peers recognise that, and there is no need for me to invent a fake boyfriend.

As per future stories... After the HUGE change suffered by the one I submitted, I'll find a different medium to share them.

2012-02-20 Reply Admin

I like the Male Services one.

It's one of the few entries where the submitter isn't bashing on someone else.

2012-06-01 Reply Admin

They are pronounced the same, but I would expect the emphasis to be different for those two (sort-of) phrases.

"Mail services" I'd expect the emphasis to be on "mail", or no emphasis at all, unless we were already talking about mail <something>. So if someone emphasized "services" it would wrong-foot me.

Comment to a zombie article, I know.

2012-12-04 Reply Admin

AS a female who has only ever worked in male dominated IT companies, its not OK to send creepy emails to girls that talk a lot about their boyfriends as that's how you end up with HR inviting you for a chat about sexual harassment, or driving the poor girl to turning into a savage creature that wants kill you, and tells all the other females that you are a pervert. This happened to an ex-colleague. When I said that needed time off, to look after my very real boyfriend as he had an op on his prostate. Suddenly it dawned on my colleagues that I might not be getting sex, and I was in demand as how could I turn down such a good looking bunch of guys (their mother's were terrible liars, and the wives must have married for money or its true love is blind). Well, one person who I nicked named Dr D_ckhead, suddenly started telling me that he was loaded and smart because he had a PhD, and could get my career to go in the direction I wanted. The condition was that I sneaked off with him on seedy B&B’s and worked late in a variety of pubs. The day-to-day invites, endless emails and texts, did indeed turn me into a savage creature who could hear his voice at least one hundred feet away and wanted to rip him to shreds like some Staffy with Squirrel. I was rude, short tempered and volatile in his company but it didn't stop him. Until one day, he decided that I was a crazy anorexic and made an idle threat at me. It was then discovered that he had been doing the same to another colleague who was ten years old my senior and married, but up'd the stakes with her. It was champagne, chocolates and business trips away to the Hilton. Well, as soon as we found out about one another, it was common knowledge around the account that Dr D_ckhead was a dirty old man. All the females were warned not to sit near him or stay in the same hotel, and under no circumstances get in a car alone with him. Apart for making me mentally unhinged it also gave me very real health problems, so what might be deemed as a ‘bit of a laugh’ is no laughing matter for the person on the receiving end. It could also cost you your job, I did not report Dr D_ckhead, but if I could go back in time, I would, as I fear that he is probably still behaving in the same way towards anything remotely female.

2017-02-07 Reply Admin

there's an e-mail service called "hotmail"...but if you search for "hotmale" you get...well...NSFW stuff.

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