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Admin
It's logical the sysadmin forbade
top: the output would never list his name.Admin
Wow, sysadmins get unrestricted unquestioned unmitigatable access to everything? That's a pretty big opportunity for abuse of power. Oh wait...
Admin
Why would anyone question him? Look at all the problems he MITigated.
Admin
okay, so we found the BOFH..... but where is the PFY?
Admin
Performance problems? Were they trying to simulate earthquakes on an Atom server and required 99.9999% of CPU and memory?
Admin
:vomit:
Admin
So wait, no-one thought to go to the sysadmin's boss and tell them that the sysadmin is actively preventing them from doing their jobs? That's TR :wtf:
Admin
I'm assuming that they did and got a response along the lines of
Admin
Am I the only one who noticed the similarity in tone with Directive 595?
Admin
All of which makes me wonder how long it will be before someone notices that no actual work is getting done. Alas, I suspect the answer is “surprisingly long”. :unamused:
Admin
Dear Analytics Team,
Directive 595 Part 4 is as follows:
"SAS gives major performance problems with the analytics servers, lack of flexibility, more costly evolution, inhibit the use of the server acting to a service to applications and make it an inhibitor to evolution."
As such, your positions have been made redundant. Refusal to comply will be reported.
Sincerely, Chief Sysadmin Mark
Admin
Well of course it isn't. Didn't you see the emails about the extreme performance issues? Not to worry though, the sysadmin is from MIT and is on the case!
Admin
Or our Global HR Director. (Links to Lounge - not available to all.)
Admin
"Dear Analytics Team,
Directive 666 is as follows: After analyzing severe performance problems on the SAS servers, the system management team has determined that the only solution is to remove all users, all applications and all logins from these systems.
Refusal to comply will be reported.
Sincerely,Chief Sysadmin Mark
Admin
He is the PFY. A PFY without a BOFH to control him is a scary thing indeed.
Admin
And when they figure it out, the blame will fall on everybody but the sysadmin.
Admin
He should have started with top. If you ban any tools that can report performance, performance problems disappear.
Admin
No, if he did that he might have run out of quick-win incremental improvements before his bonus got cashed.
Admin
PFY vs. BOFH? No he wasn't one of them, usually a proper BOFH attacks "the boss" and leaves the underlings alone.
Admin
Administrator = Admin is traitor
Admin
But don't worry, I trust Admin2.
Filed under: No joke, literally a domain administrator account named Admin2. It has the same password as Normal.
Admin
At least, on my home network, Normal doesn't even have a password.
Oh wait, I'm talking to myself. ... And I don't think that's actually an improvement. :facepalm:
Admin
In his defense it was pretty silly to use a Commodore 64 as the analytics server.
Admin
This one has a strong smell of frontpagification. It's difficult to guess how far the insanity really went.
Admin
He's the dreaded DKA: The Dunning-Kruger Admin. (Although that might be how BOFH got his start as a strapping young lad, eliminating everyone who had been in the company before his reign.)
Admin
Life, dear @Scarlet_Manuka, is the best frontpagifier.
Admin
Foreshadowing?
"I'm sure he'll be a great addition to our team." "Thank you, and hello,"
Admin
Every Friday evening Mark runs top to see what the biggest performance bottleneck is, then issues a directive banning it.
All these performance problems with the analytics servers. Let's try some troubleshooting and see if we can't pin down the root cause. What is the common factor in all these reports? What if anything changed in the organisation at about the time these issues started being reported?(Full disclosure notice: I am a graduate of MIT - no, not that one, another one.)
Admin
That's provided there actually are performance problems...
Admin
He just wanted to use the analytics servers to play some high-CPU game, and it's such a downer when some idiot runs Emacs...makes the game all stuttery and everything. And of course the restriction on
topwas so no one could see what he was running.Admin
Admin
Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping, eh?
Admin
That bolded bit is where the dev team screwed up. Sharing login details is a security breach. Attempting to bypass what the sysadmin had done is the wrong way to go about things: you are effectively hacking your work machines. Not good. Correct response is to go "new sysadmin blocked me from doing my job" to the manager and sit on your hands until the new sysadmin deals with it.
Admin
SystemAdmin says: due to performance problems, the DailyWTF forums will move to a new system. This policy will be effective starting Monday. Refusal to comply will be reported.
Admin
FTFY
Admin
I never met anyone from MIT who had a suit.
Admin
They should've contacted MIT and asked if he really studied there. Real MIT students don't wear suits.
Admin
I heard many MacGregor gents (people from G-entry) have suits. They only wear them on special occasions though.
Admin
Actually, the MIT guy was not from MIT, but from MIB. It was agent J on a secret mission to investigate Initrode's possible link to alien drug trade with catfish people of Horseshoe Nebula. Shortly after his arrival, major battle ensued, 3 intergalactic catfish cruisers demasked on Initrode's parking lot and only thanks to agent J's excelent skills the loss of lives was minimal. All surviving Initrode's human employes were neuralyzed and provided with a cover story in which they left the company because of some annoying admin.
Admin
The very first thing an A.F.H. (person or group) does when imposing draconian restrictions is to exempt themselves from their own rules.
Admin
No, it wasn't agent J. Because if it had been the email would have gone something like this:
The admins would like to thank you for participating in our performance. Had this been an actual performance emergency, y'all woulda been eaten. 'Cause you don't listen. You ignorant. How a man gon' come from MIT-- That's the problem with all y'all developers. "Oh, we seen it all." "Oh, no! A huge performance problem! Save us, Mr. Black Man!" And I come in, I ask ya nice stop using Emacs! Y'all just sit there like... [flash]
Admin
well.. that was probably the first version :) - everybody knows agent J sometimes has to do more than one neuralization :)
Admin
Was that a good guess or insider information?
Admin
Uhh, it's just me, but... why all these stories have the same several company names over and over? It feels like ACME cartoon company or Generic Product 'n stuff...
Admin
@required To preserve the anonymity of the companies concerned, so that TheDailyWTF doesn't get sued for slander