• Customer (unregistered)

    I'm the frist customer in the queue

  • Pippo (unregistered)

    Tom jumped out of his chair and joined them in that much.

    Was that muck? Mulch!?

  • Smug Unix User (unregistered)

    The user needed more memory to save the president's daughter.

  • Pirate (unregistered)

    Aaaargh!

    Always a customer fault.

  • DFYX (unregistered)

    True House MD moment. Everybody lies, especially your patients (or in this case customers).

  • anoniem (unregistered)

    This is why I hate reading the comments. You just say frist all the time and never anything remotely funny or insightful. I want to talk to Alex.

  • (cs)

    If his shop doesn't record calls, and he's the only one in the building, why didn't he just cuss this dumb bastard out? He's obviously called multiple times, with the same issue, constantly being told the same thing, and just being cheap and stubborn about fixing it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, but more often than not, it's not insanity, it's just good old stupidity. TRWTF is that our society demands that customer service entail constant ass kissing, and doesn't allow for severe verbal abuse when it's justified.

  • Frank (unregistered)

    So let's summarize here:

    1. Program can't run with 2MB.
    2. They know program can't run with 2MB.
    3. They wrote the code that can't run with 2MB.
    4. It is possible, as demonstrated by the various support utilities, to measure -- in program code -- that the computer only has 2MB.
    5. See #1.
    6. When you start the program on a computer with 2MB, the code does not immediately turn the screen blinking bright red with a single message that says, simply, program can't run with 2MB.

    Hmmm. Meditate a while and you may be able to find the WTF somewh6ere in th6ere if yo6u l66k cl6sely en6ug6.

  • plasmab (unregistered)

    Everybody lies

  • Bill Gates (unregistered)

    Since 2MB is larger than 640k, the program should be able to run without problem, no ?

  • L User (unregistered)

    Here's a little known fact about computer people, which means, anyone who touches a computer as part of their job, except me:

    They can work magic.

    That's right. Computers are magic, therefore, computer people are magic. They can do anything.

    The problem is, they're so spoiled by their power that they get lazy, and hate to help anybody.

    Now we all know the first law of Marxism. You have something -- knowledge. I am weak, stupid, needy. Therefore you owe me help. Not grudgingly, but generously. Your refusal to help, buried in mumbo-jumbo about RAM or drivers or whatever, is proof of your moral corruption.

    So get in there and do the fucking magic already asshole so I can get back to Farmville!

  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered) in reply to Master Chief
    Master Chief:
    If his shop doesn't record calls, and he's the only one in the building, why didn't he just cuss this dumb bastard out? He's obviously called multiple times, with the same issue, constantly being told the same thing, and just being cheap and stubborn about fixing it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, but more often than not, it's not insanity, it's just good old stupidity. TRWTF is that our society demands that customer service entail constant ass kissing, and doesn't allow for severe verbal abuse when it's justified.
    Yes, truly the real WTF is that most of society grows out of the misanthropic teenage years.
  • Franky (unregistered)

    sounds like our indian guys .. stuff breaks like it only can when they change something Us: "did you change something?" In: "nope" innocent whistling

  • Tom (unregistered)

    The first rule of support: callers lie. They might not even know they're lying (usually they do) but it doesn't matter. They're lying.

    The corollary: you have to trick them into giving you accurate information. Like this guy eventually did with the hex dump. It is his own fault he didn't try that sooner.

    Support: What do you see when you click OK?

    Caller: Nothing.

    Support: Your screen is completely blank?

    Caller: Yes.

    Support: Click the Start button.

    Caller: OK

    Support: Click "Refurglemate".

    Caller: (sound of clicking Start) Where's that?

    OK, so now you've established their screen is not completely blank.

  • Herr Otto Flick (unregistered) in reply to Frank
    Frank:
    So let's summarize here:
    1. Program can't run with 2MB.
    2. They know program can't run with 2MB.
    3. They wrote the code that can't run with 2MB.
    4. It is possible, as demonstrated by the various support utilities, to measure -- in program code -- that the computer only has 2MB.
    5. See #1.
    6. When you start the program on a computer with 2MB, the code does not immediately turn the screen blinking bright red with a single message that says, simply, program can't run with 2MB.

    Hmmm. Meditate a while and you may be able to find the WTF somewh6ere in th6ere if yo6u l66k cl6sely en6ug6.

    You've missed a few steps between 5 and 6:

    5.1: New code shipped to customers 5.2: Customer complains that the app no longer runs on their 2MB machines, even though it would (just about) in the past 5.3: PHB changes requirements. App must display how much RAM the machine has for easy debugging, but try to run with just 2MB 5.4: New code shipped to customers, instructions sent to helldesk to always check RAM quantity first.

  • Jack (unregistered) in reply to Herr Otto Flick
    Herr Otto Flick:
    try to run
    How does one code that? 
    try {
  run();
}
...?
  • racekarl (unregistered) in reply to Tom
    Tom:
    The first rule of support: callers lie. They might not even know they're lying (usually they do) but it doesn't matter. They're lying.

    The corollary: you have to trick them into giving you accurate information. Like this guy eventually did with the hex dump. It is his own fault he didn't try that sooner.

    I'll admit it took me a long while to figure out (I was a teenager. ok?) that my parents' computers etc. did not come in different versions that could be distinguished by looking at the color of the prongs in the power cord, but that I was being tricked by the phone techs to be sure I really had power cycled the device.

  • Chelloveck (unregistered)

    Ah, yes. Just like the night the phone rang at 5pm (I even had my jacket on, dammit! Never answer the phone once your jacket is on!) and ended up working clear through 7am the next morning before finding out that the customer's particular non-English-speaking culture can't stand to admit ignorance, so they tend to answer "yes" to any questions they don't understand. Not intentional deception, but I could have gotten home at a reasonable hour if I'd known that at the start of the night. Or, you know, just not picked up the phone.

  • Your Name (unregistered) in reply to Master Chief
    Master Chief:
    If his shop doesn't record calls, and he's the only one in the building, why didn't he just cuss this dumb bastard out? He's obviously called multiple times, with the same issue, constantly being told the same thing, and just being cheap and stubborn about fixing it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, but more often than not, it's not insanity, it's just good old stupidity. TRWTF is that our society demands that customer service entail constant ass kissing, and doesn't allow for severe verbal abuse when it's justified.

    Even if the shop isn't recording, you never know when the caller is recording.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Frank

    I think you're assuming that the program is modular enough that it can load enough of itself to check to see if it can load the rest of itself. Since this talks about RAM Extenders, it sounds like a real-mode DOS program which only later on had fancy-dancy features like overlays and swapping that allowed programs to be larger than installed RAM. Not only that, since it's real-mode, you can put the stack and/or heap in any old damned place and have it write over any old damned part of RAM (including your program code.) And you can have your program rely on the fact that there is physical memory in a particular location. And if there's no RAM there? That's when the fun begins.

  • Jerry (unregistered) in reply to Your Name
    Your Name:
    Even if the shop isn't recording, you never know when the caller is recording.
    Step 1: Create recording that proves I'm a lying bastard. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit!
  • Nona (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    I think you're assuming that the program is modular enough that it can load enough of itself to check to see if it can load the rest of itself. Since this talks about RAM Extenders, it sounds like a real-mode DOS program
    I think even the early versions of DOS had this thing called a batch file where you could run a small program first, then proceed to load the bigger one (or not).
  • Martijn (unregistered)

    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk. My favorite move was the scart jumble. Some issues are immediately recognizable. One off those is a scart cable that isn't connected properly. So you had a few possibilities: Attempt 1:

    • You: Is the scartcable plugged in properly?
    • Customer: Yes (the customer is lying).

    Attempt 2:

    • You: Can you check if the cable is plugged in properly, you know, just in case?
    • Customer: I just checked. (the customer is lying).

    Attempt 3:

    • You: Can you push it in extra tight, just to be sure?
    • Customer: - Sigh - OK.
    • Customer, 2 seconds later: I did, it didn't help. (the customer is lying).

    Attempt 4:

    • You: Some cables have some corruption. Oddly, this can be helped by unplugging the cable, switching it around, and put the part that is in your set top box now in your tv, and the other way round (helpdesk is lying).
    • Customer: Ok, I'll give it a try. Wow, thank you so much, I can't believe that actually worked! (well, actually it didn't, you just pushed in the connectors again)

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

  • Valued Service (unregistered) in reply to Martijn
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

  • (cs) in reply to Nona
    Nona:
    Anon:
    I think you're assuming that the program is modular enough that it can load enough of itself to check to see if it can load the rest of itself. Since this talks about RAM Extenders, it sounds like a real-mode DOS program
    I think even the early versions of DOS had this thing called a batch file where you could run a small program first, then proceed to load the bigger one (or not).

    I spent my first two years of my career trying to shoehorn in Real Mode programs. Batch files, multiple CONFIG.SYS menu options, different boot orders... great now my head hurts from the memories.

  • Dzov (unregistered)

    I was going to recommend running it under windows 3.x I once ran two instances of doom that each required 4MB to run, in multiplayer with each other, all on a 4MB pc in this way. It did run kind of slow though.

  • (cs) in reply to Herr Otto Flick
    Herr Otto Flick:
    Frank:
    So let's summarize here:
    1. Program can't run with 2MB.
    2. They know program can't run with 2MB.
    3. They wrote the code that can't run with 2MB.
    4. It is possible, as demonstrated by the various support utilities, to measure -- in program code -- that the computer only has 2MB.
    5. See #1.
    6. When you start the program on a computer with 2MB, the code does not immediately turn the screen blinking bright red with a single message that says, simply, program can't run with 2MB.

    Hmmm. Meditate a while and you may be able to find the WTF somewh6ere in th6ere if yo6u l66k cl6sely en6ug6.

    You've missed a few steps between 5 and 6:

    5.1: New code shipped to customers 5.2: Customer complains that the app no longer runs on their 2MB machines, even though it would (just about) in the past 5.3: PHB changes requirements. App must display how much RAM the machine has for easy debugging, but try to run with just 2MB 5.4: New code shipped to customers, instructions sent to helldesk to always check RAM quantity first.

    Customers complain that the software no longer runs on their machines, that they didn't want this upgrade, as in any case all you have done is add a load of features they don't want and have not fixed the issues they wanted fixing with the features for which they use the product in the first place, and the only reason they upgraded was in the hope you had fixed those.

    And user cannot file the complaint online because the "contact us" has no proper contact details anyway, just leads to loads of FAQs. And raising a support ticket consists of filling out a form with things that are totally irrelevant and doesn't give any facility to raise the actual issue you are trying to raise.

    They have a user forum but nobody from your company bothers reading it or getting back to people on issues.

    (Reminds me of very many apps nowadays)

  • QJo (unregistered) in reply to Cbuttius
    Cbuttius:
    Herr Otto Flick:
    Frank:
    So let's summarize here:
    1. Program can't run with 2MB.
    2. They know program can't run with 2MB.
    3. They wrote the code that can't run with 2MB.
    4. It is possible, as demonstrated by the various support utilities, to measure -- in program code -- that the computer only has 2MB.
    5. See #1.
    6. When you start the program on a computer with 2MB, the code does not immediately turn the screen blinking bright red with a single message that says, simply, program can't run with 2MB.

    Hmmm. Meditate a while and you may be able to find the WTF somewh6ere in th6ere if yo6u l66k cl6sely en6ug6.

    You've missed a few steps between 5 and 6:

    5.1: New code shipped to customers 5.2: Customer complains that the app no longer runs on their 2MB machines, even though it would (just about) in the past 5.3: PHB changes requirements. App must display how much RAM the machine has for easy debugging, but try to run with just 2MB 5.4: New code shipped to customers, instructions sent to helldesk to always check RAM quantity first.

    Customers complain that the software no longer runs on their machines, that they didn't want this upgrade, as in any case all you have done is add a load of features they don't want and have not fixed the issues they wanted fixing with the features for which they use the product in the first place, and the only reason they upgraded was in the hope you had fixed those.

    And user cannot file the complaint online because the "contact us" has no proper contact details anyway, just leads to loads of FAQs. And raising a support ticket consists of filling out a form with things that are totally irrelevant and doesn't give any facility to raise the actual issue you are trying to raise.

    They have a user forum but nobody from your company bothers reading it or getting back to people on issues.

    (Reminds me of very many apps nowadays)

    The solution is merely to install the freeware version, or a similar freeware program that offers the same functionality, and deinstall (and stop paying for) the broken one. This technique has so consistently worked for me that I have very little paid-for software left any more, and that only because it hasn't gone wrong enough for me to bother to have to go through the above process.
  • Martijn (unregistered) in reply to Valued Service
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    Not all telcos are alike, nor are all helpdesk employees, but when a customer tries to tell me something, he'd better present evidence straight away, because from experience I know that 99% of the diagnoses of customers are wrong (to the great annoyance of the 1% who is right, granted). I would rather hear "The internet light on the modem is off" than "The modem can't connect to the internet". Present the smoking gun rather than the conclusion, or at least alongside it.

    At any rate, remote assistance over the phone is horrible for all involved, even if all parties are highly capable - which is rarely true.

    Funny note: on many routers the "internet" or "wan" light is supposed to be blinking (not all though).

  • Ben Jammin (unregistered) in reply to anoniem
    anoniem:
    This is why I *hate* reading the comments. You just say frist all the time and never anything remotely funny or insightful. I want to talk to Alex.
    These comments are recorded. Alex will read them in the morning.
  • eVil (unregistered)

    The real WTF is playing Myst.

  • (cs) in reply to Pirate
    Pirate:
    Aaaargh!

    Always a customer fault.

    I think this customer is a fault!

  • (cs) in reply to Valued Service
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    And it keeps getting worse, too. One of these days, it'll be:

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Have you tried rotating the tires on your car?"

  • (cs) in reply to Coyne
    Coyne:
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    And it keeps getting worse, too. One of these days, it'll be:

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Have you tried rotating the tires on your car?"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Have you tried shooting the president's daughter?"

  • Craig (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that the customer knew that 4096 KB was 4 MB. I'm surprised he didn't say "4000 KB" when asked.

  • Ben Jammin (unregistered) in reply to Valued Service
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    What you should have said is, "The router is not connecting to the internet. Fizzbin." http://www.hanselman.com/blog/FizzBinTheTechnicalSupportSecretHandshake.aspx

    Dangit Askimet! I said Fizzbin!

  • C-Derb (unregistered) in reply to Martijn
    Martijn:
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    Not all telcos are alike, nor are all helpdesk employees, but when a customer tries to tell me something, he'd better present evidence straight away, because from experience I know that 99% of the diagnoses of customers are wrong (to the great annoyance of the 1% who is right, granted). I would rather hear "The internet light on the modem is off" than "The modem can't connect to the internet". Present the smoking gun rather than the conclusion, or at least alongside it.

    At any rate, remote assistance over the phone is horrible for all involved, even if all parties are highly capable - which is rarely true.

    Funny note: on many routers the "internet" or "wan" light is supposed to be blinking (not all though).

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm dealing with someone who is highly incapable, or someone who is just so used to dealing with morons that they don't recognize helpful information when it is given to them.

    Just yesterday I was on the phone for the 4th time trying to figure out why my smart phone will no longer connect to the 3G network of my phone service provider. I thought that clearly explaining that I cannot to the "data network" and "no, I'm not talking about my wi-fi network, I'm talking about the data network, Yes text and phone calls all work fine", etc. would be helpful. Turns out, I was supposed to say "No, I don't see the 3G icon." My bad.

  • (cs) in reply to C-Derb
    C-Derb:
    Sometimes I wonder if I'm dealing with someone who is highly incapable, or someone who is just so used to dealing with morons that they don't recognize helpful information when it is given to them.

    Just yesterday I was on the phone for the 4th time trying to figure out why my smart phone will no longer connect to the 3G network of my phone service provider. I thought that clearly explaining that I cannot to the "data network" and "no, I'm not talking about my wi-fi network, I'm talking about the data network, Yes text and phone calls all work fine", etc. would be helpful. Turns out, I was supposed to say "No, I don't see the 3G icon." My bad.

    Probably they are supposed to ask if you see the 3G icon. But because you confused them with all your blither about data networks, they lost their place in the script, and that's you stuffed, sorry.

    And of course on my phone, there is also the E icon (for EDGE, whatever that is) that sometimes (like when I'm in the office, but not when I'm just outside the building) replaces the 3G icon. And boy does that transition cause problems, even though both E and 3G indicate that there is a data network available. (EDGE is a fair bit slower than 3G, but works in more questionable signal areas, which probably contributes to its slowness.)

  • Harrow (unregistered) in reply to Coyne
    Coyne:
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    And it keeps getting worse, too. One of these days, it'll be:

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Have you tried rotating the tires on your car?"

    You have to escalate to lever 3 for that.

    -Harrow.

  • Martijn (unregistered) in reply to C-Derb
    C-Derb:
    Sometimes I wonder if I'm dealing with someone who is highly incapable, or someone who is just so used to dealing with morons that they don't recognize helpful information when it is given to them.

    Just yesterday I was on the phone for the 4th time trying to figure out why my smart phone will no longer connect to the 3G network of my phone service provider. I thought that clearly explaining that I cannot to the "data network" and "no, I'm not talking about my wi-fi network, I'm talking about the data network, Yes text and phone calls all work fine", etc. would be helpful. Turns out, I was supposed to say "No, I don't see the 3G icon." My bad.

    Well, not necessarily the icon, but the path to your conclusion. Any off

    • I can't load webpages and there is no 3G icon
    • I can't load webpages and in the settings it says "no datanetwork" or just one of the latter two (no icon or no datanetwork). In case you say you have no connection to a data network, I would expect a competent helpdesk rep to ask if you see a G, E or 3G icon. A yes from the customer here means the connection is made, and there is another problem (remember, to 90% of the customers "no connection to the data network", "there is a connection, but there is no data traffic" and "there is data traffic, but webpages don't load" are identical problems, which may all called "it doesn't connect to the network" by the customer, and you can't blame him for not knowing the difference. A no here might mean that there is no connection, or that the customer is too incapable to check for an icon. I've never done cellphone helpdesk, but it doesn't sound unlikely to me. So then you go into the settings and check there, or do other more foolproof things than checking for an icon.

    While this conversation takes place and the customer is checking things, a competent helpdesk rep will have also run some tests from his side of things, possibly attempting to ping the phone, look up outages, and get a diagnostics scan out. The customer doesn't need to be aware of these checks if explaining them takes time - especially when they don't reveal problems. When one of them do reveal a problem which looks like it is causing the issues the customer experiences, I would just completely ignore everything said and done to that point until that issue is solved, and re-check for connectivity.

    I can imagine that for a customer it can be very hard to distinguish between a competent and an incompetent rep.

  • emaNrouY-Here (unregistered) in reply to Martijn
    Martijn:
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    Not all telcos are alike, nor are all helpdesk employees, but when a customer tries to tell me something, he'd better present evidence straight away, because from experience I know that 99% of the diagnoses of customers are wrong (to the great annoyance of the 1% who is right, granted). I would rather hear "The internet light on the modem is off" than "The modem can't connect to the internet". Present the smoking gun rather than the conclusion, or at least alongside it.

    At any rate, remote assistance over the phone is horrible for all involved, even if all parties are highly capable - which is rarely true.

    Funny note: on many routers the "internet" or "wan" light is supposed to be blinking (not all though).

    Agreed. 2 stories (cool bro') First, I called ISP tech support because I've got no Internet connection. I've already unplugged both the mode and router for about 15-30 seconds.
    I notified the tech that I've done this and my slightly more annoyed voice (I know what they go through, so I try and stay pleasant.) He still has me unplug the thing, but forces me to leave it off longer than 60 seconds.

    Lesson learned... their equipment had to forget my modem before I needed to plug it back in.

    Second: I do home tech support. I'm at a birthday party with my family on a Sat. night at 8PM. A regular customer who is usually stoned, I come out smelling of cigarettes, and always requests a discount (why? you know the charged rates), calls me and complains he can't get an Internet connection. I run through the usual: is the cable plugged in, unplug it and put it back in, etc "Can't you just come out here and fix it? please?"
    "Okay, but you know I charge $XX for the first hour, whether I fix it in 15 minutes or 60 minutes? And you agree to this?" "Yes, just come out here and fix it" After a 25 minute drive, I get out there, plug his half-seated cable and everything works fine. "$XX, please" "Ah, man, that only took you a few minutes, and you're going to charge me?" "Yes, and if you refuse, never call me again."

    He refused and then tried to call me again a month later. That's when I let him have it.

  • Hey everyone, it's me! (unregistered) in reply to emaNrouY-Here
    emaNrouY-Here:
    I get out there, plug his half-seated cable and everything works fine. "$XX, please" "Ah, man, that only took you a few minutes, and you're going to charge me?"
    Sometimes you have to put on a bit of a show.

    For example, you could bite the head off a live chicken and pour the blood over the end of the cable. Then plug it back in.

    As a side benefit, he probably won't call you again.

  • iMortalitySX (unregistered) in reply to Master Chief
    Master Chief:
    If his shop doesn't record calls, and he's the only one in the building, why didn't he just cuss this dumb bastard out? He's obviously called multiple times, with the same issue, constantly being told the same thing, and just being cheap and stubborn about fixing it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, but more often than not, it's not insanity, it's just good old stupidity. TRWTF is that our society demands that customer service entail constant ass kissing, and doesn't allow for severe verbal abuse when it's justified.

    Unlike the way 12 year olds talk trash when playing Halo, in the real world the customer can get your fired or in terms you can understand "ban you from the game". This story does not constitute "severe verbal abuse" by any means. It may be a horrible inconvience to the support person that had to put up with such a call at the last minute of the day.

    If you want to get into that, then TRWTF is that the call center should be charging per call instead of a blanket support package. "Oh you can't read the system requirements on our software? That will be $500, have a nice day!". Seems to work well for MS, I bet they get a lot less stupid calls now.

    CAPTCHA : ingenium (Latin) the ability to understand similarities and relationships that is innate in all humans...

  • (cs)

    Nobody mentioned this: PS/1???

    Why do I shake my head?

  • Flotsam (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    I think you're assuming that the program is modular enough that it can load enough of itself to check to see if it can load the rest of itself.

    It also mentions Myst. By the time Myst came out there were plenty of linkage tools that would allow you to create overlays. I know, we were trying to cram megabytes of executable into DOS memory.

  • Kasper (unregistered) in reply to Tom
    Tom:
    The first rule of support: callers lie. They might not even know they're lying (usually they do) but it doesn't matter. They're lying.
    I can tell you why it is so.

    Supporters lie. They might not even know they're lying, cause they are just following a script written by somebody, who did not think about every eventuality.

    If you are lucky the path through that script will lead to a situation, where somebody will go and fix the problem. Other times the script will lead to an incorrect conclusion. If you get into that situation, the supporter will claim that conclusion is correct, even if it directly contradicts evidence presented to them.

    For example I call an ISP because the internet connection is not working. They may incorrectly reach the conclusion that my computer is defective. I have experienced that with two different internet providers.

    The most recent time that happened to me, I would get a link on the network interface, I could send and receive packets, but I never got a reply from the DHCP server. The supporter eventually said my network interface was defective, and there was no other possible explanation. Later I learned the real cause of the problem was that the ISP had run out of IPv4 addresses.

    This is the playing field. The customer has to beat the support script before they get to a real person, who will look at the problem. Customers will eventually learn some of the questions and what answers will be the most productive.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Coyne
    Coyne:
    Valued Service:
    Martijn:
    This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.

    At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

    Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

    "The router is not connecting to the internet."

    "Did you try reinstalling Windows."

    "What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

    "Is the router plugged in?"

    "No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

    "Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

    "I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

    "Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

    "Thanks"

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

    And it keeps getting worse, too. One of these days, it'll be:

    "Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Have you tried rotating the tires on your car?"

    That's stupid. My tires rotate every time I drive my car.

  • AnonymouseUser (unregistered)

    Here's the real WTF - “I ordered and installed this machine myself,” the caller insisted.

    Why are you letting them do that?

  • Tawnos (unregistered) in reply to emaNrouY-Here
    emaNrouY-Here:

    Second: I do home tech support. I'm at a birthday party with my family on a Sat. night at 8PM. A regular customer who is usually stoned, I come out smelling of cigarettes, and always requests a discount (why? you know the charged rates), calls me and complains he can't get an Internet connection. I run through the usual: is the cable plugged in, unplug it and put it back in, etc "Can't you just come out here and fix it? please?"
    "Okay, but you know I charge $XX for the first hour, whether I fix it in 15 minutes or 60 minutes? And you agree to this?" "Yes, just come out here and fix it" After a 25 minute drive, I get out there, plug his half-seated cable and everything works fine. "$XX, please" "Ah, man, that only took you a few minutes, and you're going to charge me?" "Yes, and if you refuse, never call me again."

    He refused and then tried to call me again a month later. That's when I let him have it.

    When I used to do repair/tech support, I had a number of instances like that, but never walked away unpaid. I'd try to walk somebody through easy steps over the phone, telling them "look, I can do this for you for free if we're talking on the phone, but I'm charging $XX if I have to drive out there." Why free? Because I can be repairing computers in the shop, surfing the web, etc while walking somebody through their issue, but driving out takes time out of my day and puts miles on my car.

    One customer would say "I'm not good with the technical stuff" (like plugging in a power cable >.<), and happily paid me an hour of time for my 5 minute visit. She was awesome, always polite, offered me tea. Another customer would try to say "well, you were only here half an hour last time and fifteen minutes this time, so since I paid for an hour last time, I should get this time for free." Yeah, not having that. Usually it was enough to just explain that I need to make money and each trip cost me time plus gas.

    It sucks, but I just figured it was part of the job, and everybody wants something for nothing.

  • Jim Blog (unregistered) in reply to Frank
    Frank:
    So let's summarize here:
    1. Program can't run with 2MB.
    2. They know program can't run with 2MB.
    3. They wrote the code that can't run with 2MB.
    4. It is possible, as demonstrated by the various support utilities, to measure -- in program code -- that the computer only has 2MB.
    5. See #1.
    6. When you start the program on a computer with 2MB, the code does not immediately turn the screen blinking bright red with a single message that says, simply, program can't run with 2MB.

    Hmmm. Meditate a while and you may be able to find the WTF somewh6ere in th6ere if yo6u l66k cl6sely en6ug6.

    A bright red flashing screen that says "program can't run with 2Mb" is well within what a lying user might describe as "starts misbehaving in strange ways"...

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