The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

I was on the phone with SBC troubleshooting a DSL issue, and I swear to god, this is how it went down:

SBC: "Sir, I want you to unplug the Ethernet cable from the DSL modem, and hold that end in one hand."

Me: "Okay?"

SBC: "Now, please unplug the cable from your computer and hold that end in your other hand."

Me: "Uhhh, okay?"

SBC: "Now, please cross your arms, and plug the opposite ends of the cable into the DSL modem and your computer, then boot everything back up."

I... yeah.

(captcha: vindico!)

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

iMortalitySX:
Seems to work well for MS, I bet they get a lot less stupid calls now.
CAPTCHA : ingenium (Latin) the ability to understand similarities and relationships that is innate in all humans...

Probably a lot less stupid calls, but I'm sure they still get stupid calls.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Kasper:
Tom:
The first rule of support: callers lie. They might not even know they're lying (usually they do) but it doesn't matter. They're lying.
I can tell you why it is so.
Supporters lie. [...] Other times the script will lead to an incorrect conclusion. If you get into that situation, the supporter will claim that conclusion is correct, even if it directly contradicts evidence presented to them.

For example I call an ISP because the internet connection is not working. They may incorrectly reach the conclusion that my computer is defective. [...] The supporter eventually said my network interface was defective, and there was no other possible explanation. Later I learned the real cause of the problem was that the ISP had run out of IPv4 addresses.

This is the playing field. [...] Customers will eventually learn some of the questions and what answers will be the most productive.

This should be enough reason to switch ISPs. There are more competent ones out there. They tend to be a little more expensive, but that may well be worth it.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Jon:
I was on the phone with SBC troubleshooting a DSL issue, and I swear to god, this is how it went down:
SBC: "Sir, I want you to unplug the Ethernet cable from the DSL modem, and hold that end in one hand."

Me: "Okay?"

SBC: "Now, please unplug the cable from your computer and hold that end in your other hand."

Me: "Uhhh, okay?"

SBC: "Now, please cross your arms, and plug the opposite ends of the cable into the DSL modem and your computer, then boot everything back up."

I... yeah.

(captcha: vindico!)

That was done so the support person knows that the line is actually plugged in. If he has said "Please unplug the cable and plug it back in, 85% of the time (Yes, number pulled out of my behind!) the person would have said done without actually doing anything.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Before using a broadband/wifi router was a common thing in homes I used to have to lie to ISP support constantly that I had a Windows system plugged into my cable modem and not a Linux box.

Fortunately TCP/IP doesn't have a Windows pre-requisite.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

This is when you tell the customer: "Try to fit 4 gallons of water in a 2 gallon pitcher and tell me it doesn't make a mess."

Loren Pechtel · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Martijn:
Attempt 4: * You: Some cables have some corruption. Oddly, this can be helped by unplugging the cable, switching it around, and put the part that is in your set top box now in your tv, and the other way round (helpdesk is lying). * Customer: Ok, I'll give it a try. Wow, thank you so much, I can't believe that actually worked! (well, actually it didn't, you just pushed in the connectors again)
At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

In practice I have found some connections actually will be fixed this way--if the actual cause of the problem is corrosion on the contacts the act of unplugging it and plugging it back in can clean the contacts.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Smug Unix User:
The user needed more memory to save the president's daughter.

Jesus Christ, everybody. Get over this. It wasn't a good joke to begin with. It's not made any better by the constant stream of stupid references. Pack up whatever excuse for a sense of humor you have and please leave.

Loren Pechtel · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Valued Service:
Martijn:
This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.
At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

"The router is not connecting to the internet."

"Did you try reinstalling Windows."

"What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

"Is the router plugged in?"

"No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

"Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

"I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

"Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

"Thanks"

"Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

Yeah. I called in a about a printer that wouldn't act as a printer server like it was supposed to. It didn't take long for me to figure out that by reading two pages in the manual I knew MORE about the issue than the tech.

(Long after that I learned that the printer needed more memory to use that feature. A simple fix if the tech had known it!)

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Martijn:
Remember, to 90% of the customers "no connection to the data network", "there is a connection, but there is no data traffic" and "there is data traffic, but webpages don't load" are identical problems, which may all called "it doesn't connect to the network" by the customer, and you can't blame him for not knowing the difference.

Sure I can. It's the user's responsibility to know how to operate their device. If the user doesn't know the difference, whose fault is it? It's definitely not the fault of the UI designer, who spent hours adding easy-to-recognize icons to common tasks. It's definitely not the fault of the tech writer who put the manual together. It's definitely not the fault of the OS developer who added an online help feature.

Let's look at this a different way. Say you borrow your friend's car, then you fail to use your signal at a left turn and you get into an accident, and you have to go to court. You argue in front of the judge that you didn't know how to use the turn signal on that particular make and model of car, and it isn't your fault that you didn't know how to use the controls. No judge in the world would find your argument to be anything short of patently ridiculous, because if you truly didn't know how to use the turn signals, you're expected to educate yourself on that PRIOR to using the car.

We absolutely can and should blame users who refuse to educate themselves for the consequences of their neglected education.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Jazz:
Smug Unix User:
The user needed more memory to save the president's daughter.

Paula Bean, everybody. Get over this. It wasn't a brillant to begin with. It's not made any better by the constant stream of FILE_NOT_FOUND references. Pack up whatever excuse for a president's daughter you have and please throw her out the window.

The window is only big enough for a 2GB daughter. The president's daughter requires a 4GB window.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Jazz:
Martijn:
Remember, to 90% of the customers "no connection to the data network", "there is a connection, but there is no data traffic" and "there is data traffic, but webpages don't load" are identical problems, which may all called "it doesn't connect to the network" by the customer, and you can't blame him for not knowing the difference.

Sure I can. It's the user's responsibility to know how to operate their device. If the user doesn't know the difference, whose fault is it? It's definitely not the fault of the UI designer, who spent hours adding easy-to-recognize icons to common tasks. It's definitely not the fault of the tech writer who put the manual together. It's definitely not the fault of the OS developer who added an online help feature.

Let's look at this a different way. Say you borrow your friend's car, then you fail to use your signal at a left turn and you get into an accident, and you have to go to court. You argue in front of the judge that you didn't know how to use the turn signal on that particular make and model of car, and it isn't your fault that you didn't know how to use the controls. No judge in the world would find your argument to be anything short of patently ridiculous, because if you truly didn't know how to use the turn signals, you're expected to educate yourself on that PRIOR to using the car.

We absolutely can and should blame users who refuse to educate themselves for the consequences of their neglected education.

Incorrect. A programmer's whole job is encapsulating the not user friendly stuff and making it easily accessible to the user. The whole job is based on making it faster and easier to do stuff they don't know. Therefore, people who don't know technology now have technology problems, and we brought them into it, because they have money. They're also willing to pay more money when the stuff is broke.

Let's go to a more accurate analogy: "The plumbing's broke." A plumbing phone support would need to ask various questions checking if the shower or toilet puts out water, if the water to the house is shut off, if the water main for the neighborhood is busted and flooding the street, if the person hasn't paid his water bill, etc.

In this case, he'd find the person had a well that didn't have enough power to pull up the water, which the caller knows because he installed it himself with some little dinky motor.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Craig:
TRWTF is that the customer knew that 4096 KB was 4 MB. I'm surprised he didn't say "4000 KB" when asked.

I assume he just doubled what he actually saw.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Ben Jammin:
What you should have said is, "The router is not connecting to the internet. Fizzbin." http://www.hanselman.com/blog/FizzBinTheTechnicalSupportSecretHandshake.aspx
Dangit Askimet! I said Fizzbin!

I really wish this would work. But aside from Fizzbin, even using their own support jargon/lingo doesn't get you past the level 1 support without enduring The Script. Each call after the first one, I started by explaining that I've already done the standard troubleshooting with another agent (turn off phone, remove battery, turn back on, turn on airplane mode, turn off airplane mode, turn off wifi, turn on data, turn off data, turn data back on, etc.), but they would have none of it, they had to go by The Script.

After two weeks of training, these tech support people are simply script readers, and they better read it or the manager that is listening in, live or "recorded for quality purposes", is going to fire them for using common sense and going off script. Even if they have notes on your account that say you just called in yesterday and completed all the level 1 troubleshooting steps, they have to go through them again.

That's assuming the company has some kind of notes-on-the-account system. More like this is the case.

(I love askimet?)

da Doctah · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Chelloveck:
the customer's particular non-English-speaking culture can't stand to admit ignorance, so they tend to answer "yes" to any questions they don't understand.

“OK, can you start up the program and read off what it says in the bottom-left corner?” Tom asked.

“Yes.”

chubertdev · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Nick:
Craig:
TRWTF is that the customer knew that 4096 KB was 4 MB. I'm surprised he didn't say "4000 KB" when asked.
I assume he just doubled what he actually saw.

"Ok, it says.....ummm....carry the one....4096 KB."

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Jazz:
Martijn:
Remember, to 90% of the customers "no connection to the data network", "there is a connection, but there is no data traffic" and "there is data traffic, but webpages don't load" are identical problems, which may all called "it doesn't connect to the network" by the customer, and you can't blame him for not knowing the difference.

Sure I can. It's the user's responsibility to know how to operate their device. If the user doesn't know the difference, whose fault is it? blah blah blah. Mindless teenage banter. My job is SOOO hard.

And it's the tech support person's job (as in that is what they are paid for) to assist the user. The user pays for a product or service because they have neither the time or desire to learn everything about anything and do everything themselves. Quit whining and crying about being employed or else give your job to someone else and go stand by the side of the freeway and complain about people being rude and not giving you any change. It's just the same thing.

Master Chief · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

iMortalitySX:
Unlike the way 12 year olds talk trash when playing Halo, in the real world the customer can get your fired or in terms you can understand "ban you from the game". This story does not constitute "severe verbal abuse" by any means. It may be a horrible inconvience to the support person that had to put up with such a call at the last minute of the day.
If you want to get into that, then TRWTF is that the call center should be charging per call instead of a blanket support package. "Oh you can't read the system requirements on our software? That will be $500, have a nice day!". Seems to work well for MS, I bet they get a lot less stupid calls now.

CAPTCHA : ingenium (Latin) the ability to understand similarities and relationships that is innate in all humans...

Excellent set of assumptions:

I'm too young to hold a job: Wrong.
I don't have a job: Wrong.
I don't know how to act professionally: Wrong.
I like Halo: Correct, but you'd be fantastically stupid to not get it.

But professionallism, like any way to act towards another person, IMHO, is a two way street. This person is blatantly giving false information to the people trying to help them, wasting the supporters time, and theirs. That's bad enough by itself (costing his employer money, and the supporting companies money too) but he's also now an hour or so after clock, which is very likely overtime, so it's not just wasting money, it's wasting a LOT of money.

Double down on that with the fact that this poor guy is just trying to go home, when he's already diagnosed the problem 2 minutes into the call, CORRECTLY, with falsified information no less. He's obviously pretty damn good at what he does.

Double down on THAT with the fact that this person has obviously done this before (he knows all the right places to lie), convinced that the tech support guys just need to flip a switch at their end to halve the memory requirements of a piece of software, which is stupid enough by itself, and compounded that he's been told MULTIPLE, TIMES, that this is not the case, and he really does need 4 MB to use the damned thing.

So finally, the tech guy gets the real information, oh, what do you know, you have the problem I thought you did a FUCKING HOUR AGO. An hour on company time, which shouldn't have been on company time in the first place. An hour spent diagnosing a problem YOU FUCKING WELL KNEW EXISTED.

That's unprofessionalism to an insane degree, and he's entitled to nothing less than a curt, non-cursing teardown of an explanation of all the ways he's wasting time, money, and resources better suited to other things to get out of buying a freaking stick of RAM, followed by a very loud CLICK.

chubertdev · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Master Chief:
Double down on that with the fact that this poor guy is just trying to go home, when he's already diagnosed the problem 2 minutes into the call, CORRECTLY, with falsified information no less. He's obviously pretty damn good at what he does.

His job has multiple facets. One is diagnosing problems. He's good at that. Another is getting around customers that lie, and doing it quickly. He's obviously pretty poor at that.

Also, I thought you were a Kansas City football fan.

PiisAWheeL · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

d.k.ALlen:
Jazz:
Smug Unix User:
The user needed more memory to save the president's daughter.

Paula Bean, everybody. Get over this. It wasn't a brillant to begin with. It's not made any better by the constant stream of FILE_NOT_FOUND references. Pack up whatever excuse for a president's daughter you have and please throw her out the window.

The window is only big enough for a 2GB daughter. The president's daughter requires a 4GB window.

Jazz, You're doing it wrong. If you want a specific joke to take an arrow to the knee, you need to stop reacting to it. You just draw more attention to it when you do. Even the president's daughter knows that!

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

C-Derb:

Just yesterday I was on the phone for the 4th time trying to figure out why my smart phone will no longer connect to the 3G network of my phone service provider. I thought that clearly explaining that I cannot to the "data network" and "no, I'm not talking about my wi-fi network, I'm talking about the data network, Yes text and phone calls all work fine", etc. would be helpful. Turns out, I was supposed to say "No, I don't see the 3G icon." My bad.

I had this exact problem when my wife bought a brand new iPhone5 -- voice network worked perfectly, but no data network icon (where I knew we had coverage).

The tech I got (while riding in the car) asked me if I'd tried turning it off and on again. That did it. Weird that it needed a power cycle to bring up the data network when the voice network was working just fine...

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

[quote user="Kasper"][quote user="Tom"] For example I call an ISP because the internet connection is not working. They may incorrectly reach the conclusion that my computer is defective. I have experienced that with two different internet providers.

The most recent time that happened to me, I would get a link on the network interface, I could send and receive packets, but I never got a reply from the DHCP server. The supporter eventually said my network interface was defective, and there was no other possible explanation. Later I learned the real cause of the problem was that the ISP had run out of IPv4 addresses.[/quote]

I had a situation once where (a) I knew I had a problem, (b) I knew the problem wasn't mind, and (c) I had already done Steps 1-3 that Tech support would tell me to do in 45 minutes when I get off hold. He (of course) had me repeat steps 1-3. Then I read him the error message "DHCP Server timeout." "Ah," he said, "that means the DHCP server isn't responding." "I know," I said, "it's YOUR DHCP server." "Oh...let me open a ticket." And after another 30 minutes on the phone (totalling over an hour) the resolution was to set a static address. They aren't my ISP any more. Go figure.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Steve The Cynic:
Probably they are supposed to ask if you see the 3G icon. But because you confused them with all your blither about data networks, they lost their place in the script, and that's you stuffed, sorry.

Aaaaaaghn ... rewind ...

A helpdesk reading from script is as helpful as a robot (or a president reading from a teleprompter).

If all you have are script readers, please give me the line to skip past them.

For most of my services, I already have been given direct lines to level 3^, because I know what the hell I'm talking about.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Ben Jammin:
Jazz:
Martijn:
Remember, to 90% of the customers "no connection to the data network", "there is a connection, but there is no data traffic" and "there is data traffic, but webpages don't load" are identical problems, which may all called "it doesn't connect to the network" by the customer, and you can't blame him for not knowing the difference.

Sure I can. It's the user's responsibility to know how to operate their device. If the user doesn't know the difference, whose fault is it? It's definitely not the fault of the UI designer, who spent hours adding easy-to-recognize icons to common tasks. It's definitely not the fault of the tech writer who put the manual together. It's definitely not the fault of the OS developer who added an online help feature.

Let's look at this a different way. Say you borrow your friend's car, then you fail to use your signal at a left turn and you get into an accident, and you have to go to court. You argue in front of the judge that you didn't know how to use the turn signal on that particular make and model of car, and it isn't your fault that you didn't know how to use the controls. No judge in the world would find your argument to be anything short of patently ridiculous, because if you truly didn't know how to use the turn signals, you're expected to educate yourself on that PRIOR to using the car.

We absolutely can and should blame users who refuse to educate themselves for the consequences of their neglected education.

Incorrect. A programmer's whole job is encapsulating the not user friendly stuff and making it easily accessible to the user. The whole job is based on making it faster and easier to do stuff they don't know. Therefore, people who don't know technology now have technology problems, and we brought them into it, because they have money. They're also willing to pay more money when the stuff is broke.

Let's go to a more accurate analogy: "The plumbing's broke." A plumbing phone support would need to ask various questions checking if the shower or toilet puts out water, if the water to the house is shut off, if the water main for the neighborhood is busted and flooding the street, if the person hasn't paid his water bill, etc.

In this case, he'd find the person had a well that didn't have enough power to pull up the water, which the caller knows because he installed it himself with some little dinky motor.

Except what actually happened is that the phone support first asked the user if he's currently located in his house. If the water tastes like water (after the caller already said there's no running water anywhere in the house). If the house is located in the USA. If the house has power. If the house has been demolished.

Then after all that, he'd tell the caller to try moving the house down the street and connecting it there to see if water comes out.

The problem is the fact that support lines automatically assume the user is stupid.

How about we start like this.

"Ok sir, I'm going to ask you a few questions. First, do you know how to seal a leaky pipe. Ok, so you do have some knowledge of the situation. Then, can you trace back the water input to see where the water has stopped servicing. While you're doing that, I'll check remotely on the water pressure so I can see where it stops from my direction."

or

Fails to answer first question. "I'm going to check the water pressure to see where it stops from my direction. While I do that, please check to see if every pipe is open. The pipe connections should look like this at this location, etc." Customer lies "Well, according to this, I can't see any problems from my side, and if you've opened every connection and it still doesn't work, I'll have to call a plumber out. The first time per month is free, but every time after that, we charge x and x service fee. Do you want to continue?" Customer gets mad "Ok, I'll forward you onto my supervisor. Have a nice day."

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Kasper:
The most recent time that happened to me, I would get a link on the network interface, I could send and receive packets, but I never got a reply from the DHCP server. The supporter eventually said my network interface was defective, and there was no other possible explanation.

Counter-example! The only time in my life I ever called ISP tech support was when I'd bought a USB WiFi key for my mother's computer, and it never caught a DHCP address. I'd tried exchanging with my own key, and then everything worked (except that my key belonged to my employer, so I couldn't just leave it like that). I called the ISP as a last resort, to learn if there was some incompatibility they'd know of. The tech asked me if I'd turned off my firewall. I said yes, but I lied. I'd never touched the firewall, I didn't think there even was one on the machine. The tech sent me into CMD and made me type a long mssomething command with lots of options. The WiFi started working. When I asked what the magic command was, the reply was that it had turned off my firewall, and that some anti-virus-cum-firewall solutions filtered packets relating to unsigned drivers. I made abject excuses to the ISP tech.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Smug Unix User:
The user needed more memory to save the president's daughter.

Love it! But in order to get more memory the team needed to rob a memory bank.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Peter:
C-Derb:

Just yesterday I was on the phone for the 4th time trying to figure out why my smart phone will no longer connect to the 3G network of my phone service provider. I thought that clearly explaining that I cannot to the "data network" and "no, I'm not talking about my wi-fi network, I'm talking about the data network, Yes text and phone calls all work fine", etc. would be helpful. Turns out, I was supposed to say "No, I don't see the 3G icon." My bad.

I had this exact problem when my wife bought a brand new iPhone5 -- voice network worked perfectly, but no data network icon (where I knew we had coverage).

The tech I got (while riding in the car) asked me if I'd tried turning it off and on again. That did it. Weird that it needed a power cycle to bring up the data network when the voice network was working just fine...

We're less than two years away from the 20th anniversary of Windows 95 and it never occurred to you to try a reboot? Oh, right. Apple products "just work".

Rhywden · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Steven:
Jon:
I was on the phone with SBC troubleshooting a DSL issue, and I swear to god, this is how it went down:
SBC: "Sir, I want you to unplug the Ethernet cable from the DSL modem, and hold that end in one hand."

Me: "Okay?"

SBC: "Now, please unplug the cable from your computer and hold that end in your other hand."

Me: "Uhhh, okay?"

SBC: "Now, please cross your arms, and plug the opposite ends of the cable into the DSL modem and your computer, then boot everything back up."

I... yeah.

(captcha: vindico!)

That was done so the support person knows that the line is actually plugged in. If he has said "Please unplug the cable and plug it back in, 85% of the time (Yes, number pulled out of my behind!) the person would have said done without actually doing anything.

Correct. I once had a customer cuss me out because his TV was blank but the receiver was supposedly working. Thus I asked him to do the famous "Turn the SCART around" routine.

He didn't like that. He then proceeded to be angry at me for 5 minutes. I did not falter, however, and finally he decided to change the SCART.

1 minute later he returned and actually apologized (the one and only customer ever to do that!)

The SCART cable had never been plugged in in the first place...

Tim · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

And that my friends is why if there was any sense of justice in the Universe, it would be possible to punch people through the phone. Or the Internet.

spxza · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Tom's employer's late shift that ends at 19:00. That sure is late.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

C-Derb:
Peter:
C-Derb:

Just yesterday I was on the phone for the 4th time trying to figure out why my smart phone will no longer connect to the 3G network of my phone service provider. I thought that clearly explaining that I cannot to the "data network" and "no, I'm not talking about my wi-fi network, I'm talking about the data network, Yes text and phone calls all work fine", etc. would be helpful. Turns out, I was supposed to say "No, I don't see the 3G icon." My bad.

I had this exact problem when my wife bought a brand new iPhone5 -- voice network worked perfectly, but no data network icon (where I knew we had coverage).

The tech I got (while riding in the car) asked me if I'd tried turning it off and on again. That did it. Weird that it needed a power cycle to bring up the data network when the voice network was working just fine...
We're less than two years away from the 20th anniversary of Windows 95 and it never occurred to you to try a reboot? Oh, right. Apple products "just work".

IT Guy - "Did you reboot?" Sales guy - "Yeah. Three times. Like you always tell me."

thewebsiteisdown.com

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

A possible solution is to turn the pipe around. Who knew?

Master Chief · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

chubertdev:

His job has multiple facets. One is diagnosing problems. He's good at that. Another is getting around customers that lie, and doing it quickly. He's obviously pretty poor at that.

Also, I thought you were a Kansas City football fan.

My point is his job shouldn't involve that at all. And if the customer feels the need to lie and waste the supporters time, I would submit the supporter shouldn't be obligated to waste said time, and the tech guy on the bottom sure as hell shouldn't be obligated to entertain such buffoonery just because this moron bought a piece of software and can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he needs FOUR megs of ram to use it.

Also, well played.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Martijn:
Valued Service:
Martijn:
This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.
At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

"The router is not connecting to the internet."

"Did you try reinstalling Windows."

"What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

"Is the router plugged in?"

"No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

"Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

"I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

"Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

"Thanks"

"Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

Not all telcos are alike, nor are all helpdesk employees, but when a customer tries to tell me something, he'd better present evidence straight away, because from experience I know that 99% of the diagnoses of customers are wrong (to the great annoyance of the 1% who is right, granted). I would rather hear "The internet light on the modem is off" than "The modem can't connect to the internet". Present the smoking gun rather than the conclusion, or at least alongside it.

At any rate, remote assistance over the phone is horrible for all involved, even if all parties are highly capable - which is rarely true.

Funny note: on many routers the "internet" or "wan" light is supposed to be blinking (not all though).

I can personally attest to this. I once called my ISP's support because I was dropping packets constantly. I did some diagnostics (tracert, etc) and was positive it was on there end. I knew they were going to send me through the "unplug this, restart that" spiel, so I told them straight away what I had already done, and my tech qualifications. He ignored me. for the hell of it, I followed the instructions step by step while mocking him.

Low and behold, it worked.

Come to find out, I had torrents running in the background that I didn't know about. If I hadn't actually restarted my computer, I wouldn't have figured it out.

chubertdev · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Master Chief:
chubertdev:

His job has multiple facets. One is diagnosing problems. He's good at that. Another is getting around customers that lie, and doing it quickly. He's obviously pretty poor at that.

Also, I thought you were a Kansas City football fan.
My point is his job shouldn't involve that at all. And if the customer feels the need to lie and waste the supporters time, I would submit the supporter shouldn't be obligated to waste said time, and the tech guy on the bottom sure as hell shouldn't be obligated to entertain such buffoonery just because this moron bought a piece of software and can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he needs FOUR megs of ram to use it.

Also, well played.

Yeah, it's always a weird part of a job. As a developer, I shouldn't have to find out why the Find dialog box in Visual Studio has a mind of its own, but those really stupid tasks have to be taken into account. It's part of reality, and someone has to deal with it. Especially when paying customers are involved.

(this actually did happen to me) http://support.microsoft.com/kb/2268081

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Bruce W:
Nona:
Anon:
I think you're assuming that the program is modular enough that it can load enough of itself to check to see if it can load the rest of itself. Since this talks about RAM Extenders, it sounds like a real-mode DOS program
I think even the early versions of DOS had this thing called a batch file where you could run a small program first, then proceed to load the bigger one (or not).

I spent my first two years of my career trying to shoehorn in Real Mode programs. Batch files, multiple CONFIG.SYS menu options, different boot orders... great now my head hurts from the memories.

I actually really enjoyed it. It was like a game to beat DOS's Memmaker utility. I always won.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

AN AMAZING CODER:
Martijn:
Valued Service:
Martijn:
This reminds me of an ancient job I used to have at a telco helpdesk.
At some point, you'd skip step 1 - 3.

Oh like it isn't horrible on the other side.

"The router is not connecting to the internet."

"Did you try reinstalling Windows."

"What does that have anything to do with the router. The router light for internet connection is not staying lit. It is blinking!"

"Is the router plugged in?"

"No, the internet light manages to blink without the power cord plugged in."

"Ok, well, sometimes you just have to wait."

"I've been on the phone for an hour, talking to a guy that asked me if my phone was plugged in."

"Ok, well I'm escalating your ticket."

"Thanks"

"Hi, I'm a level 2 rep. Did you try reinstalling Windows?"

Not all telcos are alike, nor are all helpdesk employees, but when a customer tries to tell me something, he'd better present evidence straight away, because from experience I know that 99% of the diagnoses of customers are wrong (to the great annoyance of the 1% who is right, granted). I would rather hear "The internet light on the modem is off" than "The modem can't connect to the internet". Present the smoking gun rather than the conclusion, or at least alongside it.

At any rate, remote assistance over the phone is horrible for all involved, even if all parties are highly capable - which is rarely true.

Funny note: on many routers the "internet" or "wan" light is supposed to be blinking (not all though).

I can personally attest to this. I once called my ISP's support because I was dropping packets constantly. I did some diagnostics (tracert, etc) and was positive it was on there end. I knew they were going to send me through the "unplug this, restart that" spiel, so I told them straight away what I had already done, and my tech qualifications. He ignored me. for the hell of it, I followed the instructions step by step while mocking him.

Low and behold, it worked.

Come to find out, I had torrents running in the background that I didn't know about. If I hadn't actually restarted my computer, I wouldn't have figured it out.

I think part of my point earlier is that we could replace the whole Tier1 with a robot. Have people check off what worked. Save some money. Look more like the arses we really are.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Paul Neumann:
And it's the tech support person's job (as in that is what they are paid for) to assist the user. The user pays for a product or service because they have neither the time or desire to learn everything about anything and do everything themselves. Quit whining and crying about being employed or else give your job to someone else and go stand by the side of the freeway and complain about people being rude and not giving you any change. It's just the same thing.

Umm, no - tech support person's job (as in what they're paid for) is to do what the company wants from them, which often includes following a script and offering approved "solutions", not to assist the users; and quite a few companies have intentionally chosen to offer cheap customer service instead of great customer service - but it's the decision of management, not tech support front line.

Zemm · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Steve The Cynic:
And of course on my phone, there is also the E icon (for EDGE, whatever that is) that sometimes (like when I'm in the office, but not when I'm just outside the building) replaces the 3G icon. And boy does that transition cause problems, even though both E and 3G indicate that thvere is a data network available. (EDGE is a fair bit slower than 3G, but works in more questionable signal areas, which probably contributes to its slowness.)

I'm on my phone right now with a "H". I've also seen "H+", but on my cut price network that is rare. All these letters are confusing!

BTW EDGE is 2G. Obviously your 3G runs on a high frequency so the 850/900 MHz is stronger.

Edit: H is for HSDPA, kinda 3.5G or something. H+ is 4G for Americans, more lying.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

I worked Tier 1 tech support once. They pulled me out of the two week training after half a day because I was the only one that had SEEN a computer before, and they desperately needed someone to support a product I had never seen. I was lost for at least a month. So...yeah, Tier 1 support, for their own benefit, often has no option but to read the script no matter how expert you are.

And once, same support line...One version of the product we supported worked with Windows 95, one didn't (yes, this was a while ago) - so the first two question you ALWAYS asked was "Do you have the 150 or the 155? Are you running Windows 95?" The response to "155" and "Windows 95" was "Sorry, take it back." So anyway, the president of the company who makes the product (BIG international company - IBM sized) calls, he can't get his device to work. Ooooh, it's the president, go directly to Tier 2, 'cause he's the president and all, he knows his own product line.

Three hours later..."Wait a minute, do you have the 150 or the 155? The 155? Yeah, take it back."

The moral of the story being: Tier 1 might be useless drones, but they serve a purpose. Even if that purpose is being the gatekeepers against excessive brain farts.

And I have had some success, when I was in a hurry, with telling Tier I "Yes, I already did everything on your script. But I understand you have to do your job, so let's go through it quick and check off the boxes, so we can escalate to Tier 2." Because Tier 1 doesn't really want to waste time helping a power user solve an obscure problem either.

MiffTheFox · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Worst tech support exchange I had ever was when I gave the tech a straight description of the problem "Levels at the modem are -14 dBmV" and they responded by pushing a firmware patch that blocks my access to the modem's web interface. >_<

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Because the customer's shop might be recording calls.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Win 3.x implemented swap, something DOS's real mode could never do.

portablejim · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

My teenage sister was complaining about her mobile phone not having reception, when other mobile phones on the same provider in the same room had reception.

Turns out the data network was really slow and she thought facebook not loading == no reception.

bgodot · 2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Bruce W:
Nona:
Anon:
I think you're assuming that the program is modular enough that it can load enough of itself to check to see if it can load the rest of itself. Since this talks about RAM Extenders, it sounds like a real-mode DOS program
I think even the early versions of DOS had this thing called a batch file where you could run a small program first, then proceed to load the bigger one (or not).

I spent my first two years of my career trying to shoehorn in Real Mode programs. Batch files, multiple CONFIG.SYS menu options, different boot orders... great now my head hurts from the memories.

DOS highloaders were the inspiration for Tetris.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Herr Otto Flick:
Frank:
So let's summarize here:
...

You've missed a few steps between 5 and 6:

5.1: New code shipped to customers 5.2: Customer complains that the app no longer runs on their 2MB machines, even though it would (just about) in the past 5.3: PHB changes requirements. App must display how much RAM the machine has for easy debugging, but try to run with just 2MB 5.4: New code shipped to customers, instructions sent to helldesk to always check RAM quantity first.

You missed step 5.4.1:

App displays "2048KB" on 2MB systems, but customer lies and reports that it says "4096KB". (See original article for references.)

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

Nick:
Craig:
TRWTF is that the customer knew that 4096 KB was 4 MB. I'm surprised he didn't say "4000 KB" when asked.
I assume he just doubled what he actually saw.

Another reasonable explanation was that on a previous call, when he reported "2048KB", he was told that the program required "4096KB".

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

DB:
Smug Unix User:
The user needed more memory to save the president's daughter.
Love it! But in order to get more memory the team needed to rob a memory bank.

4,022 saved. No survivors.

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

PRMan:
Bruce W:
I spent my first two years of my career trying to shoehorn in Real Mode programs. Batch files, multiple CONFIG.SYS menu options, different boot orders... great now my head hurts from the memories.
I actually really enjoyed it. It was like a game to beat DOS's Memmaker utility. I always won.

Sure, but at what cost, man? At what cost???

2013-03-12 Reply Admin

In India 2Mb is considered 'ought to be enuff' for any program.

A Misleading Memory

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