• Jordan (unregistered) in reply to SomeCoder
    SomeCoder:
    I just don't see the IT related WTF here. You can replace the IT industry with any industry in the story and get the same result.

    Luckily, I have never had to work with a Lyle. At least not yet....

    This is obviously a much better story with IT Lyle. No other Lyle comes close.

  • (cs) in reply to BlueCollarAstronaut
    BlueCollarAstronaut:
    I've had "Lyle" experiences as well. I worked with this one guy who was a total doofus. He had his hands in as much stuff as he could, but he also managed to break everything he laid his hands on. In spite of being such a screwup, he had a massive ego.
    Ah, just the sort of person for which this Demotivator was made-- [image]
  • (cs) in reply to SeekerDarksteel
    SeekerDarksteel:
    Absolutely true, and offtopic comment:

    I used to play nationally competitive laser tag. That's right, I've flown to Texas and Las Vegas (from Ohio) for 6 8-minute games of lasertag. >_>

    ...that is all.

    Lyle could still kick your ass!

  • rast (unregistered) in reply to James' colleague from The Lyle Story
    James' colleague from The Lyle Story:
    I think the best day of my 5 years at that company was the day I was golfing and James paged me that Lyle had been fired. I tore up that back 9, for sure. I'll bet a good 30% of you can even guess -why- he was fired, based on his personality and position in the company.

    i'm picturing Lyle as Michael from The Office (US version), so.... sexual harassment?

  • Farmie (unregistered) in reply to rast
    rast:
    James' colleague from The Lyle Story:
    I think the best day of my 5 years at that company was the day I was golfing and James paged me that Lyle had been fired. I tore up that back 9, for sure. I'll bet a good 30% of you can even guess -why- he was fired, based on his personality and position in the company.

    i'm picturing Lyle as Michael from The Office (US version), so.... sexual harassment?

    Lyle is obviously Dwight, so you're wrong and I win.

  • (cs) in reply to Lyle
    Lyle:
    jmo21:
    shane:
    are you sure this isn't a stolen script from an upcoming episode of "the office"?

    exactly what i was thinking!! :-)

    I was thinking it twice!

    I was thinking that before all of you!!! and also I think that before Lyle!

  • (cs) in reply to TlalocW - aka The James in the Article
    TlalocW - aka The James in the Article:
    This also happened in Oklahoma. Was your "Lyle" actually named Lyle? :)

    What the rewrite by Jake took out of the story is that his explanation of not wanting his team to feel bad for losing twice is that they would have lost twice (if the second game had been fair) because his team had, "all the middle-aged Asian women who go hide in a corner and giggle while waiting for someone to shoot." Actual quote.

    See, that's where the twerp went wrong.

    A revenge picnic organised by "all the middle-aged Asian women who go hide in a corner and giggle while waiting for someone to shoot" would be unbeatable.

    Lyle doesn't have much imagination, does he?

    PS Can I be invited to the picnic, please? I promise not to shoot anybody.

  • I am not a robot (unregistered) in reply to Lyle
    shane:
    are you sure this isn't a stolen script from an upcoming episode of "the office"?

    On Dilbert, this guy is named Topper.

  • (cs) in reply to Bappi
    Bappi:
    I hate this kind of nonsense where employees are forced to feed one another on their own dime. One way to handle this, is to bring something that nobody really wants, but nobody can reasonably object to. Like fruit. Bring a bag of apples.
    Nah. Better yet, just swing by a Jack-in-the-Box on the way home, and buy a bunch of those god-awful tacos that seem to be made of greasy brown plastic. Bring 'em to the meeting the next day, cold, with limp wet lettuce and the shells translucent from the grease. That'll put an end to the "escalating chain".
  • (cs) in reply to SeekerDarksteel
    SeekerDarksteel:
    I've flown to Texas
    Don't feel bad, son. We can't all be born here.
  • (cs) in reply to ClaudeSuck.de
    ClaudeSuck.de:
    me:
    James should have called out Lyle in public for that, and complained higher up. People like that only serve to corrode the office.

    Indeed! For me, this is THE reason not to participate in company events.

    But I don't think it's a good idea to complain about somebody higher up in the hierarchy.

    So you just let assholes going on being assholes and making everyone's life miserable? Just because they outrank you doesn't mean they can abuse everyone.

  • Ken B (unregistered) in reply to Steve
    Steve:
    snoofle:
    My personal favorite is ex-lax chocolate cake.

    . . . Mr. cheapo came along and took a large slice. Later that day, he had to keep excusing himself.

    Amusing in concept, perhaps, but a good way to get fired or sued, and that's if you're lucky.

    As with all medicines, there are known and sometimes serious side effects with docusate-based drugs, including allergic reactions, rectal bleeding, and abdominal pain, and, of course, it can interact unpredictably with other prescription medicines that the victim may be taking.

    And the downside is...???

    Oh, right, being sued.

    Well, you know what they say is the best course of action if you back over someone with your car... Run him over again!

  • Ric (unregistered)
    If he could be summed up in three words, it'd be "ultra-competitive jackass."
    Should be "The ultra-competitive jackass". Hyphenated words count one.
  • PublicLurker (unregistered) in reply to SeekerDarksteel
    SeekerDarksteel:
    Absolutely true, and offtopic comment:

    I used to play nationally competitive laser tag. That's right, I've flown to Texas and Las Vegas (from Ohio) for 6 8-minute games of lasertag. >_>

    ...that is all.

    My wife and I played a game of Laser tag once when we were dating. they put us in with a bunch of eight and nine year olds at a birthday party.

    I don't know what was more embarrassing, That I was beaten by an 8 year old, or that I was in pain for days afterwards.

  • (cs) in reply to Ken B
    Ken B:
    Steve:
    snoofle:
    My personal favorite is ex-lax chocolate cake.

    . . . Mr. cheapo came along and took a large slice. Later that day, he had to keep excusing himself.

    Amusing in concept, perhaps, but a good way to get fired or sued.
    And the downside is...???

    Oh, right, being sued.

    Well, you know what they say is the best course of action if you back over someone with your car... Run him over again!

    Actually: "Oh I'm sorry, did you think that cake was for general consumption? I'm on medication that is difficult to swallow and my doctor told me to mix it in with something easy to eat, like cake batter. Perhaps you shouldn't have come into my office and taken my food!"

  • Ken B (unregistered) in reply to FredSaw
    FredSaw:
    Bappi:
    I hate this kind of nonsense where employees are forced to feed one another on their own dime. One way to handle this, is to bring something that nobody really wants, but nobody can reasonably object to. Like fruit. Bring a bag of apples.
    Nah. Better yet, just swing by a Jack-in-the-Box on the way home, and buy a bunch of those god-awful tacos that seem to be made of greasy brown plastic. Bring 'em to the meeting the next day, cold, with limp wet lettuce and the shells translucent from the grease. That'll put an end to the "escalating chain".
    Careful, it'll just start a chain in the other direction.

    Moose Turd Pie, anyone?

  • rpm (unregistered) in reply to snoofle
    snoofle:
    Ken B:
    Steve:
    snoofle:
    My personal favorite is ex-lax chocolate cake.

    . . . Mr. cheapo came along and took a large slice. Later that day, he had to keep excusing himself.

    Amusing in concept, perhaps, but a good way to get fired or sued.
    And the downside is...???

    Oh, right, being sued.

    Well, you know what they say is the best course of action if you back over someone with your car... Run him over again!

    Actually: "Oh I'm sorry, did you think that cake was for general consumption? I'm on medication that is difficult to swallow and my doctor told me to mix it in with something easy to eat, like cake batter. Perhaps you shouldn't have come into my office and taken my food!"

    Good idea! Until he subpoenas your doctor to testify to this. Nobody would believe that story.

  • Steve (unregistered) in reply to Ken B
    Ken B:
    [Moose Turd Pie, anyone?
    It's good, though!
  • Herby (unregistered)

    Have a look at: http://www.lol.com/joke/show/67 One-ups can be a bitch. Or "the first liar doesn't have a chance"

  • (cs) in reply to Walleye
    Walleye:
    snoofle:
    akatherder:
    A picnic? Time to propose an eating contest with the most heinous food you can find.
    My personal favorite is ex-lax chocolate cake.

    A while back, I worked in a place where we each took turns bringing in home-made snacks (muffins, cakes, cookies, ...). One guy would always grab the free munchies, but would never contribute. My wife decided that she'd had enough, and that this guy needed to be taken down. She put five boxes of ex-lax into a chocolate cake. I warned my co-workers, and made sure to take (and toss) a slice, so it looked like someone had already dipped into the cake. Mr. cheapo came along and took a large slice. Later that day, he had to keep excusing himself.

    I highly recommend such a cake for an eating contest with Lyle - just make it look like you're eating, while Lyle is beating you by scarfing the whole thing down!

    I'm not sure about where you live, but where I live that would be called "Administering a noxious substance" and would be a criminal offence.

    And one pathetic way to get a manslaughter conviction if the guy happens to die from it.

  • (cs) in reply to FredSaw
    FredSaw:
    SeekerDarksteel:
    I've flown to Texas
    Don't feel bad, son. We can't all be born here.
    Free at last! Free at last!

    Thank God Almighty!

    Free at last!

    (Well, admittedly, that's not JFK, and MLK was shot in yet another noxious bit of the suthern lands, but the concept still holds.)

  • (cs)

    The Lyle at my office was a bigger, more arrogant, more competive jerk than the Lyle at your office.

  • (cs) in reply to Migala
    Migala:
    Tell Lyle the story about how you once were in a car accident and /almost died/. I'm sure he'll tell the story about how he completely, totally ... wait, never mind.
    He'll tell you about the time he died thwarting a terrorist attack on a plane, and then resurrected himself.
  • Manic Mailman (unregistered) in reply to Skaven
    Skaven:
    Walleye:
    snoofle:
    My personal favorite is ex-lax chocolate cake.

    A while back, I worked in a place where we each took turns bringing in home-made snacks (muffins, cakes, cookies, ...). One guy would always grab the free munchies, but would never contribute. My wife decided that she'd had enough, and that this guy needed to be taken down. She put five boxes of ex-lax into a chocolate cake. I warned my co-workers, and made sure to take (and toss) a slice, so it looked like someone had already dipped into the cake. Mr. cheapo came along and took a large slice. Later that day, he had to keep excusing himself.

    I highly recommend such a cake for an eating contest with Lyle - just make it look like you're eating, while Lyle is beating you by scarfing the whole thing down!

    I'm not sure about where you live, but where I live that would be called "Administering a noxious substance" and would be a criminal offence.

    And one pathetic way to get a manslaughter conviction if the guy happens to die from it.

    I saw this just last week on a CSI rerun.

  • Lyle (unregistered)

    I am Lyle and I am better than all of you!

  • Duran (unregistered)

    my personal favourite is http://riderlove.com ,seriously i met my wife there. guess u guys can do what i can do there; haha

  • Adam (unregistered)

    I think I worked with this guy's brother, Dennis. Within an hour of meeting him, he told me:

    1. How well known he is in the industry.
    2. You can't back up an Oracle database without shutting it down.
    3. PowerBuilder is based on Delphi.
    4. and that it wasn't possible to determine the exact size of a file in Windows.

    Then I saw him compare two log files by opening them both in notepad and reading them side by side. And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, he spent an entire day reading through database records in SQL server looking for one record that contained a $ character. (I already knew where it was by my use of the sooper-sekrit SQL language... shhhh... but he already got mad at me for trying to show him fc.exe, so I kept quiet).

    To cap off a beautiful week with him "mentoring" me, he told me about the Vignette class I would be attending the next week, "Tell them you work with me and they'll know you know your s***."

    Once I realised that the rest of the company swallowed his BS whole, and practically worshipped him, I decided to find employment elsewhere.

  • (cs)

    This thread of comments could very well break the record for the most number of lame in-jokes the world has ever seen. Do we really need to hear about how much better all your Lyles are? It was funny the first... zero times.

    P.S. my Lyle is better than your Lyle.

  • SkUrRiEr (unregistered) in reply to throwing down the gauntlet

    I single handedly killed off my office's culture of bringing in home baked food from time to time.

    How?

    My girlfriend is an ex-professional pastry chef.

    She doesn't like to eat what she bakes.

    She never bakes anything less than a double batch.

    Anything we don't eat goes to one of our offices.

    You do the math.

  • Smash (unregistered)

    I know Dilbert has already been mentioned, but...

    [image]

    [image]

    [image]

    [image]

    At the risk of sounding too competitive I showed the actual forementioned strips before anyone thought or could do that. Too bad I came to TDWTF™ late, but that's just because I was being awesome somewhere else.

  • floorpie (unregistered) in reply to Lyle
    Lyle:
    jmo21:
    shane:
    are you sure this isn't a stolen script from an upcoming episode of "the office"?

    exactly what i was thinking!! :-)

    I was thinking it twice!

    I thought this before I started reading the article!

  • Bedders (unregistered) in reply to SkUrRiEr
    2008-05-21 23:26 • by SkUrRiEr I single handedly killed off my office's culture of bringing in home baked food from time to time.

    How?

    My girlfriend is an ex-professional pastry chef.

    She doesn't like to eat what she bakes.

    She never bakes anything less than a double batch.

    Anything we don't eat goes to one of our offices.

    You do the math.

    You weigh 300lbs?

  • (cs)

    Sounds like someone's been skipping sessions with the psychiatrist for treating inferiority complex....

  • Lyle (unregistered)

    FIRST! (the others don't count!)

  • Scott (unregistered)

    I met someone like that back in my primary school days. It was fun seeing what kind of things you could get him to claim ownership of.

    He had a Apple iMac with a G7 processor, a underground swimming pool and a early release version of the PlayStation 5 (this was just after the PlayStation 2 was out)

    I wonder what would happen if you put 2 Lyles in the same room? Would they implode trying to 1up eachother?

  • ClaudeSuck.de (unregistered) in reply to Bappi
    Bappi:
    throwing down the gauntlet:
    I once got picked to be first to bring food to our weekly team meeting for a new project, at my expense. A poor recent graduate, I baked my own muffins for everyone rather than pay for catering. I unexpectedly started an escalating chain of home baking that resulted in one guy taking cooking night classes so that he look a fool in front of the rest of the team.
    I hate this kind of nonsense where employees are forced to feed one another on their own dime. One way to handle this, is to bring something that nobody really wants, but nobody can reasonably object to. Like fruit. Bring a bag of apples.

    Good idea. This is not something that should be mandatory. But I like to surprise my fellow co-workers with some chocolate on a Friday afternoon or some Croissants in the morning. I take it on my bill but just because I like the atmosphere it creates. Of course, I do not oblige others to do the same. OTH it creates a kind of have-to-give-back-situation but people around here are usually egoist enough to just not care. Eventually somebody also brings some sweets or whatever (once there was an Indian who made us taste some nafta snack, beurrrrk). It doesn't matter. It just makes life a little nicer.

  • ClaudeSuck.de (unregistered) in reply to Walleye
    Walleye:
    snoofle:
    akatherder:
    A picnic? Time to propose an eating contest with the most heinous food you can find.
    My personal favorite is ex-lax chocolate cake.

    A while back, I worked in a place where we each took turns bringing in home-made snacks (muffins, cakes, cookies, ...). One guy would always grab the free munchies, but would never contribute. My wife decided that she'd had enough, and that this guy needed to be taken down. She put five boxes of ex-lax into a chocolate cake. I warned my co-workers, and made sure to take (and toss) a slice, so it looked like someone had already dipped into the cake. Mr. cheapo came along and took a large slice. Later that day, he had to keep excusing himself.

    I highly recommend such a cake for an eating contest with Lyle - just make it look like you're eating, while Lyle is beating you by scarfing the whole thing down!

    I'm not sure about where you live, but where I live that would be called "Administering a noxious substance" and would be a criminal offence.

    Just tell them you are a weight watcher and you did it on purpose because you want to loose weight. Just didn't have the time to inform eveybody. And what can be bought at the chemist's without prescription cannot be so noxious, anyway. For sure not a crime, but still worth a trial, of course.

  • Dave (unregistered) in reply to shane
    shane:
    are you sure this isn't a stolen script from an upcoming episode of "the office"?

    No, because this WTF is funny.

  • Lylier (unregistered) in reply to Lyle

    I was thinking it twice - before you thought about thinking it in the first place !

  • Steve (unregistered) in reply to throwing down the gauntlet

    That is just awesome! Masterful evil genius type work! Crush co-workers with muffins.... brilliant.

  • ClaudeSuck.de (unregistered) in reply to Dekker3D
    Dekker3D:
    Lyle:
    jmo21:
    shane:
    are you sure this isn't a stolen script from an upcoming episode of "the office"?

    exactly what i was thinking!! :-)

    I was thinking it twice!

    you actually need to rethink these things? i know it's right when i think of it!

    I only think half of it. The rest I can make myself.

  • (cs) in reply to SomeCoder
    SomeCoder:
    I just don't see the IT related WTF here. You can replace the IT industry with any industry in the story and get the same result.

    Luckily, I have never had to work with a Lyle. At least not yet....

    Ah, but you just supplied it. The Real WTF is idiots that post comments complaining about the pertinence of the articles, instead of just keeping their mouths shut and enjoying.

    And somehow I get the feeling your coworkers work with a Lyle, or at least a pedantic PITA.

  • Could be anybody (unregistered) in reply to Lyle
    Lyle:
    jmo21:
    shane:
    are you sure this isn't a stolen script from an upcoming episode of "the office"?

    exactly what i was thinking!! :-)

    I was thinking it twice!

    I was thinking it twice BEFORE YOU!

  • (cs) in reply to real_aardvark
    real_aardvark:
    Free at last!

    (Well, admittedly, that's not JFK, and MLK was shot in yet another noxious bit of the suthern lands, but the concept still holds.)

    We can't all die here either, son.

  • (cs) in reply to SeekerDarksteel
    SeekerDarksteel:
    I used to play nationally competitive laser tag. That's right, I've flown to Texas and Las Vegas (from Ohio) for 6 8-minute games of lasertag. >_>

    You flew? Pah, I stay at home and use mirrors I'm that good.

  • Stang (unregistered) in reply to FredSaw
    FredSaw:
    Don't feel bad, son. We can't all be born [in Texas].
    Reminds me of an Ann Richards quote:
    My daddy told me never to tell anyone you're from Texas. He said "if they're from Texas, they'll already know; and if they're not, there's no point in making 'em feel bad."
  • lyle (unregistered) in reply to knocker
    knocker:
    We have a lyle where i work...

    We call him Matty twoshits. If you have a shit, Matty will declare he has had two.

    they are hard work.

    Christ, you work at myfaveshop.com too!

  • Nemo (unregistered)

    A funny story I read the other day, from kind of the other side of this:

    http://zenoferox.blogspot.com/2008/05/trump-card.html

  • (cs) in reply to Triscopic

    [ulr=http://www.apa.org/journals/features/psp7761121.pdf]http://www.apa.org/journals/features/psp7761121.pdf[/url]

  • Matthew (unregistered) in reply to Valacosa
    Valacosa:
    Wow, what an insecure loser. He must suffer from erectile dysfunction, or something.

    Yeah, and his erectile dysfunction is more serious than yours! Loser!

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