• Someone You Know (cs)

    The Internet's not cables.

    It's a series of tubes.

    (Yeah, yeah. Someone had to do it.)

  • frits (cs)
    Kelly:
    Sent: Thursday, February 01, 2010 2:03 PM
    To: Info Tech
    Subject: Peyote Plant..
    

    Hi,

    I have just allegedly purchased a peyote plant. "Someone" told me to grind the whole leaf with a grinder and add a little water.

    Please, can someone tell me if it is safe to drink the solution this way or is there other method of processing it?

    Thanks! Joan

    FTFY

  • Anonymous (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • snoofle (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Short and sweet:
    A recent e-mail:
    From: marketing@[redacted] To: all@[redacted] Re: New Assistant

    To all staff,

    We are pleased to announce that the marketing department has found a new ass

    That was the whole message. Someone got a bit trigger-happy with the "send" button, just unfortunate that it happened to be on a message to the company-wide distribution list.

    +10

  • Don't AIM that at me. (unregistered)

    Can't think of any emails off hand, but did get an AOL IM once asking if the Internet was down.

    Captcha: luctus - shine a little light on me.

  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered)

    What device is that in the image? Looks like a Nintendo DS.

  • Mu! (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    Kelly:
    Sent: Thursday, February 01, 2010 2:03 PM
    To: Info Tech
    Subject: Peyote Plant..
    

    Hi,

    I have just allegedly purchased a peyote plant. "Someone" told me to grind the whole leaf with a grinder and add a little water.

    Please, can someone tell me if it is safe to drink the solution this way or is there other method of processing it?

    Thanks! Joan

    FTFY

    Just eat the buttons as they are (FYI, lophs don't actually have leaves). If you try to grind them down you'll end up with a horrible viscous mess that is so thick you'll never be able to swallow it. Alternatively, if you don't want to eat the flesh as-is, dry the buttons fully then grind the dry flesh down to a powder. Stir the powder into a bit of water and drink. Allegedly.
  • Philipp (unregistered)

    Please also mail your comments to Carrie. If you post them without mailing her, it is 50/50 if I see them or not.

  • Spivonious (unregistered)

    That last email is awesome. I'd work for that Senior VP any day.

  • Skawt (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward:
    What device is that in the image? Looks like a Nintendo DS.
    I think it's an LG Envy phone.
  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward:
    What device is that in the image? Looks like a Nintendo DS.

    Looks like a sidekick to me.

  • Leo (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Luiz (unregistered)

    The TrueWTF is SVN.

  • Scott (unregistered)

    Someone submitted a picture of their email? That is priceless. At least they zoomed in enough to crop out the wooden table.

  • Anon (unregistered)

    I hope Joe Miller is enjoying his new job at SOME OTHER RANDOM FINANCIAL SERVICES COMPANY.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Scott (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    I hope Joe Miller is enjoying his new job at SOME OTHER RANDOM FINANCIAL SERVICES COMPANY.

    That's "Joe Miller, MBA" to you.

  • Neville Flynn (unregistered)
    Securities offered through Broker/Dealer, (Member ABCD,EFGH)

    It's always "Member FINRA, SIPC", why bother obscuring it?

  • PITA (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Jules (unregistered)

    The following was typed by my former supervisor. Since this email was sent from a QA application rather than Outlook, there was no spell check to automatically fix the errors

    Sam:
    I'm working on the PRD. attached are some reports items for changes i'd liek to squeze into the existin greportin mopdule a couple are simple cahges to existing report proceedrues. I dont think i've finished writng all reh requriements yet, but i'd liek soem feedback please on the readabiltiy and usefullness of what i've already provided. thanks.
    and the response from another supervisor
    Ken:
    Were you drunk when you typed this, or is there a cat walking on your keyboard?
  • Skilldrick (unregistered)

    This is my personal favourite:

    A client:
    Hi x and y

    Should REDACTED be using TWEETS on TWITTER for Viral Marketing? I believe that this is a new phenomenon in the United States, but I have no personal knowledge of it.

    I would be most grateful for your advice.

  • golddog (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Comment held for moderation.
  • kingsnake (unregistered) in reply to golddog

    No specific quote, but someone will send an all hands email -- a WTF in itself that a company would allow peons to do this -- and the recipients, apparently unaware of the existence of the "Reply" key, instead "Reply all". Thus my inbox is treated to unfiltered internal spam.

  • @Deprecated (cs)

    I once received a company wide email, essentially saying:

    From: Some Guy To: all Subject: Money Exchange Hello, my friend needs to exchange a large sum of money from (I think it was) yen to dollars. Please let me know if you are interested. Thanks!

    and then, immediately after,

    From: HR To: all Subject: Re: Money Exchange This email violates company policies, so please disregard it.

  • Tim Rowe (unregistered)

    What's with the page design? I have a fairly large font set in my browser because my eyesight isn't great, and the text of the emails goes marching off the right of the page and falls off, instead of wrapping. It looks as if there's a WTF in The Daily WTFs web design.

  • NutDriverLefty (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward:
    What device is that in the image? Looks like a Nintendo DS.

    LG Env2 phone, I think

  • IT Girl (unregistered) in reply to Someone You Know
    Someone You Know:
    The Internet's not cables.

    It's a series of tubes.

    (Yeah, yeah. Someone had to do it.)

    It's not tubes either and it's not in the walls, (looks up using a sweeping hand motion). The internet is "everywhere" (said with awe).

    Don't you know anything? :)

  • Someone You Know (cs) in reply to Jules
    Jules:
    The following was typed by my former supervisor. Since this email was sent from a QA application rather than Outlook, there was no spell check to automatically fix the errors
    Sam:
    I'm working on the PRD. attached are some reports items for changes i'd liek to squeze into the existin greportin mopdule a couple are simple cahges to existing report proceedrues. I dont think i've finished writng all reh requriements yet, but i'd liek soem feedback please on the readabiltiy and usefullness of what i've already provided. thanks.
    and the response from another supervisor
    Ken:
    Were you drunk when you typed this, or is there a cat walking on your keyboard?

    This one's particularly good because the first bit is perfectly fine. I'm picturing the guy writing the email over an extended period during which he gets gradually drunker.

  • bl@h (unregistered) in reply to Tim Rowe
    Tim Rowe:
    What's with the page design? I have a fairly large font set in my browser because my eyesight isn't great, and the text of the emails goes marching off the right of the page and falls off, instead of wrapping. It looks as if there's a WTF in The Daily WTFs web design.

    Yeh that's the problem.

  • Ken (unregistered) in reply to Jules
    Jules:
    The following was typed by my former supervisor. Since this email was sent from a QA application rather than Outlook, there was no spell check to automatically fix the errors
    Sam:
    I'm working on the PRD. attached are some reports items for changes i'd liek to squeze into the existin greportin mopdule a couple are simple cahges to existing report proceedrues. I dont think i've finished writng all reh requriements yet, but i'd liek soem feedback please on the readabiltiy and usefullness of what i've already provided. thanks.
    and the response from another supervisor
    Ken:
    Were you drunk when you typed this, or is there a cat walking on your keyboard?

    I like this one because that's something I'd actually do.

  • The Nerve (unregistered)

    I've got a REAL email WTF that has very little to do with email.

    My phone rings Hey, I just sent you an email. As he finishes his sentence, I see it pop into my inbox. Ok, thanks. Yeah, basically what it says is... -- he describes contents of email. I follow along as he reviews the entire contents of the email. He hangs up, and I compose my reply. I click "Send", and moments later, I have a visitor. Hey, I just got your email. Ok... I'm going to go read it now. He leaves. I'll let you guess what happened when he was done reading the email.

    Dude. If you're that insecure, send a read-receipt.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Tim Rowe
    Tim Rowe:
    What's with the page design? I have a fairly large font set in my browser because my eyesight isn't great, and the text of the emails goes marching off the right of the page and falls off, instead of wrapping. It looks as if there's a WTF in The Daily WTFs web design.
    The e-mail text is wrapped in a
     tag which means it appears fixed width with all whitespace preserved. This is why it overflows the page - it may not look great if you have your font size on "grandad" mode but it does preserve the formatting of the original submission. Not a meta-WTF, which is a shame because I love a good meta-WTF.
    
  • Anon, Ph.D. (unregistered) in reply to Scott
    Scott:
    Anon:
    I hope Joe Miller is enjoying his new job at SOME OTHER RANDOM FINANCIAL SERVICES COMPANY.

    That's "Joe Miller, MBA" to you.

    Sorry, my mistake.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Jules
    Jules:
    The following was typed by my former supervisor. Since this email was sent from a QA application rather than Outlook, there was no spell check to automatically fix the errors
    Sam:
    I'm working on the PRD. attached are some reports items for changes i'd liek to squeze into the existin greportin mopdule a couple are simple cahges to existing report proceedrues. I dont think i've finished writng all reh requriements yet, but i'd liek soem feedback please on the readabiltiy and usefullness of what i've already provided. thanks.
    and the response from another supervisor
    Ken:
    Were you drunk when you typed this, or is there a cat walking on your keyboard?

    I've just about reached the same point myself. I'm so dependent on the spellchecker I get really frustrated when I write a hand-written note and my spelling errors aren't automatically underlined and I can't get suggestion with a right-click of the mouse. Now days I just randomly mash the keyboard in a pattern that vaguely represents the word I want to communicate and then let spellchecker do its magic.

  • Tim Rowe (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    The e-mail text is wrapped in a
     tag which means it appears fixed width with all whitespace preserved. This is why it overflows the page - it may not look great if you have your font size on "grandad" mode but it does preserve the formatting of the original submission. Not a meta-WTF, which is a shame because I love a good meta-WTF.
    "Not look great" == "Chunks of it not even on my screen". And yes, I view in granddad mode -- I am a granddad, after all!

    A bit of disability awareness on the site would be appreciated.

  • Also Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Comment held for moderation.
  • kingsnake (unregistered) in reply to Also Anonymous

    goatse was a sales drone.

  • Silfax (cs) in reply to Jules
    greportin mopdule

    is that what happens when building services has been sniffing the cleaning fluid and starts sending their tools thru unix filters?

  • gob bluth (unregistered)

    we have a company-wide classifieds email list, which can provide some chuckles:

    subject: marlboro reds

    I have some Marlboro red cigarettes that I need to get off my hands. $4.50 per pack. Harry


    subject:free cans

    Hi, I have some cans that are not that old. my wife only eats organic food so we won’t eat them. they are with me in the HR building. gabor

  • Anonimoose (unregistered)

    Bill Smith's request seems legit. He basically just wants the same thing for his email that he has for his phone - a receptionist. Someone to sort through the junk for him and only bring the important stuff to his attention.

    That's the perk of being president of a company and a necessity if the company is large enough.

  • neminem (unregistered) in reply to Don't AIM that at me.
    Don't AIM that at me.:
    Can't think of any emails off hand, but did get an AOL IM once asking if the Internet was down.
    I fail to see anything wrong with that - I get internal IMs asking that every so often, "did our network just die?" It's a useful first test if, in fact, the network *did* just die, as opposed to only specific services the person was trying to use at the time. Of course, AIM lets you IM *yourself*... but not everyone thinks of that.

    All my favorite ridiculous emails are spam (I keep the really great ones around). Not quite the same, though I did love the one with the title "I gonna tell you some secrets how to be always full of beans." No thanks, I don't really want to be always full of beans.

  • Abdiel (cs)

    Talking about send button trigger-happy people, I received this from one of my students a while ago (retyping the mails from memory, I don't really want to go through my mailbox to find them again):

    From: <student> To: <Me> Subject: Assignment

    Hello, I am sending the source code for the C++ programming assignment for tomorrow.

    From: <student> To: <Me> Subject: Re: Assignment

    Sorry, I forgot to attach the file to the first e-mail.

    From: <student> To: <Me> Subject: Re: Re: Assignment

    Now I am really sending the file. Sorry once again.

    Neither of the three mails had any attachments.

  • Kensey (cs)

    Some of the e-mails from my last job were awesome. There was the one from my manager saying "Please do not copy [his manager] in e-mails, send them directly to me only instead."

    There was also the one about what to do and say to pass government timesheet auditing, with the note at the bottom "It might not be a good idea for employees to have this visible on their desks when the auditor comes by."

    I also got several unencrypted e-mails along the lines of "please reset my domain password to [cleartext password]".

  • boog (unregistered)

    That last email was funny, but I feel like it started with a punchline and ended with a setup.

    So TRWTF must be top-posting.

  • Ozz (unregistered)

    Here is one of my favorite exchanges:

    Jane can't login.

    What can't she log into, and what happens when she tries?

    She's tried several times but it won't let her.

    What can't she log into, and what happens when she tries?

    She tried rebooting but she just got an error.

    What can't she log into, and what happens when she tries?

  • Bus Logic (unregistered) in reply to Anonimoose
    Anonimoose:
    Bill Smith's request seems legit. He basically just wants the same thing for his email that he has for his phone - a receptionist. Someone to sort through the junk for him and only bring the important stuff to his attention.

    That's the perk of being president of a company and a necessity if the company is large enough.

    I was a bit surprised by the acerbic response to that e-mail as well. It's not that much of an ask to get people to CC some other person when they send e-mails to the boss and his message didn't seem particularly snarky or anything. Mind you, I loved the last "Oops, forgot the CC carrie" bit.

  • cyphax (cs) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    Jules:
    The following was typed by my former supervisor. Since this email was sent from a QA application rather than Outlook, there was no spell check to automatically fix the errors
    Sam:
    I'm working on the PRD. attached are some reports items for changes i'd liek to squeze into the existin greportin mopdule a couple are simple cahges to existing report proceedrues. I dont think i've finished writng all reh requriements yet, but i'd liek soem feedback please on the readabiltiy and usefullness of what i've already provided. thanks.
    and the response from another supervisor
    Ken:
    Were you drunk when you typed this, or is there a cat walking on your keyboard?

    I've just about reached the same point myself. I'm so dependent on the spellchecker I get really frustrated when I write a hand-written note and my spelling errors aren't automatically underlined and I can't get suggestion with a right-click of the mouse. Now days I just randomly mash the keyboard in a pattern that vaguely represents the word I want to communicate and then let spellchecker do its magic.

    That's why I never use a spellchekcer!

    (Actually my Firefox' spellchecker is set to Dutch so there's red lines under most words.)

  • Brian (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous Coward

    It's an LG Envy2 or Envy3.

  • Boris (unregistered) in reply to IT Girl
    Comment held for moderation.

Leave a comment on “Best of the Email: Aloe Vera, The Cables that Store the Internet, and more!”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

« Return to Article