• (cs)

    No matter how much Remy exaggerated this for flavor, I know these people, and this is unquestionably a true story.

  • (cs)

    So where was Jonathan during all this? Why didn't Bobby have him running interference on everything?

  • Vilx- (unregistered)

    How comes one IT manager can hire a person for another IT manager who even has a separate budget?

  • TheSHEEEP (unregistered)

    There is probably a tiny bit of exaggeration going on here. Barely noticable, though.

    suscipit - Very suscipit, indeed.

  • (cs)

    Poor Mortimer! If only he could be nice to Bobby Tables.

  • BCFH (unregistered) in reply to Vilx-
    Vilx-:
    How comes one IT manager can hire a person for another IT manager who even has a separate budget?

    It's pretty easy in most large organizations, actually. The hiring manager is a project manager who says he needs resources and is able to make his case above his boss's head. The Big Bosses (tm) would then direct the manager with the budget, most likely the director of IT or similar, to allocate funds for a resource.

  • (cs) in reply to dpm
    dpm:
    No matter how much Remy exaggerated this for flavor, I *know* these people, and this is unquestionably a true story.

    I spotted the exaggeration. It's everything following: "It's a module to turn AS/400 flat files into XML. How hard could it be?".

  • (cs) in reply to RichP
    RichP:
    dpm:
    No matter how much Remy exaggerated this for flavor, I *know* these people, and this is unquestionably a true story.

    I spotted the exaggeration. It's everything following: "It's a module to turn AS/400 flat files into XML. How hard could it be?".

    AS400 is the devil's workship.

  • Larrik (unregistered)

    Ah, AS/400. Essentially a 5-year black mark on my resume. If I knew then...

    The "XML" spec I had to deal with there was a WTF on its own (and that was from a .NET system I had to integrate with).

    Captch: saluto (saluto the AS/400?)

  • castlerobber (unregistered)

    The AS/400 has built-in relational database capabilities, as well as XML opcodes in ILE RPG. Flat files? There's TRWTF.

  • (cs)

    Sounds like Mortimer has a Problem at the Personal Level.

    Bobby turned in a pile of code (version 17 of the spec), along with a pile of test cases to QA. QA signed off. The customer was happy... Mortimer, on the other hand, was furious. So furious, in fact, that he demanded Bobby's contract be terminated.
    Seriously, what's the guy's problem here? The code is done, QA approved it, and the customer is happy.

    What a douche.

  • (cs)

    Bobby: "Chicken? Nobody calls me chicken! tap tap tap"

  • (cs)

    I had probably better not make fun of the writing in this one.

  • Stormy (unregistered)

    So wait, TRWTF is XML, right?

  • C-Octothorpe (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    Sounds like Mortimer has a Problem at the Personal Level.
    Bobby turned in a pile of code (version 17 of the spec), along with a pile of test cases to QA. QA signed off. The customer was happy... Mortimer, on the other hand, was furious. So furious, in fact, that he demanded Bobby's contract be terminated.
    Seriously, what's the guy's problem here? The code is done, QA approved it, and the customer is happy.

    What a douche.

    No kidding! Don't you just HATE it when people get stuff done? Especially when it's on time and under budget? I mean, really!

    I think the real WTF is that he didn't smack the taste out of Mortimer's mouth after 6 months of verbal and physical abuse.

    [Pre-feeding the fake frits troll] I'd go to jail if I did that. I'm not too smart, am I? [/Pre-feeding the fake frits troll]

  • (cs)

    Huh... a sparkling unicorn. I'll be damned...

  • Jon (unregistered)

    The naming debacle of IBM renaming AS400 could be a DailyWTF unto itself. AS400 became the iSeries, then the i5, then the System i. Don't even get me started on Websphere naming games...

  • (cs)

    also..

    Hmm.. the guy that got hired for me got the job done 6 months early. I can save 5 months worth of contractor salary if I pretend he did something wrong, fire him, then blame any bugs on him.

  • C-Octothorpe (unregistered) in reply to jonnyq
    jonnyq:
    also..

    Hmm.. the guy that got hired for me got the job done 6 months early. I can save 5 months worth of contractor salary if I pretend he did something wrong, fire him, then blame any bugs on him.

    He doesn't have to pretend, he can be fired at will for no reason at all... We all know, contractors aren't real people anyway, right?

    Excuse me while I take home more than 50% gross what I would make in a FT role... :)

  • Dave (unregistered) in reply to jonnyq
    jonnyq:
    also..

    Hmm.. the guy that got hired for me got the job done 6 months early. I can save 5 months worth of contractor salary if I pretend he did something wrong, fire him, then blame any bugs on him.

    Sounds good, but could Mortimer figure that one out? Guy sounds like he was a bite short of being diagnosed with rabies...

    Captcha: causa - Causa I said so

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to Dave
    Dave:
    jonnyq:
    also..

    Hmm.. the guy that got hired for me got the job done 6 months early. I can save 5 months worth of contractor salary if I pretend he did something wrong, fire him, then blame any bugs on him.

    Sounds good, but could Mortimer figure that one out? Guy sounds like he was a bite short of being diagnosed with rabies...

    Captcha: causa - Causa I said so

    Sometimes unthinking reflex decisions actually work, and the makers of those decisions carry on to make the same reflex decisions again. Come to think of it, that could be the basis of an explanation of speciation....

  • (cs)

    Somewhere, Ken Schwaber just shivered from the extrasensory perception of his Scrum terminology being so horribly misused.

  • (cs) in reply to castlerobber
    castlerobber:
    The AS/400 has built-in relational database capabilities, as well as XML opcodes in ILE RPG. Flat files? There's TRWTF.
    Flat files are fine for serializing a table. They are certainly better than XML for that purpose.
  • Robo (unregistered)

    So the real WTF is that he stayed longer than the first month?

  • (cs) in reply to C-Octothorpe
    C-Octothorpe:
    No kidding! Don't you just HATE it when people get stuff done? Especially when it's on time and under budget? I mean, really!
    However, while Bobby finished on time and under budget, Mortimer didn't; he was apparently supposed to have it done a year ago. I'm guessing he used this opportunity to blame Bobby for his failure.
    C-Octothorpe:
    I think the real WTF is that he didn't smack the taste out of Mortimer's mouth after 6 months of verbal and physical abuse.
    I wasn't sure what physical abuse Bobby endured, then I glanced through the article again:
    Mortimer chucked Bobby into an office...
    Mortimer hurled the QA report at Bobby...
    I'd hope that even fake frits would agree that Mortimer is the one who belongs in jail.
  • (cs) in reply to C-Octothorpe
    C-Octothorpe:
    jonnyq:
    also..

    Hmm.. the guy that got hired for me got the job done 6 months early. I can save 5 months worth of contractor salary if I pretend he did something wrong, fire him, then blame any bugs on him.

    He doesn't have to pretend, he can be fired at will for no reason at all... We all know, contractors aren't real people anyway, right?

    Excuse me while I take home more than 50% gross what I would make in a FT role... :)

    Do contractors get stock options?

  • Brian (unregistered) in reply to jonnyq

    LOL I see them too!

  • davee123 (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    Seriously, what's the guy's problem here? The code is done, QA approved it, and the customer is happy.

    That's most likely one of the exaggerations. I expect he probably was angry for being proven wrong that a contractor would complete the work, and complete it EARLY nonetheless. He probably nitpicked anything he could and disagreed with QA's decision to accept it, begrudgingly accepting their decision.

    Then, he probably decided that if the job was done, he wanted to stop paying for a contractor he didn't need. This had the further benefit of proving his case later, because he wouldn't give Bobby the chance to actually DOCUMENT anything he had done, or tie up any loose ends. That means his group of pigs could spend months cleaning up the "mess" left by the contractor, and he could use it as an excuse next time, to prove how horrible it was.

    That'd be my guess as to the actuality, but making him fuming mad probably makes for better drama when reading :)

    DaveE

  • Sylver (unregistered)

    Besides the obvious WTF, there are quite a few WTFs on Bobby's side as well.

    The first WTF is that Bobby is spineless.

    Day One, he could have insisted to be treated in a manner befitting of a professional.

    Customer or not, Bobby didn't have to take the abuse. If he had stood up for himself then, the worst that could have happened was being fired and collecting the 1 month penalty.

    And Mortimer probably didn't have the authority to fire him - he didn't have enough authority to prevent the hiring process despite knowing about it.

    Had he stood by his gun right from the first minute, Mortimer would never have dared try to pull even a fraction of that crap.

    The second WTF is that Bobby went ahead and coded a solution for one month without actually understanding the specs or making real efforts to clear up the confusions.

    The third WTF is that they are obviously using test cases and that it didn't occur to Bobby to get a firm agreement on the exact test cases that would be used.

  • C-Octothorpe (unregistered) in reply to hoodaticus
    hoodaticus:
    C-Octothorpe:
    jonnyq:
    also..

    Hmm.. the guy that got hired for me got the job done 6 months early. I can save 5 months worth of contractor salary if I pretend he did something wrong, fire him, then blame any bugs on him.

    He doesn't have to pretend, he can be fired at will for no reason at all... We all know, contractors aren't real people anyway, right?

    Excuse me while I take home more than 50% gross what I would make in a FT role... :)

    Do contractors get stock options?

    Didn't say it was perfect, but it's nice to get those fat cheques every month...

    Obvious downsides are stock options (very few employers even offer these anyway, AFAIK), bonuses, vacation pay, health benefits (dental, etc.), and regular raises (but this varies from contract to contract) and other benefits like gym membership, etc. I purposely didn't mention job security as that doesn't exist anywhere anymore.

    Perks are higher gross pay, income splitting, tax benefits (write-offs etc.), usually always new development (go in, create the app, then go, rinse and repeat).

    Honestly, I'd like to switch to FT eventually, but not for at least another 1-2 years. The contract hunting and interview process wears on you after many years.

  • Buck (unregistered) in reply to Larrik
    Larrik:
    Ah, AS/400. Essentially a 5-year black mark on my resume. If I knew then...

    The "XML" spec I had to deal with there was a WTF on its own (and that was from a .NET system I had to integrate with).

    Captch: saluto (saluto the AS/400?)

    Maybe you chose the wrong company to work for. There are companies using the IBM i who are modern (I work for one). ILE RPG isn't your father's RPG II (thanks, Toronto!)

  • (cs)

    That "pigs" and "chickens" bit sounds like Price-Waterhouse. They even gave me a free shirt with a cartoon pig beating up a cartoon chicken back in 1997. If this was in fact them, the budgeting of one contractor to another department isn't that odd. I went through the same thing. I also went through an interview with a firm in Long Island who had a manager interviewing me that didn't want anyone and told me from the start. He looked at a place I worked at down the street and asked me about an ex-employee of his who worked there and when I told him he was pretty good, used that as an excuse to cut it short.

    So it happens in corporate America as well as consulting companies.

  • John Santos (unregistered)

    I would have chalked this one up as an exaggeration, but last year I met an actual Mortimer. Complete douche to everyone around him, no idea how to interact with anyone on a professional level, and took saying "Good morning" as an insult (I wish I were kidding about this last one, but it is quite true ... a long story by itself!). My "Mortimer" had got to where he was because he'd stayed with the organisation so long that they felt they had to promote him.

    Throwing papers around, screaming at people, claiming he was the only competent one on the whole project, suspecting that everyone was out to get him, and demanding extra work while he went home early was the tip of the iceberg...

  • (cs) in reply to Sylver
    Sylver:
    Besides the obvious WTF, there are quite a few WTFs on Bobby's side as well.

    The first WTF is that Bobby is spineless.

    Day One, he could have insisted to be treated in a manner befitting of a professional. Customer or not, Bobby didn't have to take the abuse. If he had stood up for himself then, the worst that could have happened was being fired and collecting the 1 month penalty.

    That is an interesting statement. Exactly how do you see that scene unfolding? Bobby standing there saying "I defy you!"?
    And Mortimer probably didn't have the authority to fire him - he didn't have enough authority to prevent the hiring process despite knowing about it.
    WTF? He terminated the contract!
    Had he stood by his gun right from the first minute, Mortimer would never have dared try to pull even a fraction of that crap.
    By what kind of real-world "gun" do you imagine him standing? He is getting paid to do what he's told to do --- that is the definition of a consultant.
    The second WTF is that Bobby went ahead and coded a solution for one month without actually understanding the specs or making real efforts to clear up the confusions.
    He did have a spec --- he simply didn't know that it was horribly out of date.
    The third WTF is that they are obviously using test cases and that it didn't occur to Bobby to get a firm agreement on the exact test cases that would be used.
    You say these things as if you've never been part of a bureaucracy. I can recommend certain workplaces to you which would provide you with a plethora of lessons.

  • Machtyn (unregistered) in reply to hoodaticus
    hoodaticus:
    C-Octothorpe:
    He doesn't have to pretend, he can be fired at will for no reason at all... We all know, contractors aren't real people anyway, right?

    Excuse me while I take home more than 50% gross what I would make in a FT role... :)

    Do contractors get stock options?
    Do FT get stock options?

    (Not at my last place. And my first place's stock is now worse than toilet paper.)

  • (cs) in reply to Machtyn
    Machtyn:
    hoodaticus:
    C-Octothorpe:
    He doesn't have to pretend, he can be fired at will for no reason at all... We all know, contractors aren't real people anyway, right?

    Excuse me while I take home more than 50% gross what I would make in a FT role... :)

    Do contractors get stock options?
    Do FT get stock options?

    (Not at my last place. And my first place's stock is now worse than toilet paper.)

    The upper crust gets them. I expect your typical highly-paid contractor would get stock options if they were to go FT, but that is gonna vary widely by the company.

  • Steve H. (unregistered)

    View the source for the full story. It's wildly different than Remy's version, though not as entertaining, IMHO.

  • C-Octothorpe (unregistered) in reply to dpm
    dpm:
    That is an interesting statement. Exactly how do you see that scene unfolding? Bobby standing there saying "I defy you!"?

    I'm probably feeding a troll, but here goes:

    If your boss or colleague is physically and/or verbally abusing you, consultant or not, he can't do that to you. The "he's a consultant, he does what he's paid to do" is a partially correct statement. I'm there to do what I'm paid to do. I'm NOT paid to take someones shit because they can't control the voices in their head.

    I agree, the real WTF was staying any longer than a day... Now on top of having to look for a new job, he may even have a 6 month gap on his resume that he'll have to explain at each interview for the next several years.

  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to Jon
    Jon:
    The naming debacle of IBM renaming AS400 could be a DailyWTF unto itself. AS400 became the iSeries, then the i5, then the System i. Don't even get me started on Websphere naming games...
    OK, let's see who around here has a long memory...

    I worked for a vendor who sold the 450, 550, and then one fine day, the 750. Wow. Super powerful. And then the 850. Nerd jizz. Two 750s in one box!

    Now, can you work out a pattern? Was the next product the 950? No. They went straight to the 9950. With a number like that, it was so awesome it could almost make time run backwards! Customers snapped them up. Such a victory for the company!

    Clever readers will notice that they didn't leave themselves a lot of headroom.

    Sure enough, they soon realized their quandary and had to make do with the 9955. Yeah, it was better than the 9950, but didn't make much of a splash. After all, you could pick up a used 9950 for quite a bargain compared to a new 9955.

    Then came the 9955 Mod II.

    Shortly after that the company ceased to exist.

    See what your marketing idiots can do for you?

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to C-Octothorpe
    C-Octothorpe:
    dpm:
    That is an interesting statement. Exactly how do you see that scene unfolding? Bobby standing there saying "I defy you!"?

    I'm probably feeding a troll, but here goes:

    If your boss or colleague is physically and/or verbally abusing you, consultant or not, he can't do that to you. The "he's a consultant, he does what he's paid to do" is a partially correct statement. I'm there to do what I'm paid to do. I'm NOT paid to take someones shit because they can't control the voices in their head.

    I agree, the real WTF was staying any longer than a day... Now on top of having to look for a new job, he may even have a 6 month gap on his resume that he'll have to explain at each interview for the next several years.

    Everyone gets to decide what they're willing to put up with and what they're not - and if not, what they're willing to put up with instead. I've put up with shouty people on various occasions because I just didn't care what they said. I wasn't "taking someone's shit" - they were unloading the shit, but I wasn't picking it up. Other times, I've left otherwise good jobs because someone I had to work with wasn't pulling their weight, and it annoyed me. Sticking with a job despite one misfeature isn't a WTF unless we know that happens to be a big-deal issue for Bobby. Your preferences, important as they may be to you, aren't part of this story.

  • Eric (unregistered)

    I don't think "Flight of the Valkyries" is what the author thinks it is...

  • (cs) in reply to Cujo DeSockpuppet
    Cujo DeSockpuppet:
    That "pigs" and "chickens" bit sounds like Price-Waterhouse.

    The pig and chicken bit is a reference to an old analogy used in business and commonly referenced by the Agile methodology.

    To quote Wikipedia, "The Chicken suggests that the two involve themselves in a scheme involving ham (or bacon) and eggs (some suggest a breakfast, others suggest a restaurant). In reply, the Pig always notes that, for the Chicken, only a contribution is required (as a chicken can simply lay an egg and then resume normal activities), while for the Pig a "total commitment" (or total sacrifice) is needed (as in order to make ham or bacon, the pig must be slaughtered)."

    In this story, the full time developers are the pigs and the contractor is the chicken.

  • (cs) in reply to Eric

    Y'know what? That wasn't intentional, but I'm sticking with it. I also learned that there's a metal band called Sirens of Titan. They win at life.

  • C-Octothorpe (unregistered) in reply to trtrwtf
    trtrwtf:
    C-Octothorpe:
    dpm:
    That is an interesting statement. Exactly how do you see that scene unfolding? Bobby standing there saying "I defy you!"?

    I'm probably feeding a troll, but here goes:

    If your boss or colleague is physically and/or verbally abusing you, consultant or not, he can't do that to you. The "he's a consultant, he does what he's paid to do" is a partially correct statement. I'm there to do what I'm paid to do. I'm NOT paid to take someones shit because they can't control the voices in their head.

    I agree, the real WTF was staying any longer than a day... Now on top of having to look for a new job, he may even have a 6 month gap on his resume that he'll have to explain at each interview for the next several years.

    Everyone gets to decide what they're willing to put up with and what they're not - and if not, what they're willing to put up with instead. I've put up with shouty people on various occasions because I just didn't care what they said. I wasn't "taking someone's shit" - they were unloading the shit, but I wasn't picking it up. Other times, I've left otherwise good jobs because someone I had to work with wasn't pulling their weight, and it annoyed me. Sticking with a job despite one misfeature isn't a WTF unless we know that happens to be a big-deal issue for Bobby. Your preferences, important as they may be to you, aren't part of this story.

    True, but they're obviously important enough for you respond to, and thanks for that.

    I do however agree with you, my pompous padre. Perhaps I was being a little extremist in saying I would leave at the first sign of trouble. In fact, I was going to include that (don't quit if it's a bad market or if you can live with it, etc.), but I thought most readers would fill in the blanks.

    Apparently not...

  • dude (unregistered)

    i just can't see a guy called "Bobby" throwing a torrent of F-bombs and etc...

    am I nameist?

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to C-Octothorpe
    C-Octothorpe:
    trtrwtf:
    C-Octothorpe:
    dpm:
    That is an interesting statement. Exactly how do you see that scene unfolding? Bobby standing there saying "I defy you!"?

    I'm probably feeding a troll, but here goes:

    If your boss or colleague is physically and/or verbally abusing you, consultant or not, he can't do that to you. The "he's a consultant, he does what he's paid to do" is a partially correct statement. I'm there to do what I'm paid to do. I'm NOT paid to take someones shit because they can't control the voices in their head.

    I agree, the real WTF was staying any longer than a day... Now on top of having to look for a new job, he may even have a 6 month gap on his resume that he'll have to explain at each interview for the next several years.

    Everyone gets to decide what they're willing to put up with and what they're not - and if not, what they're willing to put up with instead. I've put up with shouty people on various occasions because I just didn't care what they said. I wasn't "taking someone's shit" - they were unloading the shit, but I wasn't picking it up. Other times, I've left otherwise good jobs because someone I had to work with wasn't pulling their weight, and it annoyed me. Sticking with a job despite one misfeature isn't a WTF unless we know that happens to be a big-deal issue for Bobby. Your preferences, important as they may be to you, aren't part of this story.

    True, but they're obviously important enough for you respond to, and thanks for that.

    I do however agree with you, my pompous padre. Perhaps I was being a little extremist in saying I would leave at the first sign of trouble. In fact, I was going to include that (don't quit if it's a bad market or if you can live with it, etc.), but I thought most readers would fill in the blanks.

    Apparently not...

    Pompous? Moi? Mais non...

    Yeah, I figured you were probably indulging in a bit of scenery-chewing, just for effect. But I've seen this over and over on this site - "I wouldn't take that kind of stuff! I'd leave! In a huff! Or if I couldn't find a huff, in a cloud of dust, or a taxi!" - and it's getting a little old. I guess as a knee-jerk reflex it's better than Darth Whatever ("I have left in your huff... pray I do not leave in it any further") but not by much.

  • (cs) in reply to Eric
    Eric:
    I don't think "Flight of the Valkyries" is what the author thinks it is...
    Better that than "Ride of the Bumblebee."
  • (cs)

    Can you fly, Bobby?

  • airdrik (unregistered) in reply to Steve H.
    Steve H.:
    View the source for the full story. Remy's version is wildly different from the original

    FTFY

  • BlackBart (unregistered) in reply to castlerobber
    castlerobber:
    The AS/400 has built-in relational database capabilities, as well as XML opcodes in ILE RPG. Flat files? There's TRWTF.

    I once worked for a company who loved the "Flat Files" of the AS400. I was prohibited from using that newfangled SQL. It doesn't surprise me that there are AS/400 managers who could make mincemeat out of something so simple as converting something to XML.

    I was out of there in a short time.

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