The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

Matt Westwood · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

Matt Westwood · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Yakov Fuckov:
Not_Sarcasm:
I love the US Army mouse pad on the janky computer setup in the school.
When the students graduate computer-illiterate (and probably as functional illiterates), they will have no choice but to join up... how sad.
Yeah, the U.S Military is a bunch of cretins and we IT professionals are at least several castes above them. I hope you die by terrorism.

You probably will because you're a stupid soldier-lover.

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Apparently those other languages are spoken before English

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
I am being wanting to write a text in Hindi here, but I can't because I've never actually been to India. Sorry.

You're los, matterhorn

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

The English word for schadenfreude is epicaricacy.

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Matt B:
I had a user who kept saying her Outlook was slow. I took a look and saw she had 10,000 items in her Deleted Items. I said, okay we'll just delete those. "NOOOOOOOO! I have emails in their that I reference!"

A salesman at my work got a mail saying "mailbox over quota limit". I asked him if we could just empty his Deleted Items as he had over 2gb mails there. He confirmed, and I asked again. He confirmed again, so we deleted. Half an hour after that, he came back because he needed some mails we had deleted....

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

You conjugation is a little off, but it would get your point across to anybody who speaks German.

I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.

Consequently, I never tried to use the translation feature of my printer driver.

briverymouse · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Helmut von Besserwisser:
I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.

Oh man, I have to fall back to my third language after a thirty minute train ride.

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Helmut von Besserwisser:
Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

You conjugation is a little off, but it would get your point across to anybody who speaks German.

I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.

Consequently, I never tried to use the translation feature of my printer driver.

Bullshit. There is no place in the United States where you can drive 625 miles in any direction and not pass any places where a significant portion of the population only speaks Spanish.

Matt Westwood · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

anon:
Helmut von Besserwisser:
Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

You conjugation is a little off, but it would get your point across to anybody who speaks German.

I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.

Consequently, I never tried to use the translation feature of my printer driver.

Bullshit. There is no place in the United States where you can drive 625 miles in any direction and not pass any places where a significant portion of the population only speaks Spanish.

Read what he put, merde-pour-les-cerveaux. "... anybody I want to talk to will speak English." Yeach. Who would want to talk to someone who can only speak Spanish?

Matt Westwood · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
anon:
Helmut von Besserwisser:
Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

You conjugation is a little off, but it would get your point across to anybody who speaks German.

I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.

Consequently, I never tried to use the translation feature of my printer driver.

Bullshit. There is no place in the United States where you can drive 625 miles in any direction and not pass any places where a significant portion of the population only speaks Spanish.

Read what he put, merde-pour-les-cerveaux. "... anybody I want to talk to will speak English." Yeach. Who would want to talk to someone who can only speak Spanish?

Beg pardon: petit con cerveaux.

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

anon:
Bullshit. There is no place in the United States where you can drive 625 miles in any direction and not pass any places where a significant portion of the population only speaks Spanish.

But the question is, will you ever have a significant need to talk to any of the people said places? I live in a region of America wherein I could find a good handful of spots like that driving less than 20 miles in several directions. But I wouldn't likely go to any of those spots, and if I did, it wouldn't likely be to hang out with non-English speakers.

He did say "anybody I want to talk to". (That's what menus are for, to order food from people who don't speak your language. Then again, the same thing worked fine when I visited Spain, too.)

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Kansas City. Nearly 99% of the population within 650 miles speaks English. If I stay out of Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona then I could go nearly 1000 miles.

shadowman · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

anon:
TRWTF is all these Jonny Foreigners who can't be bothered learning English.
This is Earth. We speak English here.

Take your crazy moon language back to whatever hellhole planet you came from.

Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Sigh. Did you really not get that, Hans?

da Doctah · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

You are mistaken, sir. The only language is English. All other so-called languages are merely English spoken incorrectly.

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Don L:
A salesman at my work got a mail saying "mailbox over quota limit". I asked him if we could just empty his Deleted Items as he had over 2gb mails there. He confirmed, and I asked again. He confirmed again, so we deleted. Half an hour after that, he came back because he needed some mails we had deleted....

Well, of course he didn't mind if you deleted some mails. It won't really be GONE. Whenever I delete one, I can always still read it again, in this other place... I forget what it's called.

Zylon · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

TheRider · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Don L:
Matt B:
I had a user who kept saying her Outlook was slow. I took a look and saw she had 10,000 items in her Deleted Items. I said, okay we'll just delete those. "NOOOOOOOO! I have emails in their that I reference!"

A salesman at my work got a mail saying "mailbox over quota limit". I asked him if we could just empty his Deleted Items as he had over 2gb mails there. He confirmed, and I asked again. He confirmed again, so we deleted. Half an hour after that, he came back because he needed some mails we had deleted....

Same thing happened to me. The boss of a private school I was supporting complained about his inbox being full, I went there and immediately wanted to delete his Deleted Items folder. He cried out right away (at least he was quick) "Don't you touch my archive folder!!!" -- WTF

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Jack:
Well, of course he didn't mind if you deleted some mails. It won't really be GONE.

Sounds like the people who decide to delete the records for the other department from the database, so they won't show on my report any more.

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Zylon:
Matt Westwood:
Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

THAT'S NOT FUNNY! <dies laughing>

2012-04-05 Reply Admin

Matt B:
"You don't treat a real trashcan as a reference box do you?"

I did once, accidentally. Long ago - back in the 1970's - I was writing a report that had lots of references, and I'd had our library get me lots of relevant papers. They came on microfiche in those days, which meant I could keep the whole lot of them in a plastic 3x5 card-file box.

One day I couldn't find it. Eventually I realised it had fallen off the edge of my desk. Beside my desk there was a waste bin.

Unfortunately that was the day the cleaners emptied waste-baskets - and they already had.

Fortunately I'd almost finished my report by then. And nobody ever asked me to prove the references I'd used.

lolwtf · 2012-04-05 Reply Admin

TRWTF is that you can't tell Chinese from Japanese.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

I sent that one in. I figured WTF readers had to laugh at least half as hard as I did when I saw the setup...

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

lolwtf:
TRWTF is that you can't tell Chinese from Japanese.

TRWTF is that morons like you think USA is the only country in the world.

Watson · 2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Matt B:
I had a user who kept saying her Outlook was slow. I took a look and saw she had 10,000 items in her Deleted Items. I said, okay we'll just delete those. "NOOOOOOOO! I have emails in their that I reference!"
Seriously? Make a subfolder!

Woahwoahwoah there! Don't start getting all technical!

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

bob your uncle:
Kansas City. Nearly 99% of the population within 650 miles speaks English. If I stay out of Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona then I could go nearly 1000 miles.

I'm swiss. I can walk almost 20 feets before finding someone who doesn't speak my language.

Nagesh · 2012-04-06 Reply Admin

हिन्दी सबसे आसान भाषा है सीखने के लिए.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

लेकिन अंग्रेजी कहीं अधिक लाभदायक है, हैकर स्कूली.

Faker, bablefish is avalable to every sole on the internet.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Turning from linguistic matters to other aspects of the WTF, my initial reaction to files on an M: drive being deleted was, "Of course they'll get deleted".

Unfortunately, back in the days when I was using CP/M on an Amstrad PCW I didn't always have the same awareness and often switched off without saving important files from the temporary drive labelled M: to a less volatile medium...

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Jack:
Don L:
A salesman at my work got a mail saying "mailbox over quota limit". I asked him if we could just empty his Deleted Items as he had over 2gb mails there. He confirmed, and I asked again. He confirmed again, so we deleted. Half an hour after that, he came back because he needed some mails we had deleted....

Well, of course he didn't mind if you deleted some mails. It won't really be GONE. Whenever I delete one, I can always still read it again, in this other place... I forget what it's called.

hmm, I wonder if that causes the problem. To the user, they 'delete' something, it's just moved into a another folder. So to the average user "delete" doesn't mean "completely remove from the computer and you'll never see it again". Why do we have the Trash/Recycle Bin/deleted items? When you think about these it makes no sense to delete things twice

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Helmut von Besserwisser:
I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.
Consequently, I never tried to use the translation feature of my printer driver.

I can drive for 1000km in every direction and no matter where I stop nobody wants to talk to me in any language because I am a turd.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Anon:
TRWTF is all these Jonny Foreigners who can't be bothered learning English.
This is Earth. We speak English here.

Take your crazy moon language back to whatever hellhole planet you came from.

+1

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Boy the language issue takes me back to a previous job. It turns out that if you used a specific version of GroupWisr 5 with a specific revision of the HP LaserJet printer driver, every email you printed came out in Arabic. Of course I immediately assumed user error, until I went and duplicated the problem myself.

Turns out I had to update the print driver to one from HP, instead of using the built-in Windows XP driver.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Of all people of the earth, only US American and French are stubborn enough to insist on using only their language. But at least the French can claim rightly to have one of the most beautiful languages that exist. (Have you ever tried to insult someone in French? Sounds like a love declaration!)

On the subject, yes, my printer driver can translate. From English to Postscriptic Gibberish. Because my printer doesn't speak English. (Take that, US Americans!)

Nagesh · 2012-04-06 Reply Admin

PRINTING TECHNOLOGY INVENT IN CHINA. EVERYONE KNOW THAT'

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Someone:
TRWTF is that morons like you think USA is the only country in the world.

Sigh. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we don't think that the US is the only country in the world.

We just think it's the only country in the world that matters.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Not_Sarcasm:
I love the US Army mouse pad on the janky computer setup in the school.
When the students graduate computer-illiterate (and probably as functional illiterates), they will have no choice but to join up... how sad.

I don't know about your country, but the US military does not accept functional illiterates.

Do you really think that jet aircraft, rockets, and lasers are maintained by illiterates?

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Fred:
Computers can do anything. Anything at all. Even the impossible. They can read your mind and know what you meant, even though you gave no clue to the computer because you didn't have one in the first place. They are, in short, fucking absolute and total magic.

Well, yeah. I've seen them do it on TV all the time.

Like watch any episode of CSI. If, say, a button is torn off the criminal's jacket as he flees the scene of the crime, all you have to do is put the button into a scanner and say, "Computer, show me what the jacket this button came from looked like." Then say, "Now show me the person who was wearing the jacket, find his IP address, connect that to his cell phone, and tell me where he is now." Then you send the police to arrest him.

Okay, I made that one up, but it's pretty close to what you see on cop shows all the time these days. Isn't that how police work?

Zylon · 2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Sufficiently evil code will allow a computer to spontaneously detach its cables and wrap them around your neck. I saw this in several movies, therefore it must be true.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Hans:
Wenn Sie das nicht verstehen, drucken Sie es einfach aus, und Ihr Drucker wird es übersetzen.

Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Nunc viverra laoreet elit faucibus egestas. Aliquam erat volutpat. Nam massa felis, cursus vitae fermentum sed, feugiat eu ipsum. Donec ullamcorper dui et tortor egestas vehicula. Nulla ornare fringilla nisl, vel pulvinar risus laoreet eu. Morbi facilisis iaculis aliquam. Proin dignissim metus in nibh euismod vel molestie neque porta. Vivamus varius dolor facilisis erat bibendum suscipit eget at orci. Cras porttitor, nisl et placerat congue, nunc libero pellentesque lectus, eu scelerisque libero sem sit amet lacus.

And I used to read German ...

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

Merde! Parlez vous Francais?

Nein, ich schlackte es.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
लेकिन अंग्रेजी कहीं अधिक लाभदायक है, हैकर स्कूली.
Faker, bablefish is avalable to every sole on the internet.

So fish and shoes use the internet now? Sure has changed a lot since I was a kid!

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

LordOfWisdom:
Helmut von Besserwisser:
I'm an American and I was 35 years old before I ever needed to talk to anybody that could not speak English. I can get in my car and drive 1000 km (or 625 miles as we say in the US) in any direction and no matter where I stop, anybody I want to talk to will speak English.
Consequently, I never tried to use the translation feature of my printer driver.

I can drive for 1000km in every direction and no matter where I stop nobody wants to talk to me in any language because I am a turd.

1000km in any direction from where I am would put me out in the Pacific somewhere. Dolphins and whales talk. Do sharks? I'd like to know before in case I need to talk them into not eating me.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Friedrice The great:
Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

And I cain't spel tu gute in Anglish, eeder. Ahm uh real Mercan.

Merde! Parlez vous Francais?

Nein, ich schlackte es.

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Friedrice The great:
Friedrice The great:
Matt Westwood:
Hans:
There are other languages spoken then English. Only Americans and British people are arrogant enough not to learn any other languages. Even French people talk other languages (but not always English though)

Schweinhund! Ich bin Englischer, ich sprechen Deutsch, du ist scheisskopf!

And I cain't spel tu gute in Anglish, eeder. Ahm uh real Mercan.

Merde! Parlez vous Francais?

Nein, ich schlackte es.

Cain't quot tu guud, eeder, lets see ifn ah cain git dis captcha rite, how'd'ya spel "opto"?

2012-04-06 Reply Admin

Anon:
TRWTF is all these Jonny Foreigners who can't be bothered learning English.
This is Earth. We speak English here.

Take your crazy moon language back to whatever hellhole planet you came from.

I am native speaker of that language, but i agree with you. I hate portuguese, now i write only in english. People are so stupid, they cant understand context. the user thinked that the translate combo of driver or something are used to translate document. what idiot.

2012-04-07 Reply Admin

It's the Marines who are cretins.

Army is from kinda dumb to quite smart. Navy even smarter. Air Force really smart.

Coast Guard is for wussies. National Guard is for those with rich daddies.

2012-04-09 Reply Admin

No Solo tengo que usar google translate y sabre que es lo que dice....

2012-04-09 Reply Admin

If it wasnt for the English and Americans all French people would speak German.

frits · 2012-04-10 Reply Admin

Frank:
It's the Marines who are cretins.
Army is from kinda dumb to quite smart. Navy even smarter. Air Force really smart.

Coast Guard is for wussies. National Guard is for those with rich daddies.

I served in both the Marines and Air National Guard. I also worked as a civilian for the Army.

If sense of humor is any indication of intelligence, the Marines are head and shoulders above the other services.

Missing Files, The Amazing Print Driver, and More Support Stories

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