The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

Nagesh · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

we all read and praise game of throne

Nagesh · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

we all read and praise game of throne. also lannister colour is gold like cersei hair colour.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Anonymous Paranoiac:
I once received a change request that consisted (and I am not making this up) entirely of "Please research and fix problem". Explanation? "Well, you always come and ask me questions about the request anyway, so why waste time trying to explain it?"
Have also received things like "Please add checkbox to form." Sure, no problem. Oh, did you want the checkbox to do something? Argh.

Sounds like stories from the maintenance log book on some airplanes. Problem: "Something loose in cockpit". Resolution: "Something tightened in cockpit".

DCRoss · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

brazzy:
And then Others International threatened them with a hostile takeover, and the only thing that could save them is a last-minute alliance with Targaryen Ltd., led by the daughter of their former CEO (ousted under unpleasant circumstances).
RIGHT?

You're probably right, but you're going to have to wait five years to find out where the takeover bid is coming from, and then seven more before anyone knows how it ends.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

DCRoss:
brazzy:
And then Others International threatened them with a hostile takeover, and the only thing that could save them is a last-minute alliance with Targaryen Ltd., led by the daughter of their former CEO (ousted under unpleasant circumstances).
RIGHT?
You're probably right, but you're going to have to wait five years to find out where the takeover bid is coming from, and then seven more before anyone knows how it ends.

Zing!

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

faoileag:
ratchet freak:
I'm more interested in that project that was lost on that stormy Christmas eve
The project lead was lost on Christmas Eve. In this context, this will translate into "sacked".

I think you might mean "escaped".

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Guestimate:
XXXXXX:
The best part about vague requirements is they are usually already met before I start coding.
when I get requirements for new job XL34G that read like:

Verify data in database

Run job XL34G

Write results to database

There is no way to implement that incorrectly.
I think you mean implemented correct.

As its written there it would call itself, eventually causing a memory overflow/out-of-resources situation and bomb.

But hey, at least the database has than been thouroughly checked! :-)

Who said that the spec has to be implemented with a recursive function?

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

I'll take "Obviously made up nonsense" for $500, Alex.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Geoff:
kev_the_dev:
The real WTF is why he stayed up to 3am looking for a form.

Honestly I think our "hero" is working in precisely the correct firm for him. Given he is a developer and can't use dir/find/grep/ls and friends. Finding web form or the code the produces it even in a really big code base should be fairly quick; unless perhaps there are like tons of cut and paste duplication.

For Stark Portal, Stuart forked LannisterNet’s codebase and changed the background color.

Fork = copy&paste everything, so if most projects are forks of some other project + some modifications.

Grey rabbit:
What if the string is not fully hard-coded? What if you are looking for "Investor Package" when this appears 1000 times in your 100 000+ files code base? What if the code is split in modules you have never even heard about? What if the form has been refactored?

I.e. what if the form has been reused+refactored through a few dozen project forks already?

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Paddles:
You just do the best you can. Michael will tell you if it’s right or not. You don’t ever ask him to clarify. We lost a good project lead that way.

I still can't see the downside in asking Michael to clarify.

Addendum (2013-12-12 08:52): Unless Michael studied management on Han's Island.

See, because "no one else" needs the help, so you must be too stupid to work there if you need him to "hold your hand" on "everything".

He'd much rather people spend a whole working week just to FIND the code to reuse than ask him "where is this, and what the hell does your chicken scratch say?", and everyone else seems content to enable him, so you're screwed.

ObiWayneKenobi · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
we all read and praise game of throne. also lannister colour is gold like cersei hair colour.

Pretty sure it's red primarily, and only the lion is gold.

Steve The Cynic · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Jeremy:
Paddles:
You just do the best you can. Michael will tell you if it’s right or not. You don’t ever ask him to clarify. We lost a good project lead that way.

I still can't see the downside in asking Michael to clarify.

Addendum (2013-12-12 08:52): Unless Michael studied management on Han's Island.

See, because "no one else" needs the help, so you must be too stupid to work there if you need him to "hold your hand" on "everything".

He'd much rather people spend a whole working week just to FIND the code to reuse than ask him "where is this, and what the hell does your chicken scratch say?", and everyone else seems content to enable him, so you're screwed.

You must be thinking of this one...

Just like Tycho, Stuart is not a hero.

cellocgw · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

ObiWayneKenobi:
Nagesh:
we all read and praise game of throne. also lannister colour is gold like cersei hair colour.

Pretty sure it's red primarily, and only the lion is gold.

LMGTFYBOLB (bunch of lazy b*&$#$) : House Lannister Sigil A golden lion rampant on a crimson field.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

I thought that Jaimie was trying to get Stuart fired by keeping Stuart from getting the true requirements from the boss.

But Stuart was just so good that he always made it work.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Mike:
Sounds like my boss. I'm barely exaggerating.

Yeah, as outlandish as this story sounds, I've had it happen to me.

chubertdev · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

The author accidentally thinking when the article.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

You were lucky. When I was just an intern at Initrode Ltd., we received a fax with a sketch of a test rig we were to build. The sketch was hand-drawn and all comments on the sketch were in german! Oh, requirement documents like the one in the story are all too familiar to me...

You got a fax of a sketch? Luxury! When I was an intern, we once received requirements on an Etch-A-Sketch delivered by a courier with untreated early stage Parkinsons.

ObiWayneKenobi · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

gummo:
You were lucky. When I was just an intern at Initrode Ltd., we received a fax with a sketch of a test rig we were to build. The sketch was hand-drawn and all comments on the sketch were in german! Oh, requirement documents like the one in the story are all too familiar to me...
You got a fax of a sketch? Luxury! When I was an intern, we once received requirements on an Etch-A-Sketch delivered by a courier with untreated early stage Parkinsons.

When I was an intern we had requirements written on our skin with ink, then hosed down so they became illegible and then we were locked in the office and forced to work 28 hour days to finish the project by close of business the day before yesterday or we would be stabbed by the CEO.

chubertdev · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

gummo:
You were lucky. When I was just an intern at Initrode Ltd., we received a fax with a sketch of a test rig we were to build. The sketch was hand-drawn and all comments on the sketch were in german! Oh, requirement documents like the one in the story are all too familiar to me...
You got a fax of a sketch? Luxury! When I was an intern, we once received requirements on an Etch-A-Sketch delivered by a courier with untreated early stage Parkinsons.

Shouldn't be an issue, then.

chubertdev · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

cellocgw:
ObiWayneKenobi:
Nagesh:
we all read and praise game of throne. also lannister colour is gold like cersei hair colour.

Pretty sure it's red primarily, and only the lion is gold.

LMGTFYBOLB (bunch of lazy b*&$#$) : House Lannister Sigil A golden lion rampant on a crimson field.

Just call it red AND gold. Just like how the Stark colors are gray AND white.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
we all read and praise game of throne

we all expected that, didn't we?

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

faoileag:
ratchet freak:
I'm more interested in that project that was lost on that stormy Christmas eve
The project lead was lost on Christmas Eve. In this context, this will translate into "sacked".

Well, it was a notably foggy Christmas Eve that year. But that's getting off-topic.

The project lead couldn't see where the project was heading, having noting to go on but a sketch of red sack labeled deliveries and what looked like a scroll with two X's next to it. When he asked for clarification, Micheal was so outraged, the poor guy was fired on the spot. He was replaced by a 'bright' young intern named Rudy, who, none of his co-workers liked, because he seemed like a smart-ass. They used to laugh at his ideas and call him names. But on that evening, his talent shown brightly, and he lead the project to completion gaining the respect of those around him.

It was such a major success, that it became a well-known part of the history of the company.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

ratchet freak:
I'm more interested in that project that was lost on that stormy Christmas eve

Well, now you have the requirements: go implement it.

-ALSO-

I'm not interested in anything related to work on Christmas eve.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

This sounds all too familiar -- with the financial references, the napkin and MS paint business requirements and directives to make a new project based on an existing one -- this sounds like a guy I know who worked at Convergex and is now at PNC Wealth in Philly.

chubertdev · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

One of the best skills of any good developer is to find a company where enough documentation is required to prevent this, but not so much that it prevents much from being accomplished.

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

I used to have a boss that wasn't far removed from this.

He'd provide very brief, very vague spec for a half-thought-through feature (for example a printout of a screenshot from Excel with some scrawl and arrows on it to 'demonstrate' how a multi-user web application should work), then any questions were answered with "Just go and write it, then I'll tell you what's wrong and you can take it away and fix it."

He'd then aggressively chase the project, change requirements at random, and finally complain bitterly when it didn't turn out to be exactly what he'd imagined it would be.

I always assumed that it was about wanting to take credit as the ideas man without having to go through the bothersome process of fully forming any.

(Another of his favourite tricks was to set up some 'new improved' IT system - DSL line, phone service, hosting service etc - balls it up, then several months later order somebody else in the company to fix it without any documentation, contact info, or login details because he couldn't be arsed to find them.)

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Yeap, this is all too common, I think, and I suspect not quite as made up as many might think....

I work in a team supporting an aging system (which will call SystemOriginal for anonimity). Our business area has often talked about replacing it (a noble idea), and we always insist that we need fairly through requirements. The conversation often goes like this: B: "We want you to replace SystemOriginal" X: "Ok, have you got any requirements?" B: "Yes, we want everything SystemOriginal does" X: "You know SystemOriginal already does that, right?" B: "Yes, but it's old and we want something new and shiny" X: "Ok, what do you need?" B: "We need something that does what SystemOriginal does, that LOOKS like SystemOriginal (so we don't have to retrain the monkeys using it) but is newer and better than SystemOriginal" X: "Better? What do you want better?:" B: "You know, because SystemOriginal is old" X: "Ok, what if we charged you $2million and you can keep SystemOriginal?" B: "I don't think you're being very helpful...." etc ad infinitum....

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Sprinted as if marathon?

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

n_slash_a:
Anonymous Paranoiac:
I once received a change request that consisted (and I am not making this up) entirely of "Please research and fix problem". Explanation? "Well, you always come and ask me questions about the request anyway, so why waste time trying to explain it?"
Have also received things like "Please add checkbox to form." Sure, no problem. Oh, did you want the checkbox to do something? Argh.
Sounds like stories from the maintenance log book on some airplanes. Problem: "Something loose in cockpit". Resolution: "Something tightened in cockpit".

Ah yes, I remember those back when I was an Air Man. Here you go, courtesy of C&P:

Some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: Target Radar hums Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't." Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent." Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative." Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing." Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: Aircraft handles funny Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

2013-12-12 Reply Admin

Burl Ives:
faoileag:
ratchet freak:
I'm more interested in that project that was lost on that stormy Christmas eve
The project lead was lost on Christmas Eve. In this context, this will translate into "sacked".
Well, it was a notably foggy Christmas Eve that year. But that's getting off-topic.
The project lead couldn't see where the project was heading, having noting to go on but a sketch of red sack labeled deliveries and what looked like a scroll with two X's next to it. When he asked for clarification, Micheal was so outraged, the poor guy was fired on the spot. He was replaced by a 'bright' young intern named Rudy, who, none of his co-workers liked, because he seemed like a smart-ass. They used to laugh at his ideas and call him names. But on that evening, his talent shown brightly, and he lead the project to completion gaining the respect of those around him.

It was such a major success, that it became a well-known part of the history of the company.

Fog was OK but he was useless when it rained here. We couldn't get any work done when our mouses didn't even move. We couldn't even tell if our checkboxes had been clicked twice. Heard someone decked them because their style was gay.

Now with the energy crisis we'll be real lucky if we get coal in our stockings.

Coyne · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

My project request:

Get right on it. Due Tuesday. The requirements are very complete within my mind.

lucidfox · 2013-12-12 Reply Admin

He probably accidentally the forum code.

Better? :)

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

Why do I get the feeling that using "attacked" instead of "attached" was intentional?

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

The real WTF is that Michael gets away with that.

If noone would accept that requirements, he could not get the work done, and will be replaced sooner or later.

And why accept it to work in that hell?

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

brazzy:
Fritz:
Are the fake names meant to make sense/be funny?

They're all from the epic, gory fantasy novel/TV series "Game of Thrones", though their usage doesn't mirror anything from its storyline.

Oh great so we have confirmation that these things are written by literal children. Has there been an article with Twilight characters yet?

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

iMalc:
Why do I get the feeling that using "attacked" instead of "attached" was intentional?

Especially since it looks like he lost.

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

at least your boss can get sales. did you know some company went down over because it unable to sell anything....

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

n_slash_a:
Anonymous Paranoiac:
I once received a change request that consisted (and I am not making this up) entirely of "Please research and fix problem". Explanation? "Well, you always come and ask me questions about the request anyway, so why waste time trying to explain it?"
Have also received things like "Please add checkbox to form." Sure, no problem. Oh, did you want the checkbox to do something? Argh.
Sounds like stories from the maintenance log book on some airplanes. Problem: "Something loose in cockpit". Resolution: "Something tightened in cockpit".

Not too long ago, I received a task "Unknown error in application".

It turned out the application displayed the word "Unknown" in a field where it should've been blank instead.

I couldn't resist writing "Unknown solution implemented" when I finished the task.

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

wernsey:
n_slash_a:
Anonymous Paranoiac:
I once received a change request that consisted (and I am not making this up) entirely of "Please research and fix problem". Explanation? "Well, you always come and ask me questions about the request anyway, so why waste time trying to explain it?"
Have also received things like "Please add checkbox to form." Sure, no problem. Oh, did you want the checkbox to do something? Argh.
Sounds like stories from the maintenance log book on some airplanes. Problem: "Something loose in cockpit". Resolution: "Something tightened in cockpit".

Not too long ago, I received a task "Unknown error in application".

It turned out the application displayed the word "Unknown" in a field where it should've been blank instead.

I couldn't resist writing "Unknown solution implemented" when I finished the task.

I recently ran across a Business Requirement that just said "Add value to customer", all other fields being empty. It was still at the "0 - Idea" stage and I think someone just clicked save a bit too early but, then again, it's literally a very good idea vOv

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

Gabriel Dennitch:
Did he accidentally the whole forum code?

My father once accidentally the whole forum code and let me assure you it was no laughing matter!

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

I don't know, sounds like my boss, esp a few years ago, accept all his developers are remote, so they would not be working together.

Nagesh · 2013-12-13 Reply Admin

ObiWayneKenobi:
Nagesh:
we all read and praise game of throne. also lannister colour is gold like cersei hair colour.

Pretty sure it's red primarily, and only the lion is gold.

her hair colour is red. are you colour blind, mr obi-wank-enobi?

Nagesh · 2013-12-13 Reply Admin

The President's Daughter:
Gabriel Dennitch:
Did he accidentally the whole forum code?

My father once accidentally the whole forum code and let me assure you it was no laughing matter!

Glad to know that you're alive. So did you lick the virus?

no laughing matter · 2013-12-13 Reply Admin

Reductio Ad Ridiculousum:
Here you go, courtesy of C&P:

You forgot one of the best ones (also courtesy of C&P): Problem: Mouse in cockpit Solution: "Cat installed."

no laughing matter · 2013-12-13 Reply Admin

The President's Daughter:
My father once accidentally the whole forum code and let me assure you it was no laughing matter!

I objection with this accusation! It libel and slander!

2013-12-13 Reply Admin

It would be so much funnier if this wasn't how more than half of the tech startups in NYC function!

Can't speak for other places as I'm not familiar with those scenes, but I'm sure they are not too far away either.

2013-12-14 Reply Admin

My old manager was sort of like this (not quite to this extent) but it worked. I worked with him for 8 years and I knew how he thought. When I started he would give me 10 page project briefs, jut before he left we were down to about 1/2 page briefs and it contained enough details for me to complete the project

2013-12-14 Reply Admin

Well, even if this was true, the only sane course of action would have been to release software to your client with the exact screen consisting of illegible daubs sent in that last image, as per the requirements, hopefully resulting in instant dismissal from the job.

Otherwise the real WTF is why anybody would put up with working for such an incompetent asshole.

2013-12-15 Reply Admin

Fritz:
Are the fake names meant to make sense/be funny?

Yes.

2013-12-16 Reply Admin

Tom:
brazzy:
They're all from the epic, gory fantasy novel/TV series "Game of Thrones", though their usage doesn't mirror anything from its storyline.
Actually, it does: the color of the Lannisters is red, and the color of the Starks is grey...

But http://lannister.net/ is actually amber, not gray.

Requirements by MSPaint

Leave a comment on “Requirements by MSPaint”