The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Harrow:
The sooner these a$$hats go out of business the better.

Sorry, we can't allow that. My mission is to look like I'm saving jobs at all costs. We'll scrape $BIGNUM off the productive people and give it to the failures to bail them out, because we in Central Planning know more about which businesses should live and die than their own customers do.

Nagesh · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

PedanticCurmudgeon:
TRWTF is that Josh didn't start looking for another job when Doug declared himself QA Officer and Build Officer.

First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.

Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

Sometime it is better to sit out and wait your turn. Doug might commit some mistake and then before you can spell your last name, you are in charge. Always look at green grass on your side before looking on the other side of railway line.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

Finally! We have undeniable proof Nagesh isn't really from India. Everyone knows there are no jobs in India. Just bartering one day's work for a bundle of live chickens tied together by their feet.

I just know somebody's got a picture from Hyderabad to go with this...

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
Doug might commit some mistake and then before you can spell your last name, you are in charge.

The "Dougs" of the world spend most of their paltry energy compiling "gotcha" material on those in a position to fire them, making them invincible. It's the American Way! (TM)

C-Octothorpe · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Tom:
Nagesh:
Doug might commit some mistake and then before you can spell your last name, you are in charge.
The "Dougs" of the world spend most of their paltry energy compiling "gotcha" material on those in a position to fire them, making them invincible. It's the American Way! (TM)

You forgot about the fact that they amass large quantities of material which absolves them of all blame, and points to their underlings/coworkers.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.

Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Nagesh:
It is easy to look for a job, but not easy to get one.

Matt Westwood · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jack:
Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.

Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Nagesh:
It is easy to look for a job, but not easy to get one.

Yes it is. It's a piece of cake when you're competent.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jack:
It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.
Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Is it fair to expect others to hold your feelings dear? Do you expect the world to confrom to your annoyances? No!

captcha: iusto -- iusto care, now I don't givadam

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Wow, "oubliette". Now there's a word you don't see every day. The post was worth it just for that.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Paul Neumann:
Jeff:
C-Octothorpe:
print "Hmm, last week you said it's " percent * 1.1 " percent done."
So where is it written that status meetings have to be weekly? Imagine if we held them every 8 working days instead. Productivity would jump 60%!
You are quite correct. Daily status meetings make for shorter meetings and more productive time which is monitored.

I once worked with a PM who insisted on four-hour daily status meetings.

The really surprising thing was that the project was only four weeks late.

All the time was invoiced, and oddly he doesn't work for us now. He doesn't even work in our industry now...

Sometimes I wonder what he's doing. Then I check his LinkedIn profile and it makes the rest of my day so much better.

PedanticCurmudgeon · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jack:
Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.

Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Nagesh:
It is easy to look for a job, but not easy to get one.

Look, if you must feed the troll, at least do a better job of it. You've missed the most important point: If it's difficult to get a new job, that makes it even more important to start looking as soon as you know things are headed to WTF-land.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

manager:
And this is why it's good to be a manager who was a developer and to listen to what your devs say.
Then, we fire people like Doug.

I think that's rare too...

I know a few managers who were once developers. Apparently, it took them (before my time) quite some time to distance themselves from any development (early on, they still wanted to be hands on). They actually became better managers by stepping away from the technical side of things. I think the greatest difficulty for them now is separating what they knew originally, from what their team knows and then again from ulterior motives that their team might have (not necessarily malicious, but if Charlie wants to port an Application to C# because that's his favourite flavour then some assessment still needs to be made on Business benefits, irrespective of what Charlie might claim the technical benefits might be).

I still have little time for managers who don't understand even high level discussions, however I must say I'm increasingly realising how difficult it is to be a good manager - especially if you have come from a technical background.

I know there's a couple of people here who claim to be (hell, all managers I know claim to be good managers), and some of them may well be, but I think a good manager (even from a technical background) is a lot less common than people seem to think - and promoting techo's into management roles (even if their willing) does not seem to fix the problem as well as it may appear on the surface.

CAPTCHA: validus

Zylon · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Tristian:
(even if their willing)

Even if their willing WHAT?

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jeff:
C-Octothorpe:
print "Hmm, last week you said it's " percent * 1.1 " percent done."
So where is it written that status meetings have to be weekly? Imagine if we held them every 8 working days instead. Productivity would jump 60%!

Yes, this place had a similar idea. They redesigned the building and reduced the number of toilets. We went from having several toilets which could each accomodate 4 pissers and 4 shitters to a single toilet that accomodates 2 pissers and 2 shitters (not sure about the girl's toilets - it's not a purely IT shop). Productivity is significantly increased, because people feel they can't take as many breaks, and feel uncomfortable taking up shitting space just to work out their sudoku (although I suspect some of them take the pencils in to work something else out....)

Just sayin'

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

PedanticCurmudgeon:
TRWTF is that Josh didn't start looking for another job when Doug declared himself QA Officer and Build Officer.

He probably did, but that was during the great depression, so there wasn't much work around. It's just taken the DWTF people that long to post this story

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

I'm not bitter:
Paul Neumann:
Jeff:
C-Octothorpe:
print "Hmm, last week you said it's " percent * 1.1 " percent done."
So where is it written that status meetings have to be weekly? Imagine if we held them every 8 working days instead. Productivity would jump 60%!
You are quite correct. Daily status meetings make for shorter meetings and more productive time which is monitored.
I once worked with a PM who insisted on four-hour daily status meetings.
The really surprising thing was that the project was only four weeks late.

All the time was invoiced, and oddly he doesn't work for us now. He doesn't even work in our industry now...

Sometimes I wonder what he's doing. Then I check his LinkedIn profile and it makes the rest of my day so much better.

He's moved on from Accenture, has he?

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jo:
Yes, this place had a similar idea. They redesigned the building and reduced the number of toilets. We went from having several toilets which could each accomodate 4 pissers and 4 shitters to a single toilet that accomodates 2 pissers and 2 shitters (not sure about the girl's toilets - it's not a purely IT shop). Productivity is significantly increased, because people feel they can't take as many breaks, and feel uncomfortable taking up shitting space just to work out their sudoku (although I suspect some of them take the pencils in to work something else out....)
Just sayin'

I hope you are using "toilet" as a synonym for "restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo". Because if it's what I mean when I say "toilet", then that's pretty gross.

C-Octothorpe · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jack:
Jo:
Yes, this place had a similar idea. They redesigned the building and reduced the number of toilets. We went from having several toilets which could each accomodate 4 pissers and 4 shitters to a single toilet that accomodates 2 pissers and 2 shitters (not sure about the girl's toilets - it's not a purely IT shop). Productivity is significantly increased, because people feel they can't take as many breaks, and feel uncomfortable taking up shitting space just to work out their sudoku (although I suspect some of them take the pencils in to work something else out....)
Just sayin'

I hope you are using "toilet" as a synonym for "restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo". Because if it's what I mean when I say "toilet", then that's pretty gross.

There is no better team building exercise than dropping a deuce right next to each other...

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
Jack:
Jo:
Yes, this place had a similar idea. They redesigned the building and reduced the number of toilets. We went from having several toilets which could each accomodate 4 pissers and 4 shitters to a single toilet that accomodates 2 pissers and 2 shitters (not sure about the girl's toilets - it's not a purely IT shop). Productivity is significantly increased, because people feel they can't take as many breaks, and feel uncomfortable taking up shitting space just to work out their sudoku (although I suspect some of them take the pencils in to work something else out....)
Just sayin'

I hope you are using "toilet" as a synonym for "restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo". Because if it's what I mean when I say "toilet", then that's pretty gross.
There is no better team building exercise than dropping a deuce right next to each other...

I am intrigued as to what (other than a shithouse) a toilet might be that would make this all gross. Unless a shithouse is not a synonymn for restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo

Silverhill · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Remy Porter:
It could be easily distingushed from a broom closet by the piece of duct tape with "SEVER ROOM" sharpied onto it.

They should have taken the hint, and severed themselves from the "project" immediately.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

C-Octothorpe:
There is no better team building exercise than dropping a deuce right next to each other...

Queue Hyderabad pictures in 3 .. 2 ..

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jo:
I am intrigued as to what (other than a shithouse) a toilet might be that would make this all gross. Unless a shithouse is not a synonymn for restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo

A literal toilet. You know, like one big porcelain thing that seats 8.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Jack:
Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.

Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Nagesh:
It is easy to look for a job, but not easy to get one.

You do know he's paid by the line of code, right? That obviously spills over into his postings as well.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Paul Neumann:
It sounds like Josh has a chip on his shoulder and is the real glory hog in this story. Just because you don't understand industry best practices doesn't mean they are meaningless or that the person enforcing them is stupid. The original developers were flexible enough to adapt to the contractor's style, but the contractors couldn't take being managed properly by a real project manager. That is TRWTF!

Great satire, the depressing part is that I have been given this speech for real when the client or manager asks the impossible. Manager who has never coded wants every line commented so he can understand it? It's your fault it takes you longer to code!

Managing is so often all about creating overhead when it should be about removing inefficiency. I mean, a job has to pay for its self, not create more of a job.

havokk · 2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Chris V:
Stories like this aren't even mildly amusing to me. They strike far too close to home and really just send my blood pressure into the stratosphere.

Agreed. I'm not a violent man but I'd make an exception for Doug.

Alternatively, if I have any control over Doungs email server or web proxy server then violence is not required.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

:):
Jo:
I am intrigued as to what (other than a shithouse) a toilet might be that would make this all gross. Unless a shithouse is not a synonymn for restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo
A literal toilet. You know, like one big porcelain thing that seats 8.

Oh, I would say "Toilet Bowl" or "Toilet Seat" or "Parliament" for that (depending on context).

Makes me smirk everytime I hear Parliament is sitting. I imagine a roomful of politicians all in the John....

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

I find myself tempted to document all of the typos and searching them for a hidden message.

Anyone know what it says?

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

Clayton:
I find myself tempted to document all of the typos and searching them for a hidden message.
Anyone know what it says?

Clearly, it's a reproduction of the Rosetta Stone.

2012-01-31 Reply Admin

This sounds like SOP, so what's the WTF? Oh, and, synergy MF's!

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Y'all need to do a better job of training your project managers. The only thing they need to know about the project is that I like my coffee white with one sugar.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

TWTF is contractors that know anything about software development best practices!

QJo · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

"SEVER ROOM" - is that where the power unaccountably gets cut off?

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Reading about Doug nearly made me cry. Poor devs.

dkf · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

The QA Officer (Doug) had to approve any code before it could be checked into source control.

That's wrong, right there. I can understand wanting to control who commits/merges to the production branches, but that's why development branches are a good thing. Of course, they're using VSS which is TRWTF indeed.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

I am unfortunately have many peple working above me. It is being overly warm inside at newly-started job. Senority having permision to work under tarp.

[image]

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

do we work at the same place? We have an eerily similar staffing situation (except one team of 4 developers.

hoodaticus · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Jack:
Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.

Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Nagesh:
It is easy to look for a job, but not easy to get one.

Yes it is. It's a piece of cake when you're competent.

Yes, it's actually too easy. It's so easy to get hired you have to guard against short-changing yourself.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

:):
Jo:
I am intrigued as to what (other than a shithouse) a toilet might be that would make this all gross. Unless a shithouse is not a synonymn for restroom/bathroom/washroom/lavatory/loo
A literal toilet. You know, like one big porcelain thing that seats 8.

Irony: "toilet" is actually a euphemism. It comes from the French "toilette" and it means the process of cleaning yourself up and making yourself presentable first thing in the morning, with possible touch up toilettes later in the day. The word eventually came to mean the room where one did this (so, basically synonymous with "washroom"). In some anglophone countries, such as the United States, it peculiarly came to mean the actual commode upon which one sits to eliminate.

So the confusion here is that in America, a "toilet" refers to the porcelain throne, while in many other countries, it refers to the room containing said fixture. The confusion is increased by the existence of actual "two-seater" commodes....

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

This is probably one of the saddest wtf's I've read. It started with a bleak situation, your typical wtf that usually doesn't go any further. We get a code snippet of some quad state boolean or 1000 level case statement and go on our merry way.

But not today, today the little train that could was thrown in and it chugged and chugged and lo, there was the light of hope. The end was in sight, and my heart soared. "At finally, I thought, score one for the good guys. A happily ever after perchance." I read onward daring to expect more upliftment, at last, some evidence for my conviction that hard, intelligent work & noble intentions & effort will pay off in the end.

But no, the door was darkened by a vile shadow, a ghoul that suckles at the very core of your soul. The soaring heart, once more tugged to earth by the gravity of bureaucracy, the black hole of officialdom, and it crashed into the hard earth and once more ground under the pompous boot of mediocre middle management. That flickering light, the brief glimmer of happier days extinguished in an instant. The despair returns, this time with no chance of respite. There is only darkness. There. Is. Only. Pain.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

bored 2 death:
do we work at the same place? We have an eerily similar staffing situation (except one team of 4 developers.

That sounds like the office on floor 3. I'm in the office on floor 4. I've recommended multiple times that your team of four be split into 2 teams of two for greater efficiency.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

PiisAWheeL:
Just to piss off the fist kiddies! :)

So urine is your preferred secretion, huh? How far do you have to reach in to make that happen?

I image if you apply the right amount of pressure in the right spot, the poor thing will have no way to prevent it happening.

Ah.... So young, so confused, so supple...

PiisAWheeL · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

lolcatz:
PiisAWheeL:
luptatum:
PiisAWheeL:
Fred:
It also draws something far more sinister: project managers
Indeed.
who want to steal that glory for themselves.
But you repeat yourself.
Project Managers are TRWTF, 9.7 times out of 10.

I have a theory that a Project Manager is actually just a 7-line VB loop:

"Is it done yet?"

"When will it be done?"

GO TO 1
I like how you are billing for 4 lines of white-space ;)
That reminded me of a few times I heard some bozo devs (especially conducting job interviews) brag about their app, like: "this app has 20 thousand lines of code, you know" (like, that's a measure of anything related to features or quality).
No, but it is a pretty good measure of what the invoice looks like.

It also just occured to me that your 7 line function doesn't accept any input... well played :)

It is also only 5 lines.

6 If you count the one before "Is it done yet?". And that still doesn't stop him from billing for 7.

Is that a suppository up my ass or are you just happy to see me?:
PiisAWheeL:
Just to piss off the fist kiddies! :)
So urine is your preferred secretion, huh? How far do you have to reach in to make that happen?
I image if you apply the right amount of pressure in the right spot, the poor thing will have no way to prevent it happening.

Ah.... So young, so confused, so supple...

No, My preferred secretion is brain matter extracted with high velocity lead.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

PiisAWheeL:
Is that a suppository up my ass or are you just happy to see me?:
PiisAWheeL:
Just to piss off the fist kiddies! :)
So urine is your preferred secretion, huh? How far do you have to reach in to make that happen?
I image if you apply the right amount of pressure in the right spot, the poor thing will have no way to prevent it happening.

Ah.... So young, so confused, so supple...
No, My preferred secretion is brain matter extracted with high velocity lead.

Oh, lord, a gun nut.

People like you ought to be locked up.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Hopefully they got paid.

This comment is only 20% done. It should be 60% done in two weeks, but something else will happend so let's say 6 more weeks. Then the last 20% will take 6 more months. Then I'll redo it all from scratch.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

For all the pricks, who think, its easy to get a job, there's ten quid here that says you haven't had the need to look for one.

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Paul Neumann:
Where I work, we have 4 project managers, 2 product owners, 3 team managers, 8 business analysts, 2 teams of 3 developers and a QA. That is the only way for things to be accomplished properly.

.. and a partridge in a pear tree!

2012-02-01 Reply Admin

to drunk to think of a name:
Paul Neumann:
It sounds like Josh has a chip on his shoulder and is the real glory hog in this story. Just because you don't understand industry best practices doesn't mean they are meaningless or that the person enforcing them is stupid. The original developers were flexible enough to adapt to the contractor's style, but the contractors couldn't take being managed properly by a real project manager. That is TRWTF!

Great satire, the depressing part is that I have been given this speech for real when the client or manager asks the impossible. Manager who has never coded wants every line commented so he can understand it? It's your fault it takes you longer to code!

Managing is so often all about creating overhead when it should be about removing inefficiency. I mean, a job has to pay for its self, not create more of a job.

The best explanation I have heard from an IT PM, the job is to communicate and facilitate and that's it. Also, Josh should have scripted his source checkin to generate the requested reports. It's not that tough to bury the process guys in paperwork. Double-bonus - the really crazy ones LOVE it.

Nagesh · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
Jack:
Nagesh:
First: Is it easy to look for job? Answer this? Yes.
Second: Is it easy to get job? Answer this? No.

It bothers enough me when people ask a question, only to answer it in the same breath. Somehow you've made this twice as annoying.

Tell me, did you even consider this phrasing?

Nagesh:
It is easy to look for a job, but not easy to get one.

Yes it is. It's a piece of cake when you're competent.

I am sure you are joking. Real life different from movie made in Bollywood.

PiisAWheeL · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

Is that a suppository up my ass or are you just happy to see me?:
PiisAWheeL:
Is that a suppository up my ass or are you just happy to see me?:
PiisAWheeL:
Just to piss off the fist kiddies! :)
So urine is your preferred secretion, huh? How far do you have to reach in to make that happen?
I image if you apply the right amount of pressure in the right spot, the poor thing will have no way to prevent it happening.

Ah.... So young, so confused, so supple...
No, My preferred secretion is brain matter extracted with high velocity lead.
Oh, lord, a gun nut.

People like you ought to be locked up.

Goto google. Type in the following: gun laws and crime

I found the 3rd search result very informative, but they all come to a general concensus. I know its off topic but you should look it up. You might be suprised at what you learn.

C-Octothorpe · 2012-02-01 Reply Admin

mike:
For all the pricks, who think, its easy to get a job, there's ten quid here that says you haven't had the need to look for one.

It is, easy, to get a jo,b as long as you,'re not a complete moron, who struggles with , ,, punctuation;

Save the Project for Failure

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