• PIercy (unregistered)

    id commit suicide if my company was like that. Thats awful.

    oh first? :)

  • Ryuzaki (unregistered)

    First!

    And wow, don't you love "the process".

    :The Process": Preventing anything productive from being done since the dawn of man.

  • Justice (cs)

    This isn't bureaucracy so much as idiotic slavery to process. Real hardcore bureaucracy would have required someone from the State's central IT office to set up the printer, in person, on a wooden table.

  • Andy Goth (cs)

    Silly me, I thought processes were originally developed to maximize productivity.

  • Crabs (unregistered)

    Not exactly. Processes usually hinder productivity, and this is not only true in IT but every sector. I'd be much more productive in house building if I didn't need an architect or any permits in order to do so.

    Processes provide accountability, which for a big company is important. Unfortunately, some processes have been built so that no one person can be held accountable (and this is on purpose), and so the fault lies with the process itself. The process, not being a sentient being but rather an intangible noun, gets complained about, but no one using the process ever gets in trouble.

  • Yep (unregistered)

    Wait. Clicking Ignore completed the installation?

    I didn't see a Cancel button on that form. Did they shut down the computer in the middle of the installation without canceling out first?

  • halcyon1234 (cs)
    “Uhhh,” she said in a condescending tone, “just pick up your phone and press 7, 7, 4, 6, 2, 1, 6. That’s the support line.”

    Ben walked back to his desk and reasoned that he must have pressed one of the wrong buttons on the phone keypad. He tried it again, slowly. 7. 7. 4. 6. 2. 1. 6.

    Well there's your problem. Jessica clearly said to use commas, not periods.

    Maybe next time you should use XML.

  • SPain (unregistered)

    We are an IT Consulting company that contracts with a state run rehab clinic. One day I watched them spend $30k on a teleconferencing setup because they had grant money from the state that they had to spend by 5:00 PM. They never use the damn thing. Doesn't have much to do with the story above but watching them waste my tax dollars in real time was a new experience.

  • Asiago Chow (unregistered)

    The joy of accountability. Jessica needed to keep her call volumes up. Going around the system would've lowered her numbers and perhaps cost her a cushy job.

    The real WTF was Ben not knowing how to place a call on the phone system used by his employer.

  • TopCod3r (cs)

    I pretty much function as technical support for my team, setting up things like start menu shortcuts and icons. I have even written some useful programs that I gave to the corporate support group. You get better response from them if they know they owe you for giving them free programs.

    I have heard NO complaints from them, so I am very pleased with a rate of zero defects. Every time I ask my friend in tech support how they are working out, he gets a big smile and says they are working perfectly.

    Here are some examples of programs I have written for our technical support group:

    ud.exe - this goes up a directory, so instead of typing "cd.." you can simply type "ud"

    ud2.exe - this goes up TWO directories at once, so it is like doing ud twice.

    ud3.exe - this goes up THREE directories at once (you get the picture by now I hope).

    mkdirrandom.exe - makes a new directory with a random name, using a random number generator I wrote (I adapted the code someone posted on this site).

    regall.exe - this recursively searches your hard drive for all DLLs and runs regsvr32.exe on each one so everything will work again if a DLL registration gets messed up.

    backupall.exe - this backs up all exes, dlls, ocxs, and tmp files in case you need to restore your computer. It puts them in a folder called C:\backupall.

  • Brandon (unregistered)

    Oh man, this pales in comparison to some of the crap at the FEDERAL government!

    Plus this whole remoting in from a cube 5 feet away reminds me of when I worked a contract gig (non-government). Everyone there was encouraged to use IM to "facilitate communication on critical projects". Never mind the fact that everyone used public IM (yahoo, AIM, etc) and unencrypted to boot. TRWTF was the fact that a simple IM message was sent over 1500 miles (my guess) just to go about 3 feet.

  • Master TMO (unregistered)

    runs screaming in terror

    (and I'm even in IT)

  • Adam (unregistered)

    I like using IM at work. Unlike a "meeting" people can respond in their own time if they're busy, it's less disturbing to the work environment than a casual conversation, and you have a record of the conversation. All-in-all, an instant message system is a great business tool.

  • Chris (unregistered)
    Jessica was the lead network technician, and her cubicle was directly next to Michael’s. “You’re going to have to call support,” she told Ben, “just dial out 774-6216.”

    TRWTF is that she was right next to him when he was talking to her over the phone, How is that possible without hearing the delay that occurs when using phones? He should have realised it was her straight away.

  • SenTree (cs)

    By a happy coincidence:

    http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com/

    Good for 25th September 2008 only, of course, otherwise it should be in their archive, but the way that's presented is a bit WTF'y in itself.

  • Tephlon (unregistered)

    Obligatory:

    Comment goes here after filling out form 211-B.*

    • Please request form 211-B by calling 774-6216 on an outside line. (For instructions on how to reach an outside line, please refer to page 37 in your communications manual. If you do not have a communications manual, please request one by filling out form 912-C. Form 912-C can be requested from by calling 774-1234 on an outside line)

    Captcha : "sino" ("Bell" in Portuguese)

  • Tephlon (unregistered) in reply to SenTree
    Comment held for moderation.
  • shane (unregistered)

    ok. my brain just exploded...

  • dgvid (cs)
    ...and then it dawned on him. There was a reason that the support rep’s voice sounded so familiar: she was Jessica, and 774-6216 was Jessica’s number.
    If this happened to me, I would kill Jessica. By strangling her. With my bare hands.

    No jury of my peers would convict me.*

    *E.g., Truckules, Swiss Missery, Fee Waybil of The Tubes, ...

  • DaveAronson (cs) in reply to halcyon1234
    halcyon1234:
    press 7, 7, 4, 6, 2, 1, 6. That’s the support line.”

    Ben walked back to his desk and reasoned that he must have pressed one of the wrong buttons on the phone keypad. He tried it again, slowly. 7. 7. 4. 6. 2. 1. 6.

    Well there's your problem. Jessica clearly said to use commas, not periods.

    Maybe next time you should use XML.

    Have you tried.JavaScript?

  • DoctorFriday (cs)

    Oh great...774-2612...that's one digit off from dialing the local help desk here at work.

    And yes...you can dial 8 first to dial internally.

  • SHMUK (unregistered) in reply to Adam
    Comment held for moderation.
  • duh (unregistered)

    serious fricken bureaucracy is not more than three word

  • jtl (unregistered)

    The real tragedy is that the process works.

  • vman (unregistered) in reply to Tephlon
    Tephlon:
    Obligatory:

    Comment goes here after filling out form 211-B.*

    • Please request form 211-B by calling 774-6216 on an outside line. (For instructions on how to reach an outside line, please refer to page 37 in your communications manual. If you do not have a communications manual, please request one by filling out form 912-C. Form 912-C can be requested from by calling 774-1234 on an outside line)

    Captcha : "sino" ("Bell" in Portuguese)

    If you don't play Paranoia, you should...that's almost exactly the type of thing you'd see in alpha complex.

  • Disconnected Printer (unregistered) in reply to DaveAronson
    DaveAronson:
    halcyon1234:
    press 7, 7, 4, 6, 2, 1, 6. That’s the support line.”

    Ben walked back to his desk... He tried it again, slowly. 7. 7. 4. 6. 2. 1. 6.

    Well there's your problem. Jessica clearly said to use commas, not periods.
    Have you tried.JavaScript?
    No, but I have tried,JavaScript. Using a comma not a period of course.

  • SenTree (cs) in reply to Tephlon
    Tephlon:
    Direct link: http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com/default.aspx?id=433e53e1-26bd-413b-9bfb-e8948e8fd517

    (Go back one day and then forward one day..., Silly, I know.)

    Ah, thanks. Why they need such a long string instead of just the date, I don't know. Let's hope it's static !

  • TheDev (unregistered) in reply to duh
    duh:
    serious fricken bureaucracy is not more than three word
    But "bureaucracy, bureaucracy, serious fricken bureaucracy" is, which was the point.
  • Zap Brannigan (unregistered) in reply to SPain
    SPain:
    We are an IT Consulting company that contracts with a state run rehab clinic. One day I watched them spend $30k on a teleconferencing setup because they had grant money from the state that they had to spend by 5:00 PM. They never use the damn thing. Doesn't have much to do with the story above but watching them waste my tax dollars in real time was a new experience.
    Don't blame the state, teleconferencing is a WTF. Last several places I worked put them in for many $. Lots of technical problems ect. we gave up and scrapped it. I got large screen TV to take home.
  • akatherder (cs)

    Has anyone ever worked in a union shop? It takes at least 4 groups to move a computer:

    Facilities to physically move it. Electrician to plug in the power cable. Network engineer to plug in the network cable. Sysadmin to plug in the mouse and keyboard.

  • Raedwald (cs) in reply to jtl
    jtl:
    The real tragedy is that the process works.

    We have a winner.

    It pains me how hard it is to fix dysfunctional things when management believes everything is OK.

  • Adarsha (unregistered)

    Ben must have missed one thing. He did not mention Jessica filling out a Form F404:FileCanBeIgonered form before clicking Ignore.. Follow the process Mr.Ben!!

  • (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Tommy Tutone (unregistered)

    Our help desk number is 867-5309. Jenny is really helpful.

  • Steve (unregistered)

    While it's an obvious pain in the tush to have to call someone on the phone who is in the same office, it probably makes some form of bureaucratic sense. The calls might be monitored, recorded, and logged for accounting or other purposes. Having them in a log means that there is an evidentiary trail when something seriously goes wrong.

    Otherwise, it becomes a "he said-she said" situation that becomes impossible to adjudicate. It's a system which protects both parties.

    While a lot of these rules seem stupid and petty, often there's a reason for them.

    At least that's my guess.

  • JimmyVile (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • JimmyVile (unregistered) in reply to JimmyVile

    Double fail, I made a typo, AND I was beaten to it by Tommy Tutone himself!

    /damn you Tommy Tutone! //see what I did there

  • Sergej (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    I pretty much function as technical support for my team, setting up things like start menu shortcuts and icons.
    Amazing! How do you get a job like that?
    TopCod3r:
    ud.exe - this goes up a directory, so instead of typing "cd.." you can simply type "ud"
    You wrote a program for this??
    TopCod3r:
    mkdirrandom.exe - makes a new directory with a random name, using a random number generator I wrote (I adapted the code someone posted on this site).
    I'm not going to ask why your team members need to create random directories because I'm afraid to find out. But why on earth did you have to reinvent a random number generator?
  • Ozz (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    Here are some examples of programs I have written for our technical support group:

    ud.exe - this goes up a directory, so instead of typing "cd.." you can simply type "ud"

    ud2.exe - this goes up TWO directories at once, so it is like doing ud twice.

    ud3.exe - this goes up THREE directories at once (you get the picture by now I hope).

    mkdirrandom.exe - makes a new directory with a random name, using a random number generator I wrote (I adapted the code someone posted on this site).

    regall.exe - this recursively searches your hard drive for all DLLs and runs regsvr32.exe on each one so everything will work again if a DLL registration gets messed up.

    backupall.exe - this backs up all exes, dlls, ocxs, and tmp files in case you need to restore your computer. It puts them in a folder called C:\backupall.

    A\/\/S0m3 DooD!

    Send me teh c0dez!

  • Code Chutney (unregistered) in reply to Chris

    I cry foul too - how did Jessica call her own phone: 'Jessica picked up her phone and pressed 8, 1, 7, 7, 4, 6, 2, 1, 6. “There, see?”' ...and get someone - maybe Ben didn't check whether there was a ringing tone? Still a funny story tho!

  • Ozz (unregistered) in reply to Sergej
    Sergej:
    TopCod3r:
    I pretty much function as technical support for my team, setting up things like start menu shortcuts and icons.
    Amazing! How do you get a job like that?
    WOOSH! (Clue: look at who you're quoting...)
  • jonnyq (cs)

    How, in that situation, do you not stand up and ask why the hell they're doing that? And if so, why isn't it explained?

  • Niki (unregistered)

    The Real WTF is that Jessica didn't remote into Michael's computer to set up Ben's printer.

  • Strider (cs)
    As Ben shifted his glaze from his computer screen to Michael

    Wow sounds messy, but most likely very tasty.

  • Rob (unregistered)

    This was obviously positioned as a bureaucracy tale but I didn't really feel any excessively onerous and pervasive bureaucracy at work. All I really got from this was that Jessica and co are not inclined to do any work without bloody good reason, and 'bloody good reason' equates to making everyone jump through the traditional corporate hoops to get things signed off (whether it is necessary or not). What I see here is disillusioned staff who want to make everybody's life as miserable as their own. And let's be honest, that is not a WTF - it's common to see in all offices, especially state offices!

  • Zap Brannigan (unregistered) in reply to Niki
    Niki:
    The Real WTF is that Jessica didn't remote into Michael's computer to set up Ben's printer.
    Slightly different topic, have you ever tried to remote into a computer from the same computer? Can't do it with VNC. Once I tried to remote into a computer and from that computer remote back into the first one. I don't remember how that worked out.
  • Trinian (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    mkdirrandom.exe - makes a new directory with a random name, using a random number generator I wrote (I adapted the code someone posted on this site).

    regall.exe - this recursively searches your hard drive for all DLLs and runs regsvr32.exe on each one so everything will work again if a DLL registration gets messed up.

    backupall.exe - this backs up all exes, dlls, ocxs, and tmp files in case you need to restore your computer. It puts them in a folder called C:\backupall.

    I love it! It's like IT performance art. You sir, are one of the funnier trolls/flamebait that I've seen.

  • anonymous wuss (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r
    TopCod3r:
    I pretty much function as technical support for my team, setting up things like start menu shortcuts and icons. I have even written some useful programs that I gave to the corporate support group. You get better response from them if they know they owe you for giving them free programs.

    I have heard NO complaints from them, so I am very pleased with a rate of zero defects. Every time I ask my friend in tech support how they are working out, he gets a big smile and says they are working perfectly.

    Here are some examples of programs I have written for our technical support group:

    ud.exe - this goes up a directory, so instead of typing "cd.." you can simply type "ud"

    ud2.exe - this goes up TWO directories at once, so it is like doing ud twice.

    ud3.exe - this goes up THREE directories at once (you get the picture by now I hope).

    mkdirrandom.exe - makes a new directory with a random name, using a random number generator I wrote (I adapted the code someone posted on this site).

    regall.exe - this recursively searches your hard drive for all DLLs and runs regsvr32.exe on each one so everything will work again if a DLL registration gets messed up.

    backupall.exe - this backs up all exes, dlls, ocxs, and tmp files in case you need to restore your computer. It puts them in a folder called C:\backupall.

    People frequently complain about the quality of WTFs that are being posted.

    I have a solution: TopCod3r, please post and explain any code / projects you have written or worked on. Especially the ones you think are clever.

    For proof that this solution will work, please read quote above.

  • Médinoc (unregistered) in reply to SenTree
    Comment held for moderation.
  • itzfritz (unregistered) in reply to TopCod3r

    ok, you are a retard because: <drum roll>

    1. cd ..
    2. cd ....
    3. cd ......
    4. mkdir wqeipjfwvoefi
    5. that's not very a good idea.
    6. 'system restore'

    "he gets a big smile and says they are working perfectly"=="nod and smile at the retard"

Leave a comment on “Serious Fricken Bureaucracy”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

« Return to Article