• NobodySpecial (unregistered)

    As an astronomy grad student I was told by the university administration that I couldn't have a gate key to the observatory because - "you are expected to complete your work during normal office hours"

  • tt (unregistered) in reply to Rodnas
    Rodnas:
    I love red tape. Especially when it doesn't concern me. When it does concern me, i feel the same frustration. Sounds much like the time i had to prove i didn't own a certain bankaccount. Which is of course impossible, because the bank doesn't give out information about an account that is not your own.

    I think you just proved that the account isn't yours by by not getting information about the account from the bank...

  • (cs)

    Stories about people who try as hard as they can to make everything right and then get blamed for having done everything wrong appear to be the saddest ones to me. This one was a pretty sad story.

    TDWTF is supposed to make me laugh!

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to morry
    morry:
    I've always wondered what happens when bureaucrats and security nuts encounter their counterparts in other organizations. Like the immigration officer who torments applicants getting the run around from a security officer. Or the HR benefits drone who tries to get a building permit from a city bureaucrat.

    Does the lightbulb ever go on?

    I believe the same thing happens when marketing people meet their counterparts at another company. Nobody gets more excited about another companies marketing bullshit that our marketing people. You'd think they be immune.

  • A Muffin (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    So you finally implement spam protection and it prevents me from posting a perfectly legitimate comment (plenty of unique text and just one link). Typical. Oh well, it's better than the spam I suppose.

    My guess is that this is why we are now seeing the error page so often when trying to post comments. Needs some fine tuning I think.

    I certainly hope not, because if that's the case, there are two pretty major problems:

    1. If you just keep posting the same comment, it eventually works. Not much of a spam filter if it's just blocking at random.
    2. Trying to disguise censorship as some kind of internal error that coincidentally only happens when you say certain things never really works, and pisses off users to no end.
  • neufpas (unregistered) in reply to Frank
    Frank:
    I hope to god that he created a formal complaint to HR or the powers that be.

    You think HR complaints actually accomplish anything? During an exit interview one of my former co-workers mentioned that there was a serious problem with one of the management staff in the department he was leaving. HR's reply to his answer was "Yeah, we hear that all the time about him."

  • random person (unregistered) in reply to Polar Bear
    Polar Bear:
    Peter: "Our schools are the safest around thanks to the hall monitor XLK."

    XLK: "Halt, present hall pass!"

    It's... right here...

  • Some Wonk (unregistered)

    Is the XLK some distant relative of the ED-209?

  • girly programmer (unregistered) in reply to Bernie
    Bernie:
    Shial:
    Daniel:
    I need to post a comment but got no clearence. Can anybody help me?
    Certainly, do you have an appointment?
    I've got an appointment but not the clearance to use it in the comments. Perhaps there is a 4th person who can help us.
    I can fit you in in about 3 weeks...
  • mp (unregistered)

    He should have immediately sent an email to his supervisor and upon each subsequent attempt to gain entry.

  • teaburger (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that security had nobody stationed outside the secure area. How are they supposed to help anybody? All of our outward-facing security people have offices in unsecured areas. Otherwise, wtf is the point?

  • (cs) in reply to NobodySpecial
    NobodySpecial:
    As an astronomy grad student I was told by the university administration that I couldn't have a gate key to the observatory because - "you are expected to complete your work during normal office hours"
    Set the controls for the heart of the sun.
  • Kirby L. Wallace (unregistered)

    I used to work in a place just like this: NORAD.

    In fact, in the entire facility (a regional air surveillance facility in Florida) I was one of only a handful of people who had "ESCORT" endorsement on their badge, meaning I was one of those people who would follow the Frito man to stock the vending machine and make sure he wasn't really a Commie spy. As an escort, you have to be in eye-contact with the person at all times. ALL TIMES!

    One day, I have forgotten to bring my badge with me to work. Great. Now I have to be escorted everywhere in the facility! So they assign Sgt. Vickers to escort me. Not so bad considering that I'm working "weeds-n-seeds" today, outside the facility, but still inside the double razor-wire fence.

    Near the end of my day, I'm about done. I walk out the front of the facility (Vickers walking right behind me).

    The facility is about the size of a small aircraft hangar. The guard shack has full view of the front of the building. I walk out the front door, pick up my bag of leaves. Put it in the wheelbarrow along with my rakes and whatnot.

    I walk around the side of the building to drop off my implements of destruction in the shed. Unbeknownst to me, Vickers does not follow me. (You see already where this is going). I go from there to the back of the building to the dumpster to drop off the bag of leaves. I come full circle around the building to the front again, and.........

    ......... The SWAT team is here already, doing their crouching, silent and double-finger-pointing hand signals thing. Incredibly, they do not see me standing right there at the corner of the building. They hut-hut-hut-hut around the side of the building where I went. So I calmly walk into the facility and go to the breakroom and sit down nonchalantly in front of the TV.

    A few minutes later, the doors burst open and in comes the SWAT team. They lead me out at double-quick-time march, out of the building, out of the double razor-wire fence, and 100 yards away from the facility (in case I am a human bomb, I guess) where they do a gunpoint full patdown search of me: fingers under the heels of my boots, fingers through hair, everything!

    Then they cuff me and lay me face down on the ground and call my supervisor to come get me. Vickers gets nothing. I get a letter of reprimand.

    All in all, though, quite exciting! ;-)

  • Global Warmer (unregistered) in reply to Rodnas
    Rodnas:
    I love red tape. Especially when it doesn't concern me. When it does concern me, i feel the same frustration. Sounds much like the time i had to prove i didn't own a certain bankaccount. Which is of course impossible, because the bank doesn't give out information about an account that is not your own.

    I had a neighbor ripping off the Disney book club by having the books (and invoices) sent to my house. For several months I gave them their "mail". Then for several months I returned the packages to sender. Finally I called Disney and tried to explain what was going on... They wouldn't talk to me. First she needed an account number before she could talk to me and so I opened the invoice and gave her that number. She then asked me for my name... OOPS, that name is not on the account. She finally hung up on me. I wrote a letter and returned it with the most recent package telling them I would keep any further shipments as a gift from them to my kids. I got like 2 more shipments (which I kept) and then it stopped.

  • Melikoth (unregistered) in reply to A Muffin

    A lot like when you sign up for a new AIM screen name and pick something it doesn't like.

  • Ninja Consultant (unregistered)

    I was doing some consulting that required me to collect data on state computers for a large consolidation project.

    All-in-all I spent about 10 months on this project, but there was a 4 month period where I absolutely nothing to do because the individual agencies were delaying all work on the project.

    Finally a bunch of them wanted me to start my work simultaneously and immediately (typical). Also typically, they didn't start the paperwork on my access to each agency's facilities until they were ready for me to begin my data collection activities (and EVERY agency had it's own set of paperwork - in fact one single agency had eight different sets of paperwork all by itself).

    Well, one of the agencies being analyzed was at the Department Of Corrections which, understandably, required a background check to get said access. Why they couldn't have had me do all the paper work earlier than the "start date" I'll never know (I was truly just sitting around with nothing to do for 4 months).

    Anyway, I dutifully filled out the paperwork, submitted fingerprints, etc. And while I waited for the clearance, I had to be escorted everywhere around the facility while collecting data from the systems.

    Finally one Friday about 5 or 6 weeks after submitting the paperwork for the background check, just as I was leaving to head back home, they handed me my own ID card which would allow me unescorted access to the facility. Finally!

    On Monday I returned to the agency site to collect the final data, clean up, and hand in my ID card.

    Gotta wonder how much it cost the agency to go through all that background checking.

  • cfmartin2000 (unregistered)

    Cant wait until "Health Reform" passes.

  • Bob (unregistered)

    Now way is this a true story. Not believing it.

  • Matt S. (unregistered)

    I read this and started getting flustered myself, because that's exactly how it is where I work...

  • (cs)

    Alex,

    I realize that Phil's whining and threats border on the excessive and that he doesn't have much legal standing but the disagreement is getting more attention (http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=761075). You don't seem to be as invested in the name as he is and thedailywtf readers have withstood naming experiments before.

    My advice is to let it go and come up with another name before you get dragged down to Phil's level.

    Addendum (2009-08-13 16:01): I submit for your use (and I promise that I'm not using this name and that I won't sue you or send you a C&D, etc. This comment submission is probably owned by you as part of the ToS, right?):

    FTW - Coders Challenge

  • noone (unregistered) in reply to Caffeine

    I'm totally using this in my next game of ParanoiaXP!

  • oheso (unregistered) in reply to Steve the Cynic
    Steve the Cynic:
    Goodness only knows if telling them would have helped, but at least it is then *their* fault it did not get done.

    In which case he would be assured of being "downsized."

  • silver lining (unregistered) in reply to NobodySpecial

    Now we know who to thank for all of that groundbreaking work you did on sun spots...

  • (cs)

    The Process prevailed. Long ling the Process!

  • Bim Job (unregistered) in reply to Kirby L. Wallace
    Kirby L. Wallace:
    I used to work in a place just like this: NORAD.

    In fact, in the entire facility (a regional air surveillance facility in Florida) I was one of only a handful of people who had "ESCORT" endorsement on their badge, meaning I was one of those people who would follow the Frito man to stock the vending machine and make sure he wasn't really a Commie spy. As an escort, you have to be in eye-contact with the person at all times. ALL TIMES!

    One day, I have forgotten to bring my badge with me to work. Great. Now I have to be escorted everywhere in the facility! So they assign Sgt. Vickers to escort me. Not so bad considering that I'm working "weeds-n-seeds" today, outside the facility, but still inside the double razor-wire fence.

    Near the end of my day, I'm about done. I walk out the front of the facility (Vickers walking right behind me).

    The facility is about the size of a small aircraft hangar. The guard shack has full view of the front of the building. I walk out the front door, pick up my bag of leaves. Put it in the wheelbarrow along with my rakes and whatnot.

    I walk around the side of the building to drop off my implements of destruction in the shed. Unbeknownst to me, Vickers does not follow me. (You see already where this is going). I go from there to the back of the building to the dumpster to drop off the bag of leaves. I come full circle around the building to the front again, and.........

    ......... The SWAT team is here already, doing their crouching, silent and double-finger-pointing hand signals thing. Incredibly, they do not see me standing right there at the corner of the building. They hut-hut-hut-hut around the side of the building where I went. So I calmly walk into the facility and go to the breakroom and sit down nonchalantly in front of the TV.

    A few minutes later, the doors burst open and in comes the SWAT team. They lead me out at double-quick-time march, out of the building, out of the double razor-wire fence, and 100 yards away from the facility (in case I am a human bomb, I guess) where they do a gunpoint full patdown search of me: fingers under the heels of my boots, fingers through hair, everything!

    Then they cuff me and lay me face down on the ground and call my supervisor to come get me. Vickers gets nothing. I get a letter of reprimand.

    All in all, though, quite exciting! ;-)

    This is brillant!. We should get together and write a sit-com... Or at least you should.
  • Ann Y. Mouse (unregistered)

    And these are the same folks who some want to take over our health care system in the US? Slovenly government workers thrive on red tape, because that means less work for them.

  • Solomon (unregistered) in reply to Ann Y. Mouse
    Ann Y. Mouse:
    And these are the same folks who some want to take over our health care system in the US? Slovenly government workers thrive on red tape, because that means less work for them.
    Yes, they're the same folks.

    A comment that wouldn't be necessary, but for this. Next, we have this. (Note the Editor's note, which is particularly spineless.)

    I'd love to see the NHS improve. After all, they killed my mother. It was an honest, but incompetent, mistake.

    I'd love to see the US health service improve. All this drivel about grannies being denied pace-makers is pure Republican scare-mongering. Would it happen to my grandmother in the UK? No. Would it happen to your grandmother in the US? Yes, probably; if she's not insured, or between jobs, or any other excuse that the health insurance business can come up with.

    Look, if the US (and Germany) is prepared to spend twice as much on health as anybody else, that's fine. It'd be nice if y'all didn't swallow paid-for lies by dimwit Republican Senators. It'd be nice if y'all at least peeked at the German alternative. (Which isn't ideal, but it's better and cheaper than yours.)

    It ain't Socialist. It's Common Sense. You guys need to change, and I'm sorry ... Hillary was right. (Mostly.)

  • Ben4jammin (unregistered) in reply to Solomon
    Solomon:
    Ann Y. Mouse:
    And these are the same folks who some want to take over our health care system in the US? Slovenly government workers thrive on red tape, because that means less work for them.
    Yes, they're the same folks.

    A comment that wouldn't be necessary, but for this. Next, we have this. (Note the Editor's note, which is particularly spineless.)

    I'd love to see the NHS improve. After all, they killed my mother. It was an honest, but incompetent, mistake.

    I'd love to see the US health service improve. All this drivel about grannies being denied pace-makers is pure Republican scare-mongering. Would it happen to my grandmother in the UK? No. Would it happen to your grandmother in the US? Yes, probably; if she's not insured, or between jobs, or any other excuse that the health insurance business can come up with.

    Look, if the US (and Germany) is prepared to spend twice as much on health as anybody else, that's fine. It'd be nice if y'all didn't swallow paid-for lies by dimwit Republican Senators. It'd be nice if y'all at least peeked at the German alternative. (Which isn't ideal, but it's better and cheaper than yours.)

    It ain't Socialist. It's Common Sense. You guys need to change, and I'm sorry ... Hillary was right. (Mostly.)

    I understand this is a bit off-topic, but I wanted to add this: I think there are 2 issues that make any health care reform in the US quite difficult.

    1: The US government has a long history of programs that over-promise and under-deliver. Rare is the federal program that doesn't go over budget and still not fulfill all the initial promises that were supposed to justify the expenditure (see Medicare and Medicaid). This is true regardless of which political party is doing the promising

    2: For some reason, we in the US think we should be able to walk around and feel good all time regardless of our health choices by doing nothing more than taking a pill...not all of us, but a significant portion. We seem to have little interest in preventative care, healthy diets, exercise, etc. While you can do that, you certainly can't do it cheaply.

    These items make health care reform a formidable task regardless of what political parties are in power. While I don't agree with some of the proposals being bandied about, at least the Democrats had the guts to try something.

  • Ironic (unregistered)

    It's curious that so much security, but you see a manteinance person, or a cleaning person enter all of the facilities without problems.

  • (cs) in reply to The Anti Nazi
    The Anti Nazi:
    wlao:
    dan:
    I don't think he was really trying. All he would have had to do was ask the security officer "How much paperwork do you have to fill out if I just start walking down this corridor?" and she would have been much more cooperative, if even more grumpy.
    Rule no. 1: Don't ever try to joke or be smart when talking to security officers. That will just make them less cooperative and even more grumpy.
    Oh, I don't know about that.

    <snip>

    I think the result was that he became less cooperative and more grumpy. However, what your anecdote does illustrate is that sometimes making security personnel uncooperative and grumpy is fun.

  • (cs)

    Apart from the obviously shitty security officer, let me get this... so to collect a pass for the secured are, you'd need to visit the SO's office - which is inside the secured area?

    So, how, according to The Process are you supposed to get your pass?

  • Caffeine (unregistered) in reply to operagost
    operagost:
    Caffeine:
    This story probably happened two years ago. Although he was downsized a week later it took four weeks to get the necessary forms filled in. Two months to get access to HR's secure area for the exit interview. Another two months to book time with the security people to walk him out the door by which time the exit pass was expired....
    Did he keep collecting a paycheck all this time? Or did they "fix the glitch"?

    I guess TRWTF is that it's the security guard who didn't follow protocol. Either a pass, OR an appointment, was required according to the opening paragraph: NOT BOTH. Should have downsized the guard.

    Oh he got paid alright! His paycheck for 2 years service is waiting at the security desk for him to come and pick up... ;-)

  • Just Another Geek (unregistered)

    I call shenanigans. Or let's call a spade a spade - bullshit. Mind you I've worked for the gub'mint and a gub'mint organization and although in THEORY protocol is THAT strict, you can ALWAYS find a loophole, whether that is calling your superior or your friend.

    Unless Owein R. is really that much of a dumbass or a wuss.

  • jim steichen (unregistered)

    This story reminds of the time that a Vendor accidentally left his briefcase near some vending machines in out building. We were undergoing a Govt audit at the time so security that the briefcase might be some sort of test for them -- so they removed said briefcase to a safe area -- and BLEW IT UP! After that some wag came up with briefcase stickers that said: "Notice: This briefcase contains no bomb. Please do NOT destroy!", with a cute little skull and crossbones and everything.

  • (cs) in reply to Ironic
    Ironic:
    It's curious that so much security, but you see a manteinance person, or a cleaning person enter all of the facilities without problems.
    Of course; they would have a pass. Certainly when I worked in a secure environment the cleaning personnel all had to have security clearances. (We still had to keep all our classified material out of their sight - just because they have clearance doesn't mean they have a need to know.)
    PSWorx:
    Apart from the obviously shitty security officer, let me get this... so to collect a pass for the secured are, you'd need to visit the SO's office - which is inside the secured area?

    So, how, according to The Process are you supposed to get your pass?

    Read the article: by making an appointment. You need the pass or an appointment.

    That being said, he should have simply written "Collect security pass" in the Appointment column when they gave him the book. But that's not necessarily obvious if you haven't had to follow that sort of procedure before.

  • (cs) in reply to jim steichen

    A few years ago, a convention was being held at a large sporting venue. They got the attendants together to brief them on the venue's 'unattended luggage' procedure. Full of instructions to rope off areas depending on the size of the luggage etc, evacuations, bomb squads etc. They had to tell them that, when it comes to lunch time, every one of the 30,000 attendants would stand up, put their bags on the seats, and wander off to find an old friend to talk too. The stadium would be littered with unattended bags, from one end to another. I don't know what happened to the protocol, but the delegates weren't evacuated 30,000 times during each lunch break, so I assume they were relaxed.

  • Geoffey STurdy (unregistered) in reply to Solomon

    Come on Solomon

    Please don't mislead our transatlantic cousins - they have yet to enounter the infamous "postcode lottery" where your location (and the policy of the local health bureaucrats) decide whether or not certain treatments are available, or from the wonderfully mis-named N.I.C.E - which decides that certain Altzhimers treatments are to be denied to patients becuse they are not sick enough to justify the expense (and to h*ll with their quality of life) - and to cap it all they decided to close our local A&E (Thats E.R. for American readers) here in Burnley and shift the services to Blackburn 20 miles away - the sole A&E for east lancs.Last winter the service virtually colapsed with Ambulances queueing up at Blackburn .Interestingly enough , with swine flu in the offing, and the prospect of an even worse overload, said bureaucrat has moved on from her £100,000 a year post to some sinecure outside the region ...

  • (cs) in reply to Kirby L. Wallace
    Kirby L. Wallace:
    I used to work in a place just like this: NORAD.

    In fact, in the entire facility (a regional air surveillance facility in Florida) I was one of only a handful of people who had "ESCORT" endorsement on their badge, meaning I was one of those people who would follow the Frito man to stock the vending machine and make sure he wasn't really a Commie spy. As an escort, you have to be in eye-contact with the person at all times. ALL TIMES!

    One day, I have forgotten to bring my badge with me to work. Great. Now I have to be escorted everywhere in the facility! So they assign Sgt. Vickers to escort me. Not so bad considering that I'm working "weeds-n-seeds" today, outside the facility, but still inside the double razor-wire fence.

    Near the end of my day, I'm about done. I walk out the front of the facility (Vickers walking right behind me).

    The facility is about the size of a small aircraft hangar. The guard shack has full view of the front of the building. I walk out the front door, pick up my bag of leaves. Put it in the wheelbarrow along with my rakes and whatnot.

    I walk around the side of the building to drop off my implements of destruction in the shed. Unbeknownst to me, Vickers does not follow me. (You see already where this is going). I go from there to the back of the building to the dumpster to drop off the bag of leaves. I come full circle around the building to the front again, and.........

    ......... The SWAT team is here already, doing their crouching, silent and double-finger-pointing hand signals thing. Incredibly, they do not see me standing right there at the corner of the building. They hut-hut-hut-hut around the side of the building where I went. So I calmly walk into the facility and go to the breakroom and sit down nonchalantly in front of the TV.

    A few minutes later, the doors burst open and in comes the SWAT team. They lead me out at double-quick-time march, out of the building, out of the double razor-wire fence, and 100 yards away from the facility (in case I am a human bomb, I guess) where they do a gunpoint full patdown search of me: fingers under the heels of my boots, fingers through hair, everything!

    Then they cuff me and lay me face down on the ground and call my supervisor to come get me. Vickers gets nothing. I get a letter of reprimand.

    All in all, though, quite exciting! ;-)

    You didn't think that maybe Vickers wanted to play a practical joke on you because you forgot your badge?

  • (cs)

    A friend of mine was once (pre-9/11) accosted by security at Dulles Airport. He had an ammo round of some sort, caliber around an inch and probably eight inches long, chromed and disarmed for use as a keyring holder. (It was an ordinary round of the type but was not firable.)

    The guard pointed at this thing in the tray and said "You cannot take!" My friend showed him that it had no primer and was not explosive in any way. At that the guard picked it up, and with exaggerated overhand motions, responded "YOU CANNOT TAKE! Stabbing weapon!" -- which was all the funnier to my friend since the point had a radius of curvature of about an eighth of an inch. I believe my friend actually had to go have it checked as a separate item, his luggage having already gone into the bowels of the airport.

    I, on the other hand, around the same time, went through Dulles with a laptop that had no working battery. When the screener (whose English was no more polished than that of the one in the first story) asked me to turn it on, I hauled out the power cord and started looking for a plug. He just waved me through.

  • AdT (unregistered)
    Murdog:
    Does this secure area require the red key card, or the blue key card....?

    In either case, IDKFA would have fixed the problem.

    Franz Kafka:
    um, huh?

    Whatever that was supposed to be, it's TRWTF(tm).

  • Short dong silver (unregistered)

    What I really dont understand: if such things ... at some point you walk to your boss and tell him.

    That is what managers are for: to enable their people to do WORK instead of fighting such situations.

  • (cs)
    Short dong silver:
    That is what managers are for: to enable their people to do WORK instead of fighting such situations.
    You haven't experiences many managers, have you?
  • (cs)

    There are good, solid reasons for the rules. But those who blindly follow the rules, without understanding the reasons, should be replaced.

  • 0ffh (unregistered)

    Wow! What a miserable, lousy bitch! Exactly the type of "co"-"worker" you'd long to sodomize with a morning star...

  • 0ffh (unregistered) in reply to ParkinT

    I don't think she's blindly following the rules, but that she's hiding behind them! She doesn't want to do the job she's paid for, or probably any job at all. But she wants the salary. So she grudgingly pretends to do her job. Sort of. I really DO hate that kind of people!

  • Wheaties (unregistered) in reply to Steve the Cynic
    Steve the Cynic:
    What we haven't been told here is whether Owein bothered to tell his management chain about the problems he was having. And if he didn't, then receiving a downsizee grenade is about what he should expect.

    After all, he had a problem that would jeopardize his assigned task's completion date, and instead of telling management about it, he sat on his arse for three days. Goodness only knows if telling them would have helped, but at least it is then their fault it did not get done.

    Oh he did. Not only did he tell his management but management called the security office AND was given the run around. It doesn't matter with government. Getting that security badge was not considered a valid reason for him to go into the secure area. We tried. This story is highly abreviated but he called everyone and everyone they suggested calling.

    Obviously you haven't worked on a government project.

  • C (unregistered) in reply to operagost
    operagost:
    I guess TRWTF is that it's the security guard who didn't follow protocol. Either a pass, OR an appointment, was required according to the opening paragraph: NOT BOTH. Should have downsized the guard.
    Well how did you get the idea that Owein had EITHER a pass OR an appointment?
  • Mister Starbuck (unregistered)

    My favorite personal government project WTF is when the IT Networking guys called me up to let me know they were about to wipe clean and recommision a server and wanted to know if that was ok with me? It was not, since our statewide employee tracking system had been running on it for a year and a half. Luckily, they stumbled across my name and number on the original server request from three years prior, or else they wouldn't have even known to ask me.

  • st0815 (unregistered) in reply to wlao

    Rule no. 1: Don't ever try to joke or be smart when talking to security officers. That will just make them less cooperative and even more grumpy.

    This is the reason why these people are able to continue to be assholes.

  • st0815 (unregistered) in reply to Wheaties

    Obviously you haven't worked on a government project.

    Neither did you, from the appearances of it. You just tried to...

Leave a comment on “The Longest Yard and a Half”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

Log Out

« Return to Article