• Pedant (unregistered) in reply to eViLegion
    "Neeps and Tatties" (turnips and potatoes)

    I'm not usually a pedant but you started it...

    Neeps and tatties is not turnips and potatoes, it's Swede and potatoes.

    The scottish call them turnips (tur-neeps geddit) but we call them swedes, turnips are different. I have no idea what they name they use for actual turnips!

    And for all the Americans out there... swedes = rutabagas

  • JW (unregistered)

    The Scots jokes cross the line from funny into racist.

  • Willie (unregistered)

    This is absolutely terrible writing. It's not so much that the stereotype is offensive, more that it is so poorly and lazily executed.

    The most shocking part of the story is that you were happy to overcharge a client for a pointless site visit caused by your inability to diagnose the problem over the telephone. Your software is not able to give an understandable message when a key piece of hardware is disconnected? I wonder how good your crypto is when this is how you write software.

  • HeeHaw (unregistered) in reply to faoileag
    faoileag:
    ..Wikipedia standards...

    ach, well there's your problem right there, laddy.

  • ¯\(°_o)/¯ I DUNNO LOL (unregistered)

    Totally missed the chance to put in the line "Laddie, yerr a miracle worker!", and many other Montgomery Scott-isms.

    Also, I should probably re-read it with "Amazing Grace" played on bagpipes running through my head.

  • Pedant (unregistered) in reply to Eire's stand by Scots
    Perhaps he picked up a scottish egg

    Scotch is a drink. Scottish is something of Scotland

    Scotch eggs were invented in London, so calling them scottish would be incorrect on two different levels!

  • (cs)

    I'd just add that the writing's fine, even good, in my opinion, but the stories from this writer have been weak WTFs. As a one-liner, this one would work, but it's not interesting or unusual enough to be FP material; perhaps if there had been an unusually involved series of checks of the loose cable in question performed remotely, then it would be noteworthy.

  • anon y mouse (unregistered)

    Personally I think that's spot on, except that they can understand each other.

    I remember an occasion on a training course where a scottish instructor renowned for his short temper and broad physique was trying to explain something to a fairly well spoken lad from the south east.

    'Harr fligit bich do stuff naarh'

    'Sorry?'

    'HARR FLIGHT BICH DO STUFF NAARH NOWWW'

    'OK, I can tell you're angry, but I simply can't understand what you are saying'

    The instructors face was the epitome of the veins bulging rage stereotype. The rest of us were left struggling to breath from laughing so much.

  • belzebub (unregistered)

    Raise your hand if you read it with "Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons" voice..

  • emaNrouY-Here (unregistered)

    Does no one recognize the obvious Star Trek (TOS) references in this thing?

  • (cs) in reply to eViLegion
    eViLegion:
    Haggis is both hearty and traditional.
    eViLegion:
    I'm not Scottish, I'm a soft southern English pansy, but I wont simply stand by and watch my neighbours' awesome cooking slandered in such a callous fashion.
    I would like to endorse this comment.
  • (cs) in reply to Willie

    Re "Racism" - ok - fair enough,I'll backtrack from that. The person who said that I don't know what racism is, is almost correct - I know what racism is, but I have certainly not experienced it, and it is wrong to compare this article to what people experience at the hands of racists.

    So to this;

    Willie:
    This is absolutely terrible writing. It's not so much that the stereotype is offensive, more that it is so poorly and lazily executed. ..snip..

    OK, I'll recant my previous statements and say that I wholeheartedly agree with Willie's take on this. It's not worthy of a front-page on TDWTF, and neither was the author's previous article on the NT Pipes screensaver.

  • Dongler (unregistered) in reply to faoileag
    faoileag:
    If you work for a company that secures its hardware with dongles, asking about the dongle should definitely be the next question after "Is it switched on?".

    ...

    So, in my opinion Robert is the real WTF.

    This

  • (cs) in reply to Maciej
    Maciej:
    Martay:
    Easily the most racist article on WTF!

    Eh, I'm guessing the genuinely good Indian programmers will disagree with you.

    All three of them.

    The essential point is that no matter how many of them there are, none of them work in India.

  • (cs)

    A red-eye flight, with a First Class, from England (or perhaps France) to Scotland. Sure, that really happened.

  • (cs) in reply to Sockatume
    Sockatume:
    my efforts to introduce scotch eggs as a breakfast food have been in vain.

    I'll join you!

    ...Now I want a Scotch egg. Won't have time to make any until the weekend. :-(

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to Sockatume
    Sockatume:
    Perhaps he picked up a scotch egg, but thought it was an orange? Far-fetched really, my efforts to introduce scotch eggs as a breakfast food have been in vain.

    I'm still astounded that the Scotch egg hasn't made its way into the Turduckhen yet.

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to Pedant
    Pedant:
    "Neeps and Tatties" (turnips and potatoes)
    And for all the Americans out there... swedes = rutabagas

    Speaking of racist...

    (though as a Finn, I have no problem at all with slurs at the expense of the Swedes)

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to faoileag
    faoileag:
    Robert settled Willie down and asked the obligatory troubleshooting questions (Is it plugged in? Is it switched on? Was the crypto hardware unit connected properly? Has a giant sea monster eaten your server?) but to no avail.
    If you work for a company that secures its hardware with dongles, asking about the dongle should definitely be the next question after "Is it switched on?"...

    So you're complaining that Robert didn't do exactly what he did?

  • trtrwtf (unregistered) in reply to Severity One

    [quote user="Severity One"][quote user="Insourced"]

    You can have a decent meal in Britain; just make sure that the owners originate from outside Britain. There's a rather nice Italian restaurant just off Oxford Street, but I ordered in Italian, so go figure.[/quote]

    You have clearly never had Chinese food in Britain.

  • faoileag (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    faoileag:
    Robert settled Willie down and asked the obligatory troubleshooting questions (Is it plugged in? Is it switched on? Was the crypto hardware unit connected properly? Has a giant sea monster eaten your server?) but to no avail.
    If you work for a company that secures its hardware with dongles, asking about the dongle should definitely be the next question after "Is it switched on?"...
    So you're complaining that Robert didn't do exactly what he did?
    Not having any crypto hardware of my own, I assume "Is the crypto hardware unit connected properly?" refers to a connection to either another machine or a network.

    I would not understand it as "Is the crypto hardware unit connected properly to your dongle?" as a dongle is a rather small bit of hardware.

    For that I would expect a question like "Is the dongle that came with your server connected properly to your serial port?"

  • (cs) in reply to Migala
    Migala:
    This is why all support desks ask you to unplug the device, wait 15 minutes, and plug it back in. In most cases the problem magically disappears.

    No, they do that so they don't have to talk to you for 15 minutes.

  • Your Name (unregistered)

    Wow people are getting butthurt over this. It's a joke. Lighten up.

  • Harrow (unregistered) in reply to Sockatume
    Sockatume:
    Never do this accent again.
    This.
  • (cs)

    Reminds me of a story:

    A man worked in a factory for many years maintaining the equipment, then retired.

    One day the company calls him and says that a machine is making a bad noise and no one knows what to do, can you come out and fix it. At the factory, the man put a chalk "X" on the side of the machine and said "Oil here once a day".

    He then presented an invoice for $1000. The factory owner was outraged, so the man said, "Let me itemize my invoice"

    One chalk mark: $1.00 Knowing where to put it: $999.00

  • Liam (unregistered)

    Please never come to Scotland ever again.

  • vegas (unregistered)

    Did anyone else read this entire article in the voice of Groundskeeper Willie?

  • Barril (unregistered) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    frist:
    TRWTF: five minutes of my life I'll never get back.
    Could have been worse: you could have had to fly to Scotland on a Saturday morning and have breakfast there.

    That sounds like a wonderful idea, and I would do it in a heartbeat (especially if it was for work)

  • (cs)

    LOL@ all the butthurt Scots who will be painting all Americans (or USians, of course) as fat, trigger-happy fundamentalist imperialists tomorrow.

  • (cs) in reply to Willie
    Willie:
    The most shocking part of the story is that you were happy to overcharge a client... I wonder how good your crypto is when this is how you write software.
    The most shocking part of your comment is when you assumed that Robert and Charles are the same person!

    I dunno, maybe they are... but that's not how TDWTF usually works: Someone submits a story, someone else mangles it until it is barely recognizable (probably for liability reasons), and then posts it!

    It was probably some computer genius was promised breakfast to go next door and figure out why his neighbour's computer won't play games one saturday morning, only to find out the mouse is not actually plugged in. All his clan pals were depending on him!

  • PaddlinMan (unregistered)

    Not tightening a serial connector?

    [image]
  • HolmesMalone (unregistered)

    I'm getting a real kick out of reading all the angry scottish comments with a scotch accent in my head. Which is based on Willie from the simpsons of course.

    Am I the only one?

  • (cs)

    Eh? The real WTF is a freaking dongle. They should be outlawed. Dongles are about the only computer-related thing I like less than DRM. Not counting Win8, of course.

  • Ironside (unregistered)

    I notice a few ill conceived comments regarding the start of the article: "There were days when Robert felt like a British Monarch. He worked for a cryptographic hardware/software company based in England, and spent his time bouncing from client-site to client-site, all across Europe"

    People are asking how working for a cryptographic company makes one feel like a British Monarch.

    Well, the article never actually made that comparison.

    The author has simply warned us up front that Robert suffers from a strange, albeit harmless, psychological issue. Then on a completely unrelated note the author goes on to explain what Robert's job is and what it entails.

    Some reading comprehension wouldn't go amiss around here.

  • Gordonjcp (unregistered)

    Wow, that story isn't full of offensive racial stereotyping at all!

  • PunctuallyChallenged (unregistered) in reply to Andrew
    Andrew:
    An oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person is stereotype. It's easily recognizable (often in poor taste) and people should discard it just as easily.

    +1

    A lot of people here need to look up the word 'racist' in the dictionary before they throw it around so casually.

  • debit card programmer (unregistered) in reply to cellocgw

    To those complaining about a dongle: I assume that the device that wasn't connected was the crypto hardware, like the hardware security modules used in debit card processing.

    An example that I've worked with is the Futurex Excrypt series, http://www.futurex.com/hardware_security_modules.asp

  • (cs)

    I remember the first time that I got drunk and wrote an article, too.

  • (cs) in reply to Andrew
    Andrew:
    I see a lot of comments that the article is racist. To those guys: I don't think you know what racism really is.

    Racism is prejudice against someone because of their race. I know this because I live in a place where we deal with racism and hate amongst different peoples on a daily basis.

    An oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person is stereotype. It's easily recognizable (often in poor taste) and people should discard it just as easily. (Using stereotype to incite hate is a different matter entirely.)

    Do you really believe that the author is hateful against a people? Or just using a common stereotype?

    +1

    Don't get your panties in a bunch, people.

  • F (unregistered) in reply to Eire's stand by Scots
    Eire's stand by Scots:

    And by the way,

    Sockatume:
    Perhaps he picked up a scottish egg
    Scotch is a drink. Scottish is something of Scotland. /pedant

    You sound like the idiot at (IIRC) the New York Times, who accused the Economist of making a mistake when it referred to Cornish pasties.

  • foo (unregistered) in reply to Liam
    Liam:
    Please never come to Scotland ever again.
    Strike the "again". Not likely he's ever been there (or to Europe at all, seeing what he knows about flight times).

    Clearly, he's a stupid American who spouts racial stereotypes about people he doesn't know, how typical.

  • (cs)

    Just so you know: James Doohan WAS Canadian, and was on Juno beach on D-Day. Good accent though! Montgomery Scott was Scottish in every way though!

    And as everyone knows, "Scotch" can be used as an adjective like in "Scotch Tape".

  • (cs) in reply to faoileag
    faoileag:
    TGV:
    A racist dig you called it. Do consider Scots a race?
    By Wikipedia standards (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_%28human_classification%29) they are:

    "Race is a classification system used to categorize humans into large and distinct populations or groups by anatomical, cultural, ethnic, genetic, geographical, historical, linguistic, religious, or social affiliation."

    Note the or near the end.

    That's such a BS definition. There is a whole bunch of words that say: we mean "by some form of discrimination" (in the technical sense), but we can't be bothered to be complete or even sensible. Then the first part of the definition is as vague as it can be. What is large? 1e3? 1e6? 1e9? And why distinct? You can't belong to two races?

    And then my favorite bit: populations or groups. That's linguistically two levels below today's article.

    Wikipedia, a source of knowledge filled by those who know less. Bit like religion, if you ask me.

  • DeathToEntitlements (unregistered) in reply to Gordonjcp

    I think it's racist to ban AR-15s...just because a gun is black doesn't make it bad.

  • (cs)

    They say that given an infinite amount of time, an infinite number of monkeys could re-write the works of Shakespeare.

    This article: five monkeys, three bottles of scotch, and ten minutes.

  • Pi (unregistered) in reply to Dogsworth
    Dogsworth:
    Don't get your panties in a bunch, people.

    and now the sexist emerges.

  • (cs) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    faoileag:
    Robert settled Willie down and asked the obligatory troubleshooting questions (Is it plugged in? Is it switched on? Was the crypto hardware unit connected properly? Has a giant sea monster eaten your server?) but to no avail.
    If you work for a company that secures its hardware with dongles, asking about the dongle should definitely be the next question after "Is it switched on?"...

    So you're complaining that Robert didn't do exactly what he did?

    Has no one ever worked hardware, and/or spoken to a customer? You can ask specifically was the dongle attached and secured, and describe the dongle, how it's attached, where it's attached, which port it's in, A or B, how to secure it, and about half the time people will insist everything is as you requested, you make the trek out, and nothing's put together. The dongle's still in the box, or the screws weren't tightened at all, or just the left one was, and you can ask as many questions over the phone but until you see the back of the box, you can't believe any answer.

    TL;DR : People lie. Especially when they think that the person on the other end will think they're dumb for saying "I don't know".

  • John (unregistered)

    TWTF: thinking Canadians talk like that.

    I may be sitting in New Scotland right now, but nobody talks like that around here.

  • DildoFaggins (unregistered) in reply to Pi

    go away feminazi

  • (cs) in reply to tweek
    tweek:
    Has no one ever worked hardware, and/or spoken to a customer? You can ask specifically was the dongle attached and secured, and describe the dongle, how it's attached, where it's attached, which port it's in, A or B, how to secure it, and about half the time people will insist everything is as you requested, you make the trek out, and nothing's put together. The dongle's still in the box, or the screws weren't tightened at all, or just the left one was, and you can ask as many questions over the phone but until you see the back of the box, you can't believe any answer.

    TL;DR : People lie. Especially when they think that the person on the other end will think they're dumb for saying "I don't know".

    That's why you have them disconnect it for 30 seconds. To "reset" it. Meaning to get them to put it back together. And if they lie about that, then they deserve to pay thousands of dollars.

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