• (cs) in reply to Matt Westwood

    [quote user="Matt Westwood"][quote user="chubertdev"][quote user="Matt Westwood"]It is certainly NOT deep-fried, at least not in Britain. In America, probably, because nobody in America can cook worth shit.[/quote]

    "When you're using ketchup, you're saying this food is so good I want it to taste like something else. Salsa is the Mexican ketchup. Marinara is the Italian ketchup. And English food is terrible. Vinegar is the English ketchup."[/quote] The only thing we eat with vinegar on is chips. Those are like your "french fries" except they're made from bigger pieces of potato./quote] This is different from the "steak fries" I had in a restaurant in New York City one time. Steak fries are normally like french fries, only the size of British chips, in some cases made from unpeeled potatoes.

    At this particular restaurant, however, "steak fries" meant moderately large potatoes cut in four long-ways.

  • (cs) in reply to Billiam
    Billiam:
    > Easily the most racist article on WTF! It was clearly based on Willie from the Simpsons...

    How can it be racist? Scottish people are white!

    • Americans

    As are Armenians, Ukrainians, Serbs and Croats, and they have certainly suffered from racism both in the UK and the US, as well as across Europe.

    The article was poorly written, lacked a punchline and was needlessly insulting. How does that work for you? I also wonder at the current editorship of TDWTF if this was genuinely the best that they could ripple to the surface, yesterday.

  • NZ to MY (unregistered) in reply to Joseph

    11 hour flight from Auckland, New Zealand to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to push a backup tape into a drive and run the Seagate Backup software on a NT server. Back up and running 90 mins later. Local IT staff derped and couldn't handle it.

    At least the food was good.

  • (cs)

    Don't worry guys... snoofle has a good one coming up, which is almost certainly true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies... and in the end, isn't that the real truth?

    The answer is: no.

  • Edmund (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous

    The real WTF was not pretending to work on the problem for an hour or so. Of course that's only applicable because he was billing. If you just want to humiliate someone then fix it immediately.

  • Edmund (unregistered) in reply to skotl
    skotl:
    One correction, my query should have read "Why the f**k does Robert feel like a British Monarch".

    Question still stands though - I don't see the point or relevance of that phrase.

    Most of the British Royal Family have worked as IT troubleshooters at one time or another. Either that or the author is just a moron.

  • Gareth (unregistered)

    As a Scot, I found this article offensive.

  • (cs)

    Awful piece of writing. Lamest wtf i ever seen, pretty offensive too.

  • Migala (unregistered) in reply to RichP
    RichP:
    Migala:
    This is why all support desks ask you to unplug the device, wait 15 minutes, and plug it back in. In most cases the problem magically disappears.

    No, they do that so they don't have to talk to you for 15 minutes.

    That is called a win-win.

  • Wullie (unregistered)

    This is why I prefer sites like Client From Hell. This entire article should have been a single sentence: "consultant paid 5 figure sum to tighten a cable".

  • Goodbye TDWTF (unregistered)

    This is the last poorly bit of written nonsense that I'll be reading on this site. The content on this site has been steadily declining for a long time and rather than wait until it completely falls off the cliff I'll make my exit now. So long and thanks for all the fish.

  • True Scotsman (unregistered)

    2 words "Charles McLeod"

    If you're truely Scottish you'll understand!

  • Smouch (unregistered) in reply to KJ
    KJ:
    The real WTF is: "Robert informed Willie what the charges would be for an emergency weekend visit and Willie agreed without hesitation." "Willie laid out big bucks for him to fly first class." - you wheel out the racist Scottish stereotypes, but don't mention the legendary parsimoniousness of the Scots?

    No, wait the real WTF is: “Achh, I’ve givin er all I can give! She willnut run any more" - is he Canadian?

    No, wait, the real WTF is: "Has a giant sea monster eaten your server?" - Loch Ness is a freshwater Loch.

    No, wait, the real WTF is: "Robert boarded his Saturday red-eye flight. [...] "The plane landed and Robert checked in to his four-star hotel, but hadn’t time to sleep." - Red-eye to into a Scottish airport on a Saturday morning from, presumably, France (or is it England)? Checking into the hotel before heading to the customer site, hoping for sleep? The timings of that make no sense!

    No, wait, the real WTF is: "He choked down the hotel’s “full breakfast”, which tasted more like haggis n’ eggs than the traditional, hearty meal he expected. " - Full Scottish breakfast is all the life-giving components of a Full English breakfast (sausage, bacon, eggs, etc) with the addition of, if you're lucky, a couple of slices of haggis/black pudding/white pudding. Maybe a tattie scone.

    No, wait, the real WTF is: "It’s ahbout time! Ah thought maybe ya’d fell in tha loch! C’mon in!" Ahbout? AhboUt!? Abowt! Surely even if Willie was Canadian, it'd be ABOOT!?

    No, wait, the real WTF is: No mention of kilts anywhere in the WTF.

    No, wait, the real WTF is: Using a dongle.

  • (cs) in reply to Steve The Cynic
    Steve The Cynic:
    Matt Westwood:
    chubertdev:
    Matt Westwood:
    It is certainly NOT deep-fried, at least not in Britain. In America, probably, because nobody in America can cook worth shit.

    "When you're using ketchup, you're saying this food is so good I want it to taste like something else. Salsa is the Mexican ketchup. Marinara is the Italian ketchup. And English food is terrible. Vinegar is the English ketchup."

    The only thing we eat with vinegar on is chips. Those are like your "french fries" except they're made from bigger pieces of potato.
    This is different from the "steak fries" I had in a restaurant in New York City one time. Steak fries are normally like french fries, only the size of British chips, in some cases made from unpeeled potatoes.

    At this particular restaurant, however, "steak fries" meant moderately large potatoes cut in four long-ways.

    I was just about to mention those.

  • (cs) in reply to eViLegion
    eViLegion:
    Don't worry guys... snoofle has a good one coming up, which is almost certainly true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies... and in the end, isn't that the real truth?

    The answer is: no.

    Is this an episode of The Scary Door?

  • Robert B (unregistered)

    As the original poster of this story, I should say that is has suffered (A LOT) from sub-editing... and I am not very happy at the dreadful Scot stereotyping. I am married to a Celt, albeit of a different variety, and stereotyping based on your origins is just not funny.

    Starting from the very beginning

    1. I was based in southern England in this role and I did have to go around several UK and Europe based locations. In fact, I had just returned from Milan in Italy when this call came through.
    2. The company was a major supplier of cryptographic processing units, used to secure communications and manage key exchanges in financial networks. A bit of Googling about crypto firms in Hemel Hempstead would point to the company involved, sadly since out of business in the post-dotCom bust.
    3. The client was a major bank in Edingburgh; subsequently hit the wall in the banking crisis of 2008. Oh, alright then, it was Bank of Scotland :)
    4. There was NO dongle, just a serial lead from the PC to the unit.
    5. Yes, the customer was asked if all leads were tight and secure.
    6. The call to go came via the company's support hierarchy; support calls don't normally get as far as a HPC unless they've been through all of the steps and the issue is serious. No crypto counted as 'serious'.
    7. I did indeed get an awfully early 'red eye' flight up to Edinburgh; a 4:00am start is not funny.
    8. There was no hotel, I went straight to the client.
    9. It took all of two minutes to diagnose the problem.
    10. The whole point of the story was that their technical guy wasn't even embarrassed that he hadn't checked the cable properly. He just thanked me for responding so quickly.
    11. I hung around for a couple of hours to show willing and make sure everything was hunky-dory before changing my flight to a (much) earlier one and heading home.
    12. The client got billed north of £1000 for my time, plus my mileage charge and the cost of the flight (itself around the £700 price). Considering that this was early 1996 that was a lot of money down the pan.
    13. Of course, as an HPC I didn't see much of that client support fee, just my normal rate.

    Cheers all,

    Robert

  • Slapout (unregistered) in reply to Farrell
    Farrell:
    Clearly written by someone who's A) never been to Scotland and B) never actually spoken with a Scottish person.

    Much like the Hollywood actors who do southern accents without having ever been to the south.

  • skotl (unregistered) in reply to Robert B
    Robert B:
    As the original poster of this story, I should say that is has suffered (A LOT) from sub-editing... and I am not very happy at the dreadful Scot stereotyping. I am married to a Celt, albeit of a different variety, and stereotyping based on your origins is just not funny.

    Starting from the very beginning

    1. I was based in southern England in this role and I did have to go around several UK and Europe based locations. In fact, I had just returned from Milan in Italy when this call came through.
    2. The company was a major supplier of cryptographic processing units, used to secure communications and manage key exchanges in financial networks. A bit of Googling about crypto firms in Hemel Hempstead would point to the company involved, sadly since out of business in the post-dotCom bust.
    3. The client was a major bank in Edingburgh; subsequently hit the wall in the banking crisis of 2008. Oh, alright then, it was Bank of Scotland :)
    4. There was NO dongle, just a serial lead from the PC to the unit.
    5. Yes, the customer was asked if all leads were tight and secure.
    6. The call to go came via the company's support hierarchy; support calls don't normally get as far as a HPC unless they've been through all of the steps and the issue is serious. No crypto counted as 'serious'.
    7. I did indeed get an awfully early 'red eye' flight up to Edinburgh; a 4:00am start is not funny.
    8. There was no hotel, I went straight to the client.
    9. It took all of two minutes to diagnose the problem.
    10. The whole point of the story was that their technical guy wasn't even embarrassed that he hadn't checked the cable properly. He just thanked me for responding so quickly.
    11. I hung around for a couple of hours to show willing and make sure everything was hunky-dory before changing my flight to a (much) earlier one and heading home.
    12. The client got billed north of £1000 for my time, plus my mileage charge and the cost of the flight (itself around the £700 price). Considering that this was early 1996 that was a lot of money down the pan.
    13. Of course, as an HPC I didn't see much of that client support fee, just my normal rate.

    Cheers all,

    Robert

    Well, that makes a lot more sense that the appalling mess that Charles made of it (and you seem far more approachable than he made you out to be!). And, of course, there are no lochs anywhere near Edinburgh (unless you count Dunsapie, which I really woudn't).

    Dunno where they got the hapless Charles from but I hope they don't use him again.

  • Aaron (unregistered)

    I've read TheDailyWTF for several years. Today, I removed it from my bookmarks.

  • JJ (unregistered) in reply to Farrell
    Farrell:
    Clearly written by someone who's A) never been to Scotland and B) never actually spoken with a Scottish person.
    Agreed, because the English guy was actually able to understand the Scottish guy. That's where I knew it was complete fiction.

    CSB time:

    My sister, a co-worker, and I were having dinner at the Rose & Crown (the British restaurant) in Epcot. We couldn't see our waitress's name tag very well and were trying to guess where she was from. My sister first though it said Ireland, and I said, "She doesn't sound Irish." Next my sister thought it said Scotland, and I said, "She doesn't sound Scottish, either." Eventually I related this conversation to the girl and she told us that she was from central England, and based on what I had said about her not sounding Irish or Scottish, she told us that there were two Irish girls and 1 Scottish girl working in the restaurant (the rest were English), and that after about 6 months she was finally able to understand the Irish girls but still had no idea what the Scottish girl was saying.

  • (cs) in reply to Robert B

    Ah, Robert's description makes sense. In the language of my people, "nae danger Rab, nae danger."

  • wallaroo (unregistered) in reply to skotl
    skotl:
    (Mel Gibson is Australian, by the way, just in case you also think he's representative of the Scots).
    Watchit mate, get your facts right. From wikipedia: Mel Colm-Cille Gerard Gibson AO (born 3 January 1956) is an American actor, film director, producer and screenwriter. He was born in Peekskill, New York, moved with his parents to Sydney, Australia, when he was 12 years old, and later studied acting at the Australian National Institute of Dramatic Art.
  • (cs) in reply to JJ
    JJ:
    Agreed, because the English guy was actually able to understand the Scottish guy. That's where I knew it was complete fiction.
    Not as true as it once was. Unless of course the "Scottish guy" was from Lossiemouth. Even folks from Elgin (in Moray, Scotland and not Elgin, Illinois before someone suggests otherwise) or Hopeman — a mere five miles away — can rarely make head nor tail of the Lossie accent. Doric speakers from further afield, like Aberdeen or Peterhead, have little chance; and to anyone from south of there, forget it!
  • Norman Diamond (unregistered) in reply to Robert B
    Robert B:
    10. The whole point of the story was that their technical guy wasn't even embarrassed that he hadn't checked the cable properly. 12. The client got billed north of £1000 for my time, plus my mileage charge and the cost of the flight (itself around the £700 price). 13. Of course, as an HPC I didn't see much of that client support fee, just my normal rate.
    Some more TRWTFs:

    Their technical guy gets paid more than you.

    Their technical guy and you both get paid more than the engineers who made the crypto thing work in the first place.

  • Norman Diamond (unregistered) in reply to skotl
    skotl:
    Dunno where they got the hapless Charles from but I hope they don't use him again.
    No one in the UK knows where they got the hapless Charles from.

    No one in the rest of the Commonwealth knows either, but they're less affected by him even though he must feel like royalty when he's visiting them too.

  • chph (unregistered)

    What a crappy article. Glad I took a look at the comments to verify it's not just me from Scotland cringing. Not racist, just rubbish cliches, poor writing and a total lack of humour.

    Swing and a miss.

  • CA (unregistered)

    I am all for cultural stereotype jokes. When such jokes are turned to me and are genuinly funny and stylish, I even have a big laugh.

    This article far from contains really funny and stylish humour. When a cultural stereotype joke is not funny and stylish, it ends up being racist. I can't analyze what "funny" and "stylish" means, and something I don't find offencive, someone else does. But, judging from the reactions of several Scottish and non-Scottish readers on this article, it seems I am right.

  • (cs) in reply to Robert B

    Thanks for setting the story straight Robert. Looks like you've been stitched up a bit. Maybe this was a spot of work experience editing on the dwtf's part? And thanks for helping me decide never to visit this site again.

  • (cs)

    It would be nice to see a comment from one of the TDWTF's editors, given the reaction this article has provoked...?

  • IN-HOUSE-CHAMP (unregistered)

    Was this article a celebration of the Scotland week?

  • IN-HOUSE-CHAMP (unregistered) in reply to Aaron
    Aaron:
    I've read TheDailyWTF for several years. Today, I removed it from my bookmarks.

    Good for you Aaron. Now you need to find another vampire to suck all your free time.

  • e john (unregistered) in reply to Jeebus
    Jeebus:
    Robert boarded his Saturday red-eye flight. Willie laid out big bucks for him to fly first class. As he enjoyed his warm nuts and hot towel, Robert began to wonder what might be wrong with Willie’s crypto setup.

    I like my nuts warm before a good trouble shooting session as well.

    Finally ! i was afraid i would have to add my own comment to bring out this tidbit of joy.

    captcha: venio - just venio think io've seen it all, warm nuts are mentioned.

  • WOW! (unregistered)

    I wish I could give such an invoice

  • (cs)

    I bet Elizabeth never gets paid thousands of pounds to tighten a cable.

  • Coder Kev (unregistered)

    Haggis can also be eaten as part of a burrito, if you go to a certain mexican takeaway i frequent in edinburg

  • (cs) in reply to Coder Kev
    Coder Kev:
    Haggis can also be eaten as part of a burrito, if you go to a certain mexican takeaway i frequent in edinburg

    Haggis burrito.

    Vomits

    Edinburg.

    Dies

    Saying that, there is a near mythical creation that sounds worse, known as the "Haggis Dog", which is sold at a petrol station on Great Western Road somewhere between Clydebank and the seventh circle of Hell. It's served with "chutneep", which is I assume a portmanteau of "chutney" and "O, God! O, Jesus Christ! Aaaaghhhh!".

  • Coder Kev (unregistered) in reply to Spacehost

    Ahh the haggis dog, hot dog wrapped in haggis and deep fried. Almost as nice as the haggis kebab from "best kebab house" in leith, near the burrito shop.

    Haggis burrito is really nice, especially with xtra hot salsa, guac, cheese and sour cream. mmmmmm

  • neuro (unregistered) in reply to Coder Kev

    Sounds like Illegal Jack's on Lothian Road, I know it (and the haggis burrito) well! Epic food!

    captcha: veniam

  • Ben (unregistered) in reply to eViLegion

    Yes, haggis, neeps and tatties! And as for eggs, go for eggs Benny, at Loudon's just off Lothian Road. And I am not a Scot either, but a Frenchman living in Vietnam.

    As for the United Kingdom, I am afraid it is a bit shaken today.

  • Axel (unregistered)

    Willie was clearly the bastard offspring of Groundskeeper Willie (The Simpsons) and Commander Montgomery Scott (Star Trek).

    But, people, Canadians do NOT say "a-boot." Listen carefully: they say "a-BOAT." I've brought this up to Canadian friends, and they agree: "We don't say 'aboot,' we say 'aboat.'" So there you have it, right from the Loonie's mouth.

    I don't know why this misconception persists. It's like that Einstein quote about insanity...

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