• WIldpeaks (cs)

    I especially like the name of the PFB application, brillant !

  • BradC (cs)

    Pretty creative way to describe it. More like "figuring out that the deployment team is a bunch of idiots."

    Still deserves a line on the 'ol resume, though.

  • un.sined (cs)

    Does that mean that the app only ran for 45 minutes before it stopped working after he left?

  • MikeyP (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • GoatCheez (cs)

    I hate that this happens. How do companies expect companies in the component buisness to make money unless the other companies are actually paying up. WTF. That pisses me off. I bet it's one of our products too. Sons of mofo biatches... WTF....

    This WTF has prompted me to go on a personal crusade to ensure the company I work for isn't being cheated like that. 

  • kuroshin (cs) in reply to WIldpeaks

    VB and CMO reminds me of the person who didnt know about Http GET and POST.

    Oh boy, you should have seen the look on his face when he told the panel that Netscape Navigator went out of business because it couldnt do POSTs, which according to him were much faster than GET by factor of around 200-300%.

  • Shadowman (unregistered) in reply to un.sined

    un.sined:
    Does that mean that the app only ran for 45 minutes before it stopped working after he left?

    :D

     

  • Volmarias (cs) in reply to un.sined

    Did anyone else see "PFB" and read "PFY" or "PHB"?

  • Volmarias (cs) in reply to kuroshin
    kuroshin:

    VB and CMO reminds me of the person who didnt know about Http GET and POST.

    Oh boy, you should have seen the look on his face when he told the panel that Netscape Navigator went out of business because it couldnt do POSTs, which according to him were much faster than GET by factor of around 200-300%.



    Please please please please PLEASE tell us about this one, even if only in a sidebar wtf.
  • mog (unregistered) in reply to Shadowman

    Exactly what i was thinking. But it appears he was unable to do anything about the problem.

    Had he fixed the program by installing the license key he could've stated that he increased the performance by infinity though, bummer.

  • VGR (cs)

    I'm reminded of a library we were required to use.  It had a method whose job was to perform some semi-complex math and return the result.

    If any of the input parameters were invalid (out of range), did it throw an exception?  No, that would make too much sense.  Instead, this computation function... displayed an error dialog.  Which was modal with respect to every window in the application.

    Nagware does it on purpose.  This did it... just out of classic WTF incompetence. 

    It also meant that the method could not be called in a server environment.  Eventually we had no choice but to write our own version.

  • foobish (unregistered)

    Those are great! I'd like to see these turned into a monthly post, like the Coded Smorgasboard and the Pop-up Potpourri series.

     

  • AS (unregistered) in reply to Volmarias
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Volmarias

    Volmarias:
    Did anyone else see "PFB" and read "PFY" or "PHB"?

     Did anyone not?

  • Tim (unregistered)

    I would hire this guy. Far too often the speedup for an application is something obvious like this. You'll end up with 5 guys working on building on metrics, and how they're measuring metrics, and arguing if their metrics are correct, and all they need to do was register a software component or take out an out of control while loop.

  • dave (unregistered) in reply to VGR

    >It also meant that the method could not be called in a server environment.

    Running on MS Windows, right?

    There's a certain class of Windows programmers that seems be take it as an article of faith that every computer comes with a seat in front of it, and the seat is always occupied by an arse.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Axel (unregistered) in reply to GoatCheez
    GoatCheez:

    This WTF has prompted me to go on a personal crusade to ensure the company I work for isn't being cheated like that. 

    You mean, After you made sure the company you work for isn't cheating like that, of course... 

  • Steamer25 (unregistered) in reply to Volmarias
    Comment held for moderation.
  • richleick (cs)

    Hey, this is just like when Homer "tripled" his productivity when he learned he only had to type Y instead of YES in response to system messages.

    There's so much we can learn from "The Simpsons" 

  • experienced interviewee (unregistered)

    Alex Papadimoulis:

    <snip>

    The candidate recently flew to an overseas client site to help debug a serious problem.

    <snip>

    ...strongly recommend that they begin using the registered version of the software. 

    <snip>

    While Z didn't end up hiring that candidate, he sure did give him some bonus points for the best definition of "increasing application performance by 50%."

    Maybe it's just me, but how did the candidate increase the speed of the application at all?

    He could have honestly said something like "Provided first-response onsite global support to our premiere customers when their integrated systems would periodically grind to a halt. Performed in-depth system-wide diagnostics. Recommended appropriate integrated software upgrades."

    He might have had to BS a little to get through it, but that's why you practice interviewing yourself in front of a mirror.

  • Loyal viewer (unregistered) in reply to richleick
    richleick:

    Hey, this is just like when Homer "tripled" his productivity when he learned he only had to type Y instead of YES in response to system messages.

    There's so much we can learn from "The Simpsons

    My mother frequently told me not to watch that show. Wisdom comes when you least expect it!

  • mleh (cs)

    I was interviewing a candidate once and made the mistake of asking them if they had Struts experience.  I was with my boss and a coworker at the time, and all three of us had this resume.  He did not.

    The candidate replied "I'm not sure, is it on my resume?" while trying to peer at the papers we were holding.  Instinctively we moved them into a position where he was unable to do so.

  • Interviewer (unregistered) in reply to mleh
    mleh:

    I was interviewing a candidate once and made the mistake of asking them if they had Struts experience.  I was with my boss and a coworker at the time, and all three of us had this resume.  He did not.

    The candidate replied "I'm not sure, is it on my resume?" while trying to peer at the papers we were holding.  Instinctively we moved them into a position where he was unable to do so.

    At that point, you've already wasted your time. You should have had some fun with the guy posing "How high is the sky?" type questions so at least you get a couple of chuckles out of it.

  • A Mistake? (unregistered) in reply to mleh
    mleh:

    I was interviewing a candidate once and made the mistake of asking them if they had Struts experience.  I was with my boss and a coworker at the time, and all three of us had this resume.  He did not.

    The candidate replied "I'm not sure, is it on my resume?" while trying to peer at the papers we were holding.  Instinctively we moved them into a position where he was unable to do so.

    Seems like it wasn't a mistake on your part - you caught him red-handed

  • verisimilidude (unregistered) in reply to Steamer25
    Comment held for moderation.
  • themagni (cs)

    At my old job we used a PIC10F202 to control a VHF transmitter. It's 2mm x 4 mm and has 750 bytes of Flash and 24 bytes of RAM: http://www.microchip.com/stellent/idcplgidcplg?IdcService=SS_GET_PAGE&nodeId=1335&dDocName=en020030

    Each transmitter required an ID number, from 0-255. There were 10 pulse rates and the option to add a movement swtich. My boss' idea was to have - I kid you not - 255 x 10 x 2 =  5100 versions of the code, each requiring a tweak to the code and a recompile, all saved with names like 10F202_60PPM_ID2_NOMOVE.HEX. The insane part is that he had already started implementing his idea.

    I made one version of the code and created a GUI for a HEX editor that let the production staff change the parameters by themselves. My boss looked at what I was doing and said, "Wow, that's real computer work right there - just a screen of HEX."

    We actually had TWO of these boards - one used the 10F202, the other used the 10F206. The 206 has a comparator, so it could be used for a saltwater switch. (There's no point in transmitting if it's underwater.) That's a total of 10,200 versions of the code for these two boards. I brought the number of versions down to two - one for the 206, one for the 202. I would have dropped the 202 completely and used the 206 on both boards, but we had already purchased and started using a reel. 

    This means I decreased our code overhead by 99.98% and saved about 4 weeks of work every month. (Yes, a month of work a month. None of these statements are typos.) It took at least one minute to recompile and save each file, for 10,200 minutes. Divide by 60 and you get 170 hours, or 4.5 weeks at 40hours / week. The damnable thing about it is that it looks like it's impossible, so it looks like my resumé has a big glaring error on it.

  • ssprencel (cs) in reply to experienced interviewee
    Anonymous:

    Alex Papadimoulis:

    <snip>

    The candidate recently flew to an overseas client site to help debug a serious problem.

    <snip>

    ...strongly recommend that they begin using the registered version of the software. 

    <snip>

    While Z didn't end up hiring that candidate, he sure did give him some bonus points for the best definition of "increasing application performance by 50%."

    Maybe it's just me, but how did the candidate increase the speed of the application at all?

    He could have honestly said something like "Provided first-response onsite global support to our premiere customers when their integrated systems would periodically grind to a halt. Performed in-depth system-wide diagnostics. Recommended appropriate integrated software upgrades."

    He might have had to BS a little to get through it, but that's why you practice interviewing yourself in front of a mirror.

    Hey that's pretty good!  Maybe people could send you their resumes (and a small monetary incentive) and you could help "fluff" them up a little bit.  How would you spice up "Spent hours of company time surfing the internet and reading TDWTF while the project deadline loomed closer and closer."?

  • JamesCurran (cs) in reply to experienced interviewee

    Maybe it's just me, but how did the candidate increase the speed of the application at all?

    Well, we can assume that the clients only method of dealing with the problem was to re-boot the server, a task which, depending on it's workload, could easily take 15 minutes.

  • werd (unregistered) in reply to foobish
    Anonymous:

    Those are great! I'd like to see these turned into a monthly post, like the Coded Smorgasboard and the Pop-up Potpourri series.


    Seconded! 

  • Ghost Ware Wizard (cs)

    <font size="1">

    I love it when you embellish something; for instance "I helped the development team with their specifications" implying they did something when they actually sat there and did nothing with the development team at all.  This is an obvious I want to sit in an office, surf the internet, get paid to do something, and in reality do nothing.

    <captcha: you geek code something />

    </font>

  • themagni (cs) in reply to ssprencel
    ssprencel:

    Hey that's pretty good!  Maybe people could send you their resumes (and a small monetary incentive) and you could help "fluff" them up a little bit.  How would you spice up "Spent hours of company time surfing the internet and reading TDWTF while the project deadline loomed closer and closer."?

    Used online collaboration tools to ensure enterprise-style coding practices were recognized and rewarded appropriately. Managed multiple deadlines in a entrepreneurial atmosphere. 

  • ssprencel (cs) in reply to themagni

    All you need now is a PayPal account.

  • compforce (cs) in reply to ssprencel

    How would you spice up "Spent hours of company time surfing the internet and reading TDWTF while the project deadline loomed closer and closer."?

    Researched the latest in pre-production issues assuring quality control and reducing the total cost of development by assisting in the avoidance of design flaws that are commonly implemented.<!-- End: CommunityServer.Discussions.Controls.PostDisplay.TextPost -->

  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    We had a good one a couple of months ago.  Mind you, we were specifically looking for a Windows admin with Active Directory experience.

     It says here on your resume that you've got extensive experience setting up and administrating an Active Directory infrastructure.  What and how did you setup.

    Candidate: Oh that, the recruiter recommended that I put that on my resume.  I haven't really worked with Active Directory.

    Interviewer: Do you understand that we're specifically looking for a senior level admin with at least 5 years Active Directory experience

    Candidate: I guess I'm not in the running for the job.
     

     

  • Zlodo (cs)
    Alex Papadimoulis:
    We've all exaggerated on our resumes at one point or another. Maybe it was describing the role on a one-man project as the "project manager who successfully led the development team through all phases of the software lifecycle." Maybe it was saying that the laughable attempt at creating a computer game at age fourteen with a bunch of friends was "being the founder and CEO of Nuwosoft." Or maybe it was something else; it's just how the game is played.

    I've found that down playing things can actually work pretty well.
    When I was interviewed for my current job, my resume had a line with stuff that I touched and had basic knowledge about. Not the stuff I actually consider having enough knowledge of to put them into the "knows: blabla" category, but rather in the "basic knowledge of: blabla" category.

    So there was C# in there, because I had to maintain and extend a level editor written in C# in me previous job. As a C++ programmer, figuring my way into an already existing application and hacking it around is much easier than building something in c#, so I just put c# in the "basic knowledge of" category. I felt I had enough stuff elsewhere on my resume because of the number of jobs I had and I hate to exaggerate on my resume if I can help it.

    So he asked me about it, and when I explained it, he asked me "then why didn't you list c# in the "knows" section instead of "basic knowledge of"?"

    Then I said "Well, I'm not comfortable enough with it to consider that I know it."

    This may sound a little conceited but I think it gives a much better impression than the other way around, the one where you go all "hmm" and "erm" because you actually don't know shit about that stuff you said you know about.

    (since I haven't whined about the forum software in a long time, I just discovered that I can't cut & paste in Konqueror. I had to disable javascript and enter the post in html by hand. It's the first time I come accross a site that is really broken in Konqueror.)

  • Sean (cs)

    Is CMO compatible with C-Pound?

  • wtf (unregistered) in reply to verisimilidude
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Anon Coward (unregistered) in reply to A Mistake?
    Anonymous:
    mleh:

    I was interviewing a candidate once and made the mistake of asking them if they had Struts experience.  I was with my boss and a coworker at the time, and all three of us had this resume.  He did not.

    The candidate replied "I'm not sure, is it on my resume?" while trying to peer at the papers we were holding.  Instinctively we moved them into a position where he was unable to do so.

    Seems like it wasn't a mistake on your part - you caught him red-handed

    Not so fast!  Sometimes it's the head-hunter who adds all the latest buzzwords and acronyms.  However, I have to agree that the candidate should have handled the question differently.

  • tsmith (unregistered) in reply to Sean

    Sean:
    Is CMO compatible with C-Pound?

    Brillant!
     

  • Mr Ascii (cs) in reply to themagni

    themagni:
    This means I decreased our code overhead by 99.98% and saved about 4 weeks of work every month. (Yes, a month of work a month. None of these statements are typos.) It took at least one minute to recompile and save each file, for 10,200 minutes. Divide by 60 and you get 170 hours, or 4.5 weeks at 40hours / week. The damnable thing about it is that it looks like it's impossible, so it looks like my resumé has a big glaring error on it.

    You could say that it saved 170 man-hours or machine-hours per month/deployment.

     

  • Brian (unregistered) in reply to Sean

    Sean:
    Is CMO compatible with C-Pound?

    Not directly. It requires an Interpro assembly. 

  • Rich (unregistered) in reply to Sean

    Sean:
    Is CMO compatible with C-Pound?

     

    The correct way to say it is "Coctothorpe"

     

    Rich 

  • Rich (unregistered) in reply to Anon Coward
    Anonymous:

    Not so fast!  Sometimes it's the head-hunter who adds all the latest buzzwords and acronyms.  However, I have to agree that the candidate should have handled the question differently.

     

    Why? He was obviously out of the running and had his time wasted by the recruiter too. He wasn't actively rude about it, more just resigned to his fate. It's not like saying something else might have substituted for 5 years of AD experience.

     

    Rich 

  • Rank Amateur (cs) in reply to themagni
    themagni:

    ...My boss' idea was to have - I kid you not - 255 x 10 x 2 =  5100 versions of the code, each requiring a tweak to the code and a recompile, all saved with names like 10F202_60PPM_ID2_NOMOVE.HEX. The insane part is that he had already started implementing his idea.... I made one version of the code and created a GUI for a HEX editor that let the production staff change the parameters by themselves....This means I decreased our code overhead by 99.98% and saved about 4 weeks of work every month....

    Oh, I think many a resume has been aided by coworkers WTFery. Even I, the Rank Amateur, once increased database performance by one or two orders of magnitude with my m4d k0mput3r 5ki11z. Sophisticated tuning of indices? Uh, no, I don't know how to do that. But at least I know what normalization is. My predecessor had put the entire database in a single table 3.5 parsecs wide. Among its effects was the records were so large the little DBMS couldn’t create a primary key (don’t ask; that’s what the documentation said). Users were waiting something like 30 seconds to retrieve a single record from a table of only several hundred records.

    --RA

  • John Smallberries (cs)

    I recently received a résumé from a candidate who had extensive experience in C+ and Pearl.

    *cries* 

  • themagni (cs) in reply to Mr Ascii
    Mr Ascii:

    themagni:
    This means I decreased our code overhead by 99.98% and saved about 4 weeks of work every month. (Yes, a month of work a month. None of these statements are typos.) It took at least one minute to recompile and save each file, for 10,200 minutes. Divide by 60 and you get 170 hours, or 4.5 weeks at 40hours / week. The damnable thing about it is that it looks like it's impossible, so it looks like my resumé has a big glaring error on it.

    You could say that it saved 170 man-hours or machine-hours per month/deployment.

    Ah, of course. Thank you for the advice.

  • emurphy (cs) in reply to Rich
    Anonymous:
    Anonymous:

    Not so fast!  Sometimes it's the head-hunter who adds all the latest buzzwords and acronyms.  However, I have to agree that the candidate should have handled the question differently.

     

    Why? He was obviously out of the running and had his time wasted by the recruiter too. He wasn't actively rude about it, more just resigned to his fate. It's not like saying something else might have substituted for 5 years of AD experience.

     

    He should have handled it by ignoring the headhunter's advice to lie.  Or, if the headhunter lied without his knowledge, then saying "What? Let me see that. Oh, man, the headhunter totally added that. Sorry he wasted both our time."

  • emurphy (cs) in reply to Rank Amateur

    Rank Amateur:

    Oh, I think many a resume has been aided by coworkers WTFery. Even I, the Rank Amateur, once increased database performance by one or two orders of magnitude with my m4d k0mput3r 5ki11z. Sophisticated tuning of indices? Uh, no, I don't know how to do that. But at least I know what normalization is. My predecessor had put the entire database in a single table 3.5 parsecs wide. Among its effects was the records were so large the little DBMS couldn’t create a primary key (don’t ask; that’s what the documentation said). Users were waiting something like 30 seconds to retrieve a single record from a table of only several hundred records.

     

    I had a case like that several years ago, only it was basically "slurp the entire table and apply the filter myself, ignoring the perfectly good index".  Works great on the dev system with 12 rows, not so good on the production system with 120,000...

     

  • daSlug (unregistered) in reply to themagni
    themagni:

    Used online collaboration tools to ensure enterprise-style coding practices were recognized and rewarded appropriately. Managed multiple deadlines in a entrepreneurial atmosphere. 

     

    I'm putting that one on my resume as we ... um, speak ... or whatever one would call this .....

    Now, to find a cushy do-nothing job at a company whose hiring people don't read this site .......... 

  • Anonymous Anonymizer (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:

    We had a good one a couple of months ago.  Mind you, we were specifically looking for a Windows admin with Active Directory experience.

     It says here on your resume that you've got extensive experience setting up and administrating an Active Directory infrastructure.  What and how did you setup.

    Candidate: Oh that, the recruiter recommended that I put that on my resume.  I haven't really worked with Active Directory.

    Interviewer: Do you understand that we're specifically looking for a senior level admin with at least 5 years Active Directory experience

    Candidate: I guess I'm not in the running for the job. 
     

    Something similar to this happened to me (as a candidate) once ... except I wasn't told to put it on my resume; the recruiter embellished my resume for me and never showed me the end product (I didn't even know the embellishment was taking place).  So, after flying from one coast to the other for a 3-day interview process, the first interviewer asks me a question I had absolutely no clue about.  I respond with something to the effect of " ......... (blank stare) ...... am I in the right interview?"  Needless to say, a 3-day paid vacation was pretty neat. :)

    Too bad I didn't get the nice near-midrange 6-figure salary for the position they flew me out for. 

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