• masseyis (unregistered)

    Should have been obvious there was no HDDs. Didn't sound like rats at play.

    What the frist?

  • Kate (unregistered)

    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them. It won't take too long and it's much less hostile. Then you can get referred on to the next level of support. You might be a genius-level IT professional, but to the support tech, you are Schrödinger's technical support problem. Don't be a dick.

  • configurator (unregistered) in reply to Kate
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them. It won't take too long and it's much less hostile. Then you can get referred on to the next level of support. You might be a genius-level IT professional, but to the support tech, you are Schrödinger's technical support problem. Don't be a dick.

    I'm probably feeding the troll, but how could he follow the steps when they require the computer to boot? The support guy asked "Can you boot into safe mode?" Should he have answered yes?

  • Avenger (unregistered) in reply to Kate

    ...and then they just leave the conversation, refusing to do the job they were hired to do, and you have no chance to call them back and get in touch with the same person.

    Yeah, sounds like a very shitty job.

  • (cs)

    I am so sad at the Naughty NAS story. Beause of it, we will not get a story in a few years when a tech guy comes in and has to explain to them that he cant recover their backed up files because the drives were never there.

  • Recursive Reclusive (unregistered) in reply to Kate
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude.
    How is he being rude? He's going along with "Sagar", explaining why he can't try the offered fixes. I don't see him interrupting or name calling or any of that stuff.
  • INITymous (unregistered)

    Yay I'm not the only one who noticed ^-^

  • Some Jerk (unregistered) in reply to Kate
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them. It won't take too long and it's much less hostile. Then you can get referred on to the next level of support. You might be a genius-level IT professional, but to the support tech, you are Schrödinger's technical support problem. Don't be a dick.

    This comment I don't get. It doesn't take a genious level IT to know that no back button will be available if the computer does not boot.

    Truly though, WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with? Yes... they have a script... and I am usually patient enough to pretend I am performing all of the useless steps so they feel like they are doing their jobs... but they need to at least have a fundimental understanding of the distinction between useless and impossible.

  • (cs)

    John just should have used the keyword- shibboleet.

  • (cs) in reply to Some Jerk
    Some Jerk:
    WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with?

    Uhh... capitalism? To those companies, tech support is mostly a money pit, so they are going to throw as little money down that hole as possible. They will provide the warrantied "tech support". But they won't guarantee that it will be effective.

  • (cs)
    Jonathan Levy:
    Wait a minute (...)

    So - is it SAAAAAAgar or *********?

    Vewwy suspicious!

    INITymous:
    This could be an error on this end, but why is ***** spelt "Sagar" everywhere except when he leaves?
    Fixed - Good catch! Anonymization is more of an art than a science (I know, I know, Find/Replace).
  • AGray (unregistered) in reply to Nook Schreier
    Nook Schreier:
    Uhh... capitalism? To those companies, tech support is mostly a money pit, so they are going to throw as little money down that hole as possible. They will provide the warrantied "tech support". But they won't guarantee that it will be effective.

    In Soviet Russia, tech supports you!

    CAPTCHA: pecus - peekaboo in Latin.

  • Mr Ed. (unregistered)

    I like to use the stories here to keep the "Micro Windows Technical Support" scammers from trying to extort money from less savvy people.

    The next time one calls you, choose a character, and see how long you can keep them on the phone with that story.

    I'm going for "there's a rat in my computer" next time.

  • (cs)

    I think a bot would do a better job than Sagar but I suspect Sagar was just a bad bot...

    Doing this in a chat makes no sense as anyone can speak faster than type. But I assume they got tons of complaints because no one could understand their English and the honking and other common "indian background noises" didn't help with that either.

  • ceiswyn (unregistered) in reply to Kate
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them.

    Is it just me, or would it be less trouble for everyone involved if they just gave users the relevant flowchart and cut out the middleman?

    Kate:
    Then you can get referred on to the next level of support.

    A process that obviously worked perfectly in this example.

    Last time I called up tech support for anything, it was my ISP to tell them there was an outage in my area. It took me fifteen minutes of fiddling with the settings on one of my three computers, all the while staring at the I-am-not-connected-to-the-internet blinkenlight on my router, before the support tech gave up and said someone would call me back. The next day I got a text to say they'd fixed the outage in my area. Who, exactly, profited from that interaction...?

  • Brent (unregistered) in reply to Some Jerk
    Some Jerk:
    This comment I don't get. It doesn't take a genious level IT to know that no back button will be available if the computer does not boot.

    The problem is that they get too many calls from people like the "Rat in my computer" guy. People who will say their computer "does not boot" just because their computer isn't working for any reason, because they don't know what "boot" means. The end result is that tech support can't trust anything the user says, and ironically, that's even more true when the user uses terms like "boot" (especially if they keep repeating it... because that's what clueless newbies are doing on the other lines, repeating the one tech word they know).

  • NextLevel (unregistered) in reply to Kate
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them. It won't take too long and it's much less hostile. Then you can get referred on to the next level of support. You might be a genius-level IT professional, but to the support tech, you are Schrödinger's technical support problem. Don't be a dick.

    What kind of flowchart doesn't have some short circuit evaluation? Really, there are only so many ways to say "no, it doesn't boot."

  • MBV (unregistered)

    The nicest thing about the last chat is that from the first line I can see the support 'engineer' is from India. And I hear the entire conversation in Dinglish when reading...

  • (cs)

    I don't see how John is being rude, either. Abrupt, probably. I was going to write "but how else do you get through to someone that you need to break out of the script?" but Sagar was probably copy-pasting anyway.

    I've actually been in this exact situation, where an HP laptop refused to boot up, and they DO want to run you through a bunch of stuff in Windows, and you do have to make a little effort to get them to realize you really mean "my computer won't boot," and not "windows isn't working right."

    Also, nobody comments on "delete the prefetch folder?" Sounds like voodoo to me, frankly. That must be this year's "you need to reinstall Windows."

  • Chad Garrett (unregistered) in reply to ceiswyn
    Last time I called up tech support for anything, it was my ISP to tell them there was an outage in my area. It took me fifteen minutes of fiddling with the settings on one of my three computers, all the while staring at the I-am-not-connected-to-the-internet blinkenlight on my router, before the support tech gave up and said someone would call me back. The next day I got a text to say they'd fixed the outage in my area. Who, exactly, profited from that interaction...?

    I can go one better. My cable Internet was down last week. They got back to me and confirmed that there was construction in my area and a fiber was cut that day (even though I'd been up and down for over a week while on vacation) Later that day, they closed my ticket when that construction was completed - when my modem was verifiably still offline from their end.

  • Kasper (unregistered) in reply to Mr Ed.
    Mr Ed.:
    I like to use the stories here to keep the "Micro Windows Technical Support" scammers from trying to extort money from less savvy people.

    The next time one calls you, choose a character, and see how long you can keep them on the phone with that story.

    The last time I had one of those on the phone, I pretended to have an Internet connection with only IPv6 connectivity. That meant I was able to access Google and other big sites, but I could not download the software the scammer wanted me to install because it was on an IPv4 only website.

    Moreover I pretended that I had no clue why some websites were inaccessible.

    It didn't take long for the scammer to get so frustrated that he actually told me I had to fix my Internet connectivity before he could help me.

  • Some Jerk (unregistered) in reply to ceiswyn
    ceiswyn:
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them.

    Is it just me, or would it be less trouble for everyone involved if they just gave users the relevant flowchart and cut out the middleman?

    Kate:
    Then you can get referred on to the next level of support.

    A process that obviously worked perfectly in this example.

    Last time I called up tech support for anything, it was my ISP to tell them there was an outage in my area. It took me fifteen minutes of fiddling with the settings on one of my three computers, all the while staring at the I-am-not-connected-to-the-internet blinkenlight on my router, before the support tech gave up and said someone would call me back. The next day I got a text to say they'd fixed the outage in my area. Who, exactly, profited from that interaction...?

    I think Lex Luthor said it best with "I am surprised his brain produces enough power to operate his legs".

    CAPTCHA: Inhibeo - A magical spell that prevents a person from completing whatever objective they currently possess. NOTE: This spell is copyrighted, owned and frequently improved at Microsoft!

  • Chad Garrett (unregistered)

    I'm not so sure I understand the WTF on the torch.

    The US public has no familiarity with ANY British/Australian English differences, except for maybe the extra u in words like colour. If you ask someone here what aluminium is, they seriously wouldn't be able to figure it out.

  • Luigi (unregistered)

    Sorry, but isn't it obvious the TSA goons broke the laptop?

  • Basil (unregistered)

    Tell him it's just a hamster?

  • (cs) in reply to FrostCat
    FrostCat:
    Also, nobody comments on "delete the prefetch folder?" Sounds like voodoo to me, frankly. That must be this year's "you need to reinstall Windows."

    I used to get mad at that kind of voodoo, until it solved a problem I had that I tough it was impossible to solve that way. Computers are complex, caches fail and you can never be sure about what depends on them.

  • $$ERR:get_name_fail (unregistered)
    "A torch. Oh, wait, no, not a torch -- a flashlight."
    A torch would very likely have worked too. Open fire emits even more infrared light than lightbulbs.
  • (cs) in reply to beginner_
    beginner_:
    Doing this in a chat makes no sense as anyone can speak faster than type. But I assume they got tons of complaints because no one could understand their English and the honking and other common "indian background noises" didn't help with that either.
    You're assuming now that the Indians are capable of understanding your 'interpretation' of the English language.
  • Peter (unregistered) in reply to Nook Schreier
    Nook Schreier:
    Some Jerk:
    WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with?
    Uhh... capitalism? To those companies, tech support is mostly a money pit, so they are going to throw as little money down that hole as possible. They will provide the warrantied "tech support". But they won't guarantee that it will be effective.
    In the free market, companies compete to get your money. You're free to choose another company if you don't like the one. You can choose based on cost or service or whatever matters to you.

    Companies hate to compete with each other, though, because it means they can't gouge you on price and screw you on support, all to maximize profits. So they go to their purchased politicians and get laws passed to make it nearly impossible for anyone else to compete with them. That's not capitalism, it's fascism. But whatever name you use, don't confuse politician-assisted-screwing with the free market.

  • Bldsquirrel (unregistered) in reply to Some Jerk
    Some Jerk:
    This comment I don't get. It doesn't take a genious level IT to know that no back button will be available if the computer does not boot.

    Truly though, WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with? Yes... they have a script... and I am usually patient enough to pretend I am performing all of the useless steps so they feel like they are doing their jobs... but they need to at least have a fundimental understanding of the distinction between useless and impossible.

    Well, when telling people that they need to plug their computer in before they can turn it on and rebooting to solve the problem makes up 90% of their cases, they don't really need a qualified agent to handle most of them.

  • (cs) in reply to Some Jerk
    Some Jerk:
    Truly though, WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with?
    The cheapness is because publicly-traded companies have to meet earnings targets set by Wall Street, which gives them an incentive to squeeze out every last penny of profit. If they meet their targets, the stock price goes up. Who cares about the stock price? You do, if you have a 401(k), in which case this is at least partially your fault.
  • Steven Seagal's ponytail (unregistered) in reply to Peter

    Exactly this. Down with crony "capitalism"! Ron Paul 2012!

  • (cs)

    There is a rat in my ultrabook!

  • Steven Seagal's ponytail (unregistered) in reply to Peter
    Peter:
    Nook Schreier:
    Some Jerk:
    WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with?
    Uhh... capitalism? To those companies, tech support is mostly a money pit, so they are going to throw as little money down that hole as possible. They will provide the warrantied "tech support". But they won't guarantee that it will be effective.
    In the free market, companies compete to get your money. You're free to choose another company if you don't like the one. You can choose based on cost or service or whatever matters to you.

    Companies hate to compete with each other, though, because it means they can't gouge you on price and screw you on support, all to maximize profits. So they go to their purchased politicians and get laws passed to make it nearly impossible for anyone else to compete with them. That's not capitalism, it's fascism. But whatever name you use, don't confuse politician-assisted-screwing with the free market.

    Exactly this. Down with crony "capitalism"! Ron Paul 2012!

  • Some Jerk (unregistered) in reply to Brent
    Brent:
    Some Jerk:
    This comment I don't get. It doesn't take a genious level IT to know that no back button will be available if the computer does not boot.

    The problem is that they get too many calls from people like the "Rat in my computer" guy. People who will say their computer "does not boot" just because their computer isn't working for any reason, because they don't know what "boot" means. The end result is that tech support can't trust anything the user says, and ironically, that's even more true when the user uses terms like "boot" (especially if they keep repeating it... because that's what clueless newbies are doing on the other lines, repeating the one tech word they know).

    That is when a person seeks clarification. The fact that the prepresentative chose not to seek clarification is an indication that said individual was unaware of said distinction... AKA: Not qualified to support computer hardware

  • Rick (unregistered) in reply to PedanticCurmudgeon
    PedanticCurmudgeon:
    Some Jerk:
    Truly though, WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with?
    The cheapness is because publicly-traded companies have to meet earnings targets set by Wall Street, which gives them an incentive to squeeze out every last penny of profit. If they meet their targets, the stock price goes up. Who cares about the stock price? You do, if you have a 401(k), in which case this is at least partially your fault.
    But suppose "Watermelon Computer Company" gains a reputation for superior support, so much that some people are willing to pay extra for a Watermelon, or maybe even pay a little for support when they need it. As a result, when your 401(k) invests a million in WCC they get a higher return than they would investing in Cheap Ass Suckpport.

    But you don't care about anything but price when you buy "commodity" gear. One hard drive is 79.99 and the other is 79.93 and you go for the cheaper one, every time. So once again, it is still your fault!

  • Some Jerk (unregistered) in reply to Bldsquirrel
    Bldsquirrel:
    Some Jerk:
    This comment I don't get. It doesn't take a genious level IT to know that no back button will be available if the computer does not boot.

    Truly though, WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with? Yes... they have a script... and I am usually patient enough to pretend I am performing all of the useless steps so they feel like they are doing their jobs... but they need to at least have a fundimental understanding of the distinction between useless and impossible.

    Well, when telling people that they need to plug their computer in before they can turn it on and rebooting to solve the problem makes up 90% of their cases, they don't really need a qualified agent to handle most of them.

    This is why many companies have a small questionair prior to receiving support. Questions to determine where in the support chain the current customer resides. If they wish to save money AND help customers with legitimate problems. Just to take this a step further... grant 1 support license to each purchaser which will be revoked only in the event that the solution to their poblem is available on the site without the need for contacting support. Then charge $20 for each support call thereafter... there again... except those that are actually the result of hardware issues.

    There is a difference between support and training... which is well established by larger market companies. Training (such as how to plug your computer into the wall) is not free... it is purchased.

  • Some Jerk (unregistered) in reply to Rick
    Rick:
    PedanticCurmudgeon:
    Some Jerk:
    Truly though, WTF is the deal with all of these CHEAP ASS COMPANIES hiring people with absolutely no technical qualification whatsoever to support their technology to begin with?
    The cheapness is because publicly-traded companies have to meet earnings targets set by Wall Street, which gives them an incentive to squeeze out every last penny of profit. If they meet their targets, the stock price goes up. Who cares about the stock price? You do, if you have a 401(k), in which case this is at least partially your fault.
    But suppose "Watermelon Computer Company" gains a reputation for superior support, so much that some people are willing to pay extra for a Watermelon, or maybe even pay a little for support when they need it. As a result, when your 401(k) invests a million in WCC they get a higher return than they would investing in Cheap Ass Suckpport.

    But you don't care about anything but price when you buy "commodity" gear. One hard drive is 79.99 and the other is 79.93 and you go for the cheaper one, every time. So once again, it is still your fault!

    Me personally... I choose my products first based on industrial reputation. If I cannot ascertain the quality of support, I may try out the little guy once or twice ... but if the support is not there I will never make another purchase from that company again, regardless of tech/price ratio.

    I suppose you are right in a way though. The support on my ASUS Mobo was exceptional. The drive controller burned out pretty soon after buying it and they paid my shipping and their own to replace it as quickly as feasibly possible.

  • (cs) in reply to Rick
    Rick:
    But you don't care about anything but price when you buy "commodity" gear. One hard drive is 79.99 and the other is 79.93 and you go for the cheaper one, every time. So once again, it is still your fault!
    Yes, and that's why people who complain about Walmart taking over retail should complain about the people who shop there instead.
  • Andrew (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that the "Naughty NAS" didn't even have the hardware to store anything naughty. Here I was thinking that the NAS would be full of porn. WTF!

  • (cs) in reply to Andrew

    Maybe the HDDs that belonged in the NAS were full of porn, and that's why they were removed. Y'know, for... researching how that porn got there. Yeah, that's the ticket. Total violation of our IT standards. Oh, that's a total violation. It'll be a long, hard job figuring out how it got on there.

  • Anon (unregistered)

    I don't see the WTF with Sagar. Since you are chatting with him online, it's not unreasonable for him to assume you are a moron and your computer has, in fact, booted. If it wasn't booting how are you talking to him?

    John should have started by stating that he was talking to him on a different computer!

  • Anon (unregistered)

    So sure, the NAS had no hard drives in it, but think of the savings by not including expensive hard drives. That's probably how the last "IT Expert" managed to bid so low.

  • Some Jerk (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    I don't see the WTF with Sagar. Since you are chatting with him online, it's not unreasonable for him to assume you are a moron and your computer has, in fact, booted. If it wasn't booting how are you talking to him?

    John should have started by stating that he was talking to him on a different computer!

    I would agree with you if a phone call was possible. As those who require support for a computer that does not function must use the online chat however... it still equates to abject stupidity.

    CAPTCHA: genitus - My wife's maiden name is Genitus Kickeros

  • oldami (unregistered) in reply to $$ERR:get_name_fail
    $$ERR:get_name_fail:
    "A torch. Oh, wait, no, not a torch -- a flashlight."
    A torch would very likely have worked too. Open fire emits even more infrared light than lightbulbs.

    Yes. It would have worked. But only once.

  • Maltz (unregistered) in reply to NextLevel
    NextLevel:
    Kate:
    The guy in the last story was pretty rude. The support techs have a shitty job and are usually forced to follow a fixed script. They can't skip any part of the flowchart and just refer your issue upwards because they'll get done for it. The kindest, most human and also most efficient way to behave is just to go through the flowchart with them. It won't take too long and it's much less hostile. Then you can get referred on to the next level of support. You might be a genius-level IT professional, but to the support tech, you are Schrödinger's technical support problem. Don't be a dick.

    What kind of flowchart doesn't have some short circuit evaluation? Really, there are only so many ways to say "no, it doesn't boot."

    But how vague is that? "It doesn't boot" What does that even mean? No login screen? Hangup while it's booting? Doesn't post? No power at all? And all those assume the user is even using the term correctly, which, let's be honest, is kind of a stretch.

    The guy wasn't particularly rude, but he should have described the problem in greater detail MUCH sooner. He didn't give the support guy anything to go on until he actually described at exactly what point during the boot process the machine hung up.

  • (cs) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    I don't see the WTF with Sagar. Since you are chatting with him online, it's not unreasonable for him to assume you are a moron and your computer has, in fact, booted. If it wasn't booting how are you talking to him?

    John should have started by stating that he was talking to him on a different computer!

    This has helped me figure out what really happened at the end.

    "Sagar" lost track of his script... and rebooted his own computer.

  • Ayn Rand's Ghost! (unregistered)

    There's a reason why OFFSHORING won't work.

  • Kef Schecter (unregistered)

    "Torch" is not a WTF. Perhaps amusing (especially to Brits; I can't blame them for having a laugh at our expense), but not a WTF nonetheless. I recall this scene from various incarnations of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (sadly, not the movie version, wherein virtually all funny jokes were excised):

    Arthur: On display? I eventually had to go to the cellar. Prosser: That's the display department. Arthur: With a torch! Prosser: The lights had probably gone...

    I'd read, listened, and watched this scene several times before I realized "torch" here simply meant "flashlight". And even then I only realized it when I encountered "torch" somewhere else (probably in another Adams novel, as it happens) in a context where "flashlight" was the only thing that possibly made any sense.

    Hitchhiker's also had a similarly confusing scene regarding a "zebra crossing". As with the line about the torch, this conjures wildly different images in the minds of Brits and Americans, but happened to work nonetheless with either interpretation.

  • (cs)

    Please to reformat the needful.

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