• Roger Garrett (unregistered)

    It has been my personal experience that I do not die. Other people die, but not me.

  • (cs) in reply to frits
    frits:
    boog:
    Have you seen "Twilight"?
    No. I'm male...and straight.
    And apparently single with no daughters.

    Still, would you see it if it was a miracle cure for death? Of course not. My point exactly.

    frits:
    boog:
    At some point I will lose my...sex drive...
    Not me. See above.
    Okay, so I should have said ability to have sex. With viagra, that still includes the ability to get laid. Or do you really know women that are into the "crypt-keeper" look?
  • (cs) in reply to boog
    boog:
    frits:
    boog:
    Have you seen "Twilight"?
    No. I'm male...and straight.
    And apparently single with no daughters.

    Actually, married with a son. Thanks for asking. My wife would rather be dead than watch that crap.

    boog:
    frits:
    boog:
    At some point I will lose my...sex drive...
    Not me. See above.
    Okay, so I should have said ability to have sex. With viagra, that still includes the ability to get laid. Or do you really know women that are into the "crypt-keeper" look?

    My look has nothing to do with my access to pr0n. See above (I'm married).

  • Sock Puppet 5 (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    frits:
    boog:
    Have you seen "Twilight"?
    No. I'm male...and straight.
    And apparently single with no daughters.

    Still, would you see it if it was a miracle cure for death? Of course not. My point exactly.

    Well done, boog. Much better than your standard hate-filled and violence-advocating comments.

  • (cs) in reply to frits
    frits:
    My wife would rather be dead than watch that crap.
    Lucky you. And thank you for still proving my point; even your wife would rather die.
    frits:
    My look has nothing to do with my access to pr0n.
    No, but your vision does.
  • (cs) in reply to monkeyPushButton
    monkeyPushButton:
    Violent Penguins? I just got their new album.

    I love their song "Flipper in the Sun."

  • neminem (unregistered)
    Herby:
    I am surprised that in regards to "partial death" no one has mentioned "Schroedinger's Cat"
    Fair enough; I might've, but I was too busy making a pop culture reference. That said, I'm also vaguely surprised nobody's mentioned "the little death", as well (speaking of "ability to have sex").

    And I would totally go watch Twilight if it would make me immortal. Heck, I'd watch Twilight if someone gave me a thousand bucks. Maybe even a hundred. I wouldn't promise to pay attention during it... but it's just a bad movie. I've been forced to watch all kinds of bad movies (and, for the record, I'd rather watch Twilight 5 times in a row than Spy Kids 3 again. I'm pretty sure that was the worst movie ever made. At least the worst movie ever to be played in major theaters.)

  • coyo (unregistered)

    The Forced March of the Penguins.

  • Yves (unregistered)

    "You can't control or observe your computer."

    True.

    Only Steve (Jobs) can do so.

  • Pyrexkidd (unregistered) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:
    He's only mostly dead.

    Now, mostly dead is partly alive. All dead? Well then there's only one thing you can do...

    Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

  • Pyrexkidd (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    TRWTF with the jury one is how many people want to be a smart ass when the purpose of each option is perfectly clear in context. The permanent part of being deceased is clearly referring to the persons ineligibility for jury duty - because of the permanence of the being dead part. Sure, in an ideal world everything would be spelt out explicitly and without any ambiguity, but anybody with half a brain should be able to deduce what is intended. Also the medical survey one is clearly a result of the user selecting or entering their medical complain as "death", so not really a WTF either. Presumably they could have also entered "doody" and hilarity would have followed.

    Well thanks for peeing in my cheery-o's... I DID think it WAS funny, bu--you're right: finding humor in things taken out of context IS Satan worship.

    YOU ALL ARE SATIN[sic] WORSHIPERS (or is that Ya'll...)

  • sore (unregistered) in reply to AnnoyingCowherd
    AnnoyingCowherd:
    Yeah, I don't have a family history of death. Our family reunions are getting out of control.
    Congrats on being a living proof of parallel evolution.

    Still, you'll have to answer 'no' on the first question, unless you know Susan or Albert.

  • sore (unregistered) in reply to da Doctah
    da Doctah:
    Although, so far there's no known treatment for Death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of Death:
    1. rigor mortis
    2. a rotting smell
    3. occasional drowsiness

    It is also important to know what to do you when you die:

    1. Don't try to drive a car.
    2. Do not operate heavy machinery.
    3. Do not talk.
    4. Eat brains.
  • vereor (unregistered) in reply to Unnecessary Censorship
    Unnecessary Censorship:
    Power Troll:
    bw13:
    Sun:
    Damn, he came first.
    That's what she said.

    Please f--- this.

    That's what she said.
    I'm kinda hoping this doesn't have anything to do with rigor mortis.

  • (cs) in reply to BlueCollarAstronaut
    BlueCollarAstronaut:
    The flash drive one is funny, too, because, I believe the red tag means it's discounted, right? That means the "normal" prices for the 512MB version was probably higher than that for the 4GB version.

    That may explain anti-theft mechanism on it as well (well, that, and the fact that obviously, more people will want to steal a 512MB flash drive).

    Surprisingly, that MIGHT be true. My wife has embroidery/sewing machines with USB ports. They can be used for various things (downloading settings and embroidery designs, etc.). Some of the machines can't use USB drives > 512MB (some sort of BIOSy limit, I guess), so for a while we were buying all the smaller drives we could find while they were still available.

    There are probably other devices with similar limitations.

    (I also suspect the USB port on the sewing machine to be where she receives instructions from Satan during Aunt Flo's visit, but I've never caught her at it).

  • (cs) in reply to boog
    boog:
    Have you seen "Twilight"? If it was death or having to sit through that again, I'd choose death. Always death.

    Death it is.

    But first:

    Chi-chi!

  • Gary Olson (unregistered) in reply to Bill Rounding
    Bill Rounding:
    Trevel:
    I knew there'd be a downside to quantum computing.

    No, then he'd be unable to observe his computer without changing it.

    Change will only come to those computers which accept change. Does his computer attend Quantums Anonymous?
  • (cs) in reply to SQLDave
    SQLDave:

    There are probably other devices with similar limitations.

    I have used an oscilloscope which supported USB flash drives for storing data... as long as those drives were <= 2GB. And even then, it was extremely finicky about those drives: even a small amount of fragmentation will cause it to barf or take years to store a file.

  • (cs) in reply to caper

    I am only dead while filming Weekend at Bernie's 4

  • Sudo (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    Even so, I still wouldn't be willing to try just anything.

    That's what she said.

    Pity.

  • (cs)

    You don't remember March of the Penguins being violent? What about all that violent weather?

    As for Jason, clearly he just selected 11,984,269 rows off the bottom of the screen. And that last one is perfectly accurate - it's on a Mac. Apple is just reminding you. I mean this is coming from a company that recently switched to a new, proprietary design for the screws in their hardware, just so you won't be able to easily open it...

  • Foiled by the mouse's tail (unregistered) in reply to SQLDave
    SQLDave:
    (I also suspect the USB port on the sewing machine to be where she receives instructions from Satan during Aunt Flo's visit, but I've never caught her at it).
    Bravo Sir, bravo. I genuinely laughed out loud...
  • praesent, no timae likae it (unregistered) in reply to setenta e quatro
    setenta e quatro:
    SQLDave:

    There are probably other devices with similar limitations.

    I have used an oscilloscope which supported USB flash drives for storing data... as long as those drives were <= 2GB. And even then, it was extremely finicky about those drives: even a small amount of fragmentation will cause it to barf or take years to store a file.

    Right. FAT16.

  • pixeled (unregistered) in reply to ecco

    I always thought that when you clicked on your own machine in ARD, an alert should show up that says "Have At It", and quit ARD.

  • (cs) in reply to da Doctah
    da Doctah:
    Death it is.

    But first:

    Chi-chi!

    Death by Chi-Chi!

  • Not Just Another Stereotype (unregistered) in reply to Yves
    "You can't control or observe your computer."

    True.

    Only Steve (Jobs) can do so.

    Hur hur hur. Boy, those Apple jokes never get old. Neither does typing "M$" for Microsoft. I think I'll go post to Slashdot about how 2011 is going to be the year of Linux on the desktop, or maybe I'll just reread the Cathedral and the Bazaar for the thirty-seventh time.

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to adam

    Heart attack victim disqualifies you?

  • Dr Unicorn (unregistered) in reply to Zylon
    Zylon:
    Hotblack Deviato:
    I like the Douglas Adams cite.
    That was a reference, not a citation.

    Actually, its from "The Rutles", so is an Eric Idle quote

  • Thomas (unregistered) in reply to amischiefr
    amischiefr:
    bsaksida:
    The deceased part is not WTF.

    Here in our cuntry it happened. Someone was away, possibly on vacation. After a four Years my Country declared that person as a deceased. And shortly while that person did come home. He was on the news as a live person with a document in hadns that said otherwise. That is WTF.

    Yes, yes, in Communist Russia... something something you.

    What would you suggest then, a "Partially Dead" option instead of a permanent one? You know, just in case he comes back.

    I used to have a summer job at a health insurance company. We had single letter "mutation codes" for clients who cancelled their contract in its current form. I don't recall all of them, but there were some obvious ones (switched to a different company, deceased, merged with spouse's contract), some technical codes (contract cancelled because it was bogus) and then the one letter I never forgot: X. X stood for "presumed deceased". It was used when somebody went missing and didn't turn up after a number of years. If there is no sign of life, but no corpse either, it was presumed they had passed away. Luckily, this didn't show up on a great number of files.

  • AW (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    TRWTF with the jury one is how many people want to be a smart ass when the purpose of each option is perfectly clear in context.
    Do you know why only 18 year olds are eligable for jury service? Seems a big limitation on getting eligable people.
  • TheSHEEEP (unregistered)
    12. Effect on your life before treatment. What was the effect of Death on your life before treatment? Effect

    0 - No Effect

    Yeah, I'm that badass.

  • SCB (unregistered) in reply to Thomas
    Thomas:
    amischiefr:
    bsaksida:
    The deceased part is not WTF.

    Here in our cuntry it happened. Someone was away, possibly on vacation. After a four Years my Country declared that person as a deceased. And shortly while that person did come home. He was on the news as a live person with a document in hadns that said otherwise. That is WTF.

    Yes, yes, in Communist Russia... something something you.

    What would you suggest then, a "Partially Dead" option instead of a permanent one? You know, just in case he comes back.

    I used to have a summer job at a health insurance company. We had single letter "mutation codes" for clients who cancelled their contract in its current form. I don't recall all of them, but there were some obvious ones (switched to a different company, deceased, merged with spouse's contract), some technical codes (contract cancelled because it was bogus) and then the one letter I never forgot: X. X stood for "presumed deceased". It was used when somebody went missing and didn't turn up after a number of years. If there is no sign of life, but no corpse either, it was presumed they had passed away. Luckily, this didn't show up on a great number of files.

    Just the X-Files?

  • George Fitch (unregistered)

    The second one is from the game BioShock (or maybe BioShock 2) and is not a WTF. That message will show if you don't assign a key binding to an action. Of course, the message could be less cryptic like 'key not assigned'.

  • (cs) in reply to frits
    frits:
    Yet Another Steve:
    Ken B.:
    Doesn't MOTP include a scene showing a cute baby penguin, frozen to death? What could be more violent than cute baby penguins dying?

    Beating somebody to death with a dead, frozen, baby penguin?

    I'm pretty sure you'd find yourself on the losing end of a CSI episode if you did that.

    Your not too smart, are you?

    Your what is not too smart?

  • Evil Code Monkey (unregistered) in reply to Brandon

    [quote user="Brandon]Anything that reduces my chance of death from 100% to something less sounds like something I'd like to try! [/quote]

    Well, just change the timescale you use to determine that chance of dying. The chance of you dying in the next millisecond is considerably less than 100%...probably a barely noticable number in fact (unless you're REALLY sick). The chance of you dying in the next 1000 years is technically less than 100%, but not by very much.

  • Jay (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    TRWTF with the jury one is how many people want to be a smart ass when the purpose of each option is perfectly clear in context. The permanent part of being deceased is clearly referring to the persons ineligibility for jury duty - because of the permanence of the being dead part. Sure, in an ideal world everything would be spelt out explicitly and without any ambiguity, but anybody with half a brain should be able to deduce what is intended.

    Ummm ... What everybody is laughing at is the fact that someone found it necessary to specify that death is generally permanent, and that this was the ONLY condition on the list where they felt it necessary to specify temporary versus permanent. I mean, if the entry for "Felony conviction" had said "Temporary" or "Permanent", I might have seen this as potentially relevant. Otherwise one might wonder whether there is some way to remove the disqualification. Or if EVERY entry had been labeled as either temporary or permanent, then the fact that death was labeled as permanent wouldn't be amusing, just obvious.

    Saying, "This isn't funny because it's obviously true" misses the point. It's funny precisely because, of all the criteria that might disqualify one from jury duty, the only one that the creator of the page felt necessary to clarify as temporary vs permanent was "deceased", the most obvious.

    Also, the reason why "To get to the other side" is funny is because it is obvious and explains nothing. The person hearing the riddle expects some more clarifying answer, some explanation of WHY the chicken wants to get to the other side of the road.

    Are there any other jokes that you'd like me to explain for you?

  • (cs) in reply to dkf
    dkf:
    Ditto:
    wait .. where's the "Deceased - Temporary" option ... I'm not planning on being deceased for long ... :\
    I like how they're only after people who are 18 years old. 19-year olds (and all you lucky folks out of your teens) get off.
    You're supposed to be judged by a jury of your peers...What do you mean you're not 18 years old?
  • Doug (unregistered)

    March of the penguins featured a number of violent penguin deaths.

  • (cs)

    The "you cannot observe your computer" dialog box is missing an important warning:

    PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

    (warning originally from here)

    Also, by logical extension, the computer is asserting that it does not exist. Reverse-self-awareness?

  • ErikF (unregistered) in reply to ÃÆâ€
    ÃÆâ€:
    Only zombies have a family history of death, and the jury duty website knows this.
    There's a good reason for this selection for zombies: it's well known that they only give verdicts of "grrr," "aarrgh," and "brains." There were too many hung and/or eaten juries when they were allowed to be jurors.
  • Richard (unregistered)

    The penguins film does involve death of penguins.

    Control or Observe sounds very Quantum!

  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered)

    The last one is just a metaphor for DRM, right?

  • Pl0cz0rz (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that the smaller dongle isn't inside box, but instead it's on the box.

  • Tobias Brox (unregistered)

    FWIW, related to the russian receipt, the URL printed on the receipt seems to be http://www.ercentr.ru/ - probably the company dealing with the payment solution and receipt printer and responsible for the broken charset ;-)

    http://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&sl=auto&tl=en&u=http://www.ercentr.ru/about/&act=url

    I haven't figured out anything about the company issuing the bill. 100 RUR is around USD 3.40 FWIW.

  • tortoise (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    Brandon:
    Anything that reduces my chance of death from 100% to something less sounds like something I'd like to try!
    Anything? You must really be afraid of dying.

    As for me, I can think of a number of things I'd rather die to avoid.

    What, like, sauerkraut?

  • Peter Wolff (unregistered) in reply to boog
    boog:
    At some point I will lose my hearing, teeth, hair, vision, driver's license, sex drive, ability to move on my own, ability to control my bowels, and ability to keep children off my lawn; why on earth would I want to live forever at that point? Or are you suggesting that this "miracle cure for death" doubles as a "miracle cure for old age" as well?

    Even so, I still wouldn't be willing to try just anything.

    That's exactly the point. And it is an old topos indeed. (See http://www.gutenberg.org/files/829/829-h/829-h.htm and search for "Struldbrugs", or see directly http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Struldbrug.)

    Even older still: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tithonus

    And some say that the expulsion from the paradise after the fall on the first pages of the Bible was indeed meant as a benefit, and I think I can agree with that.

  • someone (unregistered) in reply to Your Name
    Your Name:
    Most of these seem to be dangerous signs that software has become self-aware and is considering the meaning of human existence and the inevitability of human mortality as compared to its own immortality...

    Dilbert beat ya to it! Search on youtube for "dilbert the return" (no "'s) and watch part 1..3. Nailed it!

  • anonymous (unregistered) in reply to ecco
    Brent:
    That's the error message for "Excuse me, my face is up here".
    ecco:
    The Apple Remote Desktop one is so not a WTF. WTF is why you would even try it in the first place.
    "You just had to try, didn't you?"

    Who wouldn't try it at least once, though? Haven't you ever played with a video camera by pointing it at the screen it's output is displayed on? They could embed a really cool easter egg instead of throwing up a lame error message...

  • eric bloedow (unregistered)

    that "death"part reminds me of a story, i think it was on "not always right", or maybe their spinoff, "not always working"...anyway, someone was arguing with a collection agency who was trying to collect from his dead mother-and they just didn't get the point! he told them over and over that she was dead, and they just kept making more demands to get in touch with her! he even said her "forwarding address" was a cemetery, and they STILL didn't get the message, so he yelled, "what do they do with dead people on your planet!?"

Leave a comment on “Violent Penguins”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

Log Out

« Return to Article