• LCrawford (unregistered)

    No FristJointObjects for You!

    The Excel one is pretty terrible because it's actually displayed to the user.

  • Jaloopa (unregistered)

    My favourite one, which the programmer in question was told in no uncertain terms to remove:

    Public void DoTheThing()
        //Client has asked for this to do XYZ in a particular situation
        //Incidentally, the client is a fucking moron
  • Little Bobby Tables (unregistered)

    Reminds me of the Italian who went to Malta for a holiday.

    He arrived at breakfast time, just in time for toast and coffee. And he looked at his plate, and he saw he had only one piece of toast on his plate, and everybody else had two. He called out: "Waiter! I want two piece!" And the waiter replied, "So go to the bathroom." And the man replied, "No, waiter, you no understand, I want two piece on my plate!" The conversation did not end well.

    At dinner, he sat down at his place at the table, and saw a knife on one side of his plate, and another knife on the other side of his plate. He called out, "Waiter! I want a fork!" And the waiter replied, "So go to the bar and pick up a lady." And the man replied, "No, waiter, you no understand, I want a fork on the table!" That conversation also did not end well.

    And then he went up to bed. He got into his bed, and noticed that he had a blanket on top, and no sheet on the mattress. He called out, "Manager! I want a sheet!" And the manager replied, "So go to the bathroom." And the man replied, "No, manager, you no understand, I want a sheet on my bed!" That was the last straw for the hotel, and the man stayed there no longer.

  • wonkothesane (unregistered) in reply to Little Bobby Tables

    "I dont need this s*it" by pizza man

  • (nodebb) in reply to Little Bobby Tables

    And after that, the Italian decided to just go home and on the way out the guy at the service desk wished him well, "Peace to you!" The Italian was having none of this any more and replied "Peace on you too, I'm going back to Italy!"

  • Little Bobby Tables (unregistered) in reply to KattMan

    When he went to return to Italy, he encountered a man at Customs, who demanded to search his bags. Knowing he was part of the European Union, the man objected, and said, "You can't." That led to him being arrested for being offensive to a government official.

  • AncientHistory (unregistered)

    Lo these many years ago I worked on a communications monitoring program. It had all kinds of interesting features, but one thing we had to know was whether everything was working correctly or not. Well, this being the 80s and all, it was handled with a global variable: in_kansas. Which resulted in code like the following everywhere:

    if (!in_kansas) then ...

  • Brian (unregistered)

    Reminds me of a comment I wrote just the other day... I'm working with some legacy server code that uses a raw binary socket for communication, and my new app has to receive data from it. In one case there's a report class that may or may not contain actual content, so the legacy code has a "hasDetail" flag in the class. However, there are separate endpoints for transmitting the metadata and the detail, and the hasDetail flag is sent about halfway through the detail transmission.

    Since it's a binary interface, I still have to read the flag even though it's utterly useless. So my comment on that line is just simply //facepalm

  • Argle (unregistered)

    I loved this gem in a friend's assembly code when he had no clue what to use for a valid label:

    JMP MLOO ; skip to m'loo m'dahlin

  • Argle (unregistered)

    I almost forgot another good one. Back in the late 70s I was reading through some of the source code in BASIC for the PDP-11 running RSTS. I spotted a rather interesting line using the keyword IMP. I think the BASIC for that machine was the only language that used that as a logic operator. Basically, it was logical implication: A implies B. (I think that translates to !A || B today.) The comment on the line was "After 10 years in this business, I finally used IMP." If I had to guess, it was probably the only time in history.

  • Drone (unregistered)

    My favorite comment encountered in the wild was something along these lines: // I have no idea what this code does, but it's been here for over 10 years so I'm not touching it. (name of principle engineer #1)

    It was followed by another comment, dated 5 years later: // I also have no idea. I'm not touching it either. (name of principle engineer #2)

  • gnasher729 (unregistered) in reply to Argle

    I once in my life used code like this:

    if (((x > 0) + (y > 0) + (z > 0)) >= 2) { ... }

    I needed to test whether two or more of the variables had values greater than zero. Never used this again.

  • ZB (unregistered)

    A sanitization lol is truly the worst kind of sanitization.

  • NoLand (unregistered)

    Allegedly, during development, Apple's LISA featured a general acknowledge button in dialogs, etc, reading "Do it". As some test users felt offended by this address presented in sans-serif font, as they ignored the 1-pixel or so space between words, the button was eventually labeled "Ok" – which sticks to this day.

  • (nodebb)

    If you delete all files on all disks on a DEC RSTS PDP-11 system the operators console displays the following:

    Dave, what are you doing Dave? Sing me a song Dave.

  • RLB (unregistered)

    I once wrote a function to transform text to proper-name case. (This was before such functions were built into every language out there.) I called it proper(t). In the comments, after asserting that the proper(t)=theft joke was too obvious, I proceeded to explain how to brew a proper cuppa.

    Since I was the only programmer at that company, and (given we're not English) probably the only one who cared about proper tea, I don't think anyone else ever read that comment. In hindsight, that was presumably for the best.

  • Just for Laughes (unregistered)

    Twitter account, safe!


  • Argle (unregistered) in reply to dml12

    OMG, you just sent me back to another memory. For those around long enough to remember a day before there were IDEs, there was "make." For those (like me) even older who remember when "make" was a synonym for "teco" that would create the file you wanted to edit. (I hope everyone sees where this is going):

    make love

    Not war?

    [edits new file named "love". yup. really.]

  • (nodebb) in reply to Argle

    At one point it used to say make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. Sadly that got replaced by *** No rule to make target `love'.

  • a dogo (unregistered)

    we had a guy vomitting in ascii art above some terrible code. the worst thing though was commented out linq throughout a 10000 line file that the "Senior Developer" spent weeks writing to see if he could but it was dogshit slow so he commented it out and added the comment // this was fun but too slow for prod - bluesheet!

  • YouFoundMe (unregistered)

    Buried deep inside some core code of a project ...

    unset($modules[$module['module']]['module']); // Woooo ....

  • Dlareg (unregistered)

    I have seen a hardcoded admin user named "Stanley Tweedle"

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