Recent Feature Articles

Nov 2013

Gone Phishing

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Juan's job wouldn't have been so bad if not for the rampart stupidity. Stupidity was responsible for deciding a 25k+ employee corporation only needed a skeleton-crewed IT department. And that same level of stupidity was spreading across the entire C-level of the org chart.

The IT office, such as it was-- a single converted room in the basement-- was its usual sparsely populated self, made up of just Juan, and his few remaining coworkers. Everyone else had either been caught by the last swing of the budget axe, or had seen it coming and had bailed. The team that remained was a tight mix of competent enough to be seen as valuable; hard-working enough to be taken advantage enough; and skilled enough to leave, but too lazy to do so.


Record Setting Performance

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It was Friday, but the atmosphere at Andy’s firm was far from celebratory. The launch for their new product line was a flop, with long website outages resulting in customer complaints and slumping sales. The cause was easy to pinpoint: the ETL job for the new product line’s database took upwards of 30 minutes to run each time, causing timeouts and locks from which the rest of the infrastructure couldn’t bounce back.

Development and rollout had been entrusted to a consulting firm, and their CEO received an irate phone call. “Not to worry”, he said. Their expert would fix this.


Control

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“It’s about control,” said Mr. Martinet. “We are a large organization- a Fortune 500 company- and large organizations cannot operate without strong controls.”

Luigi nodded. “I understand the need for checkpoints in such a large team.”

“Yes, well, you’re very smart- you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. We hire only the smartest people we can, Luigi, but it doesn’t matter how smart people are if you don’t have control.”


Printer Futility

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Like a ninja in the night, Hanz M., AKA Hanzo, stalks across Hesse University’s Dresden campus. The go-to man in the IT department, he fixes the messes that others leave behind. This is one of his stories.

"This is why we can’t have nice things," Gertrude said. She and her subordinate, Hanzo, sat near the IT office phone, on speaker and on hold. "The administration picked the one manufacturer without on-site tech support."


Recursive Recruiting

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After being burned by The Old Switch n’ Bait, RJ was at his wit’s end with the recruiting firm his company forced him to use. The recruiter he had to work with, Brandon, was the HR Director’s brother-in-law. She insisted Brandon did a great job and he deserved another shot after such an honest mistake. “Brandon can be a little scatterbrained but he knows how to find good people! LOL!” she sent him in an email. “He wants to pass along some more resumes for you and apologizes profusely for the Jiang ordeal.”

They now had two senior .NET developer positions open. RJ needed them filled, so he decided to see what Brandon had to offer. As it turned out, Brandon had lots of email messages, but no resumes. Brandon’s email didn’t have any attachments on it. RJ decided to give Brandon a call directly to ensure he did something right for once.


I Love the Smell of Popcorn in the Morning

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Years ago, Movietech Solutions created ticketing and management software for movie theatres. The DOS version of their flagship app had been quite popular with smaller and mid-sized chains throughout North America for years, so it was no surprise that when the Windows 95 version was announced - with its integration with front-line touch screens, self-service kiosks, and boatloads of management reporting - that it was quickly adopted. For the most part, the upgrades happened without issue. New hardware would be ordered and installed by a local IT person, data migrated and business carried on as usual. Except for when it didn't. When this happened, corporate sent out James. A.K.A. 'The Cleaner'.

While there is definitely a Bad @$$ sound to the title, being a cleaner is just a combination of trainer, installer and jack-of-all-trades. James would spend a few days on-site putting the pieces together, followed by a couple of days training the staff on the new system, handling any hardware issues that arose and basically getting the software through the teething stage.


The New Line in Performance

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In any development shop, there are always a few projects that become notorious. Resources are piled on them until failure is unavoidable. Deadlines slip, skid, and careen into the abyss. Deliverables are rejected again and again.

Carl had managed to avoid working on any of those projects, but he watched them. Each was a slow-motion train-wreck, in Gantt chart form.